transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] I close my eyes, and then I hear pounding, and I look up in my living room, and there's two open windows, and I look and I just see like a black figure, and he's sitting out of my living room. Like he's just sitting there staring at me.

Speaker 2:
[00:16] This is Ashly Stone, and you're listening to the Come Back Podcast. Before I get into today's episode, I want to take a second to talk about the mothers in our lives, because this time of year just gets me. I don't know if you've heard Elder Holland's talk, Behold thy mother, but he said it so beautifully that the Savior's love for his mother was one of the last things he expressed from the cross. And that kind of love doesn't go unnoticed. And I think the moms in our lives need to hear that they are seen, they are sacred, and they are not forgotten by him. And that's the whole heart behind Memoir's Mother's Day collection. Of course, you know, Memoir is faith-inspired jewelry to help the mothers in your life always remember him. So you can actually go to the memoirjewellery.com website and use code MOTHER'SDAY for 20% off. And this is early access for the Come Back Podcast listeners. So go to memoirjewellery.com and use code MOTHER'SDAY for 20% off. Well, Daphne, I am so, so excited to have you on the podcast. Britt has been telling me about you for a while now, and welcome to the Come Back Podcast.

Speaker 1:
[01:37] Thank you. It's like surreal.

Speaker 2:
[01:42] So tell us a little bit about just some background about you, like where you live, that kind of thing.

Speaker 1:
[01:47] Yeah. So my husband and I just recently bought a new home in the South Jordan, the Utah area.

Speaker 2:
[01:54] Daybreak.

Speaker 1:
[01:57] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[01:57] My little sister lives there, and I love it.

Speaker 1:
[02:01] I love it. It has been everything and more. Like it has been so fun for me because I'm at home with my one-year-old son, and so there's just so much to do. Like we just stop at parks, and we just walk through the parks. Like it's, I absolutely love it out here. So.

Speaker 2:
[02:21] So did you get our gift that I have not taken it off?

Speaker 1:
[02:26] And I just have to say, it's still shiny. Like I shower in it, I work out in it, and it still looks like since I opened it out of the box.

Speaker 2:
[02:36] So yeah, I'm so happy.

Speaker 1:
[02:39] I love it. It's small, but it's just like I look at it, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2:
[02:47] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[02:48] I love it.

Speaker 2:
[02:50] Oh, that makes my heart so happy. Well, good. I am so glad you got it. Well, okay, let's jump into your story. I can't wait to hear it.

Speaker 1:
[02:58] Yeah. So as far as, because I feel like with my comeback story, there's my childhood, and then there's kind of that decline away from the church, and then there's my coming back to the church. So as far as like my childhood, my parents have always been divorced. So they were actually divorced before I was even born. So I don't have any memories of them together, which I think in a way is kind of a tender mercy, because I can't mourn that. So I was born and they weren't together, and then my mom married my stepdad, and my dad married my stepmom. But I also was living that like between mom and dad, like my whole life, like I thought as a little girl, I thought my dad's home was a hotel, because whenever I saw him, it's when he was visiting me in a hotel. And I remember as a little girl, my dad would have to take me to a park and put me on the swings or whatever and then disappear. And then all of a sudden I turn around, my mom was there. Like that's how it was for me, and I did the custody stuff and I did all of that. It was the stereotypical like divorced parents childhood, I guess you could say. Things got really bad for me mentally. When we moved to Vegas, I was eight years old and I was struggling. I was really struggling. And I mean, I'm eight years old. I can't be like, oh mom, like I'm depressed or I'm dealing with this and this. Like I didn't know what was going on, but it was like intense. And the public schools in Vegas, it's not, it's not the best, especially with all of the support and help I probably needed at such a young age. I got pretty suicidal and I was definitely a danger to myself at this point. And there was an incident where it got really bad. And my parents were like, okay, like we need to put her somewhere where she's going to be safe and get some help. So I was actually put into an institution. I hate saying mental hospital, cause that's not, I don't feel like that's appropriate, but I was put into this institution where I was supposed to be safe. And like, as an eight-year-old little girl, it was like the most traumatic thing for me at the beginning, cause like you have to like take off all your clothes and they have to like check to make sure you have nothing that can hurt anyone in the facility or yourself. And like being eight years old, I remember looking at my mom through the window as I'm doing this and just bawling, like so confused what was happening. So I wasn't in this facility for super long at all. And it was interesting, the counselors literally were like, she's this happy little girl. Like I don't, like she's talking, like I was talking, I was opening up, I was friends with all the kids. Like all of these kids were struggling with like really hard, come from really rough families. Like they were my best friends. Like I had like this little boyfriend in there. Like I was just, I just, I was happy. And so my dad, it's so interesting now, we've looked back at this experience that I had as a little girl. And he's like, when I came and visited you, like you were my little girl again. Like you were so happy. And it's just so interesting that in this environment, like I was able to just like, like just, I don't know if there was some structure that I was missing or just, I don't know what it was, but I don't even think I was there for 48 hours. So I returned back home and my baptism was like, I think a few months after getting home. And this is like the first time that I like ever felt the spirit. And I can like go back to this time in my life and be like, that was the spirit. I came out of the water or whatever, and I went back into the bathroom with my mom. And I just looked at myself in the mirror and I just started bawling. And I just like, something was piercing my heart, my soul, and I was like, what is this? Like, and I remember being embarrassed. I'm like, why am I crying? And my mom's just like, that's the spirit. Like you're feeling, like you're feeling the spirit. And I will never forget that, like ever. And the amount of times I've remembered that in my life, because I know a lot of people are like, I don't know if I felt the spirit before, but there's no doubt in my mind. Like when I was like, my baptism day was just so special for me, especially with everything I was going through. So yeah, and then we moved again, we moved to Utah. So this was about the start of seventh grade. As far as the rest of my Vegas experience, I started playing competitive soccer, which was so good for me. It was like, it was my identity. And I just, I got into a charter school in Vegas, which helped everything. And then I got some good group of friends and I just, I was able to really ground myself and get some structure and just be a little girl again. We moved to Utah about 15 minutes from Salt Lake in Bountiful. And I had like a freak out, like it was the same thing when we moved to Vegas. Like I just was like, I can't do this. Like I can't start a new school again. I cannot, like it's too much. And so I kind of was talking to my stepmom and my dad. And they knew I was really struggling with it. And but my mom had no idea. It was hard to talk to her because I think she knew that she was like kind of this wasn't good. Like I can't keep moving. Like it wasn't good for me. But at that time in my mom and I's lives, we didn't have that kind of relationship that I felt like I could go to her. And at the time, too, I was her oldest and she just had all these little kids, my three younger siblings. And so it was just it wasn't a time or a place to be able to tell her that I've been thinking of moving up with my dad. And so it ended up being really, really traumatic. It was either Christmas Eve or Christmas. I called my dad and my stepmom said, come get me, I'm moving, like I can't do this. And I told my mom and I know I absolutely broke her heart. Because I packed all my stuff and I left and I was just done. I was just like, I can't, I can't do this. And I already knew some kids up in Logan, where my dad lived just from going there for summers. And he'd lived in the same house. Like everything with my dad was just like, he's never even lived out in the valley. And so I already knew a group of kids. And that just in my head was where I needed to be. It's just where I needed the structure. I don't, I, so I went up there. And I would say seventh, eighth, and ninth and tenth grade were pretty good for me. My, my looking back now, I'm so grateful, but during living in it, I was so pissed because they were so strict. Like my dad and my stepmom, like I had no phone at night. Now looking back, like I will be doing that with my children. Like it really helped protect me and keep me in a headspace. It was just good for me. But that didn't mean that I didn't still start wanting to hang out boys and wanting, like I was a normal teenager that started kind of pushing back. And so then fast forward to 10th grade, all of my best friends were seniors at the time. And so I was friends with all the older kids. And I knew that they were leaving soon and like leaving high school. And I saw two years, I'm like, oh my gosh, like what am I going to do? And at that time, I started being a little poop head. And I started really giving my parents run for their money. And I was hanging out with boys and I wasn't doing anything at that point. But it was just more like, screw you, like I'm not going to be home at eight. Like that's ridiculous. And it got a lot for my dad, especially my dad. And I have a very, very special relationship. Like he is my, I mean, you can probably relate, but he is like my safe, my special, my safe person. And so for me, for him to be seeing his little precious daughter like acting out like this, it just got too much for him. And I started coming between him and my stepmom's relationship because I just was not, I was a little tornado for sure. And so my dad's like, I'm done. I can't, I can't do this. You're not following our rules. You're not, you know, you're not living how you need to be living if you're gonna be living with us. And so I went back up to my mom's house in Mountiful. And that kind of where things for me started, like one of my friends' mom drank. And so we used to steal her alcohol. And that's the first time I drank. And it wasn't, it was more just like so exciting. Like it's so interesting how exciting these things are, especially when I knew like I should not be doing this. Like this isn't a good idea, but I think I was just so like, I don't care. Like I don't feel like I think I was just like, screw it. I have had such a crappy like childhood and upbringing. Like I've struggled for so long. Like what can go wrong? Like I might as well go live my life and be a teenager. And at this time I am living with my mom and I'm in high school. I'm kind of drinking a little bit. It wasn't anything crazy. And I did have some, I had my like partier friends and then I had like my strong LDS, one of my best friends from high school, MK. Ballard. She was always like a rock for me. And I definitely kind of snuck around to the other kids when I wasn't hanging out with her. So it's just like that double life that I've heard a lot on your podcast about people being like, I had my two group of friends and I kind of went down that other one. And then it was the summer between junior and senior year. And I tried marijuana for the first time. And I didn't not like it, but I didn't like it was just fun. Like I remember just like it wasn't anything as deep as it caught. It was more just fun at first. That was the summer and then I went back and then it was COVID so my senior year I graduated on a YouTube video, which was not good for me because I didn't have to go to school. And at that time, my mom and my stepdad are in the middle of a divorce. And so my mom is not, I mean, she's going through a divorce and that's hard. But then she also had this teenager that was acting out. And, and she was just, she was doing her best. Like my mom and I have a great relationship and she, she was my other rock. But I probably needed a little bit more, there's signs here we need to get, like you need some help maybe you need, but that wasn't there. And so during COVID, I, with my friends, we'd hang out with all the older boys that graduated. And we would just party and that's just what we did. Even during lockdown, like that wasn't a thing. I still went out and I got myself in a really, really bad situation. My mom was out of town and I didn't want to go through the biggest fan. I'm like, no, I need to stay. Like, I'm going up to college soon. Like, I want to be with my friends. And bottom line, this man, at the time my friends and I were all like 17, and he was definitely well into his 20s. And so he brought a ton of alcohol over and we had like a little kickback or whatever. And everyone had left but him and I, and I was just like, oh my gosh, like, this is not good. Like, I'm not very coherent. Like, I'm, and you just get worse and worse. Like, as the night goes on, you know what I mean? Even if you stopped drinking, like you just, that's just kind of what happens. There was some confrontation or whatever. And I was able to get him out of my house and there was some screaming and pushing. And I locked the door and I remember going and laying down in my living room. And I'm just like, I'm spinning. I'm like, what is happening? And I remember I closed my eyes and then I hear pounding. And I look up in my living room and there's two open windows. And I look and I just see like a black figure and he's sitting out of my living room. Like he's just sitting there staring at me. And I look at my phone, he's blowing up my phone. He's like, I can't leave. I can't leave. I can't leave. And I'm just like, so coherent. Like I'm like, it's happening. So I text him, I'm like, why can't you leave? Like, what are you doing? Like you're scaring me. Like I was literally like, you're scaring me. My wrist is hurting from even like, like what is happening? He's like, my keys, my keys are in there. Like I can't leave. And so I'm like looking around my house, like I don't see keys. Like your keys aren't here. One of my other guy friends had stayed outside because he's like, why is he still here? Like they all thought it was weird that he was hanging out with us because we're so much younger. And so he kind of stayed around and he had his keys. And it turned into this whole thing. They ended up getting into a fist fight because the guy's like, oh my gosh, you were doing some weird stuff. That ended up really, really bad. Anyways, it ended up going, I had to go talk to an advocate because I was underage. And then it turned into this whole legal thing. By being 100 percent honest, I was not part of any of it. It was my mom and my stepmom as far as attending when he would go to court or whatever. I didn't want to know anything. I didn't even care if he got, I did not want to know anything. It was so triggering for me for the longest time. And you would think I would learn. You would think that from this experience, because of putting myself in this position of being so intoxicated, like I couldn't protect myself, like there was no doubt in my mind, the divine was there. I was being protected. Like the fact I got him out of my house. And looking back to my story, we haven't even got to college yet. Like there was so much, like the Lord's hand was in my life. Like I know it. And it's so interesting that we put ourselves in the most stupid situations. But here the Lord is just like protecting us in the littlest of ways that make the biggest difference, that we can't even realize.

Speaker 2:
[17:11] I relate to that so much.

Speaker 1:
[17:13] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[17:15] So much.

Speaker 1:
[17:18] Yeah. So you think I would learn from that really, really horrible, scary experience. And then college came and I was going back up north to where I lived with my dad. I went up to Utah State. And the same thing, I got into the party crowd, nothing really changed. And it got to the point now that substance and my mental health had become one. I relied on substance to help get me through my day. And it was extremely unhealthy. I remember one day I was so just done. I was just so lonely. And it's so interesting that I say I'm lonely cause I was always surrounded by people. Like I was at parties all the time. I had my group of friends, but like it was the most. And I remember someone from your podcast said they'd be out all night and then they'd come home and be like, what's the next thing? Like what's the next high? Like what's the next? And I very much, I get that. I get, I definitely get that. And anyways, I remember one day I'm sitting there in college and I'm probably 18, 19 years old and I'm just hopeless. I'm struggling and I'm just like, I'm going to become an alcoholic. Like I, like I'm just going to drink and numb what I'm feeling. And so I got one of my people that would get me stuff to get me a few boxes of seltzers and I drank them all and I was sober. Like it was the oddest thing for me. Like I remember sitting there like, oh, well that didn't work. And I share that now because I wonder like what that would have been like if I would have opened that door, if that makes sense. Like I know that I was being protected. Like I was telling my stepmom about this experience. I don't understand how I was so, like I was totally sober after drinking all of that. And it was so odd, like looking back, like I remember being mad. I'm like, why am I not like, why am I still feeling what I'm feeling? Like, why am I still sober? And nothing came of it, but I just remember that experience. And looking back, I know that I was being protected. And fast forward, I'm still just partying and doing all of that, and getting myself into some pretty bad situations, which you do, because people that are using and doing that kind of stuff, aren't doing good stuff. And I attended my sister's baby blessing. And I remember I had been on Coke for the past three days. So I was just on the come down. I didn't feel good. I looked horrible. Looking back at pictures, it hurts my heart because I'm just like, oh my gosh, that's not who I am. And I sat there, watched my sister and my brother-in-law and her kids. And I'm like, I want that. What am I doing? I'm not getting myself to a place to have that. And so I went to my stepmom and I said, I'm on this. I've been doing this. I need help. I need a place that gives me skills and gives me sources to get my mental health and the substance away from each other and make them two distinct different things in my life. So I went into rehab, just an outpatient. And that was honestly the first time in a long time, because as you know, in the recovery, even if it's not the church's 12 step, it's very higher power oriented. And then connecting yourself, if that's nature, if that's whatever it is. And so that was good for me, because that's when I really like started letting myself be able to go to Heavenly Father and just be like, I'm struggling, like, please help me. And so things got a little bit better for a little bit. And I was trying to do all the things to keep myself away from using the substance to numb how I was feeling and just try to work through some things. I had to drop out of school during all this time. I'm in school. I don't know how I'm in school. Like, I was somehow in school. I was not doing very well. I had to drop out because I lost all my scholarships. And I was just not good for probably three to five years. Just not good. And then I started dating this other guy and he was very, like, he was the type to be like, I don't need substance to be high. Like, I'm high on life. It wasn't anything, like, gospel related. It was more, he just didn't do any of that stuff. He still partied and all of that, but he never got into the substance. And so that was good for me just because he was like, I don't want to be dating someone who's doing any of that. And so it kind of helped me, like, realign myself to like, you're right. Like, oh, I don't want to do that kind of stuff either. But it's interesting that I needed a man. Like, that I need, like, whatever man I was dating, I became that personality. And I became whatever he was doing. So when I started dating him, like, it was good for me because it got me away from that stuff. So I was able to be like, okay, what do I want? That finally kind of fizzled out. And then I started just kind of dating, dating, dating, living the party lifestyle. And then at the time, my roommate, Reagan, she was a server at a little Mexican restaurant in Logan. And I had heard about this kid named Parker. Like he was like the cute server that all the server girls thought was just like the cutest kid or whatever. We go out one night and Reagan kind of left and went up to these two boys. And I was kind of like, oh, like the one on the right is cute. And so I went over with Reagan and he's like, this is Parker. And I'm like, oh, like this is Parker. Like he's adorable. And then started dating Parker. And we were still drinking together. We were still, we were still smoking. We were just living a college lifestyle. It's not even a college lifestyle because it's just a lifestyle because like there's kids in college that aren't doing that. It's just the lifestyle we were living. And bottom line, three months into dating, we found out we were pregnant. And it was like this, like, it was terrifying. It was, I think it was mostly terrifying for me because I'm like, I am not living a life that like I want to bring a child into. And like, this and Parker, Parker comes from a very, very, very strong in the gospel. And Parker and I are different in the way that I've been very honest and transparent with my parents about the things that I'm doing, about the lifestyle I'm living. And Parker hadn't been, and I don't judge him, like that's just, that's just how I am. Like, I'm just like, this is how it is. Like, and so when they found out that I was pregnant, they were pissed, which obviously, like, of course they were, like, they thought their son was going to church every Sunday, and which he was, but he was also making decisions that led to us getting pregnant. And bless their hearts now. I'm obsessed with my mother-in-law. She's mighty. I love her so much. I'm, like, scared I'm going to scare her away because I love her so much. But anyways, and so in that moment, they were like, what are you guys going to do? Like, are you going to raise this baby just kind of separate? And we're like, nope, we're going to get married. Like, we were planning on getting engaged that summer and getting married. Like, I knew he was my forever. And so we went down to the Salt Lake Courthouse, and I was six months pregnant, and we got married. And at this point, we're not against the church, but we were like, we were going just to go, because our parents were pissed. And it was more of just like, what do we do? And we went back to the thing that was grained in us since we were little, and that's you go to church. And so we actually moved back up to Bountiful. We were living, my mom had bought a different house. And so she's like, you guys are welcome to live here for a short amount of time until you kind of figure out what you're going to do. So we're back up there. We just got married in the courthouse. We're back in Bountiful. Parker had gotten an internship at a job in Sandy. And so he's doing that. And like I said, nothing. I'm just pregnant and miserable. I was extremely sick. And at that point, I was praying. It was nothing deeper than that. It was just praying for my baby, because it's such a crazy thing when you're you have this child, like you're just so worried about it all the time. Like every little movement, every doctor's point, I'm just like, I'm like, Heavenly Father, make sure he's OK. Like, tell me what I need to do. I just need him to be OK. It wasn't anything more than that. It wasn't until my sweet little boy was born that everything really changed for me and gave me the perspective of who I am as a person. Like, what I want for myself and for my child. And it was interesting. It's just little seeds that were planted to get me back into the gospel and to where I am now. And I want to say that the first seed was obviously him being born and then it was his baby blessing. The Spirit absolutely pierced my heart. Like, blessing your baby is just different. And it was a testimony meeting. I got up, I bore my testimony. I could not tell you one thing I said, but I just, the Spirit absolutely just pierced my heart. And I'll never forget that experience. And then we went to the Layton Temple open house. And we were just going through the temple. And I remember feeling really uncomfortable because I'm like, I shouldn't be here. Like, I'm not, and it is an open house. Like, hadn't even been dedicated. Like, I just felt really uncomfortable. And I'm like, clearly there needs to be work done here because, like, I shouldn't feel this way. And we went into the ceiling room and I just started bawling, like, looking through the mirrors. And I'm just like, okay, we're getting here. My family, we are getting here. Like, this is happening. And so we start doing the steps with the bishop. Bless his heart. I love, I love Bishop Pilkington. He is like a man of God. He is like, we have cried together. Like he, he's incredible. We're doing the work and my step mom sent me the Come Back Podcast. And I was like, what is this? Like, and at this point I'm like, my toes are in the water. I have so much I need to work through. I have made some horrible decisions over the years. Like, what is this? And so I started listening to it and I was like at the gym between sets and I'm just feeling the spirit listening to your podcast. I'm like, what is happening? Like these people, like they were drinking, they were smoking, they were, you know, like having sex. Like they were doing all the things I was doing and now look at them. Like they don't feel any of the nasty, like the regret and all of that that comes with making those choices. Like I want that. And so that's when I was like, hey, I need to get my patriarchal blessing. At this point, I'm like 21, 22. Like I never got it earlier because I never felt like I was in a place to get it because I wasn't making good choices. And I knew it was a sacred thing. And so I just totally pushed myself away from it. And so I'm like, hey, like I'm going to get my patriarchal blessing. Like this is going to be good. I didn't prepare for it much. If I was doing it now, I think I would have like been fasting and like, but like I didn't do anything. I just went into it and I'm like, what do you have to tell me? Like what? Give it to me. And it was beautiful. Like I absolutely balled through the whole thing. Heavenly Father told me I'm going to be a mother and that I'm going to have great joy. And that like everything that I was heading towards, she's like, great, that's what you're going to do. I already knew, I knew that my calling in this life was to be a mother and was to teach my children of Jesus Christ and what the atonement is and what this gospel, living this gospel is so much happiness and it's truth. And I know that because I've lived without it. I know what it's like. And so my paedagogical blessing was like amazing. And it was just, it's exactly what I needed to hear. Parker and I still, obviously we're meeting with the bishop. We're just, both of us had our independent journey with the atonement. The atonement is not the same for everyone. And it's so interesting. I feel like the atonement is working the most when you don't realize it. Like my whole countenance has changed. And my bishop was just like, you're killing it. Like, like, how does it feel? I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm just living my life. Like I'm just like, it's just, it happens in a blink of an eye and you don't realize it. And I made the goal to read the Book of Mormon, because I've read it in the past, obviously growing up in the church, like you just, you do. But I like sat down. I even had Jared Halverson helping me go through a few parts of the Book of Mormon, just to help me get that deeper understanding of what I was reading. And I never got at the end of the book, I'm like, hey, I'm Neil and like, heavenly fathers is like, if this isn't true, like, tell me. And I didn't need that because as I was reading my scriptures, I got that small. Like I knew that this was true and the words and the prophet and these experiences that these families and these prophets went through, like I already knew it was true. I didn't need that big thing at the end to tell me it was true. And I was like, oh yeah, like, this is great. Here we are. And just barely back in December, we got our family sealed in the Logan temple. And it was incredible and it was amazing. And now I'm just at home with my, with my baby and I'm about to graduate. Finally, I'm freaking graduating. And I actually, for my last semester, I'm doing a practicum, which is like an internship. And I actually went back to where I went to rehab. And I ran a few groups. And so that was super fun. And I was able to be like very honest and transparent with them. And I think it gave them a lot of hope to like see where I am. Yeah, and I'm just, yeah, Parker and I are living our lives. And I just love being a mom. And my sisters always make fun of me. They're like, you're so churchy now. Like, I'm like, okay, well, thank you. And like I said before, it's because I've lived without it. Like this is safety. This is, it's support. It's like the light is there. And I will not do anything to risk losing that for myself or for my babies. So yeah, that's kind of a little near my story.

Speaker 2:
[32:42] Amazing. Well, I have, I have a couple of questions for you.

Speaker 1:
[32:47] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[32:48] So I imagine that somebody that got pregnant when they're not married and coming back to church could be really scary for fear of people judging them. What was, did you ever feel judged? Did you ever feel like, like what was that feeling like of worrying what other people might think about you? And yeah, tell me a little bit about that.

Speaker 1:
[33:14] Yeah. So I do have some tattoos on my wrist. And so that's always been like on top of being pregnant. Obviously, people are going to judge. Like, I'm sorry. I'm young. I just got pregnant out of out of wedlock or whatever. I didn't care. Like I wasn't there to impress them. I wasn't there to even be their friends. Like I was there because I knew I needed to be there. I love my Savior Jesus Christ. I have a special, special relationship with my Father in Heaven. They're fine with me being there. I'm going to be there. I don't care. But that was hard to get to because at first, I was kind of embarrassed and I was kind of uncomfortable. But I think I just got to the point that I was just like, I don't care. Like, I'm here because I know this is true and I know that this is going to help my wounds and my heartache from my childhood and through my teenage years and my adulthood to heal. And I need that healing. And so, yes, people judge. Of course, they're going to judge. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 2:
[34:22] I love that answer. I am telling you, I had such a similar experience coming back to the church. Like, everybody saw my picture on the community bookings page and knew that I was getting arrested all the time. And I, when I went to church finally, it's like, I don't like, who cares what anybody thinks? I already have passed the point of, I am coming to church to find God. That is why I'm coming to church. I'm not coming to church because you think I should be there or whatever. And it's pretty amazing when you can separate what other people think and do what you feel called to do to become closer to Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1:
[35:10] Exactly. And that's the atonement. And I will say that all the people in my ward, like my bishop, and they were all very supportive. I never had any incidents where it was like, you know what I mean? But, and it's interesting, I've had my husband, he's like, do you want to get your tattoos removed? And part of me is like, no, like that's part of my story. Like my tattoo is like, it's like a reminder of like, where I came from and tattoos aren't bad. Like, like I am not saying that, but it's part of who I am. And there's a certain level of like acceptance that I feel like people have and see when you have tattoos. I don't, I don't know. Like in the temple, like I'm just kind of like, you know what, they're there.

Speaker 2:
[35:52] Yeah. I totally understand what you're saying. It's like, when you see somebody in the temple that has tattoos, you're like, you know, I am so glad that you're in the temple right now. Like, I feel so happy that you are just as welcome here as anybody else who's here.

Speaker 1:
[36:11] Yeah. Yeah. The temple absolutely grounds me. It's a reminder of why I'm here and the sweetest spirit is there. Like, get to the temple like that. And it's interesting. I went a few weeks without going to the temple because I'm moving. And honestly, if I'm being quite transparent, I was nervous. Like, going to a new temple is nerve wracking. Like, I didn't know where to go. I didn't know, like, my home temple had been the Bountiful Temple since I got endowed and everything. And I was nervous and I went back yesterday for the first time in a few weeks. And I was just like, like, hey, like, reminder, like I need to and for my personal spiritual health, I need to be at the temple every week. That's just how I am. That's just what I need. People don't need that. And that's great if you don't. But that's just what I need. And so it's so important that I keep doing the things that I need to. Like, you have to keep watering it. Like, I need to keep reading my scriptures. I need to keep studying. I need to pray. I need to attend the temple. Like, that's the only thing that's going to keep me grounded and keep me safe in this time, in this age that we live in. It's scary. And it's really easy to get pulled away. So.

Speaker 2:
[37:24] Yeah. My next question is kind of along those same lines, which is on social media and online, there's so many anti-Mormon or ex-Mormon or just people bashing the church. And it's so loud right now. How do you protect yourself from all those loud voices online?

Speaker 1:
[37:51] Like I said, going to the temple and going, if I'm being 100 percent transparent, a few weeks ago, it was hot. I was going on a walk with Brooks and I'm like, I don't want to wear my garments. Like I want to put on my tank and just in my shorts and just like be comfy. And like the fact that that went through my head and that was easy for me, like crazy to me how easy that was for me. And then I had to kind of sit there and be like, no. Like I wear my garments because it is protection and it is having the Savior on me, protecting not only me, but my baby. And so it's just like keeping yourself in check and like always remembering what is most important to you. And for me, realizing yesterday, I need to be at the temple. Like it is so easy for the adversary to sneak in and get in my head and like try to take me away from the things that I know are true. And so my answer to that is just do the things that keep you grounded. If that's praying all the time, if that's reading your scriptures, if that's whatever that may be, what keeps you grounded spiritually, you have to make sure that you are doing it.

Speaker 2:
[38:59] I love that so much. Daphne, your story is so amazing. I am so happy that we did this day. It's just like the spiritual like boost that I needed for my day today. So thank you so much for taking the time with us. And honestly, like hearing that you, like the Come Back Podcast, like played a teeny tiny part.

Speaker 1:
[39:19] No, it did.

Speaker 2:
[39:21] That is the most, I can't even begin to tell you how that is just the biggest honor of my life, seriously.

Speaker 1:
[39:32] You're doing amazing work. And I went to the Come Back event in Provo, and same thing, as soon as I walked in, it was just, felt the spirit so strong. And I'm like, this is like, you're doing incredible things. And I know Heavenly Father's behind there and behind the curtain, just, you know, and you're just, you're just doing amazing things. And I'm going to go order more jewelry and- Yay, Naren.

Speaker 2:
[39:58] And also we need you at our event happening October 10th at Thanksgiving Point. We need you there.

Speaker 1:
[40:05] Yes, please. I might. Yeah, yeah, I'm doing every day. Yep. Yep. I will be there.

Speaker 2:
[40:09] I love it. All right, Daphne. Well, thank you so much. You are just an absolute joy and an angel. So thank you so much for coming on the pod. Surf Clothing is one of our favorite brands. They have been supporting us since the very beginning. We love them so much. I think one of the things that I like about Surf so much is that my husband is literally obsessed and I brought him in here to share his experience with Surf Clothing. So Jesse, tell us.

Speaker 3:
[40:37] I love Surf Clothing. This is the best shirt that I've ever owned for church and professional purposes. It's got four-way stretch which makes it really nice because not all the time I'm at my desk. Oftentimes, I'm moving and out and about. So it's really nice to have a flexible shirt that moves with me. I know that it's got a mesh collar that I love. I think the purpose of that is really to prevent stains, but it's also super comfortable. It's way more comfortable around my neck. If I'm at church or in business meetings with a tie or whether I don't have a tie, it's really comfortable. It's got arm vents which I love because I'm a bigger fella. It helps me so that I can be a bit breathable and I love it.

Speaker 2:
[41:13] Also, you can get 15 percent off a shirt from Served by using the code COMEBACK. A lot of people have asked us how they can support the podcast, and we have created a Come Back Podcast merch line on our website, www.comebackpodcast.org. All of the money made from the merch goes right back into the podcast. If you are interested in supporting the podcast, and you want to purchase some merch, we would love it. Check it out.