transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] The Wild Wild West.

Speaker 2:
[00:02] And Corey Heider, what's going on, dude?

Speaker 3:
[00:04] What the hell's happening? But I was just saying what a joyous occasion it was to meet up. You were telling us about the people of, where was that?

Speaker 2:
[00:13] Pittsburgh? What?

Speaker 1:
[00:15] No, the tribes.

Speaker 3:
[00:17] The tribe, the family, the eagle, the snake and the lion.

Speaker 2:
[00:19] Oh, it means the Mayans, the Incas and the Aztecs, yeah. Oh, Tenochtitlan. We was talking about Tenochtitlan just a moment ago.

Speaker 3:
[00:24] Tenochtitlan.

Speaker 2:
[00:25] Yeah, and I just thought-

Speaker 3:
[00:26] I like that.

Speaker 2:
[00:27] Yeah, it's a great story.

Speaker 3:
[00:27] They finally settled.

Speaker 2:
[00:29] On straight willpower. They waited, they didn't settle. You know what I mean? So ladies out there, don't settle.

Speaker 3:
[00:35] That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2:
[00:36] Don't settle. True.

Speaker 3:
[00:37] What do you think of the modern dating market right now?

Speaker 2:
[00:39] Oh, man. Well, I'm glad to be out of it. So I am, brother, because it is- it's like going bass fishing in a porta potty out there, brother.

Speaker 3:
[00:47] It is.

Speaker 2:
[00:48] It is.

Speaker 1:
[00:49] I can't tell if that means it's super easy.

Speaker 2:
[00:50] So, no, you do not want to catch bass in a porta potty, cousin. No, no, no. No, no, no.

Speaker 3:
[00:57] Hold on, to Nate's point, it is easy. Yeah, you might be knocking turds around, but to Nate's point, you're going to catch a lot. Yeah, you're going to catch a lot.

Speaker 2:
[01:07] Nothing I'd want to eat, though. Nothing I'd want to eat.

Speaker 3:
[01:09] Yeah. Yeah, I put in a porta potty like two days ago. I don't know if this was on purpose, but somebody clogged up the urinal in the porta potty with toilet paper. It looked like somebody did it intentionally, so it's like, why create a hell? Yeah, why would you want to disable the P option?

Speaker 2:
[01:28] You're going to hurt the only guy trying to help you.

Speaker 3:
[01:30] It was really weird.

Speaker 1:
[01:31] I was like, I have a theory about homeless people that they thrive in fucked up conditions. Like they want it as bad as possible.

Speaker 3:
[01:37] And when the porta potty, they see a porta potty and they're like, not nasty enough.

Speaker 1:
[01:40] Clog it with paper towel or toilet paper, piss on it, make it reek.

Speaker 2:
[01:45] Some men want money, some want power, some just want to watch the world burn.

Speaker 3:
[01:50] What's the nastiest porta potty you think you've ever seen?

Speaker 2:
[01:53] I've seen one that breeched.

Speaker 3:
[01:55] No. Breech water?

Speaker 2:
[01:57] No, not breech water. No. Yeah, brother.

Speaker 3:
[02:01] You're talking about the fucking portal?

Speaker 2:
[02:02] Above sea level, cuz. You couldn't sit on it. You would have been penetrated by everything. I don't know how the last person done it. They must have had a stem ladder.

Speaker 3:
[02:11] That would have truly been Montezuma survey. Oh, my God. There was a fucking mountain.

Speaker 2:
[02:19] No, dude. I'm telling you.

Speaker 3:
[02:21] I believe you, but I'm telling you.

Speaker 2:
[02:24] Well, here, OK, so here's the dynamic of it. The last two, three people or last serious game changing last person because they would have done the last four or five pounds, bro. They had to put the keystone on the fucking, you know, that was the peak that dude that had to have been an agent. Really? You know what I mean? Get down on the squat. The Japanese squat, bro, they had to have been facing the outboard wall, not the door.

Speaker 3:
[02:48] That'd be funny too if it was just a single, it was just a mountain of diarrhea, but then a single solid turn, like iceberg. It's just like you guys have been eating broccoli and rice and chicken. It's just a 12-inch turn.

Speaker 2:
[03:00] Usually goes the other way. I get the plug and then the break because on keto, you know what I mean? You get that cheese plug, cuz, for two days or you get one that you turn, sometimes you see it. Oh, you get a full you. That's what's been happening. That tried to go back on the one way. You can't be. That's it.

Speaker 3:
[03:18] It does suck when you get it. When you poop and it's the shape of your intestines and you're like, oh, that's good. That's good.

Speaker 2:
[03:24] You clean that out. You like I'm good for at least 18 inches in there.

Speaker 3:
[03:29] You're ready. How's the so how is the keto going? How long you been on keto?

Speaker 2:
[03:33] Dude, on and off. So I started started seriously, dude. I was like 385 pounds. I was like, I got to either die from this or figure something out.

Speaker 3:
[03:40] True.

Speaker 2:
[03:41] I was like, I could eat salads, go to the gym every day. And I was like, no, that sounds like some bitch shit. I can't. I can't, dude. I went to the gym one time. I was like, I'm sweaty. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home and figure it out. And then I saw an Internet article that said if you eat hot dogs wrapped in cheese until you feel like you're going to have a heart attack, like run that six, seven months because six, seven months, just run it, dude. And that's what I did.

Speaker 3:
[04:03] And now you lost weight.

Speaker 2:
[04:04] Brother, I would, there would be times where I walked past the mirror and I'd be like, who the? Oh my God.

Speaker 1:
[04:08] How much did you say your peak was?

Speaker 2:
[04:09] Sagging, dude. My peak was 385. Touching fours. Yeah, dude. Touching fours. That's what, bro. And this is like, I used to watch Robin Bigg back in the day and Bigg was so big, like, you probably don't notice. You probably never knew this. A home scale typically only goes to 330 pounds. They're like, if you're bigger than that, go to the hospital.

Speaker 3:
[04:27] Does it say error?

Speaker 2:
[04:28] It's saying a Walmart. It's just like, yeah, error, error on the electric ones or the other ones. I love them ones because at least you could still tell you're like 330 plus.

Speaker 3:
[04:40] So it would just be like, no.

Speaker 2:
[04:42] Yeah. So back in the day, right, me and my boy was scrapping metal for drugs, just like any good hard working American. And we was at the scrap yard, right? And there was this guy that looked like the dude that lived in the pit and water world. That's the only way I can describe him. He had never seen the sun, bro. And he just lived in scrap. He died by scrap, bro. He didn't leave his scrap shed. Yeah. And I went in there and he had to scale. And I was like, how high did I go? He's like 25, 3500 pounds. I was like, can I stand on it? You mind if I stand on it real quick? He's like 385. He's like, God damn, boy. I was like, yeah, that ain't good, is it? And I was like, I'm just trying to like divert. I was like, how much you get for for scrapping somebody like that? He's like, after you boil man down to the bare minerals, you only worry about 12, 11 cents. It's either the first joke this guy has ever told or we should get the fuck out of here. Pretty, pretty quick.

Speaker 3:
[05:32] What were you scrapping that day?

Speaker 2:
[05:34] I'm going to say stainless steel, dude. It was a stainless steel hospital cabinet weighed about 400 pounds. I'm going to say the same as me.

Speaker 3:
[05:40] It's not a bad haul.

Speaker 2:
[05:42] Oh, dude.

Speaker 1:
[05:42] How much do you make for a haul like that?

Speaker 2:
[05:44] Oh, dude, we made like four or five perk thirties.

Speaker 3:
[05:50] They really do. They do cut the... If they think you're on drugs, you don't get the real scrap price.

Speaker 2:
[05:56] I know, dude. It's like a bartering system. I know I stole it, but you know.

Speaker 3:
[06:01] I've seen it in action. I've seen like two dude, like tweakers come up and like a shopping cart full of wire.

Speaker 2:
[06:06] Yeah, dead giveaway.

Speaker 3:
[06:07] Dude, they're like $30. I'm looking at it like, well, it looks like a little more than that. You get like a tweaker price. They rip you. They just fucking crush it.

Speaker 1:
[06:14] They know you're just like, yeah, right up.

Speaker 3:
[06:15] They'll say yes to anything.

Speaker 2:
[06:17] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[06:18] So yeah, it's really funny.

Speaker 2:
[06:19] Burt. Yeah, you got your Burt wire.

Speaker 3:
[06:21] Dude, the scrap game, especially on any job site, it's there's more problems on a job site due to the scrap and how it's getting like, you know, who gets it is people are peoples like sneaking it, stealing it. It's I've it's just like a never ending drama.

Speaker 2:
[06:33] It's insane. Yeah, that's like literally 20, 25 percent of my job is calling the cops because someone stole the fucking copper pipes.

Speaker 3:
[06:40] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[06:40] And now we've got to repond the whole house. Yeah, dude. It's just wild.

Speaker 3:
[06:43] And people go through your house, like your entire house and just just throw out.

Speaker 2:
[06:47] Yeah, dude. It's like trying to keep apples away from raccoons. You ever do that? No, no, bro.

Speaker 3:
[06:53] No luck.

Speaker 2:
[06:53] They'll break through your house. They will sneak through your vents like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. They will scale down. They will unlock your door, let in a honey.

Speaker 1:
[07:02] I had one trying to break it. I think I told you before, I had a raccoon trying to break into the crib. I just had his little, this is back when I was living in Jersey, just a paw reaching through like where my my air conditioner like was like closed. It just was a little paw. I just grabbed my hatchet. I was about to hatchet his paw off.

Speaker 3:
[07:17] You're going to cut his hand off like an Arabian?

Speaker 1:
[07:18] I didn't know what it was at first.

Speaker 3:
[07:21] You're going to cut the thief's hand off?

Speaker 2:
[07:23] Just guard the back.

Speaker 3:
[07:25] Real quick, you should have shook his hand. My neighbor had pet raccoons.

Speaker 1:
[07:30] Pet raccoons?

Speaker 3:
[07:31] Pet raccoons and he fed it Urkel cereal. Urkel? Did he do that?

Speaker 1:
[07:36] That feels up.

Speaker 3:
[07:39] I remember going up there, I remember being like, damn, I never had Urkel cereal. I want Urkel cereal so bad, those fucking raccoons are going to eat it.

Speaker 1:
[07:45] He'd just write out the box.

Speaker 3:
[07:46] He would just throw it in there and feed it.

Speaker 2:
[07:48] You get down in there with it. It's good. Let me say it for Matt.

Speaker 3:
[07:51] They were cool. They were actually, raccoons are cool.

Speaker 1:
[07:54] They're cool ass animals, but they're just, I don't know, they're just dirty bear family.

Speaker 3:
[07:58] Technically goes hard.

Speaker 1:
[08:00] Ersine Mini Bear Cutters Paul Bear.

Speaker 2:
[08:02] Short shout out to Earth's major.

Speaker 3:
[08:08] This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. I'll tell you what I had Nate open for me this weekend. I said, that guy is really that guy is sticking out to me. That guy is sticking out. And I love all of his jokes. Guys, it isn't always easy finding a good standout. And that's especially true if you're hiring. You have to sort through hundreds of resumes. And even then, you might not uncover what you're looking for. That's why you need Zip Recruiter. Try it free at ziprecruiter.com/secret. Zip Recruiter works fast to find top talent. And its newest feature takes it a step further, identifying candidates with the right skills who are also interested in your role. Zip Recruiter puts them at the top of your list so you can connect with them first thing. It's no wonder it continues to be rated the number one hiring site based on G2. Cut through the standard and get to the stand outs with Zip Recruiter. Four out of five employees who post on Zip Recruiter get a high quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/secret. That's ziprecruiter.com/secret. Meet your match on Zip Recruiter. This episode is brought to you by No Bull. Oh, yeah. There's been a longstanding lie about pants that if they look good, they've got to feel terrible. Oh, man. But No Bull's trying to end that. It's a training brand known for award winning footwear in apparel. And now they're bringing their no bullshit attitude to men's pants. Starting with these things called the Dealmaker. It's basically a jean replacement. Same look, but breathable.

Speaker 2:
[09:41] The Dealmaker. I like that.

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 2:
[10:38] Yeah, that's my boy.

Speaker 3:
[10:40] Yeah, he's the man. Dude, the videos are so good, just going through, you know. So what do you do? Explain your thing.

Speaker 2:
[10:48] Okay, okay. So I'm a contractor by trade, right? But all the houses, see, this is the hook, right? It's like one of them magic monkey Paul Genie wishes. Like you get to be a contractor, but every house you go into is filled with shit and diapers and dead things. How about that? You like that? You're looking for work? How about that? How about that for a pandemic job?

Speaker 3:
[11:08] It's better than being like the Home Depot installer guy. I think they're like absolute underworld of contractors. The guy who puts in like a door, a screen door from Home Depot is like, like, dude, Nate, you could sign up today.

Speaker 1:
[11:18] And just be that guy?

Speaker 3:
[11:19] And be the guy. And then you get there, you go, oh, I got to go up two flights of steps. That's an additional $37. Bring this shit the fuck upstairs. I'll give you a tip. Stop charging me extra shit. He's like, do you want the really long nail that sets it in deeply? I'm like, that'd be nice. That's an additional $59. Dude, what the fuck?

Speaker 2:
[11:37] Nickel and diamond you.

Speaker 3:
[11:38] Bro, Home Depot Contractors come out and it's the old dog and pony show. It's like they get there. They're like a fucking Vegas escort. They show up. It's like, I thought it was 300 bucks. Well, that's to get here.

Speaker 1:
[11:49] That's just to meet me.

Speaker 3:
[11:50] Now it's going to be a couple. Yeah, they're fucking bullshit.

Speaker 2:
[11:52] You need to get your own contractor.

Speaker 3:
[11:54] That would be tight.

Speaker 2:
[11:56] What do you do? What's stopping you? Do it.

Speaker 3:
[11:59] Lack of technical knowledge.

Speaker 2:
[12:01] Just grab one. Just grab a dirty, thick man somewhere out. I'm so glad you're here. Just a dirty, thick man out in the street somewhere. You'd be like, what are you up to? You want to be on my retainer?

Speaker 3:
[12:17] I used to paint houses with my friend Spud. He trained me. I can actually house paint. That's one thing I can do, but he was all mechanic. He was all technical, so I would do a lot of talking to the people for him. So I know enough and he would laugh because I know enough. I'm good with lingo, so I can like bullshit and really make it seem like I know what I'm talking about. So I would, you know, he don't get a kick out of me as I'd walk around customers like, oh, yeah, OK. And I like talk, talk, talk and turn. I'm like, dude, what the fuck are you? How do you do it? So I could be I could be the guy with the iPad and like the clean tucked in polo that shows up being like, yeah, all right, let me have one of my guys.

Speaker 2:
[12:54] You would literally be the Home Depot installer. Matt, yeah, that's 500.

Speaker 3:
[13:01] Yeah, 500 percent.

Speaker 2:
[13:02] Mark, I have no idea.

Speaker 3:
[13:03] So you you made the Monkey Paul Genie wish. You got your wish to be a contractor. But you it's it's like the underworld of like just fucked up houses.

Speaker 2:
[13:11] Terrible.

Speaker 3:
[13:12] You're recording it, dude.

Speaker 2:
[13:13] It's I got so used to it, though. It's crazy what you can get used to. Yeah, that's what I mean, bro. That's why I see my buddy's granddad, who was in Norm. I seen the way he looks at fire. And I'm like, how do you get used to that? You know what I mean? He just looks at it like he's seen piles of bodies burn. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3:
[13:27] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[13:27] And now I'm just saying. And now I go, it's a wild look to see on a man's eye where he just stared at a flame like, you got anyone you want to move? I'm like, oh man, dude, this is wild, dude.

Speaker 3:
[13:38] So you walk into the houses and you just, you're ready. You go in.

Speaker 2:
[13:41] Glazed over. Completely glazed.

Speaker 3:
[13:45] What's the worst thing you've seen? I think you may have shown me.

Speaker 2:
[13:48] I may have showed you and we may not be able to talk about it on, can we talk, Nate, can we talk? What's the rules? I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[13:52] You can talk about anything. I think you just can't show it on.

Speaker 2:
[13:54] Okay. So there was this one time that, you know, well, you go in the house and first off, ground rules, you break into the house, right? So what I do looks a lot like crime, which is great because that's what I used to do too. I'm like, this is my alley, right? So we break in the second floor window, right? Because it was unlocked. You go up, scroll up, do ladder through the roof. Okay. You go in the house. They all stink. Right? Because what do they feel with? You don't know. Is there a rat king in here? We don't know. We don't know, dude. We're not familiar. So, you go in through whatever bedroom you just came through. Right? And he's like, with the bank?

Speaker 1:
[14:30] Are you like straight through a window or something?

Speaker 2:
[14:32] Straight through the window.

Speaker 3:
[14:33] Because there could be people in there, too. That's the scary part.

Speaker 2:
[14:35] Yeah. With the bank? I got a gun? I got brass knuckles? You know what I mean? All that shit. Just walking through tough as shit, cuz.

Speaker 3:
[14:45] Kicking dirty sweaters out of the way.

Speaker 2:
[14:46] Not afraid to go back to jail. You know what I mean? Absolutely. And the whole house stinks, right? So, because the fridge has been unplugged for Christ knows. You know what I mean? So, the whole thing is just from ground levels. It's no bueno. So, when you go in there, and there maybe has been a lady laying facedown in the kitchen for 11 months, you might not know right away. You might not know right away. They don't tell you that. You know what I mean? That's a little paperwork usually. So, yeah.

Speaker 1:
[15:11] So, what do you do when you find that? Like, what's the next?

Speaker 2:
[15:13] Kick it. No, you have to. You got a double kick. Yeah, dude. Not on my watch, buddy. No, no, no. You give it the double tap real quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I got boots on. Ain't no big deal.

Speaker 1:
[15:24] With the play dead trick. Stab me in the neck.

Speaker 2:
[15:27] You measure twice and cut once.

Speaker 3:
[15:30] So, yeah, you got to give the tap.

Speaker 2:
[15:32] You got to make sure you don't turn your back on a corpse.

Speaker 3:
[15:34] No, never.

Speaker 2:
[15:35] I've learned that from every movie. And I'm not fast. If you're already on the ground, this is the only shot I got. The windiness.

Speaker 3:
[15:41] You know, the zombie bite, dude, curb stomp out, cuz. So you're someone across the dead. All right.

Speaker 2:
[15:50] Sometimes. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[15:51] But what did you really feel the first time? That's even at a funeral. I'm kind of jarred at the.

Speaker 2:
[15:56] No, I don't care.

Speaker 3:
[16:01] I forgot you're blazed over.

Speaker 2:
[16:02] Yeah. I mean, I see I had a real up childhood. We're not allowed to talk about ever. I know. I promised everyone I wouldn't. I would never say. But so compartmentalization is like, boy, she's on point, bro. If it wasn't, I'd be in therapy right now. Do I mean, I'd be fucked up on the street somewhere.

Speaker 3:
[16:18] It just became fun.

Speaker 2:
[16:19] Yeah. I was like, you got to two choices here, bro. You can either get real fucked up or you can become the life of the party. OK, what are we going to do? Got two avenues, cousin. OK, let's never talk about any of this shit again. I always say if I had a nickel for every time I got enlisted, I have one nickel I never talk about. What was the question?

Speaker 3:
[16:48] I'm sorry. You're just talking about you're still counting.

Speaker 2:
[16:54] Locked in. Ain't nothing going to break my stride. Ain't nothing going to hold me down.

Speaker 3:
[16:59] Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

Speaker 2:
[17:01] Okay, dad, grandma, that's okay. We still got other jobs to do. Hold on, let me call somebody. What's this? 911? That's not an emergency. Let me find the local number real quick. Priest maybe. Yeah. I need an old priest and a young priest, and maybe a F-250 Super Duty with a morgue slab in the back maybe. You call the guy who collects deer. Did I ever tell you about the guy who collects deer? No. Brother. We should get his Instagram, but I don't think he can work a phone. He got them thumbs. But anyway, so this guy, right?

Speaker 1:
[17:34] What's up with his thumbs?

Speaker 2:
[17:36] Don't even worry about it. If you got to ask, you can't afford it, okay? So anyway, so I'm driving down the street and I see this guy, cut off Dale Earnhardt shirt, right? Hat on, glasses on the hat, not even on his fucking eyes, right? Marble hanging out of his mouth, real loose, real. Hope is the only thing holding that thing in his mouth. Hope in his dry ass lips from being in the sun and chucking deer all day. So he's got, okay, so he's got a 1999 Chevy Silverado 5.3, fucking great motor, and he all rusted out, right? Bed falling off the fucking thing.

Speaker 3:
[18:18] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:18] Already stacked with deer ranging from that still looks good to jerky cousin, straight jerky. That boy had been bleeding out for weeks, and he is on the side of the road, cigarette hanging out, bare hands. I can't bend down because of the mic. He grabs his and just heaps it on the pile and gets no gloves, short cut off.

Speaker 3:
[18:39] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[18:40] Brother, the same shirt, no shower. I'm like, this guy be stacking corpses, dirty. So that goes back to the point, you can get used to a lot of shit for money.

Speaker 3:
[18:49] Wait, where did you encounter this guy?

Speaker 2:
[18:50] On the side of the road. Where else do you get deer corpses?

Speaker 3:
[18:54] Oh, he was getting the dead deers. Now, he was even hunting them.

Speaker 2:
[18:56] Road kill. I'm sorry. Yes. I'm from Pennsylvania. Yeah, where the roads are scattered with corpses like the streets of Germany. Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 1:
[19:05] Do you know what he was collecting them for?

Speaker 2:
[19:08] Probably fucking, what are they? The Duncan Hines points or whatever? The Betty Crocker's?

Speaker 3:
[19:15] People eat road kill. He might have been munching it.

Speaker 2:
[19:16] Yeah, they probably pay it, right? They probably take the pictures, like, we'll pay you $25 a corpse, just stack them and take them to the dump. Because that's what they do. They take them to the dump. I've also been on the other end of that, where I had to unload a U-Haul on a start of fucking deer corpses. And I'm like, trying not to step on them. I'm like, sorry, buddy, you know. My bad. I'm going to throw this TV on your head.

Speaker 3:
[19:34] Wait, so there is a program where you can take deer corpses to the dump and get some money?

Speaker 2:
[19:37] I've never been, I mean, we usually stop at Plasma, right? That's usually where people sink. Yeah, that's true. As far as legal ways to get money, scrap metal, Plasma.

Speaker 3:
[19:49] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[19:50] I've never been deer corpse.

Speaker 3:
[19:51] Deer corpse is wild. That's like an 1830 fur trader.

Speaker 2:
[19:56] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[19:56] Those guys that were like Trapp Varmint.

Speaker 2:
[19:57] They didn't even do it for the fur though. They just do it for the love of Paul.

Speaker 3:
[20:00] True. Maybe you can get some antlers. Maybe that's kind of nice.

Speaker 1:
[20:03] To keep you from the urge to really murder, you know, you want like people body just like fuck around with these.

Speaker 2:
[20:10] That's what homeless people are for, I thought. You see a practice. Murder? Yeah, practice murder. Practice. Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[20:16] We'll crash them.

Speaker 2:
[20:17] We don't want to talk about mom in therapy because we are. Bam.

Speaker 3:
[20:20] Yeah, you could. You could hookers get murdered a lot, too.

Speaker 2:
[20:23] That's sad.

Speaker 3:
[20:24] That's sad.

Speaker 2:
[20:25] They're just doing a service for their community.

Speaker 3:
[20:26] I know.

Speaker 1:
[20:26] That's somebody making you come and then you kill them.

Speaker 2:
[20:29] That's not even fair.

Speaker 3:
[20:30] And then you come again.

Speaker 2:
[20:33] That's not right.

Speaker 3:
[20:35] No, you're right. There's a line.

Speaker 2:
[20:39] Only in Grand Theft Auto.

Speaker 3:
[20:43] Yeah, I feel bad. I don't like it when hookers get killed. I'm the same way. Murdering a homeless guy, though, is pretty gnarly, dude.

Speaker 2:
[20:51] Yeah, I would never, but it's just fun to joke about.

Speaker 3:
[20:54] Yeah, I mean, it's maybe more fun choking them to death, too. You're down. So I had a funny enough. I got in my car the other morning. I got in my car the other morning. I was driving. I had like run early, so I was like a little sweaty. It wasn't, you know, get in my car. I'm like, fuck. I saw someone had rifled through my glove box. My fucking homeless guy went through my car and then the car. I'm like, fucking stinks like a homeless guy. And I'm like, driving. And then I was like, I think that's me. And I was like, I think it's both of us. I think the homeless guy's must.

Speaker 2:
[21:20] Was he in there? Was it live action?

Speaker 3:
[21:22] No, no, no.

Speaker 1:
[21:22] He was.

Speaker 3:
[21:22] No, no, no.

Speaker 1:
[21:23] I didn't think you were about to hit the. He was in the back seat.

Speaker 2:
[21:25] Yeah, dude.

Speaker 3:
[21:26] No, I didn't even check. I should have checked.

Speaker 2:
[21:28] Yeah, dude. Just that mirror.

Speaker 3:
[21:30] True. He's sitting there. I might leave him a snack in my car. I don't care. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1:
[21:35] It's like, you didn't get me.

Speaker 3:
[21:36] He didn't take anything from me.

Speaker 1:
[21:37] There's something, I get it, but there's something that just bugs my soul when I know somebody's.

Speaker 3:
[21:42] I'm worried he's going to beat off in my car. That would piss me off.

Speaker 2:
[21:44] The soup kitchen.

Speaker 1:
[21:45] The dry jeans.

Speaker 3:
[21:47] If I find the jeez, I'll be pissed.

Speaker 2:
[21:48] Dude, if they come in there, there's not just one of them. They gang up for that. That's a homeless group activity.

Speaker 1:
[21:53] Oh, somebody broke into your car.

Speaker 2:
[21:55] You ever heard of Dirty Mike and the Boys? No. That's a real thing that happens. Really? Yeah, they made a soup kitchen out of this guy's Prius. What? Yeah, on the other guys in the movie. You ever seen it? Dirty Mike and the Boys?

Speaker 3:
[22:05] No. I wonder if I left, but you don't think if I left some chapstick and applesauce and water, he'd...

Speaker 1:
[22:10] He's going to be like, you know how to say to don't feed the deer? You know how to say don't feed the deer? He's going to start showing up at the car.

Speaker 3:
[22:15] Yeah, I mean, more and more. I wouldn't mind that though, just because we have a ring cam. Just to see how many. That'd be nice. Just graze it homeless. Five guys.

Speaker 2:
[22:24] Wait a second. Business idea. You get your own bait car or just buy a new car and use a CRV as a bait car, OK? Or your car. I'm sorry, are we allowed to say that?

Speaker 3:
[22:33] I don't know. Yeah, I'm serious.

Speaker 2:
[22:34] He doesn't. Use the Accord as a bait car, OK? And then you just put it in your driveway and you just bait it for all these homeless to come in there and do it.

Speaker 3:
[22:42] That would be a good live stream.

Speaker 2:
[22:44] Like one of them Eagle Cams up in the woods, which is all homeless in Austin. Bro, I ran into one. So remember, we've talked about you said, hey, be careful of the homeless people. They're a little bit brazen. I was like, it's OK. I know how to choke them. I know rear naked choke. It's real strong. So this guy, right, I'm wandering around the streets last night and this guy comes up to me. He's like, he keeps. I was like, yeah, this is my dude, right? And he's like, you got a cigarette? I was like, nah, man, I don't even smoke. I left all my Zen in the hotel room. I'm like, I'm cooked, bro. He's like, you got a dollar? I was like, nah, bro. I was like, nah, bro. It's like everything's cash. I'm just mimic them, right? I was like, nah, bro. I was like, I got none of the cash. And he's like, oh, he's like, fuck. I was like, I know, I don't know what we're going to do, bro. And he's like, all right, man, good luck, brother. And I'm like, yeah, thanks, man. And I like walk away and he walks away, right? I'm like averted, right? And I was like walking three minutes later, same dude. Hey, buddy. I was like, buddy. I was like, it's you again. I was like, you remember from like six minutes ago? And I start tweaking, right? I was like, six minutes ago, I was like, did you get a cigarette yet? And he's like, no, man, fuck. And I was like, I know, dude, we're cooked, bro. What are we going to do? Just assimilate.

Speaker 3:
[23:52] You just joined them, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[23:54] Smart. In Austin, I am the dead center between the homeless and the upper, the sophisticites. OK, I'm dead fucking square. So the sophisticite looks me in the eye. They cross the street. If a homeless man looks me in the eye, they ask for money. I'm like, so I could be either one.

Speaker 3:
[24:11] You're either one. You have a foot in each world.

Speaker 2:
[24:12] So I talked to all the well-dressed people in elevators real nice. And I act super homeless to the homeless people. Bro, we both like, where are we? What are we going to do?

Speaker 3:
[24:22] Well, I did enjoy the fact. So flying out here, I put you in first class.

Speaker 2:
[24:27] What's that first class?

Speaker 3:
[24:28] I think so, right?

Speaker 2:
[24:29] I don't know. I wouldn't know fucking first class or third class.

Speaker 3:
[24:31] Were the seats big?

Speaker 2:
[24:32] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[24:33] And was there just two of you in a row or three?

Speaker 2:
[24:35] There was three.

Speaker 3:
[24:37] If my wife gave you Comfort Plus, I'm going to call her a screen man.

Speaker 2:
[24:40] Comfort Plus. Is that good or bad? I was happy.

Speaker 3:
[24:42] How many people were with you?

Speaker 2:
[24:44] There was two people. There was on the way there, on the way here, there was two people. On the way to Baltimore, there was one person seated between us. But you were not allowed to set your bag there or he would look at you funny the whole time.

Speaker 3:
[24:57] So you were in the front?

Speaker 2:
[24:57] Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I was afraid like if something went down, I'm the first motherfucker.

Speaker 3:
[25:01] Yeah. So you were in first class. I was about to call my wife and say, that was first class.

Speaker 2:
[25:07] Why are you treating me like this?

Speaker 3:
[25:08] I had to.

Speaker 2:
[25:09] I'm literally white trash. What are you doing?

Speaker 3:
[25:11] That was what I was kind of-

Speaker 2:
[25:12] You got to start growing. You got to build up, dude.

Speaker 3:
[25:14] No, I wanted to unleash you in first class, dude.

Speaker 2:
[25:17] It did not go well.

Speaker 3:
[25:18] You tried to make a flight buddy.

Speaker 2:
[25:19] So many times.

Speaker 3:
[25:20] And they were just shutting you down?

Speaker 2:
[25:21] Absolutely not. Yeah. The one lady, I don't know if I could say this, you know, HIPAA, HIPAA.

Speaker 3:
[25:27] Are you peeping?

Speaker 2:
[25:28] Oh, dude, I was peeping her phone the whole time. Well, she was sitting right there and she had Wi-Fi. I'm like, how the does she get Wi-Fi? So I was like this. I was like, oh shit, she was at King of Queens. I loved that shit. And I know all the words, so I don't even need the volume. And she kept looking at this fucking seating chart for a stadium for a softball game, right? And it was in Massachusetts and I knew we was going to Austin. And I was just like, I got to figure out how to start a conversation with her, right? And I didn't want to say, oh, you just went to the bathroom. Did you take a dump? Like, what was that about? Was that cool? And so she came back and I was like, oh, you're going to do a game? And she's like, no. And she like hit her phone and put it in her pocket. I was like, OK, I'm just going to fuck off for the next two hours and look out my window because I got the window seat. And another outburst like that, I'm going to close the fucking shade. So you got one more of those, lady. Maybe you should shut me down.

Speaker 3:
[26:16] You were phone peeping. You try to make a conversation.

Speaker 2:
[26:18] Not a phone peeping. Yeah, that might not be a good idea. I don't.

Speaker 3:
[26:20] I phone peep. Dude, I phone peep.

Speaker 1:
[26:21] You can't let people know your phone peeping.

Speaker 3:
[26:23] Letting them know is so funny. You can watch it on cable. I saw a guy in like an airline uniform one time on his phone. I'm like sitting next and I'm like looking down and it was full like, did you fuck this person? It was like and then it was like him texting that person and they were going back and forth and I was like, scandalous. Yeah, it's very scandalous. I was getting rocked up.

Speaker 1:
[26:44] I hope she did fuck him.

Speaker 2:
[26:46] I'm not phone peeping. I just have a massive erection for other reasons.

Speaker 3:
[26:50] I was just clocking his affair. I'm like, fuck you. This fucking pilot's having an affair.

Speaker 2:
[26:54] That's of course he is. Why else do you pilot? Don't marry a pilot. OK, if you're out there and you're married to a pilot, brother, come on. What are you going to do?

Speaker 1:
[27:02] Why? Well, like he's about to go fly the plane.

Speaker 3:
[27:04] No, he was he was like doing like civilian flying. Oh, you know, like this flight attendant pilot sometimes just hop on the plane. Yeah, dude, that'd be he was doing that. I was next to him and I was just clocking his phone. It was a lot of older people to have that giant font. Yeah. I could read it from 40 yards away.

Speaker 1:
[27:19] Saw this Instagram really the other day was a lady at the Spurs game. Like there's so many Mexicans here. I didn't know they could afford it. It was just her with the giant font.

Speaker 2:
[27:27] It shows like, no way. Do you know why they can afford it? Because they work hard. And there are very industrious people.

Speaker 3:
[27:34] You should text. You should do your own text in the game. Correct. Was that the game where they won the like last second shot?

Speaker 1:
[27:40] I don't know what game it was. It's like a random. It didn't even you couldn't even see the players. It just was the people zooming in on the ladies.

Speaker 3:
[27:45] It's also a funny way to like Photoshop people's phones and just write the most whatever they want. Like, damn, it's fucked up. Why would she text that? It's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[27:51] That's a power move. I can go Instagram itself right there, dude. This episode is brought to you by Mando.

Speaker 3:
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Speaker 2:
[28:54] Your feet, your crotch, your butt, whatever.

Speaker 3:
[28:58] If it smells, don't mask it. Mando it. You can find Mando at Walmarts, Targets and other retailers across the country. Or you can go to shopmandomando.com and use the code drenched for 20% off your first order. Wow. This episode is brought to you by Rougiette. Most ED treatments only do half the job. They boost blood flow, but stop there. Rougiette Ready is different. It's a three-in-one treatment that boosts blood flow while also priming your brain for arousal. Dissolving under your tongue, it works in 15 minutes and lasts up to 36 hours. Join over 400,000 men who've made the switch. Rougiette, performance medicine for men. Go to rougiette.com, that's rugiet.com, and slash drenched to get 20% off for a limited time. Hey, everybody. Real quick, I will be in Phoenix this weekend, this very weekend. I'll be at Phoenix at the Celebrity Theater. I'll be in Phoenix at the Celebrity Theater, and then Tucson, Arizona on Saturday. Guys, I'm sorry, I'm just so sleepy. I woke up at 4.30 this morning, unintentionally jocod out, woke up at 4.30, and just got after it, guys. So I'm exhausted. I'm bushed. I'm absolutely bushed right now, but I won't be bushed when I'm in Phoenix and then Tucson this weekend. So come on out, guys. There's a link to my website, mattmccusker.com, in the show description or something, in some box beneath this video. Please come. Or don't. If you don't want to come, don't come. Somebody do. I'll be shredded by summer. I'm actually on track to genuinely be shredded by summer, so that's, you know, you can't have it all. But I will be shredded either way. Guys, have a good night. Please come. Bye. Dude, I've so apparently there's people out there now like, you know, when you see those like Instagram videos of like, I can make 10 grand online, you know, show I'll show you how to do it. This one guy was watching his video and he said he just like has chat GBT is like writing very sad, fucked up story. And then he gets to be like, looks through his head. That's pretty fucked up. Then he goes sore or make a video about this. And then he just has a I just write these like click bait, weird or like write the story than as a thing. I do the video and he just spams them online and goes rich. One of them is going to hit and go viral. And you make like 10 grand a month off of just one. And he's like, I work for like 20 minutes. Yeah. So that's such a weird. Yeah. It's like those guys who like bet against the stock market. And you don't do anything really.

Speaker 1:
[31:40] And it's so easy, though, like as soon as you said it, it's like, oh, it's yeah, I click them all the time. Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[31:44] What the fool?

Speaker 1:
[31:45] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[31:46] You would have to go to the gym regularly because you would never get tired from doing that. No, you would sleep terribly.

Speaker 3:
[31:51] You would actually.

Speaker 2:
[31:52] Yeah. We're just sitting at home all day, just making AI fuck itself. That's just what just watching AI beat off over itself. And like, yeah, sad stories. We can clickbait people.

Speaker 3:
[32:03] There is something sad about that, too. I was watching like, man, that's kind of empty.

Speaker 1:
[32:07] Yeah, it won't work if he may make great stories, make happy stories like and then put those in videos. It'll get no traction.

Speaker 3:
[32:13] I know it doesn't. It doesn't get.

Speaker 1:
[32:15] It's got to be fucked up.

Speaker 3:
[32:16] It's like a sad thing. Look, and then her child died and she got ran over by a train and people like, oh, it's just a nurse being like, oh, my God. Oh, that's terrible.

Speaker 2:
[32:25] I'm feeling my own emotions.

Speaker 1:
[32:28] What was the guy? Could you see the like was the guy Indian guy?

Speaker 3:
[32:30] It's like a white guy. Young, young white hot shot.

Speaker 1:
[32:33] Yeah, no, I just, I just.

Speaker 3:
[32:35] Indian guy.

Speaker 2:
[32:36] You're talking up.

Speaker 3:
[32:37] Now they're working the phones, bro.

Speaker 2:
[32:38] With the AI heavy.

Speaker 3:
[32:41] They are. You think they're AI heavy?

Speaker 1:
[32:43] I guess that's what there's a thing I've been noticing a lot. You know, I told you before that my my algorithm is all thoughts, but I've been noticing it's been sly and then AI thoughts. And every now and again, the captions is like it's like they forgot to hit the translator or whatever, and it's just Indian shit. But it's like it's just ladies. It's just super real looking ladies that you got to like squint and like notice weird movements or notice that they're all doing the exact same thing. But they're like quiet and they have like they're verified accounts with OnlyFans linked to them. They're like doing AI pimpin.

Speaker 3:
[33:14] That's what you said the engines are up to right now. Pimpin the fake ladies.

Speaker 1:
[33:17] So I didn't know they also pulled over to...

Speaker 3:
[33:20] What's wrong with the engines?

Speaker 2:
[33:21] I don't know. I thought we eradicated that word in the 1800s. But we can bring it back.

Speaker 3:
[33:28] Well, I'm talking about Indians from India.

Speaker 2:
[33:31] I don't... We'll see how that... Yeah. I'm sorry dude, I'm very expressive. I literally have no filter and I try, I shouldn't have... No, that's fine. We call them Indians.

Speaker 3:
[33:43] I should have called Indians Indians. Calling the Indians from India Indians.

Speaker 2:
[33:47] I don't even know. Yeah, dude. That's like second generation. That's like racial inception. Just go over to India and be like, you Native American. I'll be like, oh, shit.

Speaker 3:
[34:01] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[34:02] Fire back, dude. Clap back.

Speaker 3:
[34:04] What is fun is that whole thing from Christopher Columbus thinking he was like getting to India.

Speaker 1:
[34:08] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[34:08] Oh, these fucking guys.

Speaker 2:
[34:09] Yes. That's how fucking stubborn white people are.

Speaker 3:
[34:12] You know, it's fucking crazy to me because they call they're called Indians.

Speaker 2:
[34:15] It didn't. I should have stuck. That's crazy. That'd be like you point up to a red light and be like, that's a purple light. And everyone would be like, no, that's absolutely red light. And you're like, well, we'll just kill everyone.

Speaker 1:
[34:24] If enough people call it a purple light.

Speaker 2:
[34:26] How about, what color is it now? Oh, it seems pretty purple to me, huh? Let's keep that rolling. We'll name baseball teams after it and everything.

Speaker 3:
[34:33] Yeah. Well, even Native Americans kind of like, they're like, no, we're like an Iroquois or the Gonquin or whatever. So it's just funny. Like, now we came up with your name.

Speaker 1:
[34:41] That's what you guys are sticking with it.

Speaker 3:
[34:43] Pretty rough. Yeah. Dude, I wish it is boss on some level, but it's not good. It's still kind of boss to be like, Matt, look, like this is your guys' identity. We figured it out for you.

Speaker 1:
[34:53] We're not going to learn the rest.

Speaker 2:
[34:55] I wish if there was anything we could have culturally appropriated from the Native Americans that have been the naming system. We brought that over from Europe. Bro, come on, I want to be running dog.

Speaker 3:
[35:05] I'm with you on that.

Speaker 2:
[35:05] Bro, wouldn't it be great? Nighthawk, Nighthawk Senior.

Speaker 3:
[35:10] My bad character.

Speaker 2:
[35:12] That's my grandpa, Crazy Squirrel. You'd love him.

Speaker 3:
[35:16] Their naming system was, I'll give you that.

Speaker 2:
[35:18] It was superior.

Speaker 3:
[35:18] It was sick. I'm for, you know, nobody's with me on this one, but I'm all about a Native American president. Yeah, let's go. We've never had a Native American president.

Speaker 1:
[35:29] I feel like he would turn on the whites. You guys would be doing.

Speaker 2:
[35:32] Let it happen.

Speaker 3:
[35:32] What are you talking about?

Speaker 1:
[35:33] After, what y'all did to them? You think they're not quietly holding a grudge?

Speaker 2:
[35:36] Let's open up this pit.

Speaker 3:
[35:37] I didn't do anything.

Speaker 1:
[35:40] I know now, but historically, they got the little grudge in the back there. I was driving around Phoenix before, and just the parts where they put your people look like shit out there.

Speaker 2:
[35:52] It is not good.

Speaker 1:
[35:54] You hit green, and then it just turns back into the desert as soon as you hit the reservation.

Speaker 2:
[35:59] They're like, that's what you get.

Speaker 3:
[36:01] They got some bum lands for sure.

Speaker 2:
[36:02] I was in the Wind River, just like he said, bro. Wind River Mountains in somewhere, Wyoming, Montana. I was driving. I didn't pay attention. You came up and like he said, bro, it was green mountains, beautiful, white people land, and then it was just bare desert. Like, welcome to the Indian Reservation. I'm from this little town in Pennsylvania near Pittsburgh, and I was on this Indian Reservation, nothing around, took me three hours and 10 minutes to drive there through nothing. I go in this little convenient store, not even a gas station. Everything's dusty, bro. I pull off this thing, it's Delalo. I was like, that's from my hometown. I was like, there's no way. I didn't know that was a national thing. I look and I was like, no, made in Jeannette, Pennsylvania. I was like, how? What truck came out here, bro? What is Delalo? Delalo is like a little Italian market in a fucking suburb of Pennsylvania. I don't even know. It's not Pittsburgh, it's not Greensburg. I don't think there's anything I could say that made it all the way out to the res. Brother, brother in Wyoming. I'm like, how did you get out here, little guy? I just want to take it back home. I'll take you back. You lost your way, dude. Come back.

Speaker 3:
[37:07] Nobody talks about the Native Americans ever. It's like they get like the littlest bit of lip service at like liberal colleges every now and again.

Speaker 2:
[37:15] There's nothing good we can say.

Speaker 3:
[37:17] That's also kind of like a weird thing. Like just we're going to acknowledge the fact of this land. Anyway, here's what we're building here and it's going to be sick. It's going to be awesome.

Speaker 2:
[37:25] You guys get casinos. Let's get it.

Speaker 3:
[37:28] Yeah, dude, the Native American president could be sick. Yeah, could be dude the peace pipe in the Oval Office.

Speaker 1:
[37:34] I mean, that would honestly be the best thing.

Speaker 3:
[37:36] You're awesome.

Speaker 1:
[37:37] You're sitting down with Zee Jean Pagan smoking a peace pipe.

Speaker 3:
[37:40] Dude, it would be so especially I would like to and I don't want to get political here, but I would like to get away from having like 87 year olds as the president. Yeah, you can't have like a guy's cognitive decline.

Speaker 2:
[37:53] We need JFK to Tokyo Drift.

Speaker 1:
[37:55] We've got not much time left on here just making all our decisions.

Speaker 3:
[37:58] No, dude. Yeah, we need, I would say 50 is like the perfect age.

Speaker 1:
[38:02] Can I have one more counter argument against Native Americans though? They have historically taken so many L's. I don't know if you put them in show. We just went through a series of them taking L.

Speaker 3:
[38:16] Come on.

Speaker 2:
[38:17] They're L, bro.

Speaker 3:
[38:18] He's thinking about his country.

Speaker 2:
[38:20] Okay. Are you ready for this? So let's look at the other side of the coin. Okay. So if you've taken every L possible, you've learned every fucking way to not do that shit again. That's how I got where I am today.

Speaker 3:
[38:32] Yeah, it's up. It's now up.

Speaker 2:
[38:34] I learned every lesson the hard motherfucking way. You're making a good point.

Speaker 3:
[38:37] What's the hardest lesson you ever learned?

Speaker 2:
[38:39] Oh my God, dude. Look both ways before you cross that motherfucking road. Cousin.

Speaker 3:
[38:42] Oh yeah, you got hit by a car.

Speaker 2:
[38:43] Cousin.

Speaker 3:
[38:44] What kind of car?

Speaker 2:
[38:45] A Dodge Shadow 93 ES trim.

Speaker 3:
[38:52] How fast was it?

Speaker 2:
[38:53] 45 miles an hour.

Speaker 3:
[38:54] No.

Speaker 2:
[38:55] In a 25, cousin. Oh. I was 315 pounds at 13 years old while my dad stolen Trek mountain bike. I stole it from him. He didn't steal it. Yeah. It was rightfully his. I had no fucking right taking it. So let me bust this story down. Yeah. You got time? Let me bust this story down. Okay, so your boy was at home skipping school, not supposed to be doing it. And his dad's bike was in the basement, the nicest possession in the Heider household, not ever supposed to be touched by me who broke every fucking thing he ever touched ever. I was a nightmare. They called me bits and pieces. I don't even think my mom knew my name. She just called me bits and pieces because that's all the fuck I left. And so, okay. So I went down to the basement, I stole my dad's bike. It had a digital speedometer. It's important for later in the story. Foreshadowing. So, I take it and I dip off. I'm going to go to my boy Brandon's house. I'm going to flex on the neighborhood, right? Pimp, pimp, pimp, hooray. So, I go down and it's all downhill. So, at 315 pounds on a bike, downhill is fun. It's an easy game, dude. You could have flown. I could have. I didn't even touch the sidewalk cut. So, I get down there and I'm like, yo, look at this bike, it's tight, right? He's like, yeah, good point. Let's go on a bike ride. Our boy CJ just got hit by a car on his bicycle. We should go visit him. He's in danger. Okay. And I was like, that does seem nice, but that's all downhill. And then I'm gonna have to pedal all the way up here to get home. And it's like, I already pedaled down here to get here. I was like, all right, fuck it, right? Let's do it. Let's take him on for the team. So I went down, visited CJ, right? His mom is in the alley telling the story. Hype, bro. We're in Johnstown. She ghetto. We're hype. She had my baby say she only doing 25 mile an hour. I know she wasn't doing no 25 mile an hour. She came down to you, bam. She's like, look at my baby, dude, CJ. 68 pounds soaking wet with a pocket full of change. Come out, collarbone, but bro, he looked like tiny Tim up. He was ruined, dude, ruined. So I was like, damn, all right, that ain't good. So I was like, flex. I got the speedometer on my bike right now. I'm gonna come down past 25 mile an hour, right?

Speaker 3:
[40:51] As like, oh, you're like checking it.

Speaker 2:
[40:52] Exhibit X, exhibit X.

Speaker 3:
[40:56] You're like, let's get this back straight. This boy was on a mountain bike.

Speaker 2:
[41:01] Fact checker. So I'm gonna come down to 25 and you gauge, right? With your eye, your calculated eye. If that was, this is worth my life, okay? So I go up the hill, right? No, I stretch, right? And remember the calves? I got these calves, right?

Speaker 3:
[41:14] You got crazy calves.

Speaker 2:
[41:16] Calves are nuts.

Speaker 3:
[41:17] Calves are, you have a bodybuilder calf.

Speaker 2:
[41:19] Thank you, I appreciate it. So even at like 13 years old, I had about 400, 450 pound feet of torque, okay? So I put that bike in 37th gear, straight on. And I just started, bro, on this downhill, right? And I'm looking at 21, 22. Next thing you know, nothing, bro. All I hear is glass shatter, entire screech in that order. And that's important because she didn't hit the brakes until after this pack was done. Because she was, well, she wasn't on her phone. We didn't even have phones back then. But anyway, so she hit, right? Okay. And let me tell it right here. So I actually, what happened was the bike, it was an inferred stop sign. She was doing 45, I was doing 22. And you probably hit 23 by then. Maybe. Bro, I was locked into the speedometer. I did not even look ahead of me. 100%. So she came and it could have been this, which me on the bike hurt. It could have been this where she hit me, but it actually happened like this, where I just clipped her fender as she was going. And it sent me over her hood. And then her windshield and roof caught my 315 pound supple child body. Okay. Bent the whole safety cage back. And at which point she said, Oh, fucking shit. Right. Because my ass is in her mouth probably. Yeah. So she slams the brakes. Okay. And I go yeet, yeet, right? 28 feet through the air. Another 45 on my left ass cheek. And the only reason I know is because it's mostly missing. That could be an afterthought if you want to look at that. So a fly, right? And I didn't, I'm so stubborn, I didn't even know what the fuck happened. So I go to sit up and like, what the fuck? And I look over.

Speaker 3:
[42:57] Your shoes off?

Speaker 2:
[42:58] Brother, let it happen. Hold on one second.

Speaker 3:
[43:01] Shit, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad.

Speaker 2:
[43:02] Let it happen, cart before a horse, okay? So I sit up, I'm like, oh shit, dog damn, right? And I see a car antenna, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, down the road, but I'm keeping up with the. Right, and I'm like, oh, that's wild and crazy. Okay, I'm moving. And then I feel the inertia, like you stop at a stoplight and I'm looking, I'm like, I'm sitting in the middle of the fucking street. This is dangerous. So I go to get up, right? And I go, fat as shit, fat as shit. So I go to roll and get up in my little three stage motion that you do, right? When you ain't got the upper body strength. And I go to step off the road and it felt like I step in a pothole. And I'm like, Johnstown City Works, damn it. And I look down and it just looks like my shoe's off, but it's still attached to my foot and my calf is just on the ground. And my brain says, shut it down and start it back up. Something's wrong. So I, bam, straight back down. Right. And so when I went down, I hit my head and all that. So I'm out and the whole neighborhood's holding me down. They're like, oh my God. Right. And they're freaking out, bro. And I come to and I'm like Brandon, cause that's my boy I came with. That's the first thing I Brandon, Brandon. And my 14 year old friend, he can't even look at me, bro. He's like, he's dying. I can't look at my homie like that cousin. Right. Cause what I didn't know is there is a pool of blood puddling around my waist. So, well, that's, I know that now, but at the time they just thought my inner organs busted like a water balloon was leaking out of the closest hole I could find, which just happened to be my asshole. Yeah. So everyone was like, man, dead man walking. You know what I mean? They're like, bro, don't move, don't move. So long story short, they sent me to the hospital. They, they, well, they said we're going to have to catheterize you. And I was like, listen, I'm Christian. My grandma would not like that. We can't be doing that. I don't know what medically if that will help. But I just don't, they're like, no, we're going to stick a tube in your dick. I was like, can I be Catholic? Is that still on the table? I will be Catholic if that's still on the table. And they're like, no, we just got it. Damn, so bro, pulling it out was the crazy part.

Speaker 3:
[44:52] Yeah, I get that.

Speaker 2:
[44:53] Like she was starting a goddamn lawnmower, dude. She's yanking. Bro, she's like, hold up, hold up, hold up. Okay, hit the choke, hold up. Bang, boy. I was like, damn.

Speaker 1:
[45:02] I don't give you nothing for the pain or the feeling.

Speaker 2:
[45:03] Dude, it sucked a bedsheet up my ass, bro. It had so much fucking momentum, bro. It was insane.

Speaker 3:
[45:09] How long was the recovery?

Speaker 2:
[45:12] Way too long. So I was 14, this happened 10 days before summer vacation. And Brian Gunlinson, if you're still out there, I appreciate you. I'm sorry. I fucked up all your work. That was my leg specialist. So he rebuilt it, tibia fibia, clean through. Cause my leg wrapped around her A-pillar, like a snap bracelet. So it had dusted everything that was connecting. So they pinned and plated it all back together. He did a wonderful job, but I was a 315 pound fucking 14 year old who was not taking no on summer vacation. And I started walking on that. And if you look to this day, bro, I have the arthritis of a 90 year old man. You'll see me, bro, get if we ever go somewhere in a car for six hours, watch how I get out, make fun of me.

Speaker 3:
[45:53] You can't live stream it.

Speaker 2:
[45:54] Brother, brother, I make all the noises, old people noises.

Speaker 3:
[45:58] Yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 2:
[46:00] And my favorite hobby is driving cars that are slammed to the ground. And I'm like, this is, I literally, it's like that fucking Leonardo getting out on Waffle Wall Street. I just lay down and fucking crawl out. Yeah, it's a car now. No big deal.

Speaker 3:
[46:12] You like them slammed to the ground.

Speaker 2:
[46:14] Well, it's the only ones that are cool. I don't like trucks. Even that probably be a whole other issue. I have to get a fucking ladder.

Speaker 3:
[46:20] So you worry you're not to take away from almost dying. Were you worried about scraping the undercarriage? Or your slam load to the ground?

Speaker 2:
[46:27] Yeah, the Miata, literally, my Miata has stayed, are you talking about my asshole? Because I've done that.

Speaker 3:
[46:32] No, I'm talking about the car.

Speaker 2:
[46:33] Okay, I've hit road debris that I felt my asshole. 100%, 100%, because you're right, brother, cousin, you're right there. You hit like a bushing that fell off a fucking old truck and that floor panel, like it don't touch you.

Speaker 3:
[46:45] Yeah, but you feel the force.

Speaker 2:
[46:47] It's like if you put a fucking trash can lid on your ass and I hit it with a hammer. You're like, oh, that was a close one. So what's up with the, so Miata has stainless steel frame rails, because I planned for that. So it literally has 302 stainless steel. I could 50-50 grind my Miata down to six status stairs.

Speaker 3:
[47:03] That's fucking sick.

Speaker 2:
[47:04] Yeah, dude. As long as I don't blow out the oil pan, we're golden. But if I wreck that Miata, I'm fucking dead. It's literally a skateboard.

Speaker 3:
[47:10] So you healed up and do you have to fix your legs after you were thrashing around?

Speaker 2:
[47:13] Yeah. Well, okay. Well, what do you mean? Yeah, they pin-plated it all together. Then after I fucked it all up, I went back as an adult and I'm like, I'm sorry guys. I was young, immature. I'm new, I've grown. They're like, yeah, we could do something. We'll break your fucking leg, and we'll remove your ankle completely because you can't have arthritis in something you don't have. That's a cool trick we learned. We'll just fucking mount your foot straight to your fucking leg like Cotton Hill from King of the Hill. Blow out your ankle. Then you could just stab the clutch from your fucking hip. How am I going to?

Speaker 3:
[47:45] So obviously you don't have ankle flexion.

Speaker 2:
[47:46] There would be nothing. I've never got it done because they're like, that's the option. I'll just. Yeah. I'll stay.

Speaker 3:
[47:53] You would have like a GI. Joe foot just straight.

Speaker 2:
[47:56] I was like, do I at least get to pick the angle? I was like, what if I want to wear high heels? True. One six inch pump and a prosthetic like orthopedic.

Speaker 3:
[48:09] You should have just went and got the full fucking height surgery where they like break your legs and lengthen them. You could have got.

Speaker 2:
[48:14] You get in there. Yeah. That's called scope creep.

Speaker 3:
[48:18] Scope creep.

Speaker 2:
[48:18] Yeah. That's when you go in. So let's say you go in, right, you just want to break your legs so you could fix it. And you're like, well, while you're in there, why don't you give me extra leg surgery? And they're like, well, we got this new hydraulic leg surgery to make you jump really high. We'll already be in there. And you're like, well, while you're in there. So now what started out as a $3,000 fixer up, or now you're 55 grand in aftermarket supplies. That's scope creep. True.

Speaker 3:
[48:39] While you're in there.

Speaker 1:
[48:40] Home depot contractor.

Speaker 3:
[48:44] So what's the plan going forward, dude? What are you up to?

Speaker 2:
[48:48] In life.

Speaker 3:
[48:48] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[48:49] That's a great question, right?

Speaker 3:
[48:50] True.

Speaker 2:
[48:51] Just wing it. That's what I've been doing so far. I honestly didn't think I'd make it this far. I'm one of those people that just look back like, damn, that's a holy shit, huh? Because I look back at like a lot of the kids I grew up with and stuff, right? And even growing up, because there wasn't much structure there. Yeah. So I was just like, man, I'm part of PA.

Speaker 1:
[49:09] Like, where's your PA town? Like, where did you grow up? What's it called? Johnstown.

Speaker 2:
[49:12] Johnstown, Pennsylvania. What's up?

Speaker 3:
[49:15] Was that close? Me and Nate drove and we drove from Ohio to Pittsburgh and we were all pumped to see Youngstown, where Bone Thugs was from. That's close, right?

Speaker 2:
[49:26] Maybe. No, I think that's close to Pittsburgh.

Speaker 3:
[49:28] No, it's close to Pittsburgh. It definitely is. We were like all pumped because we kept seeing Youngstown. We're like, we were listening to Bone Thugs the whole time. Fucking being dorks.

Speaker 1:
[49:36] Two hours of Bone Thugs.

Speaker 3:
[49:38] I thought it was like, it's got to be coming up. We're in Ohio. It's got to be right here. It's like on the edge. Literally, I think it's the last town before you hit.

Speaker 2:
[49:44] Johnstown, Ohio.

Speaker 1:
[49:46] No, no, Youngstown.

Speaker 2:
[49:47] Youngstown, yeah.

Speaker 3:
[49:48] It's where Bone Thugs is from.

Speaker 2:
[49:49] Okay, okay.

Speaker 3:
[49:50] I didn't know if you knew it at all.

Speaker 2:
[49:51] Well, I know of Youngstown. Yeah, yeah. Okay. We don't go there.

Speaker 3:
[49:54] Oh, okay.

Speaker 2:
[49:54] It's just another hood.

Speaker 3:
[49:55] Yeah, I got you.

Speaker 2:
[49:56] I'm already from the hood. I don't got to go hood busy.

Speaker 3:
[49:59] Not even if Bone Thugs is from.

Speaker 2:
[50:04] I hear Crossroads, I think about my uncle's child, yo. I cry every time, but yeah.

Speaker 3:
[50:07] You don't need to go.

Speaker 2:
[50:08] No, when he touched, remember in the Crossroads video when he touched that man's head and his eyes turned black?

Speaker 3:
[50:11] Yeah, true.

Speaker 2:
[50:12] And I miss my uncle's child, yo. He should be gone in front of his home. Oh, dude, don't get me started.

Speaker 3:
[50:20] Oh, man.

Speaker 2:
[50:20] That's why they wanted, you had to edge me on. Now I'm here.

Speaker 3:
[50:23] Loud, loud and clear. So what's the plan? What's the plan going forward?

Speaker 2:
[50:27] I'm just going to keep working, bro. I'm going to keep doing it. If anybody wants to make me famous, I'll get famous.

Speaker 3:
[50:32] There you go.

Speaker 2:
[50:33] If you want, I mean, you know, I'm going to keep grinding out the content.

Speaker 3:
[50:37] I mean, can we pull up one of the, I just want the videos, dude, the videos are fucking amazing.

Speaker 1:
[50:41] Show me one that made me happy. What's the key, the one you just showed me with the glove? I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2:
[50:46] Oh yeah, no, I never posted that because that's one of those things. I never posted it because I was like, bro.

Speaker 1:
[50:50] I'm thinking about it. I don't know if it should go on the screen. He found the nugget.

Speaker 3:
[50:53] Here it is. This is.

Speaker 2:
[50:54] This one changed my life.

Speaker 3:
[50:55] Devil egg tray.

Speaker 2:
[50:58] We got a nugget all day. That was probably the most expensive one I'll hear about in the comments. My man got devil egg trays for devil egg days. Oh, no.

Speaker 3:
[51:15] Happy Easter.

Speaker 2:
[51:16] Twenty-seven minute video. My man.

Speaker 1:
[51:24] This shit gets deep.

Speaker 3:
[51:26] Of course. It's a lot of devil eggs.

Speaker 1:
[51:31] That's crazy.

Speaker 2:
[51:31] Insane. Primarily egg diet.

Speaker 3:
[51:34] In terms of encountering people living in the house.

Speaker 2:
[51:36] I hate that.

Speaker 3:
[51:37] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[51:38] I like finding them dead better.

Speaker 3:
[51:39] Yeah, I would say I sort of got I would say it's scary, dude.

Speaker 2:
[51:43] One time. So one time, long, long time ago, I came into this house, right? And just like typical shit. I break in. I usually don't even think someone's in there because it's so uncommon. And I go in and the house is warm. And I'm like, oh, that's creepy. And then I like walk in and I get hit in the neck with some drip and like, oh, the drip is warm. Oh, I hate this. And then I get in the living room and dude, oh, oh, the very important part. See, this one is not even significant to me. The whole house is a canyon of horde. The only thing to walk through is a canyon and it is eye fucking level trash. And then you start getting down and it starts getting wetter and wetter and wetter until it turns into dirt because it's been there so long that, you know, it just disintegrates. It just the paper and everything turns back into dirt. So I'm like walking through this. I'm like, this is crazy. And like I said, it's fucking eye level, dude. And I get into the living room and the lights are on. It's warm. It's weird. But again, you don't assume somebody's fucking in here, dude. You like it's so easy for me to like disassociate that somebody lives like that. But so this fucking Chihuahua, fucking Yorkie mix, bro, starts just like Simba in The Lion King, like prouncing over this fucking canyon towards me, barking. And I'm like, this eye level, like the playing field has been leveled here. I'm like, off. Yeah, this is not good for me. Okay. Like usually it's not scary because they're on the ground, but this is heightened and he has toxic damage too. He's charging through shit, dude. I'm scared. Okay. So he's coming at me and I hear a voice, I forget the dog's name, but she was like, get away from him or something. I'm like, oh no. I'm like, I'm with the bank. I don't know. And she's like, did Martha send you? I was like, I don't know Martha. I'm not. And it was dude, there was this lady that was a big girl. You ever see what's eating Gilbert Crate?

Speaker 3:
[53:33] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:34] You ever see his mom?

Speaker 3:
[53:35] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[53:35] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[53:36] She's this big girl in the trash.

Speaker 2:
[53:38] Bro, she can't leave. No. You eat your way and you can't leave because once you get bigger than a door, 36 inches. So keep a tape measure on deck if you get in there. Because I'm just saying, there's going to be a time that you leave your house for the last time.

Speaker 3:
[53:51] Yeah, she was entombed.

Speaker 2:
[53:53] Unless you go out to eat, then you won't be able to get back in, which is probably a better problem to have.

Speaker 3:
[53:58] Oh, fuck. So she was she was just part of the house.

Speaker 2:
[54:01] Yeah, they call it landlocked.

Speaker 3:
[54:02] Why can't the why can't the bank just respect that? Yeah, I know you guys. But I am become one with this house.

Speaker 2:
[54:11] Yeah, dude, they'll shut that shit down, throw you in the street and give the the subsidiary to someone who deserves it. I mean, they don't deserve it. I mean, it's not no. I'm sorry. It's not me to say anything about that. It's hard for me to imagine letting shit go that far. Right.

Speaker 3:
[54:26] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[54:26] Just I've let my life go pretty far. And I'm like, I know what it takes to hit a rock bottom. Like, I couldn't imagine hitting that rock bottom being like, this ain't that bad.

Speaker 3:
[54:33] I know.

Speaker 2:
[54:34] Let's keep it rolling.

Speaker 3:
[54:36] Dude, it's amazing.

Speaker 1:
[54:36] You ever find out what fell on you with dripping in that sewage sewage? OK, just straight from. OK, yeah, we do.

Speaker 2:
[54:42] Yeah, my my they're hot shit.

Speaker 3:
[54:45] You know, my uncle got me at that one time. We're all like working together. And I had early a year before Prank called my uncle, funny enough, as the bank, because he had just bought this house. He's all he's all pumped up. And I called him being like, hey, this is TD Bank. There's a second mortgage on your home. And I had the address and I was like clacking the keyboard the whole time. Sold it.

Speaker 2:
[55:04] Sold it.

Speaker 3:
[55:05] Sold it. Dude, he I was like, well, you know, it's like $87,000. Second mortgage. You didn't surprise you. They didn't come up with that at like title. They should have showed you that. And there he was like, just bugging out. Well, I'm like, I'm like, just come down here. We'll figure it out. Probably put a lien in your house. What's your mother's maiden name? He's like, I'm not telling you. God, he just passed and hung up. He ended up calling my whole family. He's called my dad, my aunt. He was just like freaking out. And they're all like, what the fuck? That sounds crazy. Like and then I told my dad what I did. And he was like, that's the funniest thing in the world. So they're all laughing. Eventually, he found out. My dad was like, dude, my it was my son. He's fucking with you. And my uncle was holding. He still holds a grudge to this day about it's been obviously maybe 12 years.

Speaker 1:
[55:46] Was that Hoss?

Speaker 3:
[55:47] No, no, no. That's my cousin. I don't know if Hoss would have went to the actually, he actually, Michael did go to the bank and started arguing with them in person.

Speaker 2:
[55:54] Why would you let that cook? I would have broke that for the end of the call.

Speaker 3:
[55:58] Me and my cousin in high school were like, just fucking around, calling people. I'm like, oh, this would be funny. It was like not even premeditated. And it was just a flawless prank. It just fucked them up. And we were they were knocking down a Xael do demolition. They were knocking down an old grocery store. And I was just standing there talking to everyone. And he we like saw each other and he just grabbed one of the pipes and bent it towards me and all that nasty water. Right. I was like, fair, fair. I was like, I'll take it. Fair enough. That stuff is nasty. It's kind of nice. It was like one of those like fat copper pipes.

Speaker 2:
[56:31] I was like, those sewage guys are a whole nother breed, bro.

Speaker 3:
[56:35] No.

Speaker 2:
[56:35] I had to call one of my house because like, that's not me. I'm not feeling around in that. And it was like backing up to my basement. Okay. And like my house sits up high. So it had this whole slope. Okay. Then down to the street. So we're talking 75 feet of three inch pipe filled with doodoo and buku berries. Okay. The whole nine, bro. The whole nine. And he's like trying to find it. And this and that in the third. And he goes out to the street and there's like a little turn. And he turns it and he's like, I found it, bro. And he jams this fucking giant snake, bro. This giant. And it hits this thing. And he's standing right over it, like looking down into it. Like that's, I know better than that. You shan't do that. Right. And he busts that thing loose. And what it happened to be was bacon grease. Because, you know, I'm used to renting. I'm still not. So bacon grease. And literally a five gallon bucket of undigested peanuts. Because I was going through a crunchy peanut butter face at that point.

Speaker 3:
[57:29] That's keto life, dude.

Speaker 2:
[57:30] And bro, I cannot. I literally had to like get the squirrels out of my yard for months because they were like, so this thing breaks loose, this fucking hard ball of break bacon grease and then like a fire hydrant of peanuts. And he's sitting there loving it, dude. He's like excited. Like he was waiting for Old Faithful to go off and he's like, I got it. I'm like, you're standing in it, bro. This ain't fucking Splash Mountain, bro. Fuck out of there, cousin.

Speaker 3:
[57:54] Yeah, that is, that is wild. That the pulp plumbing something I could never do. Just turds all day.

Speaker 2:
[58:00] All day for fun.

Speaker 1:
[58:01] But anytime you meet a plumber, they felt like they're built for it. You know what I mean? Yeah, they're that guy.

Speaker 3:
[58:06] True.

Speaker 2:
[58:07] I used to be in the car industry. Well, OK, I used to be in the customer service industry hard.

Speaker 3:
[58:12] Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2:
[58:12] Because I was a big boy. So my mom was always like, you're never be getting a job working on your feet.

Speaker 3:
[58:16] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[58:17] Not going to happen. Let's cut that shit short. You want to SSI check or you want a desk job? You know what I mean? I was like, OK, a desk job. Good point. So I get real, real, real good mom there. But so I go and I get desk job after desk job. And I'm good at it, right, because I'm personable, unlikable because we move schools all the time. That's how I got either get friends or you stay alone. So let's keep it rolling. So I got good at making friends. So customer service. Right. And desk job, desk job, desk job. But every six months, I'm like, man, what do you think dying is like? It has to be better than this. Right.

Speaker 3:
[58:51] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[58:52] So I'm like, man, that's something to think about. We'll put that on the back burner.

Speaker 3:
[59:01] It's truly, I guess, like suicide time.

Speaker 2:
[59:04] So I'm just going to keep doing my desk job and trying to figure out why I'm so sad.

Speaker 3:
[59:08] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[59:08] Right. And then the ultimate happened. Right. The pandemic happened in this order, bro. Pandemic happened. I almost died in traffic on the way home from getting fired from my job. And then as I got home, I got a whole new lease on life, made dinner for my wife and she got home and divorced me. And then the next day I wake up and I'm like, okay, I don't have a job. I have a whole new lease on life and I'm out of wife. What does your boy do? Right. And I was like, let's collect this. I love what the pandemic money. Right. I'm schizophrenic. I'm not going to lie, bro. I never know who's showing up for dinner.

Speaker 3:
[59:42] Well, the new lease on life with the firing, the new lease on life, nice sudden divorce. That's like, whoa.

Speaker 2:
[59:49] It was in 12 hours, dude. Bing, bang, bing, bing, bang.

Speaker 3:
[59:52] And then pandemic.

Speaker 2:
[59:52] Yeah. So I literally got rebirth. I was I woke up the next morning with placenta on me. I was like, this is I've never had such a tangible moment. Okay.

Speaker 3:
[60:00] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:00] Let's cook, dog.

Speaker 3:
[60:01] And then you just pandemiced up for like a couple of years there.

Speaker 2:
[60:06] Well, what was the question?

Speaker 3:
[60:07] So you then you rode that right into the pandemic.

Speaker 2:
[60:10] Well, that was the pandemic. I got fired because of the pandemic.

Speaker 3:
[60:13] Oh, dang it.

Speaker 2:
[60:14] It like big, big, big, big, big bang me. Like all like it was all rapid fire, bro. So well, actually, I got laid off. I was going home from a layoff. I got to specify because everyone's listening. He didn't get fired that day. I was going home from a layoff.

Speaker 3:
[60:26] Fair enough.

Speaker 2:
[60:26] They laid me off. And then the guy who laid me off got fired and they never brought me back.

Speaker 3:
[60:30] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:30] So call that what the fuck you want to call it. But I got a technicality.

Speaker 3:
[60:33] OK, if anyone wants out, it is cut an entire branch off the plant. They're just like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:37] And I was dangling on a security rope attached to it. OK, bye. So then I wrote out that pandemic money, right? Because your boy, Donny, was flapping me with them six hundred dollar stemies. And I was getting unemployment and I was getting, you know, Corey Heider's from the street monies.

Speaker 3:
[60:55] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[60:55] So your boy, I was like, I'm making more money.

Speaker 3:
[60:58] You're killing it.

Speaker 2:
[60:59] Unemployed and divorced. Yeah. This is fucking OK.

Speaker 3:
[61:03] Who knew?

Speaker 2:
[61:04] I know an upstroke when I see one, you know? So I wrote that out. And then I got bored, right? Because I was like, OK, well, this is not having a job is crazier than a desk job.

Speaker 3:
[61:13] It's weird. It is. Especially if you're used to having a job. When you stop having a job, it's a fucking weird feeling.

Speaker 2:
[61:18] I crave structured activity, bro.

Speaker 3:
[61:19] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[61:20] Hard. I'm like waking up with nothing to do. It's going to get fucked up quick.

Speaker 1:
[61:24] It gets up quick.

Speaker 2:
[61:26] When you're cranking your hog by 930 in the morning, you're like, yeah, nothing is only downhill from here.

Speaker 3:
[61:30] Yeah, that's when you start doing the darker corners of Craigslist.

Speaker 2:
[61:35] You want to do human trafficking? Looking at my shit too. You know what you want to do? You know, I don't know. Dark web hurts fun this time of year. So my boy calls me, right, in all those videos. Well, the videos I post, right, in the shit that you know, I know what he does. And he's like, Why don't you come work with me? And I was like, No. I was like, That's when you say you're bored. Your mom was like, Wash the dishes. Like, That's not fun. Yeah. That's not what I meant. He's like, Just come on, dude. I need help. So I just started helping him. And then I fell in love with it. Then you become normalized that shit. And I was like, Damn it. I'm an outside cat this whole time. I was an indoor cat.

Speaker 3:
[62:12] That's crazy. So you didn't have any like instruction experience before that?

Speaker 2:
[62:15] No. What? I would fuck around on my own accord, building cars and shit up.

Speaker 3:
[62:21] Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:
[62:21] Oh, and dude, when I was a kid, I could build a bong out of anything. By 12 years old, I ripped apart literally the entire RadioShack catalog and rebuilt it at one point. That's just what I did as a kid because I figured out, bro, at five years old, this blows my mind. I think this is the peak of my whole peak-edness. At five years old, bro, I figured out how an internal combustion engine worked because I couldn't figure out how the tire span. I was like, if the tire spins, something's got to spin to spin that and then something's got to spin to spin that, and then something's got to spin to spin that, but eventually, it's got to be a reciprocating motion. So how do you turn a reciprocating motion into a spinning motion? Then I had this toy steam train that had the wheel with the and I looked at turn the reciprocating into, I was like, I bet that's it and that's literally how an engine works. Now, if I was Japanese, I would have figured out the winkle rotary engine right there on the spot. But I didn't, I didn't, I didn't. So, you know, there's always a first place.

Speaker 3:
[63:09] I wish I had that because I remember being like a little boy and I was like, I had the weed whacker and I took it apart to do something. I was like, I'm going to take it apart. This is my seminal moment of becoming like a mechanical minded man. I took the weed whacker apart and just was like, fuck. I called my dad, I was like, dad, the weed whacker is kind of messed up. What the fuck is going on with it?

Speaker 2:
[63:28] I was like, I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[63:30] I was just trying to add the string and it got all fucked up. He's like, what the?

Speaker 1:
[63:33] Just multiple pieces.

Speaker 3:
[63:36] Yeah, I never tried to really fix anything ever since.

Speaker 2:
[63:38] It's just always mechanical. And then people were like, you're likable. I was like, OK, I'll lean into that because I've never, ever had confidence. And I've literally never had confidence in anything I've ever done. And if, you know, like this whole Instagram thing, it started as a Snapchat. So I used to send my friends like, post that shit, dude. You're killing it. Like this is funny. I'm the only one that sees it. You know what I mean? It's crazy. And then if you ever look, my Instagram handle is HeiderCorey. Like I had to look myself up in the phone book. Like I didn't know my name. And that's because Instagram was an accident, bro. I was working at a gas station with my fat, sweaty leg and it pocketed out because I was like on Facebook and I put it in there and it like opened Instagram. Started Instagram automatically from Facebook. Like I clicked things with my leg and I pulled it out of my pocket and HeiderCorey Instagram was logged in. I was like, what the fuck is that? Whoa. And I just canceled it and looked out and I never opened it again for five, six years. And then boy was like, yo, start posting that shit. And I opened Instagram, HeiderCorey and I was like, let's do it. I've thought about changing my name so many times, but I was like, I just imagine waking up with zero followers and I'm like, was it worth it or should I just been HeiderCorey? It's not a lot. I'm not wrong, but all right.

Speaker 3:
[64:41] Well, dude, man, can't thank you enough, dude. Yeah, we did it.

Speaker 2:
[64:44] We did it.

Speaker 3:
[64:45] I knew it would be fucking rad.

Speaker 2:
[64:46] What you guys want to do now? You want to go to Goodwill?

Speaker 3:
[64:48] Let's go chill.

Speaker 2:
[64:48] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[64:49] Let's go chill. Let's go walk the streets.

Speaker 2:
[64:50] We're going to fuck this place up.

Speaker 3:
[64:54] Dude, thank you, man. Yeah, just go on. What is it?

Speaker 2:
[64:56] Heider-Corey? Heider-Corey, Blue-Color Corey, Corey Megaheider.

Speaker 3:
[65:00] Corey Megaheider.

Speaker 2:
[65:01] That's on Facebook. That's my own personal Facebook because Instagram was like, yo, start a Facebook. And I was like, I have a Facebook. So I grew my own personal Facebook with like all the pictures I didn't want to have in social media and all that. I was like, fuck it. We'll just grow it. And I grew it to 80,000. They're like, oh, we meant a page, not a profile. I was like, you piece of shit. So that's why, yeah, dude, that's why I grew that page, Blue-Color Corey. Bro, I killed it there. Two months. First month, I had 130 million views.

Speaker 3:
[65:25] That's crazy. That's awesome.

Speaker 2:
[65:27] For just being a fucking dickwad from the hood. That's insane.

Speaker 3:
[65:31] That is awesome. Literally. You gotta sell a good t-shirt or something.

Speaker 2:
[65:35] I know. We're working on it. I think there's a lot of avenues. I think, honestly, me and the boys are, I think Philip, your boy from Rough House, are going to get on. I think we're going to get on. I got to do it. I'm just a, it's really, I don't mean to get down on it, but it's really hard for me to place a bet on myself. Like legit, like it's just so instilled in my DNA. Like, bro, your last place, just make do with it. You know what I mean? Like it's crazy. And I don't know if the amount of therapy or something can change that. And if it does, what if I'm not funny anymore? You know what I mean? Like, what if, cause you know how trauma takes it, right? I'm sure you've experienced trauma. I know you've had a up job.

Speaker 3:
[66:17] No, I think you can just, I would just rock it. I would just keep rocking it, dude. Just let it rip. Let it rip. Don't second guess yourself. I know what you mean. It feels weird. It's tough.

Speaker 2:
[66:26] It feels cocky. I've never been cocky.

Speaker 3:
[66:28] And the thing is too, is like, well, what the fuck? You know, you know how to do it. If it doesn't work out, you're like, there's no.

Speaker 1:
[66:34] You're just back to back to square one.

Speaker 2:
[66:36] Risk free.

Speaker 1:
[66:37] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[66:37] That's why I just like never quit working or like, you know, or never like leaned into it or went to like I do stand up every once in a while. But the stand up scene in Pittsburgh is crazy. Yeah, dude, I would like I'd be like, I think this is like a meeting. I think a meeting's funnier than this.

Speaker 3:
[66:51] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[66:51] The open mic comedy is pretty sad as it gets.

Speaker 3:
[66:53] Oh, that's one of the underworlds. We mentioned sitting desk jobs. That's an underworld. Stand up, open mics are an absolute underworld as well.

Speaker 1:
[67:00] It was crazy.

Speaker 2:
[67:01] I was talking to this one guy. I was like, I was like, so like we were talking, he's like, oh, I'm not even funny. I was like, you're not funny. I was like, you're going to do stand up. He's like, yeah, I just, I think some of these people, bro, they have a horrible social anxiety. Yeah. And it's like cutting themselves, like self-harm. You know what I mean? I'm going to go up on stage and just fucking bomb. Oh, dude, and everyone's going to hate me. It's going to be that social anxiety that I fear in my head, but I'm going to live it real. And at the end, it's going to be over. It's going to be the coming probably, you know what I mean? Just like the people that hurt themselves.

Speaker 3:
[67:30] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[67:30] Or people that do weird things.

Speaker 3:
[67:32] It's just like fucking, yeah, it's fucked up.

Speaker 2:
[67:36] Bully me, I'm going to come.

Speaker 3:
[67:39] I mean, that'd be kind of sick. If that worked, that'd be awesome. Yeah, I mean, there was obviously, I wish I came after I bombed.

Speaker 2:
[67:45] Yeah. Well, new set.

Speaker 3:
[67:50] Well, dude, thank you so much, man.

Speaker 2:
[67:51] Certainly.

Speaker 3:
[67:52] Hell yeah.

Speaker 2:
[67:52] Thank you. I appreciate it. Of course, man.

Speaker 3:
[67:55] You rocked.

Speaker 2:
[67:56] I feel like this is a monumental moment. Dude, this is going to be on my tombstone. I'm so excited.

Speaker 3:
[68:03] Dude, thank you, man.

Speaker 2:
[68:03] Yes, sir.

Speaker 3:
[68:04] I'm going to go pee.

Speaker 2:
[68:04] Thank you. I never know when we're done. Are we done?

Speaker 3:
[68:08] Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.