transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:05] My wife just recently broke down and said that she does not enjoy having sex with me, and she's the only person I've been with. I waited until marriage. She did not. I've tried everything, man. I don't know where to go from here.

Speaker 2:
[00:19] Is she seeing someone else?

Speaker 1:
[00:21] I knew you were gonna ask that. I'm not sure.

Speaker 2:
[00:29] What's going on, what's going on? This is John with The Dr. John Delony Show. I'm so glad you're here. Taking your calls from all over the planet about your mental and emotional health, your kids, your marriages, your dating lives, whatever you got going on. If you wanna be on the show, click the link in the show notes. And if you don't know what show notes are, join the club, I do not. But that's where it is. So click the link and I'd love to have you on the show. All right, let's go out to Havad Bha in Boston and talk to John. Hey John, what's up man?

Speaker 1:
[00:59] Hey John, I'm a big fan. I honestly can't believe I'm talking to you right now.

Speaker 2:
[01:03] I'm a big fan of yours, dude. Thanks for calling, man.

Speaker 1:
[01:07] I'll just get right to it.

Speaker 2:
[01:09] Yeah, what's going on?

Speaker 1:
[01:11] I've been married for a little over a year. And our sex life has never been great. And my wife just recently broke down and said that she does not enjoy having sex with me and I've tried everything. And I don't know where to go from here.

Speaker 2:
[01:30] Oh my gosh, that hurts, huh?

Speaker 1:
[01:34] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[01:37] When she sat down and told you this, and this is going to help frame how I answer the question. When she told you this, was it a conversation that was compassionate and honest? Or did she approach you with this as like an accusation, as frustrated, as like a less than, as a power play? You get what I'm saying? How did she approach you?

Speaker 1:
[02:03] Frustration and frustration and somewhat anger.

Speaker 2:
[02:07] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[02:09] And disappointment.

Speaker 2:
[02:10] Okay, so this wasn't her sitting down saying, hey, I want to walk along with you. We're going to figure this out together. This was, you're not enough.

Speaker 1:
[02:19] Yeah, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2:
[02:21] Damn, man. No, dude, don't be sorry at all. That's heartbreaking.

Speaker 1:
[02:27] Just as a little background, she's the only person I've been with. I waited until marriage. She did not until I'm struggling with that.

Speaker 2:
[02:41] Yeah. So I'll leave her out of the conversation for a second. For you, this thing, how old are you?

Speaker 1:
[02:53] I'm 30, about to turn 31.

Speaker 2:
[02:56] Wow. So you waited 29 years to be sexually intimate with somebody, huh?

Speaker 1:
[03:02] Yes, sir.

Speaker 2:
[03:03] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[03:04] Wasn't easy.

Speaker 2:
[03:05] Yeah. To be just stone rejected, I mean, that's layers of hurt.

Speaker 1:
[03:13] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[03:20] I'm sorry, man.

Speaker 1:
[03:22] Thank you. I've tried everything. I work out more to build my stamina. I'm a little bit bigger, so I've always been self-conscious about myself.

Speaker 2:
[03:36] Yeah, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. There may be things you need to work on with your health. There may be things you need to work on mechanistically, right? You're a year in, man. You're still figuring out how your body works, how her body works, how y'all work together. Like, there's lots of figuring out and quote unquote things to do. But if your spouse is telling you your performance isn't up to standard, we're already off in the wrong place. We're on a theater stage. We're not together. Do you get what I'm saying?

Speaker 1:
[04:15] I feel that way. I feel that way. I've brought that up. I've listened to probably every episode you've had. I'm one of the OG 17. Awesome. And I try to bring that up and I try to get us closer. And it never ends the way I hoped it will. I never seem to get to the bottom layer of the onion. I don't think that makes any sense.

Speaker 2:
[04:46] Yeah, I mean, it makes perfect sense. Is she seeing someone else?

Speaker 1:
[04:53] I knew you were going to ask that. I'm not sure. She's very protective over her phone. Yeah. It's been in the back of my mind.

Speaker 2:
[05:10] Okay. Well, it just popped in the front of mine for whatever that's worth. Because here's what I'm hearing. She, the way she spoke to you as a guy who's never been with anybody, a guy who's a year into being her husband, that type of condescension, that type of, you're not performing enough for me, that's the language of somebody holding you in contempt, that's the language of somebody who wants out and is trying to conjure reasons why they should have a right to it. Because let me, like, I can't tell you, I mean, I can't count, I've lost count years ago, how many couples I've sat with, new couples, older couples, finding sexual intimacy and sexual rhythm and getting to know yourself and how your body works and what you like and what your spouse likes and their body. And how that changes almost, it feels like a daily change, right? But it changes over time and some things you're into, you're not into. Sometimes you're really rocking and rolling and sometimes you're not. And like, that's the natural arc of any sort of intimate relationship.

Speaker 1:
[06:38] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[06:38] And to have it weaponized, a you versus me, instead of, oh, I'm going to be with you on this. And then to have a spouse like you who's willing to be like, hey, if you're seeing the same things I've been ashamed about, my weight, my sexual inadequacy, like I'll work on it. I'll fix it. I'll try to fix it. My gosh, man.

Speaker 1:
[07:05] So where do I go from here?

Speaker 2:
[07:08] I think you need to ask her the scariest question of all, which is, does she still want to be married to you?

Speaker 1:
[07:16] What if she says, oh?

Speaker 2:
[07:19] Then she's already gone. And finding this out now will stop the dragging you behind the pickup truck of her life that's going on right now. You may have a year or two less road rash, heartbreak, because she knows where your pain points are. She knows you're self-conscious when you're not wearing a shirt. She knows you're self-conscious because she has a sexual history and you don't. And to weaponize those, that's a level of cruelty, man, that nobody should endure, it's cruel, it's mean. And sometimes people say, and that's why I wanted to know how she approached you, because you're going to get your feelings hurt either way, right? If somebody sits down with you and says, hey, I want more for us in the bedroom. I want more for us with our sex life. Like that's going to be embarrassing and painful, no matter how compassionate somebody is. But if somebody is willing to sit with you in that embarrassment and say, I'm going to walk with us, we're going to figure this thing out. We're going to have some funny times, some annoying times, some heartbreaking times and some hell yeah good times, right? But like, so you're going to feel awkward, you're going to feel embarrassed, you're going to feel ashamed, whatever, especially if you've got old wounds of, am I enough? And do I look enough? Good enough? And am I going to know what I'm doing? All those things that you've carried with you for almost three decades, right? But that's not what happened here. And sometimes I say things that are mean, but I really try hard to not ever intentionally be mean. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1:
[09:16] Yeah. Yeah. I tried. Yeah. I'm not going to go over the things I've tried, but we tried to do a study. And these are both people of faith, and we tried to approach this from a faith perspective, and she stepped on that.

Speaker 2:
[09:33] A study about what?

Speaker 1:
[09:35] I kind of build intimacy when either someone's already been sexually active or if...

Speaker 2:
[09:40] That's not the problem here. Absolutely not the problem here at all. That's not it. That sort of discrepancy happens all the time, all the time. That's not the issue here. The issue here is she is choosing to stand above you and lord over you. And no marriage can survive, no relationship, period, can survive with that sort of power differential, that sort of hierarchy.

Speaker 3:
[10:15] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[10:18] Because dude, because dude, let me, like, if she had, I'm making up a number, if she had 10 partners in the past, she marries you, guy who had zero partners in the past, she could bring a level of compassion, a level of love and play and adventure and arrows and walk right alongside you. She could co-create her perfect person, right?

Speaker 3:
[10:46] Right.

Speaker 2:
[10:47] She could tell you exactly what she likes, exactly what she's into and hand you a playbook. She didn't, she hit you over the head with cruelty and meanness.

Speaker 3:
[11:06] You're right.

Speaker 2:
[11:10] The issue here is not that she's had partners and you haven't. The issue here isn't that you're struggling with knowing how to please her. That's not the issue here. The issue here is y'all are on the same team. And I'm getting from you that you've tried everything to be on her team.

Speaker 1:
[11:30] Everything.

Speaker 2:
[11:31] And she keeps moving dugouts, she keeps moving fields, which tells me she doesn't want to be on your team. Which is, dude, I'm heartbroken, I'd hug you if you were sitting right here. I hate to say that out loud like that, but I just want to put it on the table. And if she does, if she goes, no, no, no, no, no, you're my guy, then she needs some real help with how to communicate.

Speaker 1:
[12:00] You're right, I think it's time for a tip conversation.

Speaker 2:
[12:04] Let me ask you this, outside of sex, where else do you tiptoe in your own house? Or where else do you feel like you're living in her place?

Speaker 1:
[12:23] Everywhere.

Speaker 2:
[12:24] Okay. That's what I thought, and that's what I was afraid of. I'm going to tell you right now, my brother, you're worth more than this. And when I think of fidelity, infidelity, right? Maybe she's not sleeping with another guy, even though I think every married person should share their pass codes with their spouse. If you're going to share a bed, and you're going to share genetics and have kids, then good God, share your passwords. It just sounds so dumb to not do that. Or people are like, no way. Ridiculous. And if she's not, quote unquote, cheating on you, sleeping with somebody else, whatever, she's not being a person of integrity. She's not whole. She's not taking your spirit inside your chest and your heart that you handed her at the altar when you got married. And treating that with dignity and respect. She put it in her back pocket and said, now it's mine. As far as I'm concerned, cruelty, harshness, cruelty is infidelity. And I'm heartbroken this happened to you, man. You sound like a pretty great guy.

Speaker 1:
[13:53] Thank you. That's right. I'm not perfect.

Speaker 2:
[13:58] None of us are. But your willingness to look in the mirror and say, how can I change when there's a problem? Tells me you're a man of service and humility, which the world needs more of. And as the guy who's sitting right next to you here, I wanna tell you you're worth more than this.

Speaker 1:
[14:21] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[14:22] You're worth more than this, okay?

Speaker 1:
[14:25] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[14:26] You're worth somebody figuring these problems out on your team, not against you. I hope, hope, hope I'm wrong. I don't think I am, but I hope I am, okay?

Speaker 1:
[14:42] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[14:43] If I am wrong, and she says, no, no, no, no, no, I'm so sorry, you're my person. God, I didn't know it was a big deal. Here's all my passcodes. I can't believe I said, I can't believe it came out that way. I said it wrong, I'm so sorry. If she does all that, then I want you to have done the work of saying, okay, here's a roadmap to what I want, and on a few things, here's what I need. But I want you to walk in your own, picture this with me, brother. I want you to walk in the front door of your home or your apartment, wherever y'all live. And I want that to be the shelter from the storm that is the world around us. I want your wife and your home to be the safest place, and y'all have to co-create that. And I want you to be her safe place. And right now, probably the most anxious you get in your life is walking through the doors of your own home.

Speaker 1:
[15:39] You're 100% right.

Speaker 2:
[15:40] Okay. You're worth more than that. Let me know how that conversation goes, brother, and reach out anytime I can help. I'll walk with you through any of this stuff, man. I hate that this has happened to you. And I hate that she has weaponized your deepest, deepest insecurities and weaponized them. It breaks my heart for you. Breaks my heart for her too, man. It's got to be miserable being inside her skin. Absolutely miserable to think that you have the audacity, the ability to just, like somebody hand you the nuclear codes to their spirit and just hit every button. Can't imagine living a life like that. We'll be right back. All right, spring is here and winter is finally over. And that means it's time to rotate the old closet. The poncho flannels and denims, they're going to the back and the poncho originals and ultralights are moving forward. That's right. No matter the time of year, I'm still repping my poncho shirts because they're awesome. I've been wearing poncho shirts for years because they are comfortable. They're tough. They're the best. The original is that Go Anywhere Performance lightweight shirt. It's breathable. It's quick drying and it's built for everything you throw at it. And the ultralight has the same great fit with an even lighter feel. That's why they call it ultralight. And when it's hot like it gets in Tennessee, that ultralight shirt, it for sure matters. Poncho shirts have that stretch. They move with you. And even though they're light and soft, like I said, they're super, super tough. And here's the deal. They also are sharp enough to wear to dinner and comfortable enough to wear all day. If warmer weather has you ready to reshuffle your closet, I want you to go to ponchooutdoors.com/delony and check out all of their styles. Get 10 bucks off your first purchase if you just sign up with your email. That's ponchooutdoors.com/delony. Every day on my show I talk about boundaries. Boundaries are not about cutting people off and being mean. Boundaries are about deciding what is yours and what is somebody else's. And boundaries are about keeping you safe. And most of us don't have boundaries at all when it comes to our online data. In fact, most of us don't even know we're sharing our data to everyone all over the place. Or we're not sharing it, it's being taken from us. This is why I use and recommend DeleteMe. If someone can just get online and find your home address, your phone number, pictures and names and numbers of your relatives, that should not just be a part of modern life. That's your private information sitting out there in public. You'd never let strangers walk through your house and start flipping through your photo albums and scrolling through your phone and reading your mail. But that's what's happening online. Data brokers buy and sell your personal information to people you don't want having it. That's their whole business model. DeleteMe goes to those sites, removes your information, and keeps checking month after month to make sure it's gone. They handle it, saving you lots of time and a ton of hassles. Protect your digital boundaries. Go to joindeleteeme.com/delony for 20% off an annual plan. That's join deleteme.com/delony. Let's roll out to Nova Scotia and talk to Kenny. What's up Kenny?

Speaker 4:
[19:35] Hi. Hi Dr. John. How are you?

Speaker 2:
[19:37] I'm doing great brother. How are you man?

Speaker 4:
[19:40] Good man.

Speaker 2:
[19:41] What's up?

Speaker 4:
[19:44] My question is, what's the point of marriage? I can get into detail a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[19:49] That's a great question. I've asked myself that question for years.

Speaker 4:
[19:52] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[19:53] Great question.

Speaker 4:
[19:53] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[19:54] Yeah. Tell me the genesis of that question.

Speaker 4:
[19:57] So we've been together 10 years. We do everything as husband and wife. We just had a child. We call each other husband and wife. I don't think, right now, it seems like marriage is for everybody else, where I want it to be about us. She comes from a different family dynamic that I'm not accustomed to. I grew up differently, where her mom's very controlling and wants to control everything. So I'm at the point where either we just go to the courthouse and piss everybody off, or you know what I mean?

Speaker 2:
[20:31] Yeah. So is your question an existential one? Like, is marriage still worth it? Is it a thing? Is it some sort of outdated relic or whatever? Or is your question, how do I deal with my... Like, now that I've...

Speaker 4:
[20:46] Maybe a little bit of...

Speaker 2:
[20:47] I'm doing a life with somebody, and doing a life with somebody means their family comes with them.

Speaker 4:
[20:55] Yeah, maybe a little bit of both. I mean, we thought that we were never going to get married, and we were fine with that. And then I think because we have a child now, she, my wife decided to, you know, she wants my name, because she wants all of us to have the same name, and now we're thinking more about it.

Speaker 2:
[21:13] That's awesome, man. So give me your... If you were like in a court of law, and you were going to make a case against the act of marriage, like legally binding, spiritually binding, if you're people of faith, like against that act, what would your case be?

Speaker 4:
[21:34] Well, I'm not a person, like I'm not a religious person. So to me, it just seems like, we just want a big party with everybody, you know, with everybody. We're not huge on the ceremony portion.

Speaker 2:
[21:48] Sure. But make me a case about it being something, like why wouldn't you... You've been with the person 10 years.

Speaker 4:
[21:55] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[21:56] What is it about legally binding yourself, like giving yourself guardrails of putting both of your feet in that boat, and it's going to be a big deal to get out of that boat? Why does that scare you? Or why are you against that idea?

Speaker 4:
[22:12] Yeah, it's a good question. It probably has to do with her family, to be honest.

Speaker 2:
[22:20] Tell me about that.

Speaker 4:
[22:25] As I said, her mom's very controlling. When I first met her, she wouldn't do anything without her parents and stuff. We ended up moving away. That was a little bit of a reason, but it was also because we couldn't afford a house close to where they were.

Speaker 2:
[22:40] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[22:43] It's gotten a lot better since we moved away. But they always want to live our lives the way we want to live our lives, and they always decided to tell us how to live our lives.

Speaker 2:
[22:57] Got you. I think your question is less about marriage and more about how to navigate this, and I'll help you with that. When I say I went down the rabbit hole, brother, I went down the rabbit hole. Trying to answer the question, A, is marriage still worth it? And if it is, how do you do it in this crazy world we live in?

Speaker 4:
[23:20] Right.

Speaker 2:
[23:21] And I'll even say I wasn't even surprised. I was stunned by how conclusive the evidence was. And I'm a person of faith, but I'm putting that on the side for a second. Single cohabitating couples, people who are single or couples who just indefinitely live together. They have less good outcomes, if you will. Let's not say their outcomes are bad, but they are not as good as the multiplying effect of illegally bound marriage. Kids' outcomes are improved. Giving your kids the quote unquote best opportunity. I was shocked. I thought it was an internet trope. I thought it was like an Instagram-y, like, oh, that's cute thing to say. The data backs up. The greatest opportunity, the greatest things I can do for my kids, all the things I want to give them so that they can have the greatest life, that energy is best spent looking directly at my spouse and saying, all until death do us part. And that gives my kids something so concrete to anchor into that they can repel off the side of that cliff and go do amazing, great things. But I'm talking about health outcomes, more sex, what are some of the other ones, financial outcomes, all of it anchored back to the greatest, the greatest center point of those outcomes was to go be married and not only be married, but be married well or be married awesome. If you're married bad, everything is reverse ROI. It has an enormous negative impact, right? And I think as a culture, we can look at outcomes like, say, go to college, right? It may change, but right now, if you go to college, your outcomes, you have a better chance at better outcomes, okay? It's just a fact. And so as a culture, here in the States especially, we have said, okay, here's college readiness programs, here's scholarship programs. We've done a bunch of things to say, hey, if you go through it, go to college, graduate, you have opportunities to accelerate your good outcomes, right? But for some reason, we've had an allergy to saying, hey man, if you go do this thing called get married and you really change everything and do it really, really well, your outcomes are outsized in that way too. And I think it's because people have been abused, people end up single parents, people like for all sorts of reasons, and we don't want to shame anybody. And so I get that impulse, but man, I'm telling you right now, and I'll tell you this, I'm 23 and a half years married. There has been several times when the only reason we're still together today is because of the pain it would have been to go through the court system. Right. And that sounds like, ooh, that's lame and gross or whatever. But dude, I have only eaten well certain times because I got rid of all the junk food out of my house. I have only exercised sometimes in my life because I knew I had somebody meeting me at the gym. And so I think just because there's accountability, just because there is hurdles doesn't mean it's a bad thing. In fact, I think it means it matters. It means it's a good thing. And so dude, I can't overstate enough the importance of finding somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with and dedicating yourself to serving that person and praying to God, or if you don't believe in God, just hoping really big that they bring that same attitude to you and you will build something that changes both of y'all's family tree into something extraordinary. Now, can I propose something to you? Yeah, tell me if I'm wrong, OK? You're not as mad at your mother-in-law as you are with your girlfriend.

Speaker 4:
[27:26] I agree. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2:
[27:28] Tell me about that.

Speaker 4:
[27:34] I think I was taught from a pretty young age to stand up for myself and to, yeah, so the biggest thing is boundaries, right? Like she's gotten a lot better, but it's putting boundaries there so that they know, but like not boundaries with yourself, like telling them this is a boundary, right?

Speaker 2:
[27:58] Can I go one level deeper than that?

Speaker 4:
[28:00] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[28:01] Boundaries are a decision that sits upon another big decision, that she has chosen you over them.

Speaker 4:
[28:14] Right.

Speaker 2:
[28:14] There's no reason to make a boundary if they still come first. There's no reason to make a boundary if you're still going to do everything you can to seek their approval, even though both of you all know that approval is never going to come.

Speaker 4:
[28:29] Right.

Speaker 2:
[28:30] Right. There's this gnawing question in your spirit, it sounds like, are you picking me? Because it sounds like you continue to pick them.

Speaker 4:
[28:42] Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2:
[28:45] I think that every person, and this is biochemical, this is neuroscience, this is all the nerd stuff you want to talk about, but I think to say it in the simplest way, every person, all of us, need to be seen and known and truly celebrated and when appropriate challenged. But I think it has to happen in that order. If you spent the last decade seeing and knowing her and celebrating the crap out of her, man, being her number one cheerleader and she only sees and knows you after she gets done talking to her mom about it, I think you have to deal with the pain and the grief of that because that hurts, man. The choice, your mother-in-law can only or your girlfriend's mom, whatever you want to call her, she can only impact y'all's relationship as much as your wife and subsequently you allow it.

Speaker 4:
[29:40] Right.

Speaker 2:
[29:41] Is that fair?

Speaker 4:
[29:42] I agree. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[29:44] So my question for you is, for her and for you, how long are you going to let this woman have a bigger vote at your table than the only two votes that matter, which is you and your wife, you and your girlfriend? On everything from how you're going to raise your kid, what you're going to name your kid, y'all going to get married in any way possible? By the way, here's the reason I think legal marriage is still important. It gives everybody a framework for what happens if this thing breaks down. Nobody likes to think about that, but I think that's important. There's a path. There's some legal support for other systems and cohabitation and all that, but the clearest one still is, if this thing falls apart, here is a path for how this is going to be handled. I think that's really important.

Speaker 4:
[30:44] Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2:
[30:46] You've made a human with this girl, or with this woman, so y'all are in it for life together in some way, shape, form, or fashion.

Speaker 4:
[30:52] We're there, but, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[30:54] Are you, is she your person?

Speaker 4:
[30:57] Absolutely.

Speaker 2:
[30:59] Are you willing to go all in carrying her as a responsibility, right? And allowing her to carry you as a responsibility for the rest of y'all's life?

Speaker 4:
[31:10] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[31:11] Is she?

Speaker 4:
[31:13] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[31:13] Okay. Then if you're not a person of faith, you don't have a bigger picture of this thing, follow the data.

Speaker 4:
[31:24] Yeah, absolutely. That helps a lot.

Speaker 2:
[31:28] Congratulations, man. What's your kid's name? Actually, don't give me the name over the phone. That's okay. I mean, over the air, but just I'll shut you out. Baby, here, do when?

Speaker 4:
[31:41] Yeah, he's 10 months old.

Speaker 2:
[31:43] 10 months old. All right. Make the rest of your life about taking care of his mom.

Speaker 4:
[31:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[31:52] Awesome.

Speaker 4:
[31:55] Thanks, man.

Speaker 2:
[31:56] Hey, it's been an honor to talk to you, my brother. Don't call any time. And great question. It's a question that haunted me for years and years. And I don't know that I've been more confident in something in a long, long time. Great, great question. When we come back, a woman asks, should she tell her long term friend that her partner is paying for sex? Hey, I want to talk about love for a second. And not the Titanic, I'll never let go kind of nonsense love or the shot through the heart kind of Bon Jovi love. I'm talking about a love that makes you take care of the people closest to you. I'm talking about term life from Zander Insurance. If you have anyone depending on you, your spouses, kids, anyone, you need term life insurance. My wife and I trust Zander for term life insurance to take care of our kids and our family after we're gone. I've used them for years long before I started this show because I trust Zander Insurance. When it comes to term life, here's the deal. You should get coverage of 10 to 12 times your income because that gives your family real protection. So if the unthinkable happens, your family can spend their time grieving and not worrying about where their next meal is gonna come from. Zander makes buying term life insurance simple, with clear guidance and honest support. They help you figure out the right amount of coverage for you and your family, and then they shop all the top companies to find the best price. Getting term life insurance is a way of saying, I love you, especially when you can no longer say it yourself. Go to zander.com or call 1-800-356-4282 and get term life insurance the right way. That's zander.com. All right, let's go out to Reno 911 Nevada and talk to Anna. Hey, Anna, what's up?

Speaker 3:
[33:51] Hi, I do have a question. What's up? I have a 10 year friendship with one of my really close friends. I recently just had a gathering and her, I'm not sure if they're married or not, but her boyfriend told my brother and showed proof that he's been paying for sex and buying these women's stuff. Because I do have a great relationship with her, I'm not sure if I should get involved. My main worry is because she just had a baby, so I'm worried for any STDs or possible danger because he has seen prostitutes.

Speaker 2:
[34:35] Yeah. I mean, I want to honor the fact that you're calling me but your first call should have been to her. This is as clear of a no-brainer as I ever get on the show. Yes.

Speaker 3:
[34:49] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[34:50] Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. This is a friend. If I knew somebody for 30 minutes, maybe not 30 minutes, but if I knew somebody for a short period of time, and I know they're in danger, you better believe I'm going to say something. A 10-year friendship. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[35:06] I'm just worried that if she ends up with him or back with him, that it firebacks on me.

Speaker 2:
[35:13] So there's an old saying that I love, not by your hand, but in your lap. Okay. We got hit by this wild ice storm a month or two ago here in Nashville, and even just yesterday, there were guys out cutting down trees in my yard because they're dead, and some of them had fallen over. I didn't cause that. I didn't have anything to do with that, but I have to deal with the cleanup. This is a similar situation. You were just doing life, having some friends over, some family members over, and then boom, somebody handed you a live grenade and said, your close friend is in a terrible, terrible situation. So as of now, the friendship you had with her is different. It's not over, but it's very different. And I always want my friendships to be based on honesty and respect and dignity. And so if she chooses to not be friends with you in the future, because she chooses this guy who's cheating on her, buying prostitutes, putting her at risk, et cetera, and she chooses him to be the parent, I mean, to be the full-time parent of that kid, then you get to choose if you want to be friends with that person or not. But I don't ever want to look in the mirror and think, I didn't do the right thing because it was scarier because it was hard. I always want to make the next right move. Letting your friend know they're in danger, they're a cuckold, they are getting run around on, all those things. You may find out, oh, she already knows, and then y'all got to talk through that. But yeah, I'm always going to default to being a person who's going to tell my friends the truth. Whether they got a booger on their nose, or whether they or spouse or their baby daddy is out by and process. I mean, yeah, I would tell them, I would tell them, I would tell them, I would tell them yesterday.

Speaker 3:
[37:07] Okay. Yeah, she does know a little bit because she mentioned that he loves to go to strip clubs, but she doesn't know the full extent. And so, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[37:18] Okay. And some of this may blow back on your brother. And for like, that guy calls like, Kimberly, have you told, bro, it's my sister. It's your sister. I'm going to tell. And he needs to have the courage to do that as well. But yeah, no brainer, easy. Make the, I mean, the call might be hard, but make the call, be direct, let her know what you've seen and tell her, I'll walk with you through this entire next chapter because it's going to be messy. Thanks for the call. It's now spring, which means my family is back out in the woods and on the lake for more adventures. And what do we have with us? Our Montana Knife Company knives all the time. Why? Because Montana Knife Company knives rule. They are designed, tested and built right here in the United States by real hunters, real fishermen, real chefs. And when we get back home, my whole family uses Montana Knife Company kitchen knives to cook and prepare all the adventurous vegetables and meat and fish that we've caught and pulled and grown. Why? Because their knives are the best. They're razor sharp right out of the box. They're tough enough to be used every day. I can't say this enough. They're just amazing. But here's what really sells me. Montana Knife Company stands behind their work for life. When your knife needs sharpening or if you ever need them repaired, you just send them back and Montana Knife Company will take care of everything else. These are the kind of knives that your grandkids are going to fight over someday. If you're looking for knives that are built to work inside and outside and built to last, go to montanaknifecompany.com and see what's available right now. That's montanaknifecompany.com. All right, we're back. Am I the problem, Kelly? I'll say the problem, the wife of that first caller, but go ahead.

Speaker 5:
[39:07] We agree. We took a poll and we agree.

Speaker 2:
[39:10] This is when I wish I had the powers of 11, because I would be going and she would have projectile rocket diarrhea right now. But alas, I'm just a mere mortal.

Speaker 5:
[39:23] Yes, you are.

Speaker 2:
[39:23] In the right side up.

Speaker 5:
[39:25] Sorry about that.

Speaker 2:
[39:26] Bums me out.

Speaker 5:
[39:27] Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2:
[39:28] All right, go ahead. Who's the problem?

Speaker 5:
[39:30] So this is from anonymous G.

Speaker 2:
[39:33] Anonymous G? That's your rep name, Ben. 100 percent. Anonymous G.

Speaker 5:
[39:38] In Houston.

Speaker 2:
[39:39] H-Town. There's a lot of anonymous G's rolling in Houston. Dude, in there.

Speaker 5:
[39:43] If I lived in Houston, I'd want to be anonymous too.

Speaker 2:
[39:45] Dude, whatever. Chopped and screwed. Dude, they're just going slow. Drinking that lean. H-Town. Mark Jones. Dude, just, just, just.

Speaker 5:
[39:58] Sorry, people. I think John has had an aneurysm.

Speaker 2:
[40:00] My apologies to our listeners. I got thrown back to my roots. You're going to love it. Okay.

Speaker 5:
[40:05] You're so white. Dude, I know.

Speaker 2:
[40:08] To my precious suburb.

Speaker 5:
[40:10] Exactly. You were raised about like I was in a suburb.

Speaker 2:
[40:14] Listen, lady. Listen. Sometimes kids had spray paint and said bad words.

Speaker 5:
[40:18] Not like we were from the mean streets.

Speaker 2:
[40:21] Yeah. Speak for yourself, Mark Jones. Go for it.

Speaker 5:
[40:24] Go for it.

Speaker 2:
[40:25] Listen, go for it.

Speaker 5:
[40:27] All right. Anonymous G writes. Anywho, I am a Christian, and my husband used to be, but now considers himself an atheist. Is it wrong for me to take my three kids, elementary age, to church with me if my husband disagrees and says that I'm imposing my beliefs on them and that they should make their own choices one day? Should I stop taking them?

Speaker 2:
[40:53] No, kids need structure. They're gonna come up with their own beliefs anyway. Give them a routine. And by the way, even atheist economists say, if I could snap my fingers, I'd have everybody go back to church and give structure to a week, give structure to a system. It gives you a group of people that you do life with. And my beliefs are radically different than the house of worship I was dragged to as a kid. But I had structure in my life. And I had parents that believed in a thing. And this idea that I'm just gonna let my nine year old or 10 year old or seven year old just decide for themselves. They're nine and 10 and seven. They can't, they can't. And so good grief. Yes, go, go. Get them involved in things. And if you're both atheists and you both don't want to go to house of worship, fine, great. But get your kids involved in things bigger than themselves. That's a cornerstone of mental and emotional health. And don't outsource their systems of beliefs to their developing brains. Good grief. What kind of world do we live in?

Speaker 5:
[42:00] A world where you think you're from the mean streets of Houston.

Speaker 2:
[42:03] Yeah, yeah. You go listen to Mike Jones and Paul Wall for one hour and tell me your life's not better.

Speaker 5:
[42:14] I know who they are. I'm fully aware.

Speaker 2:
[42:16] Listen, sometimes you just have to go with the truth, the damn feels good to be a gangster.