transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Hey, it's Nikki Glaser, and my new stand up special, Good Girl, is coming to Hulu April 24th. Every single woman loves Good Girl. And guys don't want to say it because they're like, it sounds like I'm her dad. And it's like, exactly. Okay, just be my dad. At Starbucks, this girl came up to me and she was like, are you? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, oh, where there's a bandaid in your hair? Don't miss Good Girl on April 24th, streaming on Hulu. Terms apply.

Speaker 2:
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Speaker 3:
[01:01] And now, The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly.

Speaker 4:
[01:06] He's like dancing from his soul.

Speaker 5:
[01:09] What's up, everybody? Little gas face.

Speaker 6:
[01:15] Yeah, you love the gas face, Bob.

Speaker 5:
[01:17] I do, man. I love third base.

Speaker 6:
[01:20] No, you love gas.

Speaker 5:
[01:21] I do. Oh, yeah. I get it. There was a little dig in there. I like that. There was a little dig. I had terrible gas yesterday, but I was sneaking it out.

Speaker 6:
[01:34] Remember when you used to leave the studio and run out when you had to?

Speaker 5:
[01:37] Yeah, but I couldn't yesterday. Jay was in the middle of a story. I didn't want to be rude.

Speaker 6:
[01:41] All right. That's fair. That's fair.

Speaker 5:
[01:43] Jay was in the middle of a story and I and I snuck it out. It was like and I piecemeal that I could have done that whole thing all at once, which would have been terrible and maybe made a noise. But I let a little bit out and a little bit out, a little tiny bit and then a little tiny bit. I held it for like five minutes.

Speaker 6:
[02:00] That is pretty thoughtful.

Speaker 5:
[02:01] I do have respect for you guys and Jacob wasn't here. We just saw him MC Search. Was it outside? No. Outside, right? Yeah, Search. Yeah, I used to love this band. This is my joint.

Speaker 4:
[02:14] Oh my God, he's so fat.

Speaker 5:
[02:16] He's fat now. Yeah, everybody's fat now. That's the saddest part about life. Everybody just gets bigger. Even if you're not fat, you just get big, like your head gets bigger.

Speaker 6:
[02:27] Your nose.

Speaker 5:
[02:28] Everything gets bigger as you get older and you can't help it. Unless you really just lose all body fat. Even Tom Cruise is getting big.

Speaker 6:
[02:39] I'm trying to think of still somebody who aged didn't really affect and they still look very slim.

Speaker 5:
[02:43] Brad Pitt, I guess, but he's not as slim. He got bigger. Little bit. There's just that-

Speaker 6:
[02:49] Natural bloat.

Speaker 5:
[02:50] Yeah, just natural bloat in your face. It just happens. We just saw him outside MC Search. I was going to run up to him. Christine knows. I have no fear of celebrity interactions.

Speaker 4:
[03:04] There's a point where me and Jay have crossed the street to get away from the way you're interacting with them.

Speaker 5:
[03:09] You guys walk away from me.

Speaker 7:
[03:11] You guys literally-

Speaker 5:
[03:12] I heard you go, no, no, Bobby, no. You tried to stop me.

Speaker 4:
[03:17] Yeah. Well, you were yelling. Jimmy Fallon was walking ahead of us and you were yelling Jimmy on the street.

Speaker 5:
[03:24] I know Jimmy. I know him.

Speaker 4:
[03:27] I know, know the way that your camaraderie when you caught up to him. I was like, oh, look at them getting along.

Speaker 5:
[03:33] I'll tell you, I was a little nervous because when I ran up to him, I was like, Jimmy, he had to look at me and remember who I was. Then he looked at me, hey, he did the hey. He didn't say Bobby. I had to say my name just to let you know I was Bobby Kelly. He's like, Bobby, let's go. Then it all tumbled down.

Speaker 4:
[03:51] Well, from across the street, it looked like you guys were the best of friends.

Speaker 5:
[03:53] Well, we became best of friends again. This is one thing about celebrities. I met him doing the, oh, my head's itchy. Oh, God, why is my head itchy? That was weird. That felt like just something attacked my head. That was weird. What if I have a stroke right now and just die? No, Greg Stone would be a perfect fit. You know, he'd slip into this chair real quick.

Speaker 6:
[04:18] Then we'd have to talk about action figures for two hours.

Speaker 5:
[04:20] You guys would have to fight five different comics. I can do it. You know I can.

Speaker 6:
[04:26] You know, a lot of different comedians are getting in touch with me because Sebastian is taking over raw comedy.

Speaker 5:
[04:33] I know one.

Speaker 6:
[04:34] Yeah, you do, right?

Speaker 5:
[04:35] Yeah. Rich Voss.

Speaker 6:
[04:37] Yeah, and also...

Speaker 5:
[04:38] Lenny... who? Lenny Marcus?

Speaker 6:
[04:41] I'm not saying, but I'm nodding.

Speaker 5:
[04:44] Okay. Well, that's weird. You made me say it, you piece of crap now.

Speaker 6:
[04:47] I have to tell everyone, he's not the boss. You know, he doesn't come into the office and take your comedy off the radio.

Speaker 5:
[04:53] I don't consider that. I actually consider him my boss now.

Speaker 6:
[04:56] All right. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[04:57] There he is. Ladies and gentlemen, Greg Stone and Anthony DeVito, the great, I call them a couple. I say comedy duo. You know, because you have one hilarious, you have the other one hilarious, put them together. It's an explosion of good comedy.

Speaker 8:
[05:17] You sound like you're pitching us, Bobby.

Speaker 5:
[05:19] I am. I'm trying to pitch you. I'm trying to get you to show on Sebastian's station. You guys know Sebastian, the new boss around here. Put your headphones on. So yeah, put your, you got them on? Hi sweetie, how are you? What's going on?

Speaker 8:
[05:33] He's rushed, man.

Speaker 5:
[05:35] Buddy, you, you are going, you just letting it gray happen.

Speaker 8:
[05:40] I'm letting it go, man.

Speaker 5:
[05:41] Man, you really, you just let it go down quick, brother. Wow.

Speaker 8:
[05:49] What should I do? Should I do a thing?

Speaker 5:
[05:51] Well, here's a thing you could do.

Speaker 8:
[05:53] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[05:53] And if I had hair, I would do it. I would, I would use the medicine.

Speaker 8:
[05:57] Oh, okay.

Speaker 5:
[05:57] I would get, I would dye it out.

Speaker 8:
[05:59] Oh, all right.

Speaker 5:
[06:00] Yeah. I would dye my hair. If I had hair, I would dye it. I can't just dye a beard. I'd look whacked.

Speaker 8:
[06:06] Yeah, it always looks crazy.

Speaker 5:
[06:07] It looks a little crazy.

Speaker 8:
[06:08] It's so unsettling.

Speaker 5:
[06:09] Yeah, I look like a UFC announcer, UFC fighter announcer. And now coming to the ring. But you have beautiful Italian hair. Thank you, Bobby. It's so beautiful. And you could just dye that real quick.

Speaker 8:
[06:24] I could ruin this.

Speaker 5:
[06:25] You could wash that gray right out of there and nobody would know the difference. Look at your, cause here's why. Your eyebrows haven't gone gray yet.

Speaker 8:
[06:33] That is true.

Speaker 5:
[06:34] You got dark Ben Shapiro eyebrows.

Speaker 8:
[06:39] And his views. We share so much. So you would go straight black with this thing?

Speaker 5:
[06:47] I wouldn't go black. I would go maybe a lighter black. I'd wash it out a little bit. Yeah, wash it out a little, buddy. Cause you have a young face. Greg?

Speaker 9:
[07:00] Hey buddy.

Speaker 5:
[07:01] Keep doing what you're doing.

Speaker 9:
[07:03] Absolutely nothing.

Speaker 5:
[07:03] Why do you look like you just ran here? And Anthony looks like he strolled here and got here 20 minutes early.

Speaker 10:
[07:12] I ran here and he got here 20 minutes early. No, actually, this is a classic Anthony Greg situation. I am running late. Everything falls apart. I get here pounding in sweat. He's on the couch just like, we're good, man.

Speaker 3:
[07:25] We're good.

Speaker 10:
[07:26] And then we walk in together at the exact same time, way too different energies.

Speaker 5:
[07:29] Yeah, your energy is manic.

Speaker 10:
[07:31] Oh, I'm going to die.

Speaker 8:
[07:32] Greg feels like he just killed a man.

Speaker 3:
[07:34] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[07:35] Greg looks like Leslie Jones after an hour set. Did you see this?

Speaker 9:
[07:39] And then I came in running late, freaking out. I grabbed the microphone. Somehow I broke the microphone.

Speaker 5:
[07:43] Well, you grabbed it aggressively and the mic was on. So it was just going through the airwaves. So everybody was just hearing you go. That's what that noise was. That was Greg.

Speaker 8:
[07:55] It seemed too violent.

Speaker 5:
[07:57] Twenty years into the business of show, just grabbing the head of a microphone. You all right, dude? Take a breath, dude.

Speaker 9:
[08:05] I feel great.

Speaker 5:
[08:06] There's some water right there. You want to splash it down the back of your neck, cool down?

Speaker 9:
[08:10] Oh man, yeah, I'm good.

Speaker 5:
[08:13] There's nothing worse, dude, when you're, you know, and I'm like, look, we're both a little heavy, right? We're big, heavy guys. We're, you know, Anthony is one of those gifted little Italians that has an Al Pacino body, you know what I mean? Just always a little guy body, you know? And it's so funny because that chair is for little guy bodies. He's sitting in Jacob's chair. And, you know, we can, we can put on a little bit here and there.

Speaker 9:
[08:38] Easily.

Speaker 5:
[08:38] And there's nothing worse than a day like today, when you don't realize how hot it's going to be. It feels nice. But if you have to run or do anything anywhere, that sweat just happens.

Speaker 9:
[08:50] You hear this?

Speaker 10:
[08:51] Also this microphone is right into my nose.

Speaker 8:
[08:56] Greg is going to die on air.

Speaker 10:
[08:57] I feel good.

Speaker 5:
[08:58] Sounds like you're wearing a CPAP machine.

Speaker 9:
[08:59] I'm not going to touch it, Lou.

Speaker 10:
[09:03] I'm very afraid.

Speaker 5:
[09:05] Lou's trying to help you out.

Speaker 10:
[09:08] I didn't bring anything.

Speaker 5:
[09:09] You didn't bring anything.

Speaker 3:
[09:10] I had planned so many things.

Speaker 10:
[09:12] I had a gift for everyone in this room. I ran out of my house. Except Anthony. He didn't get one. I had a different action figure for every single person, including Jacob. Then I ran out of the house without it.

Speaker 5:
[09:23] Was Jacob smaller than everybody else's action figure?

Speaker 10:
[09:25] It was. When I swapped in the box, it's a GI Joe with a Barbie inside. Because I think that's who he is.

Speaker 5:
[09:30] That is the greatest description of Jacob. I think I've never heard. He's a GI Joe with a Barbie inside.

Speaker 8:
[09:37] Has anyone ever been outed as trans on The Bonfire?

Speaker 5:
[09:41] No.

Speaker 10:
[09:42] I just more like a blonde and big titty than trans.

Speaker 9:
[09:45] Of course, a beautiful woman. He doesn't know who he is.

Speaker 5:
[09:48] He's a hot chick inside. He's a tall hot chick inside, but a short man inside who's miserable.

Speaker 10:
[09:55] There's something too. They say like, this is my thing about trans. This is gonna be horrible. No one's gonna like this.

Speaker 7:
[09:58] How can I say it without even asking?

Speaker 8:
[09:59] I'm glad we're getting into this minute one.

Speaker 10:
[10:02] Hear me out, right? Everyone's like, well, I'm a man on the outside. I'm a woman on the inside. I want to, no, how about this? How about you just two things? I'm two things. I'm many things.

Speaker 5:
[10:09] Are you coming out right now?

Speaker 10:
[10:11] I think this idea of being a thing, I'm a many things. I'm a man. I'm a child. I'm a dog.

Speaker 9:
[10:15] I'm a woman. I'm all the things. I'm a many things.

Speaker 8:
[10:19] You're a dog?

Speaker 10:
[10:20] I'm a dog.

Speaker 9:
[10:20] I'm a DAWG dog. I'm the big dog.

Speaker 5:
[10:23] What kind of action figure would you have?

Speaker 10:
[10:26] Transformer, of course. Triple changer.

Speaker 9:
[10:31] I'm a man. I'm a woman. I'm a train.

Speaker 8:
[10:35] Optimus Grime. What would you ask? Go ahead, Bobby, please.

Speaker 5:
[10:40] No, it's all right.

Speaker 10:
[10:41] No, please, Bobby.

Speaker 8:
[10:42] You go. Yeah, for god's sakes, Bobby, you go.

Speaker 10:
[10:44] Would you just fucking go already?

Speaker 5:
[10:45] My god. I'm trying not to fart in the studio right now. The crew has me scared in my butt. They really, they fart shame me every day. I, no, I'm saying you came in, you're like, we got gifts. I got gifts for everybody. Don't you know that when you have gifts for everybody and you forget the gifts, you're not supposed to tell them about the gifts.

Speaker 10:
[11:08] Maybe this is the first day you've met me. There's not a thing I can keep behind the wall that is my mouth. If it's there, it's coming out, baby. I can't cheat on my wife. She would know the minute I did.

Speaker 3:
[11:19] I'd call her like, I'm fucking somebody else. Can you believe it?

Speaker 10:
[11:22] She'd be like, no.

Speaker 9:
[11:23] Who and how?

Speaker 10:
[11:24] How are they doing it? Because I'd like to know.

Speaker 7:
[11:27] So my wife would say, bitch.

Speaker 10:
[11:33] I like coming in with this energy.

Speaker 8:
[11:34] The dog and you came out.

Speaker 5:
[11:36] The dog, the train, the girl, and the guy.

Speaker 10:
[11:39] I'm on the rails, brother.

Speaker 8:
[11:42] What were the action figures you were going to give? You explained what you were going to give to Jacob. What were you going to give to everyone in the room?

Speaker 5:
[11:48] Yeah, please go around.

Speaker 10:
[11:49] So some aren't so good, but some are pretty good. Christine has an X-Men, a retro figure, Rogue, because it was the only woman I had available. So I think that works. She's a woman and you're a woman.

Speaker 5:
[12:01] What did Rogue do?

Speaker 10:
[12:02] She would take her gloves off and she'd touch you and she'd melt you, brother.

Speaker 5:
[12:04] Oh, the one that you can't touch. Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[12:07] And none of us can touch her.

Speaker 5:
[12:08] Jay would understand that.

Speaker 10:
[12:09] Jay wears gloves. There's something there.

Speaker 5:
[12:13] I get it.

Speaker 10:
[12:13] Yeah. You, this one is not really so much as you because I had-

Speaker 5:
[12:18] Do me last.

Speaker 10:
[12:18] Do you last? Do me last. That's what you say every time in the three-way.

Speaker 5:
[12:21] Yeah. That's why. I like a tired you. I don't like this energy when you're doing me.

Speaker 8:
[12:28] Bobby is always the headliner.

Speaker 10:
[12:33] Black Lou, I like to just call regular Lou.

Speaker 9:
[12:34] I still will never be comfortable with that.

Speaker 5:
[12:36] I'm so sorry. Can I say something? You can just call him Lou.

Speaker 10:
[12:39] But they told me.

Speaker 5:
[12:40] Who's they? Nobody said that.

Speaker 10:
[12:42] The trans community has been telling me to only refer to him as Black Lou.

Speaker 9:
[12:46] And I'm not comfortable with it.

Speaker 5:
[12:47] Well, don't say it. Just call him Lou. He responds to both.

Speaker 10:
[12:49] You have a question, Anthony.

Speaker 8:
[12:51] Why is the trans community deciding that he needs to be Black Lou?

Speaker 5:
[12:54] You don't understand, Anthony.

Speaker 8:
[12:56] That's fine. That's fine.

Speaker 5:
[12:57] Yeah, you don't get it.

Speaker 8:
[12:58] I'm always behind the curve in terms of thought.

Speaker 5:
[13:00] These white guys don't get it. They always just want to jump in.

Speaker 8:
[13:05] You two woke bastards.

Speaker 10:
[13:07] I'm on the phone with the trans community every night. I do a check in and I do a close down. I call up, I go, what's up today? They go, this was said, that was said. I go and I do a close down.

Speaker 9:
[13:16] I go, good night trans community and they good night Gregory. I go to sleep. There's about a hundred of them.

Speaker 5:
[13:21] I love that you did the voice halfway through, good night Gregory.

Speaker 10:
[13:24] Not everyone can call me Gregory, but the trans community can.

Speaker 5:
[13:27] Of course they can. That's the only way they know to say it, Gregory.

Speaker 10:
[13:32] So Lou's is a little crazy. When I say crazy, there was a GI. Joe I think his name is Heavy Duty. He has a full fucking anti-tank missile thing he's holding and he has a backwards hat because in my head I went, Lou always has a black words hat on. A black words? A black words hat.

Speaker 5:
[13:48] What the? Black words. He has a black words hat.

Speaker 8:
[13:51] The trans community also makes sure that Greg says that as well.

Speaker 10:
[13:54] They always say to me, they say, look, you could be transphobic, as long as you're more racist.

Speaker 9:
[13:58] This way, nobody knows this.

Speaker 5:
[14:00] I'm going to call it black words hat from now on. That makes so much sense.

Speaker 10:
[14:04] So he has a back words hat on it. And I was like, this is just like him because he always has a back words hat.

Speaker 5:
[14:08] And then my producer, I've never seen him with a hat.

Speaker 10:
[14:11] May I say this? My producer, Adam, this guy, Prince Adam, he's great. He goes, I've never seen him from England. He's just amazing from England. OK, he lives there and he won't come back after Covid. You know, people just stay where they were. All right. He's like, I've never seen him in a hat. I go, this guy wears a hat every time. And then I Google him. Not a fucking day have I seen you with a backwards hat. But in my mind, you're a backwards hat guy.

Speaker 7:
[14:34] The early Bonfire days, I was a backwards hat guy.

Speaker 3:
[14:36] Yeah, wore a cowboy's hat all the time.

Speaker 10:
[14:39] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[14:39] Yes.

Speaker 10:
[14:39] So technically correct.

Speaker 3:
[14:40] Absolutely.

Speaker 10:
[14:41] You would have saw that figure and you would have had nostalgia. You would have been like, this is great. This is who I was.

Speaker 3:
[14:45] Thank you.

Speaker 9:
[14:47] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[14:47] So what about you have to say DJ Lou because there's two Lou's.

Speaker 9:
[14:51] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[14:51] You don't have to say Black Lou, but you can say DJ Lou.

Speaker 10:
[14:54] Yeah. Yeah. Yours is a little shitty, but I think you would have loved it most. It was a Ken Danico figure that was abused to shit because in my heart, you're a Devil's fan, but I believe you're actually a Rangers fan.

Speaker 6:
[15:04] I'm a baseball fan.

Speaker 10:
[15:06] Well, that was wrong. The whole way was off. So you really would have been upset.

Speaker 5:
[15:09] How did you just feel this?

Speaker 10:
[15:12] Because in my mind, I always see you in a New Jersey Devil's Jersey. And then I go, wait, he corrects me on that. He says, I'm a Rangers fan.

Speaker 5:
[15:18] I want to know how you two are friends. I mean, it's two different personalities.

Speaker 8:
[15:22] I think you're kind of seeing it in action. You watch a wild dog loose and you're like, that's hilarious. So fun. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[15:30] And you just go back and pick up his dog shit when he's done.

Speaker 8:
[15:33] Exactly. That is really it.

Speaker 5:
[15:35] So why did you think he was a hockey fan?

Speaker 10:
[15:38] In my mind, he is a New Jersey devil's jersey on every time I see him.

Speaker 6:
[15:41] I'm from New Jersey and I'm passionate, so thank you.

Speaker 10:
[15:44] Yeah, okay. That's fair enough, right? Look, I'm trying.

Speaker 5:
[15:47] You're doing great.

Speaker 10:
[15:48] My brain is fried.

Speaker 5:
[15:48] All right. What were you going to get me?

Speaker 10:
[15:50] Yours was a three piece.

Speaker 5:
[15:51] Oh, three piece. Like the trans community?

Speaker 10:
[15:55] Okay. So I have a Mezco Batman from the old school Batman. Because I swear to God, you didn't have good toys growing up.

Speaker 5:
[16:02] What the fuck does that mean?

Speaker 8:
[16:04] You spread it in everybody so wrong.

Speaker 7:
[16:06] It's so funny.

Speaker 5:
[16:08] First of all, you didn't have toys or a good childhood. I had toys, Greg.

Speaker 10:
[16:14] You had sticks and lollipop, old lollipop wrappers.

Speaker 5:
[16:17] There was a period where my mom gave me a spoon for a year or so. But that spoon had a name and a face.

Speaker 10:
[16:26] It was a high-end Batman figure from the old Batman, like the old school Batman, like the old school one. But that was just because it's so fucking nice. But really what I also have you is it was two Kingpin figures. There he is.

Speaker 3:
[16:39] Wait for it.

Speaker 5:
[16:39] I know why.

Speaker 10:
[16:40] You don't know why.

Speaker 5:
[16:41] I do know why.

Speaker 3:
[16:41] You don't know why.

Speaker 5:
[16:42] Because I'm chubby and bald.

Speaker 10:
[16:43] No.

Speaker 5:
[16:44] Why?

Speaker 10:
[16:44] Because you used to be chubby and bald.

Speaker 7:
[16:48] Because there was a big one.

Speaker 10:
[16:50] Then there's the Vincent D'Onofrio one, which is significantly smaller. I wanted you to look at them and look at yourself and say, look how far I've come.

Speaker 5:
[16:57] All right. Well, listen, Vincent D'Onofrio is not my goal weight.

Speaker 10:
[17:01] But his figure is basically, it's just, you know, it's not really based on his body.

Speaker 8:
[17:03] But long story short, you didn't do any of this.

Speaker 10:
[17:05] Left it all in a red bag. Yeah. Santa comes to the tree and goes, fuck, I left my red bag, but I'll still take a nibble of the cookie.

Speaker 5:
[17:14] So we're never going to see these.

Speaker 10:
[17:15] Yeah, next time. I'm always here every six months or year, every six years, every three and a half years.

Speaker 8:
[17:22] Yeah, let's go look at the figures.

Speaker 10:
[17:24] So that's the Hawkeye one. That's not Hawkeye.

Speaker 5:
[17:27] That's not Hawkeye.

Speaker 10:
[17:28] I don't know what you're pointing on. That's not it. The ones that are all the way to the left. That's him.

Speaker 5:
[17:32] That's my Kingpin.

Speaker 10:
[17:33] Yeah, significantly smaller, doing great.

Speaker 5:
[17:35] Hawkeye Kingpin.

Speaker 10:
[17:35] Losing a lot of weight.

Speaker 5:
[17:36] It looks like me. I don't like that. That's still fat.

Speaker 10:
[17:40] That's why I got you the Batman as a backup. Cause you look at that and it's worth so much money.

Speaker 5:
[17:43] Why couldn't you get me like, what's the guy with the bullseye?

Speaker 10:
[17:47] You're talking bullseye?

Speaker 5:
[17:47] Yeah, he was bald.

Speaker 10:
[17:48] When's the last time you've ever thrown anything?

Speaker 5:
[17:50] Dude, I've been married. You know how many things I throw at her?

Speaker 10:
[17:53] Bullseye doesn't throw stuff at his wife. He throws it at his enemy.

Speaker 5:
[17:55] He did and she died.

Speaker 10:
[17:57] And she did die. I don't know if that's true, but I don't care.

Speaker 5:
[17:59] I like bullseye. Bullseye is awesome. He hits everything.

Speaker 10:
[18:02] He does everything.

Speaker 5:
[18:03] Was Will Smith bullseye?

Speaker 10:
[18:04] No.

Speaker 5:
[18:05] No, who was he?

Speaker 10:
[18:06] Will Smith? Hancock. He was I-Man and Hancock.

Speaker 5:
[18:08] No, but in the-

Speaker 10:
[18:09] I-Man. I-Man. He was I-Man.

Speaker 8:
[18:11] You're going so fast.

Speaker 7:
[18:13] I gotta slow down.

Speaker 10:
[18:14] I can't.

Speaker 5:
[18:15] Greg, listen to me. Who was Will Smith in the last superhero movie he did where he hit everything?

Speaker 10:
[18:23] Hancock, Anthony said.

Speaker 5:
[18:24] No, not Hancock. He was like Superman.

Speaker 10:
[18:25] Oh yeah, Deadshot.

Speaker 5:
[18:27] Deadshot.

Speaker 10:
[18:27] That's right.

Speaker 5:
[18:28] Is the same thing as Bullseye.

Speaker 10:
[18:29] Nope.

Speaker 5:
[18:30] But they do the same thing.

Speaker 10:
[18:32] One is a black man.

Speaker 5:
[18:33] Okay, one's a black-

Speaker 10:
[18:34] And race is everything. Okay. If you see past race, you're not seeing who these people are and you're not acknowledging them.

Speaker 5:
[18:41] But in the superhero world, they mimic each other, right? No, no.

Speaker 10:
[18:46] Everyone's different.

Speaker 5:
[18:47] Well, one's Bullseye and one is Dead Eye?

Speaker 10:
[18:51] Dead Shot.

Speaker 5:
[18:51] Dead Shot.

Speaker 10:
[18:52] Yeah, he could hit everything. He could hit anything he wants.

Speaker 5:
[18:54] Bullseye could hit anything he wants too.

Speaker 10:
[18:56] Yeah, but you eat, I eat. Those are similar things.

Speaker 9:
[18:58] We're not the same.

Speaker 7:
[19:00] I'm not a good co-host.

Speaker 5:
[19:02] Well, Tommy, you're fantastic. You're fantastic. But why don't you want to, one is a different, one is one comic strip and the other is a different comic. They're two different comic strips. They're not in the same universe. I don't know.

Speaker 10:
[19:17] World War II just happened and Bobby's got his Sunday papers.

Speaker 5:
[19:22] I do.

Speaker 10:
[19:23] That was okay.

Speaker 5:
[19:25] Marvel and DC have very similar superheroes.

Speaker 10:
[19:28] Sometimes, yeah.

Speaker 5:
[19:29] Right? Because they steal from each other.

Speaker 10:
[19:31] Yeah, sure.

Speaker 5:
[19:33] Isn't that? I hate when you just look at me.

Speaker 8:
[19:35] Yeah, just listen.

Speaker 9:
[19:36] I refuse to listen.

Speaker 10:
[19:37] I refuse to listen to that. Bobby is trying to connect with you.

Speaker 9:
[19:40] He's trying.

Speaker 7:
[19:40] I can't stop running in my mind.

Speaker 5:
[19:43] Listen, you do not listen to that little man.

Speaker 9:
[19:45] That's right.

Speaker 5:
[19:45] You just do what you do.

Speaker 8:
[19:46] I'm a medium-sized guy.

Speaker 7:
[19:48] You're not me.

Speaker 8:
[19:49] I was a two-sport athlete in high school, I'll have you know.

Speaker 5:
[19:51] In high school.

Speaker 10:
[19:52] Well, you know. Only guy in shape at the table.

Speaker 5:
[19:54] What sport did you play?

Speaker 8:
[19:56] Basketball and soccer.

Speaker 5:
[19:57] You played basketball?

Speaker 8:
[19:58] You're goddamn right I did.

Speaker 5:
[20:00] What position?

Speaker 11:
[20:01] All of them. What do you, the point guard?

Speaker 5:
[20:03] You were the point guard?

Speaker 7:
[20:04] Yeah. Greg said all of them.

Speaker 8:
[20:06] That's just not, we gotta always stop the car a little bit just to let him know. Yeah, I was a good basketball player.

Speaker 5:
[20:14] You were?

Speaker 8:
[20:15] I was.

Speaker 5:
[20:15] Not good enough though, right?

Speaker 8:
[20:17] Well, what are we talking?

Speaker 5:
[20:18] Like you couldn't go to college, you didn't get a scholarship.

Speaker 8:
[20:21] Well, no, I went to the University of Miami, that would have been...

Speaker 5:
[20:24] You would have been the bullseye.

Speaker 8:
[20:26] I would have been the duffel bag.

Speaker 7:
[20:29] You'd still be pulling the pussy off your shoulders, brother. Still, 20 years later, get it off me. A Miami band.

Speaker 10:
[20:42] Right? Am I right or am I right or am I right?

Speaker 5:
[20:44] You're right. You're always right. You didn't play sports, right?

Speaker 10:
[20:48] Yes, I did.

Speaker 5:
[20:48] You did not.

Speaker 10:
[20:49] Yes, I was. I was an aggressive inline skater.

Speaker 5:
[20:51] I know you weren't.

Speaker 9:
[20:53] Yeah, I went to Woodward Camp.

Speaker 10:
[20:54] It was sponsored by a Cedar Grove skit shop.

Speaker 8:
[20:56] It's definitely the aggressive part, for sure.

Speaker 10:
[20:58] I yell at people.

Speaker 5:
[20:59] This is why I love hanging out with you. Every time I'm with both of you, I find out some weird new detail that you forget to mention, even though you don't stop telling me stuff. What?

Speaker 10:
[21:09] Well, I'm going so fast. You're only catching about 10% of it.

Speaker 5:
[21:11] What did you say? What did you do in sports, really, in high school?

Speaker 10:
[21:15] I swear before the Christ, my savior, your savior, everyone's savior, I was one of the best inline skaters I've ever seen in your life.

Speaker 5:
[21:23] What is inline skating, Greg?

Speaker 10:
[21:25] It's like a roller blade, but it's the same. And you jump on rails and you skate down them and you do some half pipes. Ask Anthony. I'm not lying to you.

Speaker 5:
[21:31] You were not an inline skater. You want to see a video?

Speaker 10:
[21:33] I'll pull a fucking video up and put it up your ass right now.

Speaker 8:
[21:36] There's probably, there's probably, is a video of you on YouTube skating, right?

Speaker 10:
[21:40] I think there's one.

Speaker 8:
[21:41] Okay, I think we could probably get that going.

Speaker 5:
[21:42] So you were like a professional skater.

Speaker 10:
[21:45] It was a Cedar Grove skate shop and they just gave me free wheels once. But I was sponsored by them.

Speaker 5:
[21:49] You were sponsored by, so you were really good.

Speaker 10:
[21:51] I was very good.

Speaker 5:
[21:53] And I did not know that about you. That's amazing.

Speaker 10:
[21:55] Well, I gained all this weight because that's how I used to stay off the weight.

Speaker 5:
[21:58] By skating?

Speaker 10:
[21:59] By skating.

Speaker 5:
[21:59] So when you quit skating, you gained all the weight? That's the cause? Okay.

Speaker 10:
[22:03] That was the problem.

Speaker 5:
[22:04] And when did you pick up figurines?

Speaker 10:
[22:06] Figurines?

Speaker 5:
[22:06] Figures.

Speaker 10:
[22:07] I only left figures for about three years. So I was a kid who was a child who had toys.

Speaker 5:
[22:12] Right.

Speaker 9:
[22:12] Then I went to high school.

Speaker 5:
[22:14] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[22:14] And I'd say about senior year, I went, I'm getting back into the old toys.

Speaker 9:
[22:17] What was I doing without them?

Speaker 10:
[22:18] And I've been going strong pretty much ever since.

Speaker 5:
[22:20] And now you have your own channel that you sell and buy toys.

Speaker 10:
[22:23] I don't sell and buy.

Speaker 5:
[22:24] What do you make?

Speaker 10:
[22:25] Not so much anymore because times are hard.

Speaker 5:
[22:27] Okay.

Speaker 10:
[22:28] But with time, I don't have a lot of time.

Speaker 5:
[22:29] Does it cost a lot of money to make it? What is it called?

Speaker 10:
[22:32] An action fig.

Speaker 5:
[22:32] Action fig?

Speaker 10:
[22:33] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[22:34] No, it just takes a lot of time.

Speaker 10:
[22:35] And I don't have the kind of time with all of my writing and crushing.

Speaker 5:
[22:39] Well, don't forget your children. You're not crushing pussy good.

Speaker 10:
[22:43] I mean, my wife are back, baby.

Speaker 5:
[22:44] Oh, you're crushing your wife's pussy.

Speaker 10:
[22:47] Back, baby.

Speaker 5:
[22:48] That's great. So she's getting it now.

Speaker 10:
[22:50] It's like crazy, dude.

Speaker 5:
[22:51] Really?

Speaker 10:
[22:52] Crazy?

Speaker 5:
[22:52] Like crazy.

Speaker 10:
[22:52] And we stopped for a long time.

Speaker 5:
[22:55] Because you had two kids.

Speaker 10:
[22:56] No, because she doesn't like to have sex with me, I think.

Speaker 5:
[22:59] So what changed?

Speaker 10:
[23:04] Well, buterin.

Speaker 8:
[23:05] You do casually say the saddest things I've ever heard.

Speaker 5:
[23:08] It just comes out.

Speaker 7:
[23:09] It's unbelievable.

Speaker 8:
[23:11] Someone would labor on that for a while after saying a sentence like that, but not you. You're the middle of the next thing already.

Speaker 10:
[23:19] Now, he stopped. Yeah. I was in here, whatever issues those were there and whatever, but then we came back.

Speaker 7:
[23:25] How did it come back?

Speaker 10:
[23:26] One day, she just said, I'm back. Here's what I did. Can I tell you this? I'll tell you this one. We were back and I'm like, I'm not wasting this. I Googled how to make my wife come. Let me tell you this, when I was a kid, you couldn't Google it.

Speaker 5:
[23:39] Why are you whispering into the microphone?

Speaker 10:
[23:40] Because this is how you talk sexy, Anthony. Anthony was going to say something.

Speaker 8:
[23:44] Anthony can't. I'm having a great time, by the way. I'm just listening, man. Go ahead.

Speaker 10:
[23:52] Yeah, yeah. So I Googled it.

Speaker 5:
[23:53] You Googled it, really?

Speaker 10:
[23:54] Because we couldn't Google it.

Speaker 5:
[23:55] How many Google things came up? Did you just go with the first one?

Speaker 10:
[23:58] Ninety-nine percent of it's porn. But you have to write it. You write in the word scientifically, and then it tells you the real deal. And turns out I've been doing a lot of things wrong for a long time. I was licking the walls, brother. I was nowhere near the doorbell.

Speaker 5:
[24:12] I'm gonna throw up.

Speaker 10:
[24:13] Why? Was that too much?

Speaker 5:
[24:15] What is licking the walls?

Speaker 10:
[24:18] Imagine you're looking for a doorbell.

Speaker 5:
[24:19] Oh, okay. I thought you were opening a vagina up and licking the inside.

Speaker 10:
[24:23] No, that's dirty, that's dirty.

Speaker 8:
[24:24] Yeah, of course you would think that. No, this is a crazy metaphor. What is licking the walls, not the doorbell? Walk us through that, Greg.

Speaker 10:
[24:35] Well, I'll tell you this, are you honest with you or do you want me to be funny?

Speaker 5:
[24:39] We want you to be honest.

Speaker 8:
[24:40] You gave us a little honesty.

Speaker 10:
[24:41] I just said anything.

Speaker 5:
[24:41] Okay, now be funny.

Speaker 10:
[24:44] So the walls would be the labia vagina, or the man's pubis. Turns out, man's pubis, I thought that was who led the rebellion on Curacao. No, it's a part of the vagina.

Speaker 7:
[24:53] What's a man's pubis?

Speaker 10:
[24:54] It's a man's pubis. You'll start Googling it, you're gonna learn so much about the vagina.

Speaker 5:
[24:58] I can't Google that.

Speaker 10:
[24:59] I bet you, your wife is just sitting here going, thanks, Bobby. She acts the same way when Max makes a dinner in his, like, Play-Doh thing. You're here, and he goes, oh, that's so good. But he really didn't do anything. That's what a lot of men are doing. They're not pleasuring women the way they could be if you Google it.

Speaker 5:
[25:13] Greg, please tell us, because you Google it, you can pass on the information.

Speaker 10:
[25:17] Here's the month.

Speaker 5:
[25:17] Oh, we got a whole chart.

Speaker 10:
[25:18] Oh, that's right, brother. The Bartholomew gland is one of my favorites.

Speaker 5:
[25:21] I hate the word gland. I'm gonna throw up.

Speaker 10:
[25:23] I always ask her, I go, baby, I'm gonna go lick that gland. Which gland do you want? She goes, I'm glad you gland.

Speaker 5:
[25:29] Where is the, what is it, the Bartholin gland?

Speaker 10:
[25:34] The Bartholin gland.

Speaker 5:
[25:35] The Bartholin gland is right by the butt.

Speaker 10:
[25:37] That's got no, you don't gotta be around there. If you're in the Bartholomew gland, you're in the wrong neighborhood, brother.

Speaker 5:
[25:40] Now, the Bartholomew gland is at the bottom of the piece of bacon, right?

Speaker 10:
[25:45] The Bartholomew gland is, imagine you're in Pennsylvania and you start seeing people with wagon trains and you're like, this is not close to the gig, this is Amish country. That's where you are.

Speaker 5:
[25:53] But you get almond butter.

Speaker 10:
[25:55] Yeah, you gotta make your way up to the clitoris and that's above the door.

Speaker 5:
[25:58] So we have the Bartholomew gland.

Speaker 8:
[26:01] This is what you learned, women have a clitoris?

Speaker 3:
[26:04] That's your big takeaway?

Speaker 10:
[26:06] Want me to tell you what I learned? Sure. So check this out. A lot of it, 90% of it, rhythm based. They love a rhythm. But no science behind that because they didn't do any studies on this until 2018, which means we had a black president before people started studying Making Women Come, which I think is unbelievable. I like this music. I'm gonna start like this for the whole show. You got to go to the Bartholomew Glant.

Speaker 5:
[26:33] I'm sorry, you just made me toot. I apologize.

Speaker 10:
[26:36] Find your way, Mama Pubis.

Speaker 5:
[26:38] Where's Mama Pubis? I don't see Mama Pubis on this.

Speaker 10:
[26:40] She's outlawed in a lot of the current things. You have to use one of my old maps. That's how you find the goals.

Speaker 5:
[26:46] It's like an original pirate map. Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[26:48] It's been edited out because it's too powerful.

Speaker 5:
[26:50] I get it now. This is the upgraded woke map. You got to go back to the old 1960s map.

Speaker 10:
[26:57] When people were just guessing.

Speaker 5:
[26:58] Right. What is it called again? The Maltbus? What is it? Mons? Mons?

Speaker 10:
[27:02] Pubis.

Speaker 5:
[27:03] Moms Pubis. Where would that be on the map?

Speaker 10:
[27:04] I believe it's all the way up. I'd say all the way up, like almost near the chest cavity.

Speaker 4:
[27:08] It says it here. It's just really light.

Speaker 5:
[27:10] Oh, right.

Speaker 10:
[27:11] The pubic area.

Speaker 5:
[27:11] Oh, so the pubic area is just the pubes. Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[27:14] You're not doing anything up there. I'm just saying I didn't know it existed.

Speaker 5:
[27:16] You didn't know the pubes was called Moms Pubis?

Speaker 10:
[27:19] No, I didn't know. Did you know that?

Speaker 5:
[27:20] I just knew it was pubes.

Speaker 10:
[27:21] The pubos.

Speaker 5:
[27:22] You don't go up there, do you? Do you look up there?

Speaker 10:
[27:24] I look everywhere, brother. I pretend I'm trying to slide her into a tight pipe. I get her all wet.

Speaker 7:
[27:29] That doesn't even make sense. I lube up that whole body with my tongue.

Speaker 10:
[27:34] That's one of the funniest things I've ever said.

Speaker 9:
[27:36] Everyone's looking down as if I embarrassed myself.

Speaker 5:
[27:39] I love that Christine brought up a black vagina just to make it.

Speaker 10:
[27:45] Is it or is it just, that could be racist and I won't continue.

Speaker 5:
[27:48] Thank you. All right, so where do you, now you start down at the Bothellins gland. And then where do you go from there?

Speaker 10:
[27:55] I go to the bladder opening. Can I just check it out?

Speaker 5:
[27:57] Do it in your voice. Tell us in your voice.

Speaker 10:
[27:59] And then I make my way over to the bladder opening. I go, are you working clear? I do a little checkup. I go, this isn't sexual, but I got to know if she's clogged up at all. And then I find my way over to the outer lips.

Speaker 7:
[28:11] I do a little work down there.

Speaker 10:
[28:13] If I'm going to open the hood, I'm going to make sure the oil is working. You know what I mean?

Speaker 5:
[28:16] The outer lips is the part around the vagina. There's the labia, right? Which is the liplips, the inner lips is what they call it, right?

Speaker 10:
[28:25] I'm going to give you a move right now. It's going to blow your fucking mind.

Speaker 5:
[28:28] OK, I like when you talk like this.

Speaker 10:
[28:29] When you're going downtown, Judy Brown, do a little blower, but I'll go, How do you do it?

Speaker 5:
[28:36] Like you're blowing out birthday candles?

Speaker 10:
[28:37] One candle. It's a one-year-old.

Speaker 5:
[28:38] It's a one-year-old.

Speaker 10:
[28:39] Oh, this is getting weird.

Speaker 5:
[28:40] OK.

Speaker 10:
[28:41] Why is it weird?

Speaker 5:
[28:42] I just picture a one-year-old.

Speaker 10:
[28:44] Well, you're blowing it out like you would blow out a one-year-old's cake, but you're not having the sex part remains over with.

Speaker 5:
[28:51] Could you have said, I'm blowing out a cake with one candle? Could you have said it that way?

Speaker 10:
[28:55] I could have definitely said it that way.

Speaker 5:
[28:56] OK, great. That's all I'm asking. I'm just asking that.

Speaker 10:
[28:58] Should I replay and say it again?

Speaker 5:
[28:59] No, I know where we are now. I'm on one side, you're on the other. I'm blowing out a cake with one candle, and you're blowing out a one-year-old's cake.

Speaker 10:
[29:07] I want everybody at home listening right now, tonight. Go down on your lady, give her a little blow in the butthole.

Speaker 5:
[29:15] How is it?

Speaker 10:
[29:15] And watch her smile. You're changing it now.

Speaker 5:
[29:17] You're going, or you're going.

Speaker 10:
[29:19] So here's the thing, that's what I'm telling you guys to do. But what I do, because this is my own secret, I go.

Speaker 5:
[29:25] So you're machine gunning.

Speaker 10:
[29:26] Yep. Like a dastardly wind.

Speaker 5:
[29:29] How do you do it?

Speaker 10:
[29:30] Is there a tornado coming?

Speaker 5:
[29:31] Yeah, there is. Then what?

Speaker 10:
[29:32] What?

Speaker 5:
[29:34] You haven't thought past this. What? What do you do after you go? Do you do once or do you do?

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Speaker 7:
[35:48] Learn more at adobe.com/do that with Acrobat.

Speaker 10:
[35:52] Well, I like to do it every now and again. I come back down, I blow on it a little bit. Pretend it's one of those funny candles that won't go out. So you blow it and then you go back up and go, that thing is still going and you blow it again.

Speaker 5:
[36:01] OK, OK, so you go down first. Now, do you do it first or do you go to the...

Speaker 10:
[36:06] First is weird.

Speaker 5:
[36:07] OK.

Speaker 3:
[36:07] I don't just go, get down, baby.

Speaker 10:
[36:09] I just go, what was that? There was a spider. There was a spider. I had to blow him away. That's what you would do. You blow a spider away.

Speaker 5:
[36:16] So you go over to the the Bothellan gland first.

Speaker 10:
[36:20] Bothellamu gland.

Speaker 5:
[36:21] Is it Bothellamu gland?

Speaker 10:
[36:22] That's what I call it.

Speaker 5:
[36:23] And then you go over to the bladder opening. You do a little taste test.

Speaker 10:
[36:26] I don't taste. I make sure it's running. I make sure everything's in order.

Speaker 5:
[36:29] You actually taste some.

Speaker 10:
[36:30] No, why would I taste it?

Speaker 5:
[36:31] Well, what are you doing? What is it taste? You say taste.

Speaker 10:
[36:33] I look at it and I go, are you doing there buddy? Are you clogged up?

Speaker 5:
[36:35] You said the word taste. When I hear taste, I think the sense tongue. When you say you look at it, I think eyes.

Speaker 10:
[36:40] We'll have to go back to the recording. I don't think I said taste.

Speaker 5:
[36:41] I think you said taste.

Speaker 7:
[36:42] I don't think I said taste.

Speaker 10:
[36:44] I don't believe any of you.

Speaker 5:
[36:45] We could take a vote. There's five people. Did he say taste? I think he said taste.

Speaker 10:
[36:48] This is a real Berenstain Bear situation here because the past is changing.

Speaker 5:
[36:52] Okay, okay, okay. So you go over there, you take a little taste or a look, looksie, a looksie, and then do you go down and give the...

Speaker 10:
[37:03] Usually what I'm doing now is I'm looking at the, I'm looking upon the, usually around the clitoris in a nice rhythmic way.

Speaker 5:
[37:12] Is there any way you can like...

Speaker 10:
[37:14] I'm blowing on the butthole and I have both hands on her boobies and I'm checking for lumps because that's what you get when I'm going down on you.

Speaker 5:
[37:21] Because you get a whole deal, you get the whole deal.

Speaker 10:
[37:23] When you know when you bring your cars, the brakes to get checked and they go, hey man, I checked the oil too. I checked the oil, I checked the fluids.

Speaker 5:
[37:29] Right, but usually they're trying to pull a scam just to get you to do the oil.

Speaker 10:
[37:33] It's exactly what I'm doing.

Speaker 5:
[37:34] You're doing a scam. What if you find a lump? What are you going to do? You're going to stop?

Speaker 10:
[37:37] I run. I just run the hell out of there.

Speaker 5:
[37:39] You run out?

Speaker 10:
[37:39] I run out of there. I leave my family.

Speaker 5:
[37:41] Well, that's just terrible.

Speaker 10:
[37:42] I can't deal with that.

Speaker 5:
[37:43] Why? Why can't you help her through it?

Speaker 10:
[37:44] It's so sad.

Speaker 5:
[37:45] They can cure breast cancer now.

Speaker 9:
[37:47] Not if they don't know about it.

Speaker 5:
[37:48] Yeah, but do you know about it? You've found out about it.

Speaker 10:
[37:50] No, I ran away.

Speaker 5:
[37:51] I know, but don't run away is what I'm saying. Stay and say, hey, FYI, after I got done and doing all that stuff and you had an orgasm, I found a lump on your breast.

Speaker 10:
[38:01] That's the thing. And this is why I like you. Cause you and I, me and my brain, you're my brain, your brain and my brain works the same.

Speaker 5:
[38:05] I don't know about that.

Speaker 8:
[38:06] Don't bring him in here, man.

Speaker 5:
[38:09] I feel like that's an insult, but yes. I love your brain, but I love it over there.

Speaker 10:
[38:15] Let me tell you what we both did in that scenario. We both came before we told her. We didn't immediately go, Hey, I feel a lump.

Speaker 9:
[38:21] We went something there.

Speaker 10:
[38:22] I'll save that for after the sex is done.

Speaker 9:
[38:25] And then you bring it up.

Speaker 5:
[38:25] Have one good session. You don't want to bring it up. If you just run out of the room, that she's going to be like, what the hell happened? And then she might never check her breasts. She might not get a check for you. And then it gets crazy.

Speaker 10:
[38:36] I'll say this. She might, she might not. I won't know. I'll be in Mexico, brother. Name change. I'm out of here.

Speaker 5:
[38:39] Why are you going to Mexico? There's so many places you go to Aruba. You go to a nice place.

Speaker 10:
[38:43] Now they know me in Aruba.

Speaker 5:
[38:45] Do they really?

Speaker 7:
[38:45] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[38:46] I killed so hard at Aruba Reyes once.

Speaker 7:
[38:47] They still talk about me, brother.

Speaker 5:
[38:49] How many times have you been back?

Speaker 8:
[38:50] One time.

Speaker 7:
[38:51] I've only been there once. I'll never have you back.

Speaker 8:
[38:52] Too dangerous, Bobby.

Speaker 5:
[38:53] Too dangerous.

Speaker 8:
[38:54] Not good for the island.

Speaker 10:
[38:55] It's the grand opening, grand closing.

Speaker 9:
[38:57] Can't have you back again.

Speaker 8:
[39:00] Okay. So you run out and you find the lump. You're in Mexico. You can't go back to Aruba. But you come back eventually to tell her. That is what you said at one point.

Speaker 10:
[39:09] Tell her what?

Speaker 5:
[39:09] That she has a lump.

Speaker 10:
[39:10] She has a lump? No, no.

Speaker 5:
[39:12] Well, you're never gonna tell her?

Speaker 10:
[39:14] I can't handle that kind of, I can't handle that sadness, you know? I tell my kids to tell her.

Speaker 5:
[39:19] But it's not, that is the fucking meanest thing I've ever heard, Greg.

Speaker 7:
[39:23] Tell your mother she might have something.

Speaker 5:
[39:25] They're gonna go, what do you mean? What's a lump on the breast, dad?

Speaker 10:
[39:28] I don't know exactly, they don't know.

Speaker 5:
[39:29] How old are your kids?

Speaker 10:
[39:29] I don't know, 30.

Speaker 9:
[39:31] How old are your kids? Two and four.

Speaker 5:
[39:34] Do they speak?

Speaker 8:
[39:35] Why are you lying about this? By one year.

Speaker 3:
[39:41] No, that's right.

Speaker 5:
[39:42] You don't know how old your kids are?

Speaker 8:
[39:43] No, he is right, I was wrong.

Speaker 10:
[39:45] Yes, I'm right about my own children.

Speaker 8:
[39:49] To be fair, you've lied about everything else on the podcast.

Speaker 10:
[39:51] And I'll continue to.

Speaker 5:
[39:52] It's not a podcast, it's a radio show, so stop lying. So you run down to Mexico, and then you're gonna call your kids, do they know how to answer the phone? Do they have their own, are they gonna pick up?

Speaker 10:
[40:04] No, I call my wife.

Speaker 5:
[40:05] Call your wife.

Speaker 10:
[40:05] And she goes, where have you been? She goes, shut up.

Speaker 5:
[40:07] Oh, really? Why are you so mean to her? She has cancer.

Speaker 10:
[40:10] She's going so, she says her and listens to me. I'll have to talk to her for hours before I get the kid in the phone.

Speaker 5:
[40:14] Okay, so you say shut up. Shut up. Okay.

Speaker 10:
[40:16] You know, I had to leave, I had to leave, I leave town, put one of my sons on the phone.

Speaker 5:
[40:19] Oh, you do this, she knows you leave town.

Speaker 10:
[40:21] She knows, every time something bad happens, I run.

Speaker 5:
[40:24] You spill milk and you just leave?

Speaker 10:
[40:25] I'll tell you this, tax day is the 15th, I'm out of here, brother, I forgot the fucking file. I don't know if I'm going home tonight.

Speaker 5:
[40:35] Are you going to Mexico tonight?

Speaker 10:
[40:36] I might be. She told me, she said, did you get all your W-9s? And I went, yeah, I did not.

Speaker 7:
[40:42] You haven't filed?

Speaker 10:
[40:43] No, we're fucked. We're, I'm fucked. I'm a dead man, brother.

Speaker 5:
[40:47] But you can just bring it to one of those places.

Speaker 12:
[40:49] The Mexican are you going to say?

Speaker 5:
[40:50] No.

Speaker 10:
[40:51] Why are they playing that music then?

Speaker 5:
[40:52] Because you're in Mexico, you go to Mexico.

Speaker 10:
[40:54] That's true, racist.

Speaker 5:
[40:55] He's trying to assimilate you into your new habitat that you're going to be living in tomorrow.

Speaker 10:
[41:01] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[41:01] All right, listen. You can just bring your taxes over to HR. Hutton or some shit.

Speaker 9:
[41:07] HR. Hutton.

Speaker 5:
[41:08] Whatever it is.

Speaker 6:
[41:08] I don't know what it's called.

Speaker 10:
[41:10] I like to go to HR.

Speaker 5:
[41:10] Hutton. HR. Hutton.

Speaker 10:
[41:12] We do your taxes or some shit. Hang on. Yeah, she's dead.

Speaker 5:
[41:16] Why can't you just bring your taxes in? Just bring all your stuff. I could.

Speaker 10:
[41:21] I know.

Speaker 5:
[41:21] They only cost like 150 bucks, right? Did you do your taxes? You did yours. Of course you did, you nerd. How did you guys become friends? I don't understand it. You have your shit so together and you don't. It seems like.

Speaker 10:
[41:38] We're the exact opposite and the exact same.

Speaker 5:
[41:40] Yeah. How does that explain that?

Speaker 10:
[41:42] He laughs at all the things I say are funny. Everything I think is funny, he thinks is funny.

Speaker 5:
[41:46] Right. What about him?

Speaker 10:
[41:46] We both sense it. Oh, he thinks he's the funniest man who's ever lived.

Speaker 5:
[41:49] You think he's the funniest man?

Speaker 10:
[41:49] Hands down, the funniest man I've ever met in my life. You as well.

Speaker 5:
[41:53] Okay, you don't have to add me, you just said, I appreciate it, but you don't have to throw it out. You're not going to hurt my feelings. You can say that he's the hands down, funniest person you've ever met.

Speaker 10:
[42:02] Yeah. You want me to tell you some classic funny shit this guy's done?

Speaker 5:
[42:04] I would love to hear that. This is the problem with Greg, comes in hot, loses energy, his blood sugar goes down, and he's going to look at us at one point and go, I got nothing. It's on me and you. It's going to be crying.

Speaker 8:
[42:18] I'm crying.

Speaker 5:
[42:19] We're going to have to pull into the pit stop, we're going to have to put your tires on in a couple of minutes.

Speaker 8:
[42:23] Just get ready for a different speed.

Speaker 5:
[42:27] Listen, I would love to hear a couple of funny things that he did.

Speaker 10:
[42:31] Anthony was part of the Sex Patrol. What? Sex Patrol?

Speaker 5:
[42:34] I don't know what the Sex Patrol is.

Speaker 10:
[42:35] They were people who had policed the park in Bloomfield, New Jersey, looking for people to have sex to shine their high beams on them.

Speaker 5:
[42:41] What do you mean?

Speaker 10:
[42:42] A lot of people like to have sex in their car.

Speaker 5:
[42:43] Okay.

Speaker 10:
[42:44] And then Anthony and his crew of mangy rascals would drive around the park, and they'd go, Sex Patrol! And they'd high beam the people having sex.

Speaker 5:
[42:55] Did you really? You were a sex rat?

Speaker 10:
[42:57] It was a sex rat.

Speaker 8:
[42:58] We thought it was a very funny thing to do, that we would be on the Sex Patrol beat.

Speaker 5:
[43:03] Okay. So wait, this isn't like a... You guys didn't have outfits, like you didn't have jackets. No, no.

Speaker 7:
[43:08] We didn't have that kind of money.

Speaker 8:
[43:09] We would have...

Speaker 5:
[43:11] I mean, it's not that much money to get a jacket.

Speaker 8:
[43:14] You're not wrong.

Speaker 5:
[43:15] I mean, Lou has a shirt. You can have a coat. I say we get Sex Patrol shirts for you guys.

Speaker 8:
[43:20] I'll get it up and running again. I'll see if the boys will want to do it.

Speaker 9:
[43:23] Are you taking the recruits? Excuse me, my two sons would like to be there.

Speaker 8:
[43:27] I'm not going to elicit your two children for the Sex Patrol.

Speaker 5:
[43:32] They can't do a ride along with the Sex Patrol? What the is wrong with you?

Speaker 10:
[43:36] That's a show. Cops with Sex Patrol, and it's a ride along.

Speaker 5:
[43:39] With children.

Speaker 10:
[43:40] Yeah. Are these dirty streets? We're looking for anybody at 17 years old trying to bang someone, not in their parents' house.

Speaker 5:
[43:47] Hey, kids, you ever see two guys go at it in a Hyundai? Look over to the right.

Speaker 8:
[43:52] They're crying. She's crying.

Speaker 10:
[43:57] Yeah, Sex Patrol. And you did have a Statue of Liberty mask that I think you guys would wear.

Speaker 5:
[44:02] Wait, this is a real thing? This is just a goof. This is something you and your wife started in the community.

Speaker 8:
[44:07] I wish. I'd love to get into something like that. But, no, yeah, we had a lot of masks at one point.

Speaker 5:
[44:15] Why? Why did you wear a mask?

Speaker 8:
[44:19] I don't know, Bobby. A lot of it's a bit of a fog.

Speaker 5:
[44:23] What kind of mask did you wear?

Speaker 8:
[44:24] We definitely had a Statue of Liberty mask. Dennis Rodman? Dennis Rodman, that's right.

Speaker 5:
[44:30] Oh, that's frightening.

Speaker 8:
[44:31] It was horrifying. Well, this is a terrible thing that we did, which we thought was a hilarious prank. One of our friends was getting money out of an ATM, and we thought it would be so funny. What if we go pretend like we're robbing her from behind? This is a woman alone.

Speaker 5:
[44:48] It's her.

Speaker 8:
[44:48] Yeah, this is a young woman alone.

Speaker 5:
[44:51] I'm going to tell you right now, fucking hilarious. If it was a guy, it would be like, not so funny. Then it's a girl who's probably frightened anyways. Hilarious.

Speaker 8:
[45:00] Young woman alone getting money out of an ATM, a couple of guys behind her in a Dennis Rodman and Satchel Liberty mask going, give us your money. Then she runs away, horrifying. We thought it was funny as we were both going to the same party. So then we showed up like 20 minutes later. She's shaking on a couch and we're like, what happened? That was our idea. Boy, my sensibilities changed over time.

Speaker 10:
[45:24] Yeah. If you don't say, just kidding, it's me, then it was exactly what you thought it was. Exactly.

Speaker 5:
[45:29] Yeah. It would have been real funny if you showed up at the party with the masks on. Now, you told her, of course.

Speaker 8:
[45:37] Yeah, we told her. Did you? We told her, no, we didn't tell her immediately because we were like, hold on to this.

Speaker 5:
[45:44] Yeah, hold on to this awesome gem.

Speaker 8:
[45:47] She's shivering. And we were like, good news. It was your friends, actually.

Speaker 10:
[45:53] Yeah. Yeah. Didn't you and I find someone's VHS video camera and then record ourselves on a 50-yard dash and it was over their high school graduation?

Speaker 8:
[46:05] Yeah, that wasn't a great move. It was somebody's high school graduation. We were making some kind of movie or sketch and we were like, nah, they don't need this piece of shit. It was their graduation and then it's just Greg and I's stupid movie. Then we watched again.

Speaker 10:
[46:23] I don't think we did. I think we left the tape there.

Speaker 8:
[46:25] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[46:25] I wonder if she ever looked at it like, oh, hey, I want to show my child my high school graduation. And then it's just a 16-year-old Anthony and Greg doing Sex Patrol retakes.

Speaker 8:
[46:34] Yeah, that's why we probably should have drank in high school.

Speaker 10:
[46:37] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[46:38] You guys need a show. You need to get all this creativity out because it's bottled up inside you, especially you. You need to get it out. We need to get you a show.

Speaker 3:
[46:47] You think we should just get a show?

Speaker 8:
[46:48] Yeah, I think we-

Speaker 5:
[46:48] I never thought about that. Yeah, I'm saying this.

Speaker 8:
[46:52] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[46:53] I say we just do one.

Speaker 8:
[46:54] I never thought about it. What was the prank at the mall?

Speaker 10:
[46:59] One of my classic favorites of you. Well, I don't know. I was there, both there. We both got dressed up.

Speaker 5:
[47:04] How long have you guys been friends?

Speaker 10:
[47:05] About six months.

Speaker 5:
[47:07] Six months, did you say? Anthony, how long have you been friends?

Speaker 10:
[47:12] Since high school.

Speaker 5:
[47:13] Okay, Greg. Thank you.

Speaker 7:
[47:14] Jesus Christ.

Speaker 5:
[47:15] Blood sugar dropped. Ten minutes ago, he went, since high school. It was shot out of his face. Then we tried to lick my pussy.

Speaker 8:
[47:22] You should have seen, to go back to before Greg came in the building, there's a bunch of people at the lobby and Greg was so manic. He was just shaking the glass doors. The people inside must have been like, oh, we're going to die.

Speaker 7:
[47:37] That was the Wu-Tang Clan.

Speaker 8:
[47:39] He put fear into the hearts of the Wu-Tang Clan.

Speaker 10:
[47:41] The security guy was like, you'd better sign up.

Speaker 5:
[47:43] That's what Jay calls it when there's six or more black guys in the lobby. He just calls it Wu-Tang. Which is pretty much every day here at SiriusXM. This place is turning into an improv. All right, so tell me what happened, the best.

Speaker 8:
[47:58] Yeah, we've been friends since high school. And I'm trying to, there was a prank at the mall. What was it at the mall? That's what I was trying to get to.

Speaker 10:
[48:05] So what we did was, this is pre-phones and people doing bits. This is pre-jackass, pre-all that.

Speaker 5:
[48:12] You guys started it.

Speaker 10:
[48:13] We had a little camera and Anthony and I got dressed. We said, let's go to Macy's and dress like we work there and we'll just help customers.

Speaker 9:
[48:20] And that's great.

Speaker 10:
[48:22] And then we went to Macy's and I started reorganizing the comforters. Anthony jumps behind the register. He looks at the lady, he goes, hey, you can go on break. And then he just starts like smacking the keys and like trying to take customers.

Speaker 8:
[48:34] I was telling people to take their break. That's right. Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[48:40] And then, I swear to God.

Speaker 5:
[48:41] Were you guys filming this?

Speaker 10:
[48:42] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[48:43] Oh, good.

Speaker 10:
[48:43] But the cameraman was like, he was so nervous he would turn the camera away.

Speaker 8:
[48:47] So the cameraman was our friend Darren and we were trying to hide the camera, but we didn't think of anything through ahead of time. So one of us had a windbreaker. So he wrapped the camera around this windbreaker and he looked so odd because he just was like a normal looking guy. Then he had this green windbreaker that he was just pointing around. He looked like an active shooter. Yeah, he looked like an active shooter.

Speaker 10:
[49:08] Yeah, and then we went to, I'm going to remember this.

Speaker 5:
[49:10] It's so funny, we all had the same bit and you were going to get it out, I was going to say it and then Greg shot it, active shooter and then looked at all of us, I got it.

Speaker 10:
[49:18] That's mine. That's a Greg one.

Speaker 5:
[49:19] It's yours.

Speaker 10:
[49:20] If you're putting the points up, Lou, that's a Greg one.

Speaker 5:
[49:22] Yeah, can we count the points, please? Greg has 75. You win.

Speaker 13:
[49:30] Have some more coffee.

Speaker 5:
[49:32] You don't, when you stop your order, you don't have anything. Pro-order. You don't have attention deficit. I have it. I just found out that I have ADHD.

Speaker 10:
[49:39] Just found out.

Speaker 5:
[49:40] All right, I found out a couple of years ago.

Speaker 10:
[49:42] You found out when you were failing through high school. I could have told you.

Speaker 5:
[49:46] They didn't have that in high school. I literally found out I have adult ADHD and I've been white-knuckling my dumb life. I'm gonna start taking something.

Speaker 10:
[49:54] 99% of comedians, yeah, take it. It's great.

Speaker 5:
[49:56] Do you take it? Oh, yeah. What do you take?

Speaker 10:
[49:58] Well, I'm gonna go back to the story I was doing.

Speaker 5:
[49:59] Is that what's happening right now? How many did you take today?

Speaker 7:
[50:01] Oh, I take them all, brother.

Speaker 10:
[50:03] They give me a bottle. I go, I'll do the bottle for the month.

Speaker 9:
[50:05] You know, like, I give you a month.

Speaker 10:
[50:07] I take it one day and I just ride it out. Like.

Speaker 5:
[50:13] You just, you take it all in one day?

Speaker 9:
[50:14] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[50:15] Like, you put all the food down for your cat and he'll just have enough. I put that, but my belly.

Speaker 9:
[50:19] So that's something like 600 milligrams of Adderall. And then I just go.

Speaker 10:
[50:24] Like, today was an Adderall day. And then Thursday ain't shit getting done, brother. Bobby in the bed crying. I call it wet blanket Greg. It's like I got a wet blanket and I can't move.

Speaker 8:
[50:36] Your wife comes in the room but, but what's going to happen with my Bartholomew gland? Is no one going to lick it?

Speaker 10:
[50:42] Oh yeah. You can get a vibrator at CVS now, guys. Did you know that?

Speaker 5:
[50:45] Well, that's been for a long time. Wild. Yeah, I know that. You know what I used to use before that? I've said this before, electric toothbrush. If you bought one of those little electric toothbrushes and you put a little, like a baggy over the end. A baggy? Yeah, you don't have to. Because you want to use the toothbrush. You want to just throw it out. You put a little baggy right on the clitoris. Let me tell you, if you're ever in a jam, if you're in a jam on the road and you need to use a vibrator on your road.

Speaker 8:
[51:11] Yeah, if you need to make your woman come in prison.

Speaker 10:
[51:15] That's why he's the funniest out here.

Speaker 5:
[51:18] Give one to Anthony.

Speaker 9:
[51:19] Put a big one up. Put a big one up.

Speaker 10:
[51:22] Let me tell you this. What you do is you take the toothbrush and then you put it on the bottom of your throat like one of those people who's like, how are you knowing? Then you go down on your lady and it makes your whole mouth vibrate. You electrify your own jaw.

Speaker 5:
[51:33] But why? Have you never done that? No, of course I've never done that. Why would I do that?

Speaker 10:
[51:39] You would call it the trap jaw.

Speaker 5:
[51:40] You make it, they don't call it the trap jaw. I do. You just did. You just made that up. That's not the thing.

Speaker 10:
[51:45] You say, sure. What's anything?

Speaker 5:
[51:47] Well, certain things have names for reasons they come up with it.

Speaker 10:
[51:51] Look up trap jaw.

Speaker 5:
[51:52] Can I ask you? It's going to be a disease.

Speaker 10:
[51:54] It'll show it.

Speaker 5:
[51:55] It's not going to show it. Please don't make Christine look up trap jaw. It's not going to come up.

Speaker 10:
[51:59] Also, feel free to disregard everything I say.

Speaker 5:
[52:01] No, don't do it. Actually go with everything he says. Listen, so you put the electric toothbrush on the bottom of your jaw.

Speaker 10:
[52:08] Trap jaw from He-Man. One of my favorites. I just really wanted to watch the new He-Man trailer.

Speaker 5:
[52:13] Take that off because he'll look at his 88s. Look this way. Greg, look this way.

Speaker 10:
[52:18] Yeah, that's my way.

Speaker 5:
[52:19] Don't show Greg any TV.

Speaker 10:
[52:21] That's my way.

Speaker 5:
[52:22] Stop looking at that. He's just looking at the TV.

Speaker 10:
[52:24] I'm very excited about the new He-Man movie.

Speaker 5:
[52:27] Yeah, we were talking about that the other day.

Speaker 10:
[52:29] We had to go back to the thing Anthony did that we 88-ed right the hell out.

Speaker 5:
[52:32] You took us to trap jaw and then He-Man. It's not us.

Speaker 10:
[52:35] Well, I'm going back.

Speaker 5:
[52:36] Okay, we'll go back.

Speaker 10:
[52:36] We took our stop at the rest stop. Let's get back on the highway.

Speaker 8:
[52:40] Where were we? We were at the mall.

Speaker 5:
[52:43] At the mall. Okay.

Speaker 10:
[52:44] And when you did one of the funniest things. So we were doing that at Macy's. Then we went to the Dippin Dots ice cream, the Future Stand. And you walked up to the, there was one person there and you went, I'm from corporate, here to help with sales. And the guy went, what? And then he just started scooping ice cream. And looking at people going, he started rapping. He was like, it's the ice cream of the future, y'all. People were like, this guy's like, fuck it, man, do whatever you want.

Speaker 9:
[53:07] He just let him do it.

Speaker 8:
[53:08] Yeah, they were just like, well, he's from corporates.

Speaker 5:
[53:10] I mean, nothing, nothing. You do have corporate energy.

Speaker 8:
[53:13] Yeah, put it to use. Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[53:16] Then we went to...

Speaker 5:
[53:17] You guys used to have a lot of fun.

Speaker 8:
[53:19] We really did.

Speaker 5:
[53:20] Yeah, this sounds like a blast.

Speaker 10:
[53:22] Oh, remember we made a woman sign up for the Three Way?

Speaker 8:
[53:24] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10:
[53:25] This was great.

Speaker 8:
[53:26] This was our sexual period.

Speaker 10:
[53:28] Which I never left.

Speaker 9:
[53:31] I saw him staying for the rest of my life.

Speaker 10:
[53:33] So here's what we did for the Three Way. We went to a TGI Fridays and we just would approach women and we would say, listen, whatever you want, we would, if you would like to be a Three Way, we would offer it. Now I get it. We're not great to look at. We have a sign up sheet over there. Feel free, we had a sign up sheet. Feel free to sign up, but here's what we offer. Continental Breakfast. Natalie Merchant, 10,000 Mayzaks, we will play 10,000 Maniacs, Natalie Merchant.

Speaker 5:
[53:57] I'm in.

Speaker 10:
[53:57] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[53:58] It's a great deal.

Speaker 5:
[53:59] I'm pretty sure Christine's in too. Are you in?

Speaker 9:
[54:01] Are we trying to eat in?

Speaker 5:
[54:03] Does this offer still stand? Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[54:05] It's always up. I think the sign up sheet's still there.

Speaker 10:
[54:08] We will make you laugh. We will make you cry. We will make you want a little more. Anyway, we did approach a few people and they were all laughing so hard. People signed up.

Speaker 5:
[54:18] But did you ever do the three-way?

Speaker 10:
[54:19] We check it out very hard.

Speaker 8:
[54:21] That's what was great. There were people our age just having three ways. And we were like, wouldn't that be hilarious?

Speaker 5:
[54:27] So you guys came up with a business plan.

Speaker 10:
[54:29] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[54:29] We did come up with a business plan.

Speaker 10:
[54:31] It was a good pitch. The three-way sign up sheet.

Speaker 5:
[54:33] Is any of this on video? No.

Speaker 10:
[54:35] It's on our head video.

Speaker 5:
[54:37] You didn't videotape. If you know if you videotaped any of this stuff, you guys would be huge stars right now.

Speaker 10:
[54:42] Let me tell you this. When you watch something that's on video, what happens next? I'll tell you don't answer. It goes to your memory.

Speaker 5:
[54:49] I need a tissue. You're making boogers come out. You're going so fast. My nose is running.

Speaker 10:
[54:54] You watch thing on video, then it goes to your memory. We cut out the middleman. We just tell you and then that goes right to your memory. No need to see the video.

Speaker 5:
[55:03] But my point is this.

Speaker 10:
[55:04] You're seeing it live from our mouth.

Speaker 5:
[55:06] I agree with you. But if you videotape this and you had it on video with the way the world is now, these videos would be viral and people would be like, oh my god, these guys have to do more. And then you guys, as you look now, which I'm pretty sure was pretty similar to what you looked back then, I'm sure you guys didn't have any growth spurts. And you guys could go do more stuff. You'd be like famous now. Like Jackass videotaped it. Yeah. Right? Jake Paul videotaped all these things. The guys from Impractical Jokers did all the videos. If you had this on video, we could have something here. Yeah. Okay, good guys.

Speaker 10:
[55:45] We didn't have cameras. We didn't have a camera. I had a camera.

Speaker 8:
[55:48] I'm just sad.

Speaker 10:
[55:50] I know. DVM video.

Speaker 9:
[55:53] Those were the little guys.

Speaker 5:
[55:54] The little tiny guys.

Speaker 10:
[55:56] Right. And then.

Speaker 5:
[55:57] You'll be for your time. That's it. Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[56:00] And then people didn't want to put us on TV because they're because of the woke the woke media.

Speaker 5:
[56:04] That's not. That's just that's I drag. I'm sorry.

Speaker 10:
[56:07] 2004 woke media would not have a song.

Speaker 5:
[56:10] I do not think woke started in 2004. I'm pretty sure it was. No, I don't think so.

Speaker 10:
[56:14] We were the cutting edge of being canceled for wokeness.

Speaker 5:
[56:17] No, I'm pretty sure. I was on Opie and Anthony at the time. Howard Stern was Howard Stern at the time. I'm pretty sure it was not woke.

Speaker 10:
[56:22] Because back then woke was woke was the opposite of what you guys were doing. It was we were too nice. Woke was like, these guys are too not racist and too kind. That was where bag of dick days. Remember everyone said to bag of dick, hey look at that guy, bag of dick, bag of AIDS.

Speaker 5:
[56:38] What?

Speaker 10:
[56:39] Everyone in 2001 to 2006 loved to say the word bag of dick, bag of AIDS.

Speaker 5:
[56:43] I never heard that. I didn't know that.

Speaker 8:
[56:45] I think people were just mean to you.

Speaker 10:
[56:47] Yeah, they were.

Speaker 5:
[56:48] They were just calling you a bag of dicks and a bag of AIDS.

Speaker 10:
[56:50] Yeah, it wasn't a good time for my wife.

Speaker 5:
[56:52] It's all right.

Speaker 10:
[56:53] But I'm back.

Speaker 5:
[56:53] What if we start...

Speaker 10:
[56:54] I'm my wife again.

Speaker 5:
[56:55] But, all right. Let's not go backwards. Let's not go backwards.

Speaker 10:
[56:58] I call her crazy things.

Speaker 5:
[57:00] Okay. What? Like what?

Speaker 10:
[57:01] Deborah.

Speaker 5:
[57:02] Deborah. That's her name, right?

Speaker 10:
[57:03] I know.

Speaker 5:
[57:03] What's her name?

Speaker 10:
[57:04] Her name is some Asian shit, dog.

Speaker 5:
[57:05] I'm like what?

Speaker 10:
[57:06] Ping-Pang. Oh my God. What are you doing, Greg? What are you doing? You can't be this guy anymore.

Speaker 5:
[57:10] You can't call her Ping-Pang.

Speaker 10:
[57:12] I know. I know. And it's not even close to Ty. My wife is Ty. But I'm afraid to give her name on the radio because people are going to look her up and masturbate to her photos on Google.

Speaker 5:
[57:20] Is she hot, right?

Speaker 10:
[57:21] Oh, she's hot as hell.

Speaker 5:
[57:22] Yeah. Ty, that's so awesome.

Speaker 10:
[57:24] My wife's titties are so big. She, her titties enter the door before her body does.

Speaker 5:
[57:30] Those don't seem like good titties.

Speaker 10:
[57:31] Dead long.

Speaker 8:
[57:32] She doesn't know how to walk.

Speaker 5:
[57:33] Okay.

Speaker 10:
[57:35] No, my wife's a great woman.

Speaker 5:
[57:37] Yeah. Okay. We get that. Yeah. But she's got big titties.

Speaker 10:
[57:39] Not really.

Speaker 5:
[57:40] Okay. All right. I don't know what to take here.

Speaker 10:
[57:43] It's all for Anthony.

Speaker 8:
[57:44] All of this is to make Anthony laugh.

Speaker 10:
[57:47] And Christine too. I don't look because when she laughs, I feel like it's a big one. Yeah. But I don't look because I'm clocking them. You can hear when Christine laughs. I'm clocking the Christine ones. Right.

Speaker 3:
[57:55] Do you love Wayne now?

Speaker 10:
[57:56] I should have said that.

Speaker 5:
[57:59] Buddy, what the fuck is happening, brother? You just screamed out a random question.

Speaker 7:
[58:07] Buddy, listen to me.

Speaker 5:
[58:08] Look at me, Greg. It's light a look. Greg, Greg, you're good, man.

Speaker 7:
[58:13] It's good. What the fuck is happening?

Speaker 10:
[58:16] What were we talking about? Scams?

Speaker 5:
[58:17] Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8:
[58:18] We were talking about the size of your wife.

Speaker 10:
[58:21] Why was I talking about my wife?

Speaker 5:
[58:22] Because you brought up her tits. You said you had sex again, you're having tits, and your tits are huge. They go out of the door before she gets there. And then I said, are they big? And you said, no, they're not that big. And then you said, you live in Wayne? And then that was it.

Speaker 7:
[58:35] Can't tell people.

Speaker 5:
[58:36] Then we're back.

Speaker 7:
[58:36] What? You can't give out people's addresses.

Speaker 5:
[58:40] I can't hear you, what?

Speaker 10:
[58:41] You can't give out people's addresses.

Speaker 5:
[58:43] It's not the address, it's actually just the town. You would have to-

Speaker 10:
[58:46] People will look, they'll go, and they'll go here, and where is she?

Speaker 5:
[58:50] I don't think they're gonna go street by street.

Speaker 10:
[58:52] No, you just clock every Starbucks, because eventually everyone gets Starbucks.

Speaker 5:
[58:56] Well, you're right, Christine, you want to find Christine, you go to Starbucks, at any point of the day, she might be there. But again, she mostly has it delivered, so you'd have to follow the guy to the house.

Speaker 10:
[59:07] I'll say this though, my wife's parents live in Wayne. I'm in Wayne like 80 percent of the time.

Speaker 5:
[59:10] You just said it. That is just weird.

Speaker 10:
[59:13] I'm sorry.

Speaker 4:
[59:14] Why did you tell me that?

Speaker 7:
[59:16] What's going on?

Speaker 8:
[59:16] They just told everyone where your wife's parents live.

Speaker 7:
[59:19] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[59:19] I mean, what are you doing?

Speaker 10:
[59:20] No, but they're fast as hell. They'll get away.

Speaker 7:
[59:22] Because they're tied.

Speaker 8:
[59:24] They'll get away. You know, that's why his parents ping-pong and boop-bip. Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[59:29] Very close to robots. Dope-dope and four-tang-tang-tow-ang-yin.

Speaker 8:
[59:32] What?

Speaker 10:
[59:33] That got racist. I was trying to do a robot one. The damn crazy Asian one. My God, Pumpty put a bullet in my head.

Speaker 5:
[59:39] You just were full racist.

Speaker 8:
[59:41] Never seen a comedian try to make a right-wing pivot but can't do it. So great.

Speaker 5:
[59:49] God damn it, Greg. I love him so much. It makes me so happy. He's fading, though.

Speaker 10:
[59:55] I'm just thinking about what would my wife say if she heard about any of this?

Speaker 5:
[59:58] She's not going to hear any of this.

Speaker 10:
[59:59] She never does.

Speaker 5:
[59:59] No, she's not.

Speaker 10:
[60:00] She follows my career.

Speaker 5:
[60:01] I could give it to her.

Speaker 10:
[60:02] Good. Go ahead. Just go ahead. She'll laugh.

Speaker 5:
[60:06] My wife doesn't watch anything I do.

Speaker 10:
[60:10] It's the best.

Speaker 5:
[60:11] It's the best. I love it.

Speaker 10:
[60:12] That is nice.

Speaker 5:
[60:13] I don't think my wife thinks I'm talented. Same.

Speaker 10:
[60:18] I think you're talented.

Speaker 5:
[60:19] She doesn't even ask me how my sets are. How was it that night? She just says, Hi. Hi. I just did four shows at the cellar. Nothing? You don't want to know anything? Nope. Just give me that money.

Speaker 10:
[60:30] Do you get this one?

Speaker 5:
[60:31] What?

Speaker 10:
[60:31] My wife has the kids, right? She has the kids. I get home off the road and she's like, take the kids. I was like, honey, I was just on the road all weekend. She was like, yeah, I was with the kids as if what I'm doing. I was just a vacation.

Speaker 5:
[60:42] Buddy, let me just say something to you.

Speaker 10:
[60:44] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[60:46] Unless you're Chappelle.

Speaker 10:
[60:47] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[60:47] You worked an hour.

Speaker 10:
[60:49] 40 minutes.

Speaker 9:
[60:49] No, I'm featuring.

Speaker 10:
[60:51] 25.

Speaker 5:
[60:51] All right. 25. You work 25 minutes.

Speaker 10:
[60:53] Sometimes hosting. 15.

Speaker 5:
[60:54] So you're in the room. You go get breakfast. You go get breakfast and then you go back and nap. And then you watch TV and then all day and then you'll get lunch. Then you go back and take another nap after lunch. And then you go to the show, what, around seven? And then you do 25 minutes and then you're done.

Speaker 10:
[61:10] No, I'm sitting there missing my wife the whole time. And that's a lot of energy. I'm thinking about missing my children. I'm masturbating like a guy who's going to prison. Because they know they won't let you masturbate in prison. I've heard, I've heard.

Speaker 5:
[61:24] You can masturbate in prison, that's the main thing you can do. That's actually the preferred choice. You don't want to do the other thing in prison.

Speaker 8:
[61:31] What's prison in your head?

Speaker 10:
[61:32] What's prison in my head? It's my life, it's my marriage.

Speaker 5:
[61:35] I thought you loved your marriage, I thought you loved your life.

Speaker 10:
[61:37] Yeah, but it's a prison, it's a nice prison.

Speaker 5:
[61:39] Okay, it's not a prison, you love being married. You love having kids.

Speaker 10:
[61:43] Oh, of course.

Speaker 5:
[61:44] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[61:44] But that's not funny. You know what's funny? Doing almost racist bits about your wife because you know she'll never hear it.

Speaker 5:
[61:51] What's your name again?

Speaker 10:
[61:52] I don't know. Xing? Shen Yang? My wife has the same name as this dance group that comes from China. I know he's going to create BTS. Shen Yang?

Speaker 5:
[62:04] Shen Wang?

Speaker 10:
[62:05] Not Shen Wang.

Speaker 5:
[62:05] Shen Wang, Shen Wang.

Speaker 10:
[62:06] If I was married to Shen Wang, I would love it. He's the funniest guy in town.

Speaker 5:
[62:11] Does she have an accent? Does she have an accent in China, in Beijing, in Shen Wang?

Speaker 10:
[62:16] My wife has an accent, but it's a gay accent, which she adopted through her gay friends.

Speaker 5:
[62:19] Your wife, what does it mean? She talks gay.

Speaker 8:
[62:21] How does she sound, Greg? Go ahead.

Speaker 10:
[62:23] Athena?

Speaker 8:
[62:24] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[62:24] Oh, oh my god, Greg. What are you doing with that? Get out of here, you bad boy. Why do you sound like a gay man? This is who I am now.

Speaker 5:
[62:33] Your wife is a gay man?

Speaker 10:
[62:36] Yeah, she's a woman who identifies as a gay man. For fun.

Speaker 8:
[62:40] She's the opposite Jacob.

Speaker 10:
[62:41] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[62:43] You're not married, right?

Speaker 10:
[62:44] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[62:44] Oh, you're married? Is your wife like Greg's wife?

Speaker 8:
[62:48] No, she's much more Asian.

Speaker 5:
[62:50] Did you marry her?

Speaker 8:
[62:51] No. Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[62:54] Where's your wife, Italian?

Speaker 8:
[62:55] She's Italian Jewish.

Speaker 5:
[62:57] Woof.

Speaker 8:
[62:58] Yeah, she's a lot.

Speaker 5:
[62:59] Trouble.

Speaker 8:
[62:59] No, she is.

Speaker 5:
[63:01] I mean, woof.

Speaker 8:
[63:03] I love her, but it's a lot.

Speaker 5:
[63:04] She can half cook?

Speaker 8:
[63:06] Yeah, that's actually it.

Speaker 5:
[63:09] Yeah. Do they get along? Do your wives get along? Yes.

Speaker 8:
[63:12] Oh, they do? Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[63:14] Oh, shit.

Speaker 8:
[63:14] Of course they do. I'm just doing a bit. No, they do. Yeah, Julie, she can be a lot, but, you know, once you get into her, you're like, okay.

Speaker 5:
[63:22] His wife can be a lot.

Speaker 8:
[63:23] No.

Speaker 5:
[63:23] Oh, your wife can be a lot.

Speaker 8:
[63:25] Greg's wife is so easy.

Speaker 5:
[63:26] Okay. Yeah, well, she has to be. You can't have two a lot's in the house.

Speaker 8:
[63:28] Yeah, it's very much the opposite.

Speaker 5:
[63:30] The kids will die. You're not wrong. Give me a point.

Speaker 8:
[63:33] Yeah, put him on the board. My wife is a lot. It's a very, whereas Greg, you know, Greg sought someone out who is more like me. I sought someone out who's more like Greg. We both got people that are us that we want to have sex with.

Speaker 5:
[63:46] So basically, you married Greg and she married you.

Speaker 8:
[63:49] Yes.

Speaker 5:
[63:50] Okay, I got it. That works.

Speaker 10:
[63:51] My wife is exactly like Anthony. She doesn't answer my calls.

Speaker 8:
[63:55] My wife is just like Greg.

Speaker 5:
[63:57] Really?

Speaker 8:
[63:58] She, I don't think I've ever talked in our relationship.

Speaker 5:
[64:05] Listen, I'm so happy you guys came in. Thanks for coming in. Is it over? No, it's not. We got to take a break though. This is radio. This is a podcast, Len. This is actually radio. Let me tell you something. That was a fast hour. Holy God. Greg Stone, he's got a new podcast all about toys. All nerds need things called Yo Greg is available at youtube.com/gregstonecomedy. Literally, one of my favorite people in this business and one of the funniest guys in the business too. Then of course, what is this? We have Greg has a new special. Nobody-

Speaker 10:
[64:41] Oh no, read the one before that. That's more important.

Speaker 5:
[64:43] What's that? Where is it?

Speaker 10:
[64:44] Every Monday.

Speaker 5:
[64:45] Greg has a show every Monday night at the Dojo of Comedy in New Jersey. Use promo code STONEZONE for deep discounts. You have a new special out called Nobody Presents Greg.

Speaker 10:
[64:56] Three years old.

Speaker 5:
[64:57] Yeah. Okay. Well, you know what? I love it. I watched it. It was very funny. Hilarious. Do you still do the music thing? What was that called? Oh yeah, Night Cream. We're creaming it up. Night Cream. I love Night Cream. Have you guys seen Night Cream? Oh God, I love it. Anthony, another hilarious guy, Anthony DeVito on social media, at comedian Anthony DeVito and subscribe to his YouTube page, youtube.com/atcomediananthonydevito. Please check out Big Jay. He's away right now, but we miss him. I wish Big Jay was here for this. He would. This would be great. He's going to be in Nashville for Story Wars this week, April 15th. Is that tonight? Tonight and tomorrow. Tonight and tomorrow night. Make sure you check out that, April 15th and 16th. Then he's going to headline in Kansas City over the weekend, 17th and 18th. After that, he's going to be in Las Vegas, Providence, Los Angeles, and Austin. For all tickets and tour dates, go to bigjaycomedy.com and youtube.com/atbigjayoakerson and just go to punchup.live for all my dates. This weekend, I'm in the Mohegan Sun, so if you're around the area, come down Friday one show, Saturday two shows, and I'm in Stanford coming up. I'm all over. We'll be right back. It's The Bonfire. We're going to take a breath. Hey, campers, guess what? Skankfest X. That means 10. I just learned that. Christine just taught me that. I don't like that Christine knew I was gonna go X, like X Games. No, it means 10, but dummy. Skankfest X, New Orleans is November 13th through the 15th at Mardi Gras World. Badges go on sale this Monday, April 20th at 2 p.m. Eastern Time at skankfest.com. So make sure you get your tickets. It's going to sell out, so don't miss out. Skankfest X, New Orleans. skankfest.com.

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Speaker 3:
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