transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. Have you ever looked at someone else's life, and thought, how did they get so lucky? I mean, they always seem to meet the right person, land the right opportunities, always seem to be in the right place at the right time over and over again. And meanwhile, here you are doing the work. You're capable, you're showing up, you're trying. But it feels like things never break your way. Like it's never gonna be your turn. And good things don't happen for someone like you. But let me ask you this. If you could turn your luck around, wouldn't you? Well, this may sound cheesy, but today is your lucky day because we have an extraordinary expert from Stanford today who has spent decades studying the science of luck. And she's here to tell you that most people aren't unlucky. They just don't understand how the science of luck works. See, she's been researching why some intelligent, motivated people just like you are staying stuck while others with the same resources, the same uncertainty, well, they just keep moving forward. Luck isn't a personality trait. It's not something you're born with. And it's definitely not something you sit around and wait for. Luck is built through your actions and your mindset. You're going to learn all about it today. But let me be clear about something. There is an enormous difference between creating your own luck and the circumstances of your life, which is fortune, where you're born, whatever it is that you're dealing with right now, the unfair and cruel things that are happening in the world that you can't control. But luck, luck is what you create in spite of those things, through the choices you make, the chances you take, and the risks you are willing to live through. I am so excited that you're here, because in this episode, you're going to learn how to radically change your mindset, how to change your actions, how to leverage all this science and research, so you can become one of the luckiest people you know. This podcast is brought to you by Expedia. Planning a family vacation is a lot. Everybody has different schedules, different needs and strong opinions. So wouldn't it be nice to have a co-pilot? Some that makes the planning part way easier, that's where Expedia comes in. Expedia lets you book flights, hotels, vacation rentals, cars, activities, all in one place. And when you bundle it together, you can save up to 30%. Plus if plans change, because they always do, at least in my family, Expedia helps you stay in control. Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Members only, savings vary, see site for details. The Mel Robbins Podcast is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance, our exclusive insurance partner. 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Pick up Colgate Total Active Prevention at your local retailer today. Your future self will thank you. You know, I not only host this show, I'm also listening and learning just like you are. And after hearing from our incredible experts on this podcast, I have been trying to eat more protein. Because all these experts taught me that protein is one of the ways that you build and keep muscle. Muscle is the engine that powers your energy, your strength and your long-term health. And I've heard a lot of the experts recommend 30 grams of protein in the morning. Now, I can tell you from experience, the mornings I hit that number, I feel better, I'm more energized, more focused, I'm less snippy, I'm not hunting for a snack 30 minutes later, but it's so hard. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't meet my daily goal. That's why I started working with the same medical and nutritional experts that I feature on the podcast to create something that didn't exist. The result? Pure Genius Protein. It's 23 grams of high quality protein in a TSA friendly 3.38 ounce bottle. It's made for busy schedules, travel, long shifts, low appetite days. It'll fuel your workouts and everything in between. I love the product that we created because Pure Genius Protein makes it easy and delicious to hit your daily protein goals, especially when you're on the go. This week, save 20 percent on your first order at puregeniusprotein.com. When you use code MEL, plus there's a 30-day money-back guarantee. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here. I'm excited for our conversation today. It's such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. And if you're new or somebody sent this episode to you, I just wanna personally welcome you to The Mel Robbins Podcast family. Today's guest is someone I have wanted to sit down with for a long time because her work is all about the science of luck. That's right. You can learn how to become a luckier person. I'm talking about Dr. Tina Seelig. Dr. Seelig earned her PhD in neuroscience at Stanford Medical School with a specific focus on neuroplasticity, and has spent over 25 years at Stanford University, where she's a professor of entrepreneurship, the director emerita of the Stanford Technology Ventures Program, and executive director of Knight Hennessy Scholars at Stanford University. She's also the author of 18 books, including her wildly popular bestseller What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20, and her latest book, What I Wish I Knew About Luck, is what we're going to be talking about today. In it, she makes a powerful distinction that I think is going to change how you think about your life. Fortune is the hand you've been dealt. Luck is how you play it. Luck is a skill built by taking chances, meeting people, asking for what you want, and staying in the game long enough for the doors to open. That's what today is all about. So please help me welcome Dr. Tina Seelig to The Mel Robbins Podcast.

Speaker 2:
[07:28] I could not be more delighted. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1:
[07:31] I am thrilled about the topic that we're going to talk about. I love your research and thank you for taking time of your schedule to come and share all of this research around luck and how we can use it to improve our lives. And I think that's where I want to start. So could you talk to me and the person that's here with us right now and just tell us what might change about our lives if we really apply everything you're about to teach us today?

Speaker 2:
[08:03] I couldn't be more delighted to share this information because when people understand that they have more agency in their lives, they realize that they have levers they can use every single day to make themselves luckier.

Speaker 1:
[08:19] When you talk about luck, Dr. Seelig, what are you talking about? What does that mean?

Speaker 2:
[08:24] First of all, please call me Tina. The definition of luck is success or failure, apparently caused by chance.

Speaker 1:
[08:34] Success or failure apparently caused by chance?

Speaker 2:
[08:37] Apparently, exactly.

Speaker 1:
[08:38] What is the apparently in there for?

Speaker 2:
[08:39] That's the point. This is really important. The word apparently, it looks on the surface as of its chance, but really underneath, there are things that you have done to tempt good luck your way.

Speaker 1:
[08:54] I want to make sure that I am tracking, and I want to make sure that as the person who's with us is listening, we got that because I think that there is a little treasure buried underneath that, which is oftentimes the things that we attribute to luck. Are you saying that once we understand everything you're about to teach us, that those things we once just attributed to luck, bad luck or good luck, we could trace back and say, actually, there was something that I set in motion that I'm not giving myself credit for that made this chance thing happen?

Speaker 2:
[09:32] Exactly. In fact, we often use the word luck to humbly say, I didn't have anything to do with this. But if you actually unpack it, you'll see what actually happened to bring that good luck your way. Or people don't understand the things they did to make themselves luckier. What I've been doing is unpacking all the things that are in that apparently, to show the things that people actually are doing to make themselves luckier.

Speaker 1:
[10:00] Okay, so you have done all this research. You've written this massive, best-selling book, What I Wish I Knew About Luck. And you also have concluded that there is a science to becoming a luckier person. What's the number one thing that drives the lucky breaks that people get?

Speaker 2:
[10:19] Well, first of all, you have to realize that there is a physics to luck. All of the world is cause and effect, right?

Speaker 1:
[10:27] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[10:28] Fortune is the things that happen to you. Luck is what you control. And it's very, very important to distinguish between those two things, because people conflate the concept of fortune and luck, and they make a mistake in thinking that everything is just happening to them. Well, of course, there are some things that are out of your control. How tall you are, where you're born, who your parents are. Those are things that are out of your control. That's, you know, you're fortunate or you're unfortunate. And the world is spinning and things are happening. There might be an earthquake. There might be a war.

Speaker 1:
[11:03] There might be systematic racism.

Speaker 2:
[11:05] There might be poverty.

Speaker 1:
[11:06] There might be all kinds of things.

Speaker 2:
[11:07] Exactly. A pandemic.

Speaker 1:
[11:08] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[11:09] But you have more control over how you respond to it. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[11:13] So I want to make sure I understand this because I would have thought it was the opposite. Because when I hear the word lucky, I think things that happen by chance, things that happen out of the blue, things that happen to certain people that don't happen to me. But when you say there's a big difference between fortune, which to me sounds like the things that you said you don't have control over, but there's a huge group of things that are either positive things of fortune or things that feel unfortunate that are not your fault, you can't change it. But you want us to focus on creating more luck and making things go our way, which is in our control.

Speaker 2:
[11:57] Absolutely.

Speaker 1:
[11:58] That's a completely different version of luck than I thought.

Speaker 2:
[12:00] Well, it's really important. It's critically important to distinguish between the things that happened to you and how you respond. I mean, there's this fabulous, very famous quote by Victor Frankl about the fact that the world is happening to you and you have this time between stimulus and response, where you get to decide how to respond. And that's where luck comes in. It comes in by taking the time to think about how you actually engage with the world. We are in a constant dance with the world, where we are either leading or we're following. And there are times in which the world is leading, right? The pandemic happened and our world's all turned upside down. But then you get to decide what you're going to do with it.

Speaker 1:
[12:45] I've never thought about luck this way. I have always thought about luck as just something that kind of happens to you, or if you're unlucky, that happens to you too. And so really thinking about the fact that, yes, there are lots of things that happen that are unfair. And yes, there are very real problems. And that is true and unfortunate. And we can take the science of creating your own luck, if you will, and use it to respond in a different way.

Speaker 2:
[13:17] Exactly. And I am so excited to share the things that people can do to unlock luck in their lives.

Speaker 1:
[13:23] All right. I want to read to you from your best-selling book, What I Wish I Knew About Luck. This is on page six. Luck requires taking a chance, a calculated risk. It begins the moment you decide to act in the face of uncertainty, whether it's throwing your hat into the ring for a competitive opportunity, moving to a distant city without a clear plan, or simply introducing yourself to someone new. Each action is a leap of faith beyond the familiar. These moments may seem small, but they're pivotal, creating openings to capture lucky opportunities. What does that mean?

Speaker 2:
[14:06] Every decision you make opens the door to something brand new. We are always one decision away from a completely different life. I think about this all the time. Some of the closest friends I have made in my life are people who were standing next to me in line, who I started a conversation with, and we found that we had something in common, and then we started working together, and then we became best friends. If I had not started that conversation, that entire world would not have existed.

Speaker 1:
[14:39] Okay, let's stop right here because I love this kind of thing. Okay?

Speaker 2:
[14:43] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[14:43] So I was standing in a bar in 19- well, it was in a bar. I was standing at a United Way benefit in 1994. I was a brand new legal aid attorney in New York City, and I walked up to the bar, and I ordered a bourbon on the rocks to go. I wanted it on a plastic cup because I was going to bounce from the party, and behind me, I heard somebody say, that sounds great, make it two. I turn around and it was Christopher Robbins, who I will be celebrating my 30th wedding anniversary with this year. Let's unpack that moment in the framework of luck versus fortune. Do you see what I mean?

Speaker 2:
[15:27] Exactly. Well, I think it's a great example. Because A, he saw you, he was intrigued, he said, I'll take the same, and you started a conversation. It could have been the end. Think of the number of conversations that went nowhere. Thank you very much. I'll see you later. I'm going home.

Speaker 1:
[15:44] Think about the moments where you see somebody who's interesting, but you don't walk across the room.

Speaker 2:
[15:50] Exactly. I have so many examples. Let me tell you one.

Speaker 1:
[15:53] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[15:53] That is, well, in fact, this book is the result of a conversation I had with someone sitting on an airplane next to me.

Speaker 1:
[16:00] Really?

Speaker 2:
[16:00] I was flying across the country, early morning flight, could have just shut my eyes and gone to sleep. The man sitting next to me was a publisher. I started to chat with him. We talked for a good long time. At some point, I pulled out a book proposal. I took a little risk and I said, guess what? I've got a book proposal right here on my computer. He was kind enough to look at it. He said, this is very nice, Tina. But not really for us. I said, okay, no problem. But guess what? At the end of the flight, we exchanged contact information. He sent me a text as I was walking off the plane. I stayed in touch. I was teaching a class, my creativity class at Stanford. I thought, gee, I'm doing a project this quarter. What should it be on? Maybe I'll do it on the future of publishing. I called him up again and I said, hey, guess what? I'm doing a project on the future of publishing. Would you come to class? He said, sure. He came, he met my students. We had a great opportunity for everyone. I followed up again with some videos of some projects my students had worked on as part of a global innovation tournament. They were pretty cool. He said, wow, there is a book in here for the students. He wanted to meet the students who had worked on this project. I said, okay, that sounds pretty cool. I set up a lunch. At the end of the lunch, which he had brought one of his editors to, his editor turned to me and said, hey, would you ever consider writing a book? I gave him the exact same proposal. I had given his boss, I don't know, it was either one, two years earlier, but I kept that relationship going. That was the point. There were all these little choices I made that ended up leading to the publication of What I Wish I Knew When I Was 20, starting with the conversation with the man sitting next to me on the plane.

Speaker 1:
[17:55] So do you want us to think about luck really more as something you create through the actions you take? Exactly. Versus something that just happens to some people versus others?

Speaker 2:
[18:10] Exactly. But here is the important thing, Mel.

Speaker 1:
[18:13] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[18:14] Luck is ubiquitous.

Speaker 1:
[18:16] What does that mean?

Speaker 2:
[18:16] Opportunities are ubiquitous. Opportunities are like the wind. But you need a sail to catch it. And what I am passionate about is teaching people how to catch the winds of luck.

Speaker 1:
[18:32] So I would love to have you, Dr. Seelig, just speak to the reality for some people that opportunities don't feel ubiquitous and they historically haven't been ubiquitous. If, let's say, you're being discriminated against, or you are in a situation where something through no fault of your own, you're being sexually harassed at work, or you've got, there's very serious problems that people are facing, right? And so they might hear this research, which I think could be very helpful in how you respond to things that are very real. How do you want somebody to think about the opportunities that are out there, even if you've had a lifetime of feeling like the door is always closed in your face because of the color of your skin, or because you're a woman and you haven't been paid what you're called? You know what I mean? Like, because I don't-

Speaker 2:
[19:32] Of course, of course. And honestly, life is not fair. I mean, people are born into very terrible circumstances. There are people who have medical problems. There are people who have dysfunctional families. But we have choices we make. I've been doing work for the last 10 years, working with a group at San Quentin State Prison called The Last Mile. It's an amazing program where they teach innovation and entrepreneurship and coding to men and women who are incarcerated. Now, these are folks who have had very, very difficult lives, often starting with very unfortunate circumstances. The people who were in this program are given a chance to learn these skills and to develop the mindset needed to be successful when they are released from prison. It's remarkable to see how people can change. People can change their attitude and their actions to unlock possibilities that they didn't see before.

Speaker 1:
[20:33] I think that's so important to understand, and I can tell based on the passion and the just intensity of what you're like, no, this is real. It doesn't mean that there won't be challenges that you face in life. Those are very real, but you have a choice in whether you just throw in the towel and say, this is just how things are, or you lean in and say, okay, how I respond to this and how I think about creating my own luck. And as you said, that there's opportunities everywhere, but you've got to open the sail to catch them. Can you unpack that analogy of catching the winds of luck?

Speaker 2:
[21:17] Great. Can I show you a graphic?

Speaker 1:
[21:18] Please.

Speaker 2:
[21:19] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[21:19] So I want to describe this for the person who is listening so you don't miss a thing. Dr. Seelig is holding up a painting and there's a hot air balloon, there is a sailboat, there is a windmill, and there is a church sitting on the shore and the sailboat's sailing on the ocean and the hot air balloon's over the ocean but on the shore is the windmill and the church.

Speaker 2:
[21:42] Yeah. To me, it actually looks like a house. It's a house with a wind vane on the top.

Speaker 1:
[21:47] Oh, is that what that is?

Speaker 2:
[21:48] That is a wind vane on the top of the house. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, but it could look like that at a distance. The idea is that the winds of luck are ubiquitous. They are always blowing. And there are different ways in which we engage with them. Some people stay inside the house and they shut the shutters and they don't even pay attention. They don't even see them. They might open the shutters and see them, but they might not even do anything. Okay, I'm just going to turn the other way. Now, there are some people who are like a wind vane. They're at the top of the house. They're noticing in the opportunities. They're swiveling on their access, but they're not doing anything with it. They're just looking, oh, there's an opportunity there and there and there. They're not doing anything.

Speaker 1:
[22:31] Oh my gosh. If you're the kind of person that has been thinking forever about applying for that job or using social media to market yourself or you're the kind of person that has been thinking about going back to school or thinking about getting an online dating profile, you are the weathervane spinning around in the wind doing nothing.

Speaker 2:
[22:49] Exactly.

Speaker 1:
[22:49] Going nowhere.

Speaker 2:
[22:50] Exactly. Or you could be a hot air balloon. Now, hot air balloon, the winds of luck are taking you where they may. You don't really have much control, but you know what, there are times in our life when it's reasonable to be a hot air balloon, to be a leaf in the wind and say, you know, I'm just going to see where my interests take me.

Speaker 1:
[23:08] Yep.

Speaker 2:
[23:09] So that's a reasonable thing to do. But then, once you start seeing an opportunity where you go, wow, there's something here or there, you can become a windmill. And a windmill is where you are really capturing the winds of luck in that local area, and you are harnessing all the luck you get.

Speaker 1:
[23:27] So give me an example of that.

Speaker 2:
[23:28] Okay, you get a job somewhere. Yes. You go, okay, I am going to be the best I can in this job. Got it. I am going to see what I can make of this, and in fact, one of the things I tell my students is you don't get a job, you get the keys to the building. You go, okay, I'm going to see where this takes me.

Speaker 1:
[23:45] Oh, I love that. Hold on a second. I want to make sure that you really got what Dr. Seelig just told you, because this is something that I am sending this to all three of our adult children right now. You do not get a job, you get the keys to the building. You create your own luck in that job, even if you hate the job, by showing up to that job every day, and doing the things you're about to tell us to do, and bringing a certain type of energy, and a certain level of excellence, and a certain attitude in order to capture the opportunity that is swirling around that office that you're dragging yourself into.

Speaker 2:
[24:26] Exactly.

Speaker 1:
[24:27] So you can choose the bad attitude, or you can choose to have a different attitude. But what you're here to say is, trust my research. There is opportunity everywhere for the taking, if you wake up and recognize it.

Speaker 2:
[24:42] Right. You can take it further though.

Speaker 1:
[24:44] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[24:45] You can become a sailboat.

Speaker 1:
[24:47] How do I do that?

Speaker 2:
[24:47] The sailboat is looking for the luck. It's out there searching for the winds of luck. Right. You can be capturing the luck like a windmill where they are locally, or you can be a sailboat where you're out there with a goal, a specific goal in mind, and you're saying, how do I get to those winds to get me to that destination?

Speaker 1:
[25:09] Got it.

Speaker 2:
[25:10] So let me put this down because it's kind of big. I want to talk to you about how to become a sailboat.

Speaker 1:
[25:15] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[25:16] I want to talk to you about that. Because if you want to be a sailboat to capture the winds of luck, there are three things you need to do. First, you need to build that sailboat. The next is you need to recruit your crew. And third, you need to hoist the sail.

Speaker 1:
[25:31] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[25:32] And this is very important to separate these three things.

Speaker 1:
[25:35] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[25:35] You build your sailboat, that's all the internal work. You know, it's funny. There's a, whenever I tell people I'm writing a book about luck, or I'm doing work on luck, they go, oh, yes, yes, fortune favors the prepared mind. Well, I love that quote, you know, Louis Pasteur, great quote about fortune favoring the prepared mind. But what is the prepared mind?

Speaker 1:
[25:54] I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[25:55] That sailboat is your prepared mind.

Speaker 1:
[25:57] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[25:57] That is all the internal work that you need to do to be ready to ultimately catch the winds of luck.

Speaker 1:
[26:04] Okay, so let's stop right with building the sailboat, okay? Because I know as you're listening and watching right now, you're like, all right, I'm with you, Dr. Seelig, but how do I build a sailboat? What does that actually mean? How am I doing the internal work to turn this brain of mine that's told me my entire life? Oh, things like that don't happen to a person like me. Well, I'll never get out of this debt. I'm not going to be this way. I'm not smart. I'm not good because I can tell you right now, that doesn't sound like you're building a sailboat. So what are the specific things that we need to do or know or change in order to take advantage of step one, which is you got to build that sailboat in yourself?

Speaker 2:
[26:41] Exactly. It's very, very important. One is, you need to know what your core values are. If you do not have those core values, which are like the keel under your boat that keeps you steady, you're going to be manipulated by people who ask you to do things that are not ethical, they're not legal. I mean, this is how people get caught when they don't have their core values. In fact, I can tell you a story about what happened to me when I was young, and I didn't know how to do this. I had taken my first job right out of graduate school. It was a company, it was a med tech company, and I was so eager, I just wanted to do everything right, and the president of the company asked me to go to a conference. It was a conference actually being hosted by a competing company, and he asked me to go not as a member of the team of this company, but as Dr. Seelig from Stanford. He was my boss. Why should I question him? Yeah. I had never thought about whether this would be ethical or not. So I said, sure, of course I'll go. So I got on a plane, I went to Chicago, I registered Dr. Seelig from Stanford, went to the conference, and as the conference started, it was a relatively small conference. At the end of every session, I raised my hand and asked all sorts of probing questions. Because I knew a lot about this technology because I was working at a competing company. Yeah. And they started getting suspicious. And they called up my company and they said, is Tina Seelig there? And of course, the receptionist said, gosh, no, no, no, she's not here. She's at a conference in Chicago. And so I was getting into the elevator to go up to my room. And two people followed me in. The door shut. And one of them turned and hit the stop button.

Speaker 1:
[28:35] Are you? What did you think was happening?

Speaker 2:
[28:37] I had no idea. I turned around and they looked at me. They backed me in the corner and they said, are you a spy? I mean, I burst into tears honestly. I was like, oh my gosh. But they said, we called your company. They were very funny. They said, we understand you're the VP of Marketing of the company, which was sort of a joke since I was like an intern. But they escorted me out very quickly. And I sat on the sidewalk thinking, what happened? And I realized it was because I hadn't even taken a minute to think about my values. And to think about, and I was very unlucky, wasn't I? Because I should have said to my boss, of course I can't do that. I can't misrepresent myself. And so one of the first things you need to do is really think about what your core values are.

Speaker 1:
[29:25] How do you figure that out? Is there like a simple way to really think about what your core values are? Because I can think about moments in my life, for example, a period of my life where when we were struggling financially as a young married couple with kids, my core value was safety and security. And so I said yes to lots of stuff I wouldn't do right now, because I wanted to pay the bills. And it was aligned with my values then. My values now have shifted because I still value security and safety, but it's not on fire right now. And so I have different values. But I think it's one of those things where it's not something that people stop and think about. So how would you recommend if the person's listening right now, because I think we all we all want to be luckier, and we certainly want to open up the winds and capture as much opportunity as we can. But how do you figure out what you actually value?

Speaker 2:
[30:25] So there are a lot of ways to do it.

Speaker 1:
[30:27] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[30:27] And a lot has to do with taking the time to actually think about it in advance.

Speaker 1:
[30:31] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[30:32] Think about what your values are. Are you going to misrepresent yourself? There's a slippery slope. Once you make one decision to do something that's not ethical, it's much easier to do make the second decision. Once you've done the first one, that door is open. And you have to think about who you want to be in the world. You also can put together a personal board of advisors. This is a really helpful tool. Who are you going to go to when you're asked to do something where you have a kind of a spider sense, where you go, you know what, this doesn't smell right. Who do I go to to get some feedback? And it's also really helpful to have the ability to walk away. To have, now it's really difficult when you're in a situation where you're feeling financially really vulnerable and you go like, I don't know what to do. But oftentimes, there's a case we used to use with our students many years ago about somebody who had taken on a lot of financial debt, bought an expensive house, moved to a new city, did all sorts of things that were expensive. And then when the company he was working for started doing things that were illegal, he couldn't leave because he couldn't afford to give up the job. So think about not putting yourself in a position where you're so tied to an organization or to some situation where you can't walk away if you're asked to do something that you find is unethical.

Speaker 1:
[31:59] Well, I can give another example. And let's see if this one checks out, Dr. Seelig, with the research you've done. I was talking to a friend over the weekend who's in a relationship and this person knows that they don't want to be engaged to the person that asked them to be married. And she was going on and on and on about it because it's a very difficult decision. And she said, well, the problem is, you know, I just really am a peacekeeper. And I said, hold on a second. That's what you were in your first marriage, which is why you were miserable. You kept the peace and you never told the truth. You, in this chapter, have made it very clear that what you value more than anything is being a truth-teller. And I would imagine that if you don't understand what your core value is, in terms of why you want to be even in like a romantic relationship, I want to be with somebody where I can be fully myself versus constantly suppressing what I feel and what I need in order to make somebody else happy. You will never ever build this internal sailboat and the winds of chance are going to steer you to all kinds of relationships because you don't realize you actually value that rather than just companionship. Does that make sense?

Speaker 2:
[33:20] Exactly. And that's just one piece of the puzzle, is your core values. You need to know, which is tied into what you just said, the story you tell about who you are in the world. Right? We each have a story of who we are, and that story is always shifting depending upon who we're with, and how we feel about ourselves, and the ability to own that story.

Speaker 1:
[33:43] Dr. Seelig, I just have to pause for a second because this is one of those moments where people aren't just listening, they're recognizing themselves. You're not talking about luck in some abstract way, you're describing the habits, the waiting, the invisible rules that so many of us are living under without even realizing it. And I know what's happening right now. You're sitting there thinking, wait a minute, is this why I feel stuck? Is this why nothing seems to move even though I'm capable? If that's you, I want you to really just sit with what Dr. Seelig is teaching us right now. And honestly, if someone that you love keeps saying, they just feel unlucky or they're behind or they're frozen, or they just keep coming up in their mind as you're listening to all this, this is one of those episodes that you just sent. No explanation. The title speaks for itself. And I promise you, I promise you, if you have not been able to get through to them, I guarantee you Dr. Seelig will. And don't go anywhere because we're going to take a quick break, let our incredible sponsors shine, and when we come back, Dr. Seelig is going to show you how to stop waiting and start changing your odds in life. Don't go anywhere. Stay with me. You know that feeling when your brain is fried, you have like 12 irritating tasks you don't care about, but you have to do them anyway? That's where I've been lately. The administrative stuff was eating up half my day. So I've been using Microsoft Copilot as my extra set of hands. It's like having your own personal assistant. That's why Microsoft Copilot is my favorite AI tool. Last week, I had to send this long, overly complicated email about scheduling and travel, the kind of thing that takes up way too much energy for what it is. I opened Copilot, talked to it out loud while I was walking around my kitchen, and Copilot turned it into a clean, professional draft. It was amazing. And because my brain wasn't fried, I had the energy to sit down and eat dinner with Chris without feeling mentally wiped. That's the whole point for me. Microsoft Copilot clears the clutter so I can be more present for the moments that matter. That's why I'm using it. If you want to try it for yourself, visit microsoft.com/melrobbins to download the Copilot app. Get started with Copilot today for free and see how handing off the small stuff gives you more energy for the moments that matter. That's microsoft.com/melrobbins.

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 1:
[36:47] This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. Money runs your life, whether you like it or not. Your choices, your relationships, your confidence, and if you're stressed about money, it can show up in your daily life in a lot of ways. Trouble sleeping or concentrating, constant worry, tensions with people you care about. If money was just math, you probably wouldn't be stressed about it. But money is identity, expectations, comparison. It's psychological and emotional. BetterHelp can connect you with qualified therapists who can help manage the impact that financial stress can bring. With a network of more than 30,000 therapists that have served more than 6 million people around the world, BetterHelp makes it easier to find support that fits your needs. You just take a short questionnaire, and then you'll be matched with a therapist based on what you're looking for. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/melrobbins. That's betterhelp.com/melrobbins. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today you and I are getting to learn from Stanford professor, neuroscientist and innovation expert, Dr. Tina Seelig. We're talking all about how to get lucky according to science. All right, Dr. Seelig, let's keep going. The next question I have is this. If your story is really awful, I'm not smart, I'm not good enough, nothing ever works out for me, how do you start building this sailboat?

Speaker 2:
[38:23] Right. So you need to understand that you can do little experiments every day.

Speaker 1:
[38:29] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[38:30] You need to be willing to take some risks, to get out of your comfort zone and to try something different.

Speaker 1:
[38:37] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[38:39] Now, let me ask you now.

Speaker 1:
[38:40] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[38:41] Please call me Tina.

Speaker 1:
[38:42] Okay. Sorry, I keep calling you Dr. Seelig.

Speaker 2:
[38:44] Sorry. It's okay. Are you a risk taker?

Speaker 1:
[38:47] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[38:48] Okay. Most people answer yes or no, but risk is much more nuanced. They're all different types of risk.

Speaker 1:
[38:56] I should have said depends.

Speaker 2:
[38:58] I know. But you said yes.

Speaker 1:
[39:00] See, you're so smart.

Speaker 2:
[39:01] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[39:02] I'm like, yes, I take a risk.

Speaker 2:
[39:02] Of course.

Speaker 1:
[39:03] No, I always take a calculated risk.

Speaker 2:
[39:05] Exactly. But think about the different types of risk.

Speaker 1:
[39:07] Because I'm not a higher balloon just going, throwing caution to the wind.

Speaker 2:
[39:10] Exactly. But think about the different types of risk. Let me show you something.

Speaker 1:
[39:14] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[39:14] This is the riskometer that we use in our classes, where students map their risk profile.

Speaker 1:
[39:22] Okay. Now, I want to just explain for the person who's listening right now, because we're going to walk you through this. And as Tina walks us through each of the six different types of risk that you're going to be faced with in life, I want you to think whether you have a high or low tolerance, because you're ranking at 0 to 10, and all she has is a circle, and there are six different points on it, and she's going to walk us through it right now. And as Tina walks through each of the six types of risks, I want you to be answering this for yourself, because I think this is a really interesting way to get into values.

Speaker 2:
[39:59] Exactly, exactly. And to figure out what type of risks you're comfortable taking and where you want to stretch.

Speaker 1:
[40:04] Okay, great. So let's go through each one.

Speaker 2:
[40:06] Right, so this is called a spider chart. It looks like a spider web.

Speaker 1:
[40:09] Yes, it does.

Speaker 2:
[40:09] Where the center is zero and the outside is 10. So you map yourself on it. So let's try this.

Speaker 1:
[40:17] Okay, so we're going to do this together.

Speaker 2:
[40:18] Okay, so I think you and I are actually pretty similar.

Speaker 1:
[40:21] Are we?

Speaker 2:
[40:21] Okay. So physical risk, where would you be on a scale of one to 10?

Speaker 4:
[40:25] Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1:
[40:26] I'm probably like a six.

Speaker 2:
[40:30] Oh, really? Okay, great.

Speaker 1:
[40:32] Perfect. And I want you to be thinking as you're listening or watching, okay, where am I? Zero to 10 on physical, are you a big risk taker? Like my husband and my son. Yeah, I'm just like, can we please bring it down from like a nine to a five?

Speaker 2:
[40:47] Exactly. Exactly. My son was a very competitive cyclist. And every time he would go out on his bike, I would just hold my breath till we got home.

Speaker 1:
[40:54] My husband's a cyclist too. I'm like, can you not listen to music as you're like cycling down the road at 40 miles an hour? At least you wear a helmet.

Speaker 2:
[41:01] Okay. So let's talk about emotional risk.

Speaker 1:
[41:04] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[41:04] Telling someone how you feel.

Speaker 1:
[41:06] Oh, I'm a 10. I'll take any, because it doesn't feel risky to me to share how I'm feeling.

Speaker 2:
[41:12] Great.

Speaker 1:
[41:12] How about you?

Speaker 2:
[41:13] I'm very high. I mean, I'm happy to tell you that I love you.

Speaker 1:
[41:17] Oh, I love you too. And I love you as you're listening and watching. For somebody though that is like lower on the emotional risk, what might that feel like in your life that you would be scared of?

Speaker 2:
[41:28] It feels vulnerable to tell someone how you feel. That maybe you feel anxious or maybe you feel scared or maybe you feel, you know, maybe you really like someone and you're afraid to tell them, right? And so someone who is more, has a higher risk profile there, was like, I'm going to tell you. I always feel that you tell people things and you get data, right? You get some data back. Social risk.

Speaker 1:
[41:52] Now, talk to me about social risk. What falls in the category of social risk?

Speaker 2:
[41:55] Being willing to get up and give a toasted wedding, giving a talk.

Speaker 1:
[41:59] Talking in a meeting at work.

Speaker 2:
[42:00] Exactly. Being out in front of the world. Being out there. It's not emotional, but you're going to get out there and do something very public.

Speaker 1:
[42:10] I'll tell you. The things where I am giving a toast, or I'm talking in a meeting, or certainly because I've developed the skill of giving speeches in arenas, I have zero fear about it, so I would put myself at a 10. However, when this show was nominated for a Golden Globe, I had never walked a red carpet. I am not at all comfortable putting myself out there in terms of a beautiful dress and look at me, and I would say I was about a two.

Speaker 2:
[42:49] Isn't that interesting? I think this is fascinating, Mel, because you had never done it before.

Speaker 1:
[42:54] No.

Speaker 2:
[42:55] But if you had done it two, three, four times, it would have been natural.

Speaker 1:
[43:00] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[43:00] It would have been easy. You're happy to make social risk because you've been doing it so much. That's true. This is super important. If you start out saying, oh my gosh, this is uncomfortable for me, you can stretch, you started as a two, but the next time you do it, you'll be a four, and then you'll be a six, and then you'll be an eight.

Speaker 1:
[43:17] I'll tell you what, I'm not buying the dress. I'm going to borrow it next time. It turns out a lot of people borrow from designers, but I was the idiot who bought it.

Speaker 2:
[43:23] Okay, for the next time, you'll be ready. Okay, let's talk about financial risk.

Speaker 1:
[43:29] Okay, so this is one where I would be a zero. I don't want to take any risk financially because earlier in my life, the first 40 years, I took all kinds of risks. I was stupid with my money, racking up the credit cards, maxing out the home equity line, living in some sort of fantasy. Like somehow, I'm just going to get lucky. And even though I'm making all these dumbass decisions, this is going to somehow, like now that I've experienced the pain of driving myself. Now, you know what's interesting about this too? I can look backwards and see how my decisions created a situation where I was very unlucky.

Speaker 2:
[44:07] Yes. But it was your behavior. It was the choices you made.

Speaker 1:
[44:11] Yes. There were, like, not everything. There are some things that swing that are unfortunate. But my decisions certainly put me within striking distance of having a major catastrophe, and that's what happened. Exactly.

Speaker 2:
[44:25] So I have to say, I have to assume you take some financial risk because your business, you have to be...

Speaker 1:
[44:31] We're, like, we are, I'm, I, I, I don't want to, I don't ever want to be in a situation where I have scaled a business too quickly that I then have to lay people off. Like, there are 50 people that, and their families, that depend on the decisions that my business partner and I make. And so I think we're both very, very, like, risk adverse when we think about the implications of what we say yes and no to.

Speaker 2:
[44:59] Great, okay, fabulous. Well, this is, now, it's interesting because you might think that some people like venture capitalists have a really high financial risk profile. But they're always trying to squeeze all the risk out, right? Just like the person who's jumping out of the airplane, they're gonna make sure the parachute is packed properly. So, you know, it's really, it's very interesting that the more prepared you are, it doesn't feel like a big risk, right? If you have this company with 50 people who depend on you, you feel like it's a low financial risk. Someone on the outside will go, wow, that's risky. But you've squeezed all the risk out by testing and doing lots and lots of experiments and scaling really slowly so that it doesn't feel like it's a financial risk.

Speaker 1:
[45:43] Great. The next one is intellectual.

Speaker 2:
[45:45] Intellectual. Yeah. You're gonna go try something new, stretch, think about things you haven't thought about before, solve a problem that's intractable.

Speaker 1:
[45:56] I don't even consider, I'm so intellectually curious. It's a 10. Let me ask you about intellectual risk. What are some everyday examples of what intellectual risk looks like in your life?

Speaker 2:
[46:06] It's usually problem solving. You've got a problem that is in front of you and you're willing to tackle it. It's like, okay, I can figure this out. I'm a huge believer that every problem is an opportunity. The bigger the problem, the bigger the opportunity. And that's a real entrepreneurial mindset. Yes. And you can foster that. You can really develop the ability to take on more intellectual risks.

Speaker 1:
[46:29] So taking a risk means instead of feeling like life is running you over or there are no opportunities or nothing's going to ever work out, it would be an intellectual risk to say, well, maybe there's something I can do here.

Speaker 2:
[46:43] Well, let me give you a story. I was asked to teach one week about entrepreneurship in the new design school at Stanford. I was like, what can I do in one week? So I had 14 teams and I gave them each an envelope with $5 in it. I said, you can brainstorm as long as you want, but as soon as you open this envelope, you have two hours to make as much money as possible. What are you going to do? This was, I basically gave them essentially nothing, a few dollars, and they needed to figure out what value they could create. Now, there were the people, I knew you could do something. I could have a lemonade stand or a car wash or do something small. There were the groups that did that. Then there were the groups who said, hey, you know what? That $5 is a red herring. I don't need the $5. I've got all sorts of skills. They set up a stand to pump bike tires in the middle of campus and they made $200. Halfway through, they said, hey, let's not charge people, let's just ask for donations and people paid them more. Or they made reservations at restaurants in Palo Alto with long lines. As the reservation came up, they sold the reservations.

Speaker 1:
[47:53] Oh, to people waiting in line.

Speaker 2:
[47:54] Waiting people in line. Waiting people in line, yeah. But then there were the people who said, you know what? The $5, the two hours was a red herring, the $5 was a red herring. Maybe my three-minute presentation class is where the value is. They sold it for $650.

Speaker 1:
[48:14] What do you mean?

Speaker 2:
[48:15] To a company who wanted to recruit the students in the class.

Speaker 1:
[48:17] Oh my gosh, so they took their slot where they were going to present their findings. They called a company and said, do you want to come and pitch a Stanford design class?

Speaker 2:
[48:28] Exactly. And the reason I call this an intellectual risk is they had to be creative, right? They had to come up with creative solutions. What do I do when I have nothing? And this is also tied to luck because guess what? Opportunities are everywhere. Most people think, oh, I don't have any money, but these students created all this value with nothing. Looking around and seeing the problems that were around them and figuring out how they could come up with solutions.

Speaker 1:
[48:53] That's so cool. I have so many more questions, but I want to take a quick break. First of all, because I want to give our sponsors a chance to shine. But secondly, I want to give you a chance to text this episode or email this episode to the people in your life who need this framework. They need to know how to create their own luck. I'm learning so much. I have so many people I'm going to share this with, and I want you to do that too. So take a moment to share, and don't go anywhere, because when we return, there's so much more we're going to dig into with Dr. Tina Seelig. Stay with us. This Mother's Day, celebrate the mother figures in your life with Pandora jewelry, not just for what they do, but for who they are. The ones who show up, hold everything together, and somehow make everything feel possible. Pandora jewelry makes it easy to choose something that reflects your relationship and the moments you've shared together. And you can make your gift even more meaningful by adding an engraving in your own handwriting, a date, name, message, or something unique to you. Because the best Mother's Day gift doesn't just say, I love you, it says, I see you. Find the perfect Mother's Day gift at your local Pandora store or online at pandora.net. It's Way Day at Wayfair from April 25th through the 27th. You can score the best deals in home, like up to 80 percent off with free shipping on everything. Whether you're refreshing a single room or rethinking your whole space, Wayfair makes it easy to find exactly what fits your style and needs. From furniture and decor to home improvement and outdoor essentials, they have everything for every style, all in one place. I'm looking around right now on Wayfair site. I've been eyeing some new pieces for our patio now that the weather is getting nice, and I love how easy it is to filter by style, price, size and more. Wayday is the sale to shop the best deals in home. We're talking up to 80% off with fast and free shipping on everything. Head to wayfair.com April 25th through 27th to shop Wayday. That's wayfair.com, wayfair.com, Wayfair. Every style, every home. At the end of the day, your dreams are your responsibility. But Southern New Hampshire University can definitely help. Southern New Hampshire University puts over 200 online degree programs at your fingertips. Psychology, business, cybersecurity, you name it. And with affordable tuition and no-set class times, school fits into your life, not the other way around. It's time to show up for yourself. Visit snhu.edu/mel to get started. That's snhu.edu/mel. Welcome back, it's your friend Mel Robbins, and today you and I are learning how to become luckier in life and create our own luck according to science with Stanford's Dr. Tina Seelig. So Dr. Seelig, the next thing I wanted to talk about was this. Why does taking risks, whether it's a small financial risk or it's a small social risk, or it's a small physical risk, small intellectual risk to put yourself out there, why does that create luck?

Speaker 2:
[52:19] Oftentimes, it's because you get yourself out of your comfort zone. There are such great examples. Let me tell you a story that sort of encapsulates a number of these principles. There was a young man who reached out to me a few months ago. Maybe actually, maybe it's about a year ago. A young man, his name is Oliver. And he reached out to me after he watched my TED Talk on luck. And he said, you know what, I really resonate with all of this, and I want to become a luck coach. I said, a luck coach, that sounds like a great idea. And he said, could I just have five minutes of your time? I just want to talk to you. And I said, I would be delighted. So I set up a time to talk to him. And we had a really nice chat.

Speaker 1:
[53:00] By the way, you could either look at that one moment and say, well, he was really lucky that you said yes. He was really lucky that it was you and not some curmudgeon professor. But I think your point is, if he hadn't taken the risk to ask for the meeting, it never would have happened. And so he's creating the luck. Just to kind of get you to understand, because most people think, oh, I should reach out to Tina. And then you go, but she's so busy and she's not going to have time, and I don't want to be a burden, and what do I actually say with the email? And da-da-da-da-da-da. So you talk yourself out of doing the thing that could actually create the luck that you want.

Speaker 2:
[53:45] Exactly. And it could have been that I didn't respond. Yes. Because there are so many examples where you have to send a letter to 500 people before you end up getting a couple of people who respond to you.

Speaker 1:
[53:54] Of course.

Speaker 2:
[53:55] But here's the thing, I did respond, I was intrigued. I had just started working on this book, and I said, oh, that's interesting, a lot coach, let me find out what he's doing. And he told me, and I spent literally five, 10 minutes on the phone with him, and this is important. He asked for a five minute favor, a very small thing that was going to be an easy thing. He made it himself easy to help, just five minutes of your time. So afterwards, what did he do? He sent me a thank you note. Now, do you know how many people do not send thank you notes? It is the most amazing thing when someone does something for you, it is a huge missed opportunity if you do not send a thank you note. So he did the right thing. He sent a thank you note, but he didn't stop there. He sent me a long list, he sent me a document with all these ways he could help me. He said, I understand you're writing a book on luck, here are different ways I can help you. I was so intrigued. Now, nothing that he listed was exactly what I wanted, but I thought, oh, this guy, he really took the initiative here and I hired him as a research assistant for the book. Now, I had never ever used a research assistant for any of my books ever. I thought, I think he might be able to help me, so I hired him as a research assistant. Over the next months, I got to know him and our calls. There's a whole chapter in the book about him. Now, this all started with him asking for a five-minute favor.

Speaker 1:
[55:27] I love the thank you note example. You know what I love about the way you're teaching us this is the risk assessment that you do on yourself reveals the things that you value and how your actions are probably holding you back. That's a core part of really building the sailboat of who you are. The second part was the crew. How do you build the crew?

Speaker 2:
[55:50] Exactly. Exactly. So asking for what you want, but also helping other people. The more you help other people, it comes back in wave upon wave upon wave. It's really important to understand that the more you give to other people, the more comes back to you. I can tell you so many examples because when I talk to people about what makes them lucky, you start realizing that one of their key characteristics is their generosity. Their generosity to others. How can I help you? How can I help you? Seeing someone has a problem and helping them. It comes back. Oftentimes, when you help somebody in a little way, it was so meaningful. You might even have forgotten you did it. The resulting feedback you get, the resulting impact is so much more.

Speaker 1:
[56:42] Why does helping other people make you luckier?

Speaker 2:
[56:46] Because so few people do it. So many people are just thinking about themselves. I have a great example of a fellow named Nir Eyal, who when he was younger, he was selling solar panels. He was going door to door to door, door to door to door selling solar panels. There were so many people who didn't really want solar panels and they go, but I do want to save energy. I'm looking for a heat pump. Well, he noticed that someone else in the neighborhood was putting in heat pumps. He didn't know this guy at all. But he said, I saw this other guy is putting in heat pumps, doing a really good job, and started recommending him. Well, this guy found out, said, wow, you're recommending me. I don't even know who you are. He said, well, I saw you were doing good job on heat pumps. And guess what? This guy started recommending him for solar panels and his business boomed. And it came from just being generous in recommending someone else.

Speaker 1:
[57:40] Do you have another example, Tina, of something that I could do today that would also help me experience this?

Speaker 2:
[57:50] There's so many things you can do to show appreciation to others. One of the biggest gifts you can give someone is to introduce them to someone else. And the warmer and more positive the introduction, the more powerful it is as a gift. It's one of the things that we so often miss that opportunity. But when you introduce someone to someone else in a really warm and wonderful way, you've not only created a great opportunity for them, but I can promise you it comes back to you in many ways because people are so incredibly grateful to have had that generous introduction.

Speaker 1:
[58:28] You know, another thing that I just thought of, and you'll have to tell me if this is an example, is if I'm standing in a line or if I'm ordering coffee at a coffee shop, I always compliment something that the person's wearing or their nails or their haircut or their smile. And it always opens up both this like positive energy exchange.

Speaker 2:
[58:51] I agree with you. Totally. In fact, I think it's one of the best things you can do. It's like saying, I love that color on you. Or, you know, or wow, you know, your haircut. Did you get a cut?

Speaker 1:
[59:04] And honestly, Well, I mean, like you and strangers, I'm like, I love your nails. Or you have the best smile. And people just light up.

Speaker 2:
[59:11] I agree with you. But it should be authentic. It's not as it's not that you're doing it to be manipulative. No, it's like really you do love their nails.

Speaker 1:
[59:20] Of course.

Speaker 2:
[59:20] Or their haircut.

Speaker 1:
[59:21] Of course.

Speaker 2:
[59:21] Or the purple sweater.

Speaker 1:
[59:22] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[59:23] Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1:
[59:24] But I also have, I experience something coming alive and the energy shifting with a stranger while I'm standing in line. And I feel that just that simple thing, try it today. If you're standing in a line, see something authentically about the person in front of you or behind you and give them a compliment. And if you make this a habit, you'll start to have the doors of luck open up for you. Before I had a podcast and I was depressed in a new town and I had no friends, I forced myself to stir the pot because I realized after six months of sitting alone as a 53-year-old woman with no friends in the middle of nowhere, because we've just moved, we're living somewhere for 26 years, feeling sorry for myself. Funny, that didn't make friends fall out of the sky, but I still like licked my wounds and felt sorry for myself. And I'm so unlucky because now I've moved and I don't have friends. I started changing my luck by forcing myself to get out of the house and going to a coffee shop, complimenting the person making the coffee, making myself remember their name, going back the next day, saying their name, complimenting something else, making small talk, one move day after day after day. And slowly, I made my own luck. I met friends, I built a community, I now walk into that coffee shop, I'd probably get more free croissants than anybody else. Because not that I'm lucky, I created the opportunity for what I actually wanted, which was community and friendship. What is the third thing that we need to do to catch the winds of luck?

Speaker 2:
[61:12] Great. So the first was building your ship, right? This is all the internal stuff. And the internal things like your values, the story you tell about yourself, your risk profile, your goals. Then the second part is recruiting your crew, right? I like to say luck seldom sales solo, right? Luck is usually comes as a result of your engagement with other people. And so this is asking for what you want, helping others, showing appreciation, all sorts of things that allow you to build your team. The third is based on the quote that we hear all the time, the harder I work, the luckier I get. Have you ever heard that?

Speaker 1:
[61:55] Of course. Of course, it's true.

Speaker 2:
[61:57] Okay, but, but, but, there's a missing part there. Just as fortune favors a repaired mind, you need to know what a prepared mind is. The harder I work, the luckier I get. You need to know what that hard worker is.

Speaker 1:
[62:11] That's true.

Speaker 2:
[62:12] Okay, you need to know what it is. It's easy to say that. I've had a debate for decades with my father about this.

Speaker 1:
[62:19] Actually, I agree, because I've worked very hard spinning in place. So I'm excited for you to unpack that there's a certain type of hard work.

Speaker 2:
[62:30] There's so much. There's so much you can do. And so much has to do with taking some risks, stirring the pot, introducing yourself to the person standing next to you in line for coffee, stretching beyond your comfort zone.

Speaker 1:
[62:45] One of the other ones that I loved is that you need to, quote, capture luck, that luck favors those who ask questions. Why does asking questions increase your chance for luck?

Speaker 2:
[62:58] Great.

Speaker 1:
[62:59] This is Chapter 14 of your book.

Speaker 2:
[63:02] One of the biggest tools we have for capturing luck is being curious. And boy, you are so curious, right? And it really leads to a lot of luck because you ask lots of questions. And the more questions you ask, the more curious you are, the more you learn. I always like to tell my students that before something's your passion, it's something you know nothing about. And this is really important. People want to sit around and say, I need to find my passions. Well, what a crazy thing. Go out and do things. Be curious. Try lots of things. Keep what works. The more curious you can be, the more questions you can ask, and the better listener you are. The better you, as you know, the more you meet people and listen and learn from them, you are going to walk away with things that you never knew before and opportunities that will present themselves that you never even imagined.

Speaker 1:
[63:59] Well, I love that we keep coming back to this framework that's reminding me, and I'm sure it's reminding you as you're listening or watching, that this research and this framework that you're teaching us about luck and becoming a luckier person is really about intentionally making decisions to put yourself in a position to have the things that you want. Because I think common sense tells you, if you want to meet the love of your life, you're probably not going to do it sitting alone on your couch binge-watching television. Exactly. And yet, when, and then you can sit there and is, well, I'm just really unlucky in love, and I've just met the wrong people, and that may be true about your past, but that doesn't have to be true about your future. And there are specific things that you're teaching us to do that can make you one of the lucky ones to meet that person at the bar in your pajamas, but it's going to require something of you.

Speaker 2:
[65:01] Exactly. We each have more agency than we may think. And there are so many levers at our disposal. There are like 20 different things you can do every single day, whether it's asking for what you want, helping others, showing appreciation, taking some risks, learning to be more resilient, on and on and on, resolving conflicts. But there's something very, very important to keep in mind. Luck is a long game. Luck is like investing money. You start out putting little deposits and it compounds over time. You need to trust the process that the more deposits you make by doing these things, it increase the possibility of good things happening, that they do. But I see people all the time walk right by opportunities. This is why I wrote this book is because I see so many people, it's like they're gold coins sitting there and I see them walk by it. You have to have a mindset that there's a prize in every room, it's up to you to find it.

Speaker 1:
[66:09] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[66:10] With that mindset, you find it. It's like the $5 project. Not everybody is sitting there saying, I should set up a bike tire pressure monitor in the middle of campus, but once you were given the challenge, create some value, people did.

Speaker 1:
[66:27] Of all the tools that you're sharing, which as you're listening and you're probably just like me, as you're listening to Tina, Dr. Seelig talk, you're probably like, okay, I could take a risk. I get it. I see how sitting back, staying silent, hoping somebody finds me, not asking for what I want, not stirring the pot, not getting out of my house, I can see how I need to shift things. But if you're listening and you're feeling skeptical, maybe you're feeling a little beaten up by life, what do you want the person to know about how this truly makes a difference over time? Yes.

Speaker 2:
[67:13] It is critically important to realize that the choices you make today determine the choices you are going to have in the future.

Speaker 1:
[67:23] If somebody feels really unlucky right now, what's the first thing they should do this week?

Speaker 2:
[67:29] I would say, if you were going to pick one thing, do something to stir the soup. Do something to add something new to your life. Remember, we are all one decision away from a completely different life. Apply for the job. Introduce yourself to the person in line. Do something to stir the soup, to open the door to something new.

Speaker 1:
[67:56] Dr. Tina Seelig, what are your parting words?

Speaker 2:
[68:00] I wish everyone the very, very best of luck. I know that the choices you make today are going to be reflected over and over again in waves and waves of good luck into the future.

Speaker 1:
[68:16] Thank you so much for being here. I love you. I appreciate you. I'm so grateful you're doing all this research for all of us. There's no doubt in my mind that if you apply this, you will be luckier.

Speaker 2:
[68:30] Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:
[68:32] Well, thank you. I also want to thank you. I want to point something out, and I bet that Tina is going to say, Mel, that's right. The fact that you hit play on this episode, especially if somebody shared this episode with you, the fact that you stirred the pot in your own life, you took a risk and hit play, and you spent time watching or listening all the way to the end, is an example of what you are talking about, Tina, that you took an action aligned with something that you want, which is you do want to be luckier in life, you do want life to break in your direction, you do want to open up the sail and capture the winds of opportunity, and I'm grateful that you spent the time listening and watching something that is really going to help you do that. In case no one else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. If you follow the formula that Dr. Seelig shared with us today, there's no doubt in my mind that you will create a better life, because you're going to be a lot luckier because you will have created it. All right. I will see you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

Speaker 2:
[69:53] Stop any time. I mean, if I have hair in my face or need lipstick or whatever.

Speaker 1:
[69:56] I'll watch you. Oh my God. I'm so excited for this.

Speaker 2:
[69:59] You are so great. You know what? How do you keep your level of enthusiasm for all of your guests? Because it's amazing just the incredible, as I said, generosity you have towards everyone.

Speaker 1:
[70:11] Well, I'm super intellectually curious, as is everybody who works here. Second, we are very, very aware of the good that it's doing and the impact that it's making. The director, oh my God, how do I say that word? Okay. The director Emerita of the Stanford Technology Ventures Program and executive director of Knight Hensley, Hensley? I cannot say, I'm sorry, I'm terrible at pronunciation. Knight Hennessey, okay. Good? Okay, great.

Speaker 2:
[70:41] Good story.

Speaker 5:
[70:42] All right, fantastic.

Speaker 2:
[70:43] Anything else?

Speaker 1:
[70:44] No, you did Dynamite. You did Dynamite. Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

Speaker 3:
[71:24] SiriusXM Podcasts.

Speaker 6:
[71:32] Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy. Live and uncensored, catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen.

Speaker 5:
[71:44] You can listen to Jeff Lewis live at home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of ad-free music, sports, entertainment and more. Subscribe now and get three months free. Offer details apply.

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