transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. I can hardly contain my excitement right now, because I'm about to introduce you to one of the most unforgettable light of fire under your rear end. Take no BS person you will ever meet. I'm talking about the one, the only Barbara Corcoran. She is one of the original sharks on Shark Tank. She is a real estate mogul, one of the most influential self-made women in business, a boundary-breaking entrepreneur and investor. And you've probably seen this 76-year-old dishing out advice to entrepreneurs on television, but you've never experienced the wisdom she is about to give to you directly today based on her remarkable life and career. Barbara went from being called stupid by the nuns in her Catholic school to working 22 different jobs to borrowing $1,000 from her boyfriend to start in the real estate business only to get dumped when he left her for her secretary to building one of the biggest real estate companies in New York City and selling it for $66 million. If you're feeling behind, underestimated, or you don't think you have what it takes, Barbara will tell you BS. You just need her playbook. She's going to look you straight in the eye and call you out on every single excuse that you've been hiding behind. And if you've been telling yourself you're too old and it's too late, you better buckle up because she's got some things to say to you. She's also going to break down the real foundations for success, teach you how to build confidence after you've been dumped, rejected, discarded or doubted, and will reveal the big difference between people who win and people who lose. I cannot wait for you to hear and to experience this episode today. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. It's such an honor to spend time with you and to be together. And if you're a new listener, I just want to take a moment and welcome you to The Mel Robbins Podcast family. You have picked a winner, because today our guest is the one and the only Barbara Corcoran. And she is here to tell you exactly how to beat self-doubt, reinvent your life and build real success. Barbara Corcoran is one of the most influential self-made entrepreneurs alive today. She's a real estate mogul, investor and business expert who built her name and her fortune from scratch. When she was 23 years old, she borrowed $1,000, quit waitressing, and started a tiny real estate company in New York City. Well, that company went on to become the Corcoran Group. And she grew it into one of the largest and best known residential real estate brands in the world. She sold the business for $66 million in cash. She is also an original shark on ABC's Shark Tank, where entrepreneurs pitch their ideas to top business leaders like Barbara. And she's been on the show since it launched in 2009. It's now in its 17th season. She's made over 130 deals on Shark Tank, investing over $61 million. And she's also an executive producer on the show, making her a five-time Emmy Award winner. She's the author of the New York Times bestseller, Shark Tales, how I turned $1,000 into a billion-dollar business. And after hearing her, do not be surprised. If you find yourself not just thinking, well, if she can do it, so can I, you're going to find yourself getting out there and doing it. So please help me welcome the legendary Barbara Corcoran to The Mel Robbins Podcast. Barbara Corcoran, welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast.

Speaker 2:
[03:57] Thank you very much.

Speaker 1:
[03:58] I have been looking forward to this because I have met you in passing a number of times. I admire you so much. I'm a fan of Shark Tank. I've heard your keynote address. It's extraordinary. How might my life be different if I take everything to heart that you're about to share with us and teach us today, and I apply it to my own life or my business?

Speaker 2:
[04:20] I would love people to appreciate and believe that you're far more capable than you think you are. I've never met a person who wasn't more capable than they gave themselves credit for it, and I'd like people to really understand that you don't have to do it the way everybody else does. It's not the way that you're going to do it. You're free to do it exactly as you please.

Speaker 1:
[04:40] I know that so many people are going to listen to this, and they're going to share it particularly with the women in their lives that are doubting themselves, that don't think they're capable. So could you speak directly to the person who maybe received this from a friend or a sister, and they're feeling full of doubt, they've lost some confidence, they're feeling a little stuck. What do you want to say to that?

Speaker 2:
[05:02] Well, I think everyone feels stuck. I'm probably feeling stuck four or five times a month.

Speaker 1:
[05:07] Really?

Speaker 2:
[05:07] It's not important whether you feel stuck or not. Just assume it's a human condition. We all feel that way. But I think you can do a lot to change yourself to being unstuck, and one of the best ways to do it, or at least I started with it, is to change tape in your head. I had a tape in my head like intimidation all the way until I decided to change it from, Barbara, you're overstating, Barbara, you can't get there, Barbara, you can't, can't, can't, can't, can't, and replace it with, Barbara, you're incredible. Now, did I believe it? No, but I made the habit of changing it every time my mind went down that hole. I changed it to, Barbara, you're incredible, and eventually I started believing it. We all have lousy tapes that I had leftover from childhood. Man, I have a little, I think the woman that gave me the worst tape in my head was Sister Stella Marie, the nun from hell, in third grade, who said, you're always gonna be stupid because you can't read. It took me probably eight years to get over that. And I said, I'm not gonna be stupid. And that's, I decided not to be. I mean, it's a shame. How dare someone make you feel less than you are. You've gotta come back strong.

Speaker 1:
[06:10] Well, and oftentimes, Barbara, and I think you know this too, because you just talked a little bit about how you were like, Barbara, you're doing this, Barbara, you're doing that, and you started saying, Barbara, you're incredible. And then the more you repeated it, you started to believe it. But oftentimes, the person that's beaten us down the most is ourselves.

Speaker 2:
[06:26] Yes, very much.

Speaker 1:
[06:27] And so for the person who's listening right now, who feels like, okay, Mel, Barbara, I love both you ladies, but it's too late for me. I have screwed up too many times. I have not gotten myself together. It's too late, I'm too old. What do you want to say to that person?

Speaker 2:
[06:43] It's never too late, obviously. You know that, I know that. But I think you just have to pause and realize, I have always done a simple exercise. I've counted the years I have left, and think of how many more me's can I get in those years. So when I was 46 and sold my business, I thought I sold the golden goose, and I thought I would never ever create another business again like that. I thought I had sold my best business. Not that I didn't want to, I wanted to. But then I realized I was the golden goose. You can create exactly what you want. I mean, I laid eggs again and again, and I reinvented myself over and over again. But I think the key there really is to believe that you really have to get good at trying. Because the minute you try, an opportunity is right there, and you go, well, I didn't think of that. But it's when you're in that still position, or at least for me, when I'm in a still position, I could sit at my desk and try to invent an idea, forget it. It's about moving on something, anything. Just get yourself moving, and then the idea becomes itself. And by the way, about failing at stuff, which I find just stops a lot of people. They feel they've had two or three failures, and, oh, I'm not going to do it. I just don't believe in that. I think they just didn't hang around long enough to see the flip side of failure, because all my good stuff happened after a big failure. It almost seemed like for me, the bigger the failure I had, the bigger the upside. But I was dogged enough to just stay there and see there's got to be something here. There's got to be something. And I think just waiting around for the something to find it and believing there's something there, I don't think you're ever wrong. I think there's always something there and you could get something started again.

Speaker 1:
[08:19] You said something that really caught my attention, which is you do this thing where you count the years you have left.

Speaker 2:
[08:25] Yes, I do.

Speaker 1:
[08:26] So do you have a number in mind for how long you're going to live?

Speaker 2:
[08:29] Yeah, about 105.

Speaker 1:
[08:30] Okay, 105. So let's just take that away as something you can grab from Barbara. You're going to live to 105. You've got that many years left.

Speaker 2:
[08:41] 35 years.

Speaker 1:
[08:42] That's a lot. How many me's can I pack into?

Speaker 2:
[08:45] How about another two? But they've got to be different. They've got to suit who I am at that juncture in my life.

Speaker 1:
[08:50] Oh, I love that.

Speaker 2:
[08:51] I could never build another real estate business with the energy it took, the people I had to hire, the financial stress I went through. I'm older now. I just can't handle that. It's got to be appropriate to who you are and true to yourself at that point in time because your experience changes you. You're still the same Barbara, but you're slightly different, so it's got to fit you very well.

Speaker 1:
[09:10] How do you know what fits you and what doesn't?

Speaker 2:
[09:12] It feels right. I don't have a plan necessarily. I might have a vague plan, but I have confidence that I'll find something and that it will feel right when I see it. Like I did this last go-around when I saw the Corcoran group, I tried cooking lessons. I was going to be a chef. I tried artistic lessons. I was going to be an artist. I have all those capabilities, but nothing felt right. I started a PR company for about three months. It didn't feel right. It threw that away. And the fourth one I landed on, I became an expert in real estate on The Today Show. And all of a sudden, I was getting work. And I said, hey, this feels right. Let me do it. I'm good at talking on TV. And off I went.

Speaker 1:
[09:50] And that right there is an example of exactly what you just told us to do. You have to try. You're also known as one of the most accomplished investors and founders today. But what people don't know is how the story begins. And so what I want to do is go all the way back to growing up in New Jersey and talk about what life really looked like. I got a little photo for you of you and your siblings.

Speaker 2:
[10:18] Oh, sure. I love this photo. That was my sister Ellen's idea. Thank God we posed for it.

Speaker 1:
[10:23] Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[10:24] You don't get those opportunities easily enough.

Speaker 1:
[10:26] Talk about what life really looked like when you were growing up in New Jersey.

Speaker 2:
[10:31] Well I actually had a very happy childhood. I was very poor, but I was happy. My mother had 10 kids. My father was her 11th child. I think he was the hardest to manage of all of us. But it was crowded and it was competitive. I would say those two words come to mind, always crowded. So you had to make do all the time and finesse all the time and competitive. You had to compete for my mother and father's attention. We each got very little tension. It was doled out in tiny little pieces. And I really believe that's the reason I've needed a lot of attention my whole life, making up for that or something. But it was chaotic. But my mother had a great ability for systems. She had a system for everything in the household. And with her systems, we were always well dressed. We were always had good meals. We always celebrated holidays. And we felt like we were the rich kids in town, really. But we weren't. But what a great upbringing I had, really.

Speaker 1:
[11:24] So you grew up in a two-bedroom flat with 10 siblings. How did that shape the way you approach life?

Speaker 2:
[11:31] I was always competing for my mother's attention. So I got good at talking. I got good at entertaining the kids, entertaining my parents. And I was always wanted in the group. You know, you kind of had to be invited in. When you have 10 kids, you play with whoever you want. I was always one of the kids they wanted to play with because I was fun, fun loving. So I learned how to make fun. And I just carried that forth to my business. I think I was the most fun boss in the world. And that made a big difference. It made people love me.

Speaker 1:
[11:59] Did having a ton of siblings and growing up in an environment that was crowded and competitive help you learn how to read people? Because I think one of the things that I've noticed about you, especially in your role as a judge on Shark Tank, is you seem to be an instant judge of good or bad character, of a founder you want to invest in and somebody you don't.

Speaker 2:
[12:21] You know, when we were kids, my mother was a great judge of people. She had a crazy thing she did when she brought the kid home from Holy Name Hospital. She'd unwrap them and say, meet your brother Tommy. He's going to be a magnificent dancer. Wow, a dancer in the family. And she coined what everybody was going to be when they grew up. She was amazingly accurate. The reason she made that prediction about my brother was he had fat legs and he was kicking like hell. But he became a ballet dancer for Alvin Ali Dance Theater.

Speaker 1:
[12:48] He did for Alvin Ali?

Speaker 2:
[12:49] For me, she said, when I came home crying at a school, that sister, Stella Marie had told me I was stupid again. She said to me, don't worry about it. You have a wonderful imagination. And she announced that when I was born and she put me in that role all the time. And she said, with it, you'll fill in all the blanks. So I grew up really thinking I had the best imagination in the world. So judging people, I think we're all in our family great judges of people because my mother was. My mother could judge anyone from a mile away and she was accurate. I remember when I was running my business, I hired bookkeepers to be salespeople, salespeople to be bookkeepers, switch things around because I just envisioned them in a different role. I saw that capacity and I had the empathy to walk in their shoes and understand them. As a result of that, I really hired good people. I really think that was my secret, but I got it from my mother. I never had a mentor, but I had my mother.

Speaker 1:
[13:44] You told the story about that awful nun who said you were stupid.

Speaker 2:
[13:48] The nun from hell.

Speaker 1:
[13:49] The nun from hell. What you didn't know at the time is that it wasn't that you couldn't read, it was that you had dyslexia.

Speaker 2:
[13:56] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[13:56] And like me.

Speaker 2:
[13:57] They didn't have a name for that. I don't think then.

Speaker 1:
[13:59] They definitely didn't because they really weren't talking about it much when I was in school and I'm a couple decades younger, just a couple.

Speaker 2:
[14:06] They had a special class or not?

Speaker 1:
[14:07] They did down the hall.

Speaker 2:
[14:09] Ah.

Speaker 1:
[14:09] Yes, but I found out that I had dyslexia late in life just like you did because our sons were being diagnosed.

Speaker 2:
[14:15] Yes, that's usually when you find out.

Speaker 1:
[14:17] So do you think being underestimated or having to figure out different ways to solve problems is part of what's made you successful?

Speaker 2:
[14:27] I think dyslexia made me successful. I don't think I would have been successful without it. A lot comes with being dyslexic. You look at the world differently, you interpret it differently, you over-prepare it constantly or I am, I'll prepare like seven hours for a one-hour speech. It's ridiculous. Do I know this stuff? Of course I do, but I'm so insecure because I never want to be called on again and not know the answer. Nothing's worse than being a dyslexic child and being judged by how well you could read or write. The worst thing for me was being asked to read out loud in front of the other kids. You're definitely looking stupid. But you know what it brings with you? A different way of thinking. I sat in that classroom six hours a day and just imagined things. I never paid attention. It's right that today I could think of an idea in a minute. I could just think of solutions really fast. That's a gift I got out of being dyslexic. I think also that with dyslexia, people underestimate you so you don't read at the board meeting and they write you off because you're stumbling but they don't know your imagination and what you're thinking about and how you express yourself with your mouth as a result of not being able to write. I mean, I got very goofed by mouth. I got very funny.

Speaker 1:
[15:38] You and I are so similar.

Speaker 2:
[15:39] Really?

Speaker 1:
[15:40] Yes. If you can't do what's being asked of you, you find other ways to matter. You find other ways to express yourself. I mean, there's no way you're muscle somewhere else. Yes. Do you think it's interesting because I think a lot of people are afraid of being underestimated, but for you and me, come on, you know better. Talk to me about what it means to be underestimated.

Speaker 2:
[16:03] When I was building my business at Corcoran Group in New York City, you have to appreciate that all the businesses are owned by men. All the people who worked for the businesses were well connected. I hired everybody that nobody else wanted. People wrote me off. They weren't watching me for like 10 years. None of the big boys watched me. I was a girl that wasn't going to do anything really spectacular. I creeped up on them. They weren't watching. I bit their ass from behind. They never knew what was coming. I was able to try marketing ideas that they never thought of. I did business a different way. I was able to hire gay men. No one was hiring gay men. But what dedication I had from my gay salespeople. I hired everybody who didn't want to. But what a team we felt. And everybody was getting even, proving that they could be a somebody. And I was there to tell them they were better than they ever were. And they were really going to be a somebody. And guess what everybody did? Even a guy I hired as a concierge desk at the Pierre Hotel became my secretary. And he later went on to run my archrival and almost put me out of business. My God, I just had a gift for knowing what people would do well.

Speaker 1:
[17:08] You know, one of the things that I also love about you is, I think there's very few people that could outwork me, but you might be one of them.

Speaker 2:
[17:17] Oh, I can outwork you. No doubt. I've never met anyone who could work harder.

Speaker 1:
[17:20] Yes, you work very, very hard. You work 22 jobs before you started that real estate business, including being a receptionist, a waitress. I want you to walk me through that chapter. And what did those early jobs teach you?

Speaker 2:
[17:36] The early jobs are invaluable. And you know, today people think they should know what they want to be when they grow up, and they get right into that track. I think it's such a terrible mistake. I spent those 22 jobs, most importantly, learning what I was good and what I was bad at. So I was a great waitress. I at times had three waitress jobs at once, but I could charm anybody. I could serve them faster than anybody, get that coffee there, call the guy handsome if I couldn't remember his name from the day before. And it helped me tremendously. I was a nurse's aide, and I had a post-temperature chart, so I got the numbers mixed up. I knew I didn't belong in a business with numbers at all. I learned that I could sell more hot dogs at a hot dog stand than the next kid because I had the gift of gab. I learned exactly what I should be at, and I learned really, most importantly, I was great at sales, and that's what I wound up being. When I went into the real estate business, I knew nothing about real estate and never really learned anything about real estate, but I knew how to make people happy with their real estate and talk them into things they really loved and were afraid to make the choice about.

Speaker 1:
[18:39] What do you think makes someone good at sales?

Speaker 2:
[18:43] I think it's being genuine. I don't think you can fake it. I think people know when you're selling them something they don't want to buy, talking them into it. I think you just have to make someone comfortable with what they're going to choose anyway. Give them reasons why it's a great choice. Make them feel justified in going up to a higher price, that they deserve that apartment at a higher price, so they deserve the better view or whatever. I think it's making them feel comfortable with you. It's really more what sales is about comfort.

Speaker 1:
[19:14] I agree. I think that's a lot of what comes through those early jobs, is getting comfortable with yourself and comfortable with people of different moods as you're serving them.

Speaker 2:
[19:23] But thank God I had the chance to try out 22 jobs. When I went into Bloomingdale to buy my first coat, which was an extravagant coat with my first commission check, I didn't know what I'd look good in. I tried on a million coats and it's the same way with jobs. I think you got to just try on a million stuff to see what you're good at. It just doesn't come naturally.

Speaker 1:
[19:43] I have a photo of you.

Speaker 2:
[19:45] Where are you getting these photos?

Speaker 1:
[19:47] I haven't seen this in the 12 years old.

Speaker 2:
[19:50] That's the coat I was telling you about.

Speaker 1:
[19:52] Are you kidding me? Yes.

Speaker 2:
[19:53] I swear to God.

Speaker 1:
[19:54] That's the first coat you bought at Bloomingdale.

Speaker 2:
[19:56] It was $330 and I had a $340 commission check.

Speaker 1:
[20:01] Okay. Hold on a second. So you earned $340 on your first real estate transaction and you spent $330 of it on a coat.

Speaker 2:
[20:09] Yeah, I blew it.

Speaker 1:
[20:10] And so what would you tell that version of you, the 23-year-old Barbara, about what's possible?

Speaker 2:
[20:18] I would have told myself, you're dead on. You look and feel like a million bucks, you're going to act like a million bucks. I wanted to be the queen of New York real estate on day one in the business. I saw it like I could taste it, touch it, saw it in living color. But I had a ratty alphan on, you know? So once I put that coat on, I wore it for the next six years, up and down the streets of Manhattan. But I felt like a fancy lady. Everyone would have told me what a stupid thing to do when you only had $1,000 to stretch. It wasn't a stupid thing. It was probably the best thing I ever bought.

Speaker 1:
[20:52] How come?

Speaker 2:
[20:53] Because it made me feel like who I wanted to be.

Speaker 1:
[20:56] Well, you know what I love about this story? There's really important wisdom to pull out of it that I want to make sure as you're listening or watching that you don't miss. So Barbara, even at the age of 23, you had this sense of clarity to be able to say to yourself, this is what I want. And without that sense of clarity and the permission that you give yourself to say, you know what, I want to be successful in real estate. I want to be the queen of real estate in New York City. Why the hell not? Declaring it is the first step. And then you started to think about what are some of the small things I need to do to feel like it. And the coat was the first one to embody it, to look like it, to feel like it before you were it. So let's fast forward seven years, you're 30 years old. Your boyfriend, who also becomes your business partner. Why the hell are you in business with your boyfriend, Barbara?

Speaker 2:
[21:48] I was a diner waitress and he came in one night and he was charming. He had jet black hair, aviator shades on. He was sexy. I had never had a boyfriend. So at 23, I really wanted a boyfriend. And he later, two months later, once I was his girlfriend, gave me $1,000 to start my business. Where the heck would I get $1,000? That was a lucky break. That was a lucky break. And I started the company first with him. I needed him. I didn't have the confidence at the time to think I could really do it, but he told me I could. And then I believed it. He told me he was successful in business. He was charming and he said you'd be great at real estate sales. So I said, okay, that's good enough. I could always go back to the diner. And that's exactly what I did. I started the business.

Speaker 1:
[22:34] So he left you.

Speaker 2:
[22:36] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[22:37] Married?

Speaker 2:
[22:37] My secretary, that bitch.

Speaker 1:
[22:41] Well, now you want to thank her probably.

Speaker 2:
[22:43] Yeah, probably.

Speaker 1:
[22:44] But he also told you that you'll never succeed without me.

Speaker 2:
[22:49] Well, I don't blame him. Because I was going out the door, I divided the business in half and left him on a Friday afternoon and took half of my business out with me. And I think he was angry. I don't really think in the hindsight when I think about it that he meant it, but thank God he said it. Because when he said, you'll never succeed without me, I knew I'd rather die than not succeed. And when I was in bad times and didn't know how to keep the business, through all the upheavals in New York City, going bankrupt, the stock market crashed, 9-11, when I would always be out of cash, I would think of his words. I would just come back on me. And I would always think of some other angle to keep in business. So thank God he said that. He was wrong. I sold my business for $66 million about 20 years later. And he was out of business in three years. So go figure.

Speaker 1:
[23:42] I almost said I heard. So yeah, yeah, yeah. So how do you build confidence when you're scared or when you're unsure?

Speaker 2:
[23:55] You know, I have all my confidence for one thing only, and I don't think people appreciate it. They think if you're successful at what you attempt, even in a particular chapter in your life or day in your life, you grab from that your confidence and you have more confidence for the next time. It's never worked for me that way. I've tried everything. I've failed most things, but most things in my real estate business are flops. But when I had a success, I found my confidence wasn't built. But what did build my confidence and made it rock solid is I knew I could outwork and out try anyone and I knew I'd be back. If I failed, I just knew in my heart, I was going to stand right back up and know you always stand back up and try again. You're confident. You look confident because you are confident. You might not win again, you might fail again, but the next one will be a win. So I just keep trying, trying, trying, trying. I try so much to say anything that's new out in the social space, I try it. That's where I get my confidence from.

Speaker 1:
[24:55] That's the best definition of confidence because I think most people say my confidence is in the thing I'm accomplishing. What you just said, no, confidence, true confidence is knowing that you can count on yourself to keep going and to pick yourself back up and it keeps that away from you. That's right. Nobody can take that away from you. What is the biggest failure that you've had? You keep talking about failure. What's the one that was like, whoa.

Speaker 2:
[25:21] Well, any of my failures, the biggest ones were always my biggest success. Probably the one I lost the most money on, would you say was a failure?

Speaker 1:
[25:30] Sure. What was that?

Speaker 2:
[25:31] That was homes on tape. I announced to my salespeople, we're going to take all your apartments and put them on videotape. This was before the advent of the Internet.

Speaker 1:
[25:40] That sounds brilliant.

Speaker 2:
[25:41] It sounds brilliant. They cheered me on. I felt like a goddamn genius. I put everybody on videotape, including my salespeople, did their makeup, did they have made them look beautiful, and no one handed out the tape. I couldn't believe that it would be, I spent $77,000, which was my first profit on the, what I thought was a great idea. It failed miserably. But I was with my husband that weekend, right after the failure and feeling sorry for myself for about a minute. He mentioned he was playing war games on this new government thing called the Internet in real time. I took my tapes and put them on the Internet that Monday morning, and I registered all my competitors URLs, so I own them. We sold two apartments out of London in one week. Boom, boom, it just hit. That was the advent of the Internet, which was going to change the real estate business more than any other thing has changed it. But I had almost two years to play around on the Internet before my competitors woke up. When they woke up, they always called me asking for the URLs. That's how I knew they were waking up. But now look at that. That was the worst disaster money wise, because it was my whole profit. But in the long run or even in the short run, it was my biggest success. The Internet took me from maybe 12th, 13th position and maybe number three. I was coming within shooting range after the Internet. Because I was there early and it was simply happenstance. I hung around. That's all I did. I hung around and used it.

Speaker 1:
[27:10] What's your advice to somebody who's listening right now, who's just starting their career, who's trying to figure out their future?

Speaker 2:
[27:19] You're not going to figure it out from afar. Just try a lot of stuff on. Forget about what mom and dad said or whatever. Just figure out. I think a good guide is to figure out what you're good at, and figure out what you're not good at. If you don't know, get out and play in the traffic and find out. See if you're good at this or that, and that makes for a happy and successful career. If you could wrap a career choice around something you're naturally good at, you have nothing to do but win. You really will win with it because that's what I did. I only utilize in my business a few traits that I have, and that's good enough.

Speaker 1:
[27:54] What are the few traits?

Speaker 2:
[27:56] Judging people, marketing, and salesmanship. That's what I do well. When I sold the Corcoran group, I sat down with a legal pad and wrote down everything I was good at and everything I was bad at to try to think of what I would do. There were only three things I could do. One of them was TV, one of them was PR agency, and one was an advertising agency. Would utilize my traits of being good on camera, being a good salesman, and liking public speaking. Those were the three that were on the list. And I went into the TV business, thank God. I could have done it in the PR and advertising space, I think just as well.

Speaker 1:
[28:30] Well, you said you tried it, but you didn't like it. It didn't feel right.

Speaker 2:
[28:33] Yeah, I didn't.

Speaker 1:
[28:33] That's why you gotta get in traffic and play around, because then you're gonna figure out what actually feels right and what doesn't. You know, there's a lot of people that are losing their jobs right now. And also I read this stat that 69% of Americans would quit their job today if they could afford to.

Speaker 2:
[28:49] Wow, is that true?

Speaker 1:
[28:51] Yep, because they do not like what they do. What do you think the single most valuable skill right now is that someone should focus on learning?

Speaker 2:
[29:02] Well, technology, of course, AI in particular. I can't imagine running my business without it. I've just gotten on it six months ago or so. You know, that's important. But I think far more important for anyone thinking of how they should spend their time. I think when you pick a job, you shouldn't be choosing what job you want, but you should be looking for a good person to work for. When you've got a great boss, it's far, far more important than a great job because the boss has got your back. He pushes you ahead. He believes in you. And you have a heck of a fun time working for him. But most people choose a position over the boss or the chances of promotion over the boss. When you have a good boss, you got the right thing in your own corner.

Speaker 1:
[29:44] Barbara, where were you in my 20s and 30s? You would have saved me so many mistakes if I had had this advice of yours sooner. But I got it now. And you got it now. Here's what I want to do. I want to hit the pause button so that we can hear a word from our sponsors. But I really want to just give you a chance to share this episode in your family group chat. You know, you want to know who I'm sending this to? I am sending this to my three adult kids. I'm sending it to my best friend Jodi, who is starting a new business. She needs to hear Barbara. You have people in your life who need Barbara Corcoran in their life. So share this extraordinary episode with them and don't go anywhere. When we return, Barbara is going to share exactly how to ask for more money at work and the mindset difference between people who win and people who stay stuck. You're going to be surprised by her answer. So don't go anywhere. Stay with me. We'll be right back. Welcome back, it's your friend Mel Robbins. You and I are here with Barbara Corcoran, who is Dishing Out the Truth. We have so much more to jump into. So Barbara, how do you know who is a good boss? Like, what would you look for? If you were going out and you're not, well, obviously you're Barbara Corcoran, so you're not going out looking for a job, but-

Speaker 2:
[30:59] I may be.

Speaker 1:
[31:00] Well, maybe, who knows? But if you were looking and assessing, who do I wanna work for? What would you want that boss, him or her, to have in terms of making them a good boss?

Speaker 2:
[31:12] I would say the most important trait is have them speak about who works with them. Who do you have working for you now? Who's your favorite person? What do you do with them? How long have they been here? You're actually finding out if they're working for the people versus the people working for them, which I think is really the key to being a good boss is to work for your people. You want someone who's gonna say this guy got promoted, blah, blah, blah. If you just get a guy who wants you to do your job, and that's it, and you don't prod him to tell you about the people, you really won't learn about his attitude toward people, and you don't know what you're working for.

Speaker 1:
[31:46] What do you think the difference is between somebody who's a boss versus somebody being a good leader?

Speaker 2:
[31:53] Well, I guess a boss tells you what you ought to be doing, which is valuable. You want to know what your job is. But a leader inspires you and gets you to believe in their dream and see things the way they do, and makes you willing to climb up the mountain behind them. I think being a leader is not easy. It doesn't come to everybody. But I think it has to be 100% genuine, and you have to be on the employee's side. If they feel that, they'll follow you anywhere. They really will.

Speaker 1:
[32:21] How can you be a good leader? Like for somebody who's listening that wants to be better in a leadership role or to just be a good leader, what are some of the things that you would tell them to think about?

Speaker 2:
[32:32] I think the most important thing is to speak genuinely. I mean, you know when you're being conned and bosses are great at conning you, but if you're a great leader and you speak genuinely as to why what you want them to do is good for them, not for you, they'll listen to you and they'll follow you. I think you have to put it in their terms why it's good for them because the good leader is always working for their employees if they have their head on straight and that's how you get it done.

Speaker 1:
[33:00] What are the characteristics that would make you fire somebody like you're out?

Speaker 2:
[33:05] Oh, only one thing. I don't mind ineptitude. I don't even mind people who aren't putting in the effort. I can change that. I can inspire them and change it, but I can't change a complainer. If you're a complainer, I get rid of them. It's like a cancer in a company. One complainer feeling sorry, oh poor me, needs oh poor you. And it's contagious. It catches on and becomes insetuous as a company. I don't tolerate complainers. I got rid of them as fast as I could because they were dangerous and they were attacking my people. I felt a negative attitude was attacking my positive people. So I got rid of them.

Speaker 1:
[33:39] And you know, why does teamwork matter so much? You've talked so much about team. Why does teamwork matter? And how do you build trust with your team? Because especially like if you think back to building your real estate company, people go between real estate companies all the time. They get poached all the time. And it takes trust to stay somewhere.

Speaker 2:
[34:01] Well, in the real estate business, it's tremendous turnover, roughly 60% a year. I never had anyone leave unless I fired them. They never wanted to leave. They were having the most fun at my company. They liked me more than any of the boss out there. And they most importantly liked each other. It was their family. So they stayed around. And how do you inspire that? By letting them know at every turn along the way that you're for them. I'm here to serve you. What do you need lately? How can I make your job easier? What would you like to be when you grow up? Where do you want to be promoted to? What do you want to do? I just had their viewpoint in my head. It didn't make a difference what I thought. But what happened naturally was they became ferocious and on my side. And besides that, you know why you basically need a team? Because you can't build a business without it. I've never seen anything without people building. So you have to inspire your people.

Speaker 1:
[34:52] Well, I think people forget that companies are actually people. It's made up of the people that work there.

Speaker 2:
[34:57] It's easy to forget the higher up.

Speaker 1:
[34:59] It's very easy to forget. What is the most effective way, Barbara, to ask for a raise?

Speaker 2:
[35:06] Tell the person what you were hired for with a list of what you did, what you were hired for specific, as specific as you could be. If you have 30 items, put it on the list, walk in and show them that list compared to the list you're actually doing. Because people are always hired for less work than they're actually given. You say, I'm doing all these other duties now, 20 percent, I'd like a raise and you name the amount. You name the amount. Most girls don't name the amount. Most girls don't ask for raises. Men ask for raises, women don't. That's been my experience. In running the Corcoran group, we had 1,000 people, 1,025 or so working there. I can tell you twice did a woman ask me for a raise. In the 15 years, yet the men always asked for raises and told you how great they were. I had women that were much better than the men. You just have to get in there, make the appointment, show them what you're doing, and ask for a specific amount. You can't fall for the typical thing that big companies say is, there's not in the budget, someone's getting a raise, but it's not you, but someone's getting a raise.

Speaker 1:
[36:08] You know, one of the things that I always think about a lot too, because I think that's excellent advice to document everything you're doing, because your boss has no clue, and you're doing a lot more than anybody realizes.

Speaker 2:
[36:17] You're usually feeling sorry for yourself over it.

Speaker 1:
[36:19] Yes. And if you don't have a big list, you have no business going in asking for a raise.

Speaker 2:
[36:23] No. I don't want to pay you more for the same thing you did yesterday.

Speaker 1:
[36:26] Yeah, or less than what I'm actually expecting you to do. But I also see people making the mistake of doing one of these glass door searches and looking at comparable positions in a company and then coming in. Well, maybe I want to see what you're doing. I want to actually see what you're doing because if you've got evidence of all the things that you're doing, now I know what the value is, not the title. You're right.

Speaker 2:
[36:48] You don't want to walk in and quote the average price that people are being paid for your position. That's what you mean by that.

Speaker 1:
[36:54] Yes. Yes. If you, I'm sure you must get asked this question a million times, which is I have no money, I have no connections, but I want to start a business. Where do you start?

Speaker 2:
[37:04] Start online. You don't even have to have a product. You could have a drawing of a product and sell it and make it once you get orders. I mean, the world is open to you. Everything is equal today. When I started, you needed to have the right competition, the right person supporting you, the right money, the right connections. Today, it's really not worth anything. I hear more people say, how do I get the right connections? I'm like, the right connections, it's not such a thing. Everybody you meet, for me, was a connection. I talked to everybody, but when I was talking to them, I really wasn't talking to them. I was interviewing them. I wonder what they could do for me. I wonder what their talent is. How could I use them? And then I would take them into my firm and employ them in the best use of them.

Speaker 1:
[37:48] I wanna make sure that as you're listening and watching, that you got that amazing piece of wisdom that Barbara just dropped. She basically said, stop obsessing about connections because every human being you're talking to is a connection.

Speaker 2:
[38:01] You've got the best one on the internet, a connection to the whole world.

Speaker 1:
[38:04] Yes, but what I love that you said is you're like, when we were talking, I wasn't talking. I was listening and I was interviewing them. I'm interviewing them from how could this person help me? Are they interesting? Are they not? Are they a waste of time?

Speaker 2:
[38:16] I'm interviewing you now even though you think you're interviewing me.

Speaker 1:
[38:19] Ooh, what are you looking for?

Speaker 2:
[38:20] I'm gonna hire you as my assistant.

Speaker 1:
[38:22] Oh, I don't know if you can afford me. No, I'm just kidding. Actually, you want to know something? I'd be a horrible assistant.

Speaker 2:
[38:29] Yeah, you probably would.

Speaker 1:
[38:30] No, I would be a horrible assistant.

Speaker 2:
[38:31] It's probably not your skill set at all.

Speaker 1:
[38:33] Not my skill set. I'm terrible with managing. I can talk.

Speaker 2:
[38:36] I would send you out in my Salesforce. You'd be number one.

Speaker 1:
[38:39] Probably.

Speaker 2:
[38:39] Without a doubt.

Speaker 1:
[38:40] Yeah, I would because I understand.

Speaker 2:
[38:42] If you could take the heat. It's a lot of heat in that business.

Speaker 1:
[38:44] How so?

Speaker 2:
[38:46] You know, you get like 10 rejections for every one yes. And then the most important trait you have is not feeling sorry for yourself. Or at least, if you feel sorry for yourself, give yourself an hour and get back up. You know, my best salespeople had just as many leads as the worst salesperson. And the worst salesperson always kept in the house for about a week, feeling sorry for themselves when they lost a good customer. My best salespeople would lose customers all the time and dust off and stand up and get back in the game. And that wound up dividing the people making three, four million dollars a year from my average salesman at the time, who's making 60, 62,000 dollars a year.

Speaker 1:
[39:26] Yeah, I think in life there's kind of two different types of people. There's the kind of person who looks, who gets, you know, in sales, you get dealt a hand, because here's your leads, here's your, like, whatever, your regen, your this, your that. And so you get handed cards, and there are people that are bitch about their cards and blame their lack of results on the cards that they're holding.

Speaker 2:
[39:49] Boss isn't being fair.

Speaker 1:
[39:50] Yes, boss isn't fair. These are bad leads, blah-bitty, blah-bitty, blah. And then there are people that realize it's how you play the game. And if the cards suck, you gotta move through them fast so you can get another hand. Or leave.

Speaker 2:
[40:00] Go somewhere else.

Speaker 1:
[40:01] Yes, yes.

Speaker 2:
[40:03] But you're in control. You're in control versus the boss in control. That's what fools people. People think when they're working for someone, that is their definition of their opportunity, their real opportunity is in their own chest. They could leave that day if they chose.

Speaker 1:
[40:16] You know, one other question I had, because I hear this a lot, especially with people who want to start a business or somebody that's trying to reinvent themselves. They're like, I really want to do something, but trying to come up with an idea. I'm trying to think of a problem. I'm trying to think of a product that's not out there. I'm trying to... If you could give somebody advice about how to think about the idea itself, what is the way to generate ideas around a business to start?

Speaker 2:
[40:43] I think you can do anything you do in your day-to-day life. Stop, examine everything that's happening and think is there a better way to do this? Not just by yourself, but what other people are doing. If you're at a local store and it's taking too long to check out on the cash register, or if you're... Whatever you're encountering in your daily life, just look at it and say, how could I do that better? And within that are great products. All the great products at Shark Tank are better ways of doing the same old, same old. Even if it's making a pizza pie with a new pizza box, I mean, as ridiculous as it is, I invested in it because it was a better way of delivering pizza. That kid, that's his only idea, and that's what he ran on Shark Tank with him. That's why he's built a business, just making pizza boxes. But he was trying to solve a problem better than the last guy. And that's always where you find a solution to a new business.

Speaker 1:
[41:36] So Barbara, what do you think the worst advice is that you could give somebody starting a business?

Speaker 2:
[41:42] Oh, the worst advice, the same advice my mother gave me. And yet, my mother usually gave me great advice. She told me when I was a waitress, when I announced I was starting my own business with Ray Simone, she said, why don't you hold on to your job? You change so often, you need a resume. Build up your resume. And if you still feel that way in a year, go out into business. But you should have a good resume. She was preparing me for a mundane job, actually. She didn't know it, but that's what she was aiming at. I ignored her and started my business. You know, it's so sad. I meet so many entrepreneurs that plan and plan their business for months. And the best time to do is the second you have the thought. And the minute you get out in the field, you find out what's wrong with your plan and change everything. But you don't have to get it right. You just have to get it going. And my mother did not understand that mantra. She thought I should wait a while. Boy, if I had waited a while, I would have thought of five reasons not to do it. But I didn't wait. I jumped right off and did the business. And I was successful from the beginning.

Speaker 1:
[42:40] And what would you say is like the best advice you can give to somebody that is starting a business?

Speaker 2:
[42:45] Get going. I give that advice all the time. Even with a half-baked plan, I say get going because I know when you're in the field, you find out the real plan, what's going to work and what's wrong with your idea and what's wrong with you and everything else that comes out. Because it's the real world. You can plan things. I think business plans are so overrated, my God. But to plan from afar and think I've got to get it right before I jump out, don't forget it. It just never happens. You think of reasons why not to do it and you've wasted all that valuable time.

Speaker 1:
[43:15] One of the things you said earlier is so true and it's brilliant, which is with all the technology and the Internet today, you don't even have to truly quote, start the business.

Speaker 2:
[43:25] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[43:25] You can create a prototype that's even built by AI. You can create a wait list.

Speaker 2:
[43:31] You can.

Speaker 1:
[43:32] So somebody comes to you with an idea. They say, we've got 100,000 people that have signed up for the wait list to be notified when the product is about to drop. That wait list demonstrates that people are interested in the offering, whether it's a service or it's a product. And so that was not even possible a couple decades ago.

Speaker 2:
[43:49] Not at all. What really happens on Shark Tank is entrepreneurs will come in once in a while with nothing more than a prototype and they'll pitch how great it's going to be. They have no proof of sales. They don't know who they're going to sell it to. They don't know what they're going to do with it, but they believe in it. And if I believe in the person, I'll buy in. Now, once they're on Shark Tank, people call in to order. They go on their line and they order thousands of copies of whatever they said. They don't even have it, but people will wait. They say, oh, I'm sorry, we've had an overwhelming response. We'll have it ready in three months. And now, that's exactly when they'll build a product. And their business has started late, you might say, but they have the courage to get out there with the prototype or drawing or something like that, and people believed in it. And that's a great barometer that they're going to be successful right from the get go.

Speaker 1:
[44:36] Barbara, you're amazing. I could just talk to you all day, but I gotta hit the pause button. We love our sponsors. I want to give them a chance to share a few words. And I want you to give a chance to share Barbara's incredible wisdom and motivation and get up and go with someone in your life who's either got a business they want to launch or needs a little inspiration, or maybe it's somebody who's in their 50s or 60s or 70s, and you can't get them motivated. I bet you Barbara can. And don't go anywhere. When we come back, we're going to talk more about how to use failure as fuel, how to stop hesitating, and what to do when you're starting over and you don't even know where to begin. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Welcome back, it's your friend Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are here with the one and only Barbara Corcoran, entrepreneur, investor, and shark on Shark Tank. And today, she is showing you and me exactly how to beat self-doubt, reinvent your life, and build real success. So Barbara, how did you become a judge on Shark Tank?

Speaker 2:
[45:46] Well, I was hired and then fired before I had a chance.

Speaker 1:
[45:49] Wait, what do you mean? Why did they fire you?

Speaker 2:
[45:51] Well, they fired me because they landed on another woman. They said they preferred her. After I signed the contract, which I reminded them and they said yes, but we didn't sign it, I had already told all my friends I'm going to Hollywood. I was so embarrassed. I bought two new outfits, new luggage. There I was going to Hollywood and it was canceled. So I suggested to the producer that all my good luck came after rejection, and I considered his rejection a lucky charm. And I wrote a short-terse email to him and suggested he invite me out with her and compete for the seat. And that's exactly what he did.

Speaker 1:
[46:25] You're kidding me.

Speaker 2:
[46:26] Really, I turned my good fortune around by doing what I did best, what I always do best, getting back up, taking another swing, just took another swing. Do you know what the first day on Shark Tank, my producer said, you know, we rejected 42 men that wanted the position in the other seats. I said, you're kidding. He said, not one wrote to me, not one wrote to me, objecting to the rejection. These are successful millionaires, billionaires. That's amazing that they didn't.

Speaker 1:
[46:53] You know what I find interesting is so many people are not willing to ask for what they want. And that's one thing about you. You do ask for what you want.

Speaker 2:
[47:00] Well, I've learned. Not easily. Not easily. Women have a hard time asking for anything. You know what happens? I find you could want to climb a mountain with your team. When the men are halfway up, they'll say, I'm the king of the mountain. And they'll brag about it. Women will climb all the way up, set up the tent, make sure the kids are fed. Everybody's happy and say, I had all the help of my team to get here. Women don't take credit. They don't ask for help. They're shy. What a waste. Open your mouth. My God. Opening your mouth got me everything I got. Without opening my mouth, I would have nothing.

Speaker 1:
[47:36] How many seasons have you been on churching? Like you're one of the OGs.

Speaker 2:
[47:39] Oh God, a thousand, like 18 or something, whatever. From the beginning.

Speaker 1:
[47:43] So I would love to have you kind of put us right at the scene because every single pitch is a founder.

Speaker 2:
[47:49] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[47:50] And an idea. And yeah, you got a sales story or not.

Speaker 2:
[47:53] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[47:53] But when you're sitting there as an investor and a judge, yes. What are you evaluating?

Speaker 2:
[47:59] I'm just evaluating the entrepreneur. I couldn't give a damn about the picture of the business that they're painting.

Speaker 1:
[48:04] Really?

Speaker 2:
[48:05] Usually very often the numbers are exaggerated. Everything, you know, you're getting a sales pitch. I'm looking at that entrepreneur and saying, do I believe them? And in most instances, I'm not believing the sales pitch, but now I'm looking at the person and focusing on the person as to whether they're a capable entrepreneur. And what I look for is something they've done in their life that was hazardous, something they did in their life that they fail miserably. They have a father who is drinking, some mother who damned them to hell, something they have to prove. And if I find that fire in them, they might not have anything but that, but I buy in because they will always be successful. They want to get even. They haven't had a chance. They want to get even and that burns so deep that I believe in them and they're great partners because when the business is sold, they're so appreciative of their success, their dream come true. They're so thankful and it's so satisfying for me to see that full circle of success.

Speaker 1:
[49:01] When you are listening to a pitch, what is the difference between somebody that has that fire in their belly and they're really confident versus somebody that is so overbearing?

Speaker 2:
[49:12] Well, one is, do you want to spend any time with them? When someone is overbearing, that's the last thing I need in my life. They're out right away. I won't say I'm out right away. I have to stay in the show. But I have a simple test I do many times on Shark Tank. When I'm not sure about the person, I think, would I put my baby in their arms? Could I come back and find my baby in good shape? That's my test. I think, yeah, I would trust them so they become my partner.

Speaker 1:
[49:37] That's actually an excellent way to judge anybody.

Speaker 2:
[49:40] Well, it sizes everything up.

Speaker 1:
[49:42] How do you know if you're built to have your own business versus being somebody that should just work for somebody else and be great at building a career inside somebody else's company?

Speaker 2:
[49:55] I think it's a real dividing line. I think someone in their own business loves risk. They're not afraid of the risk, whether it be money, people, what they do with the day, their ideas that they have. They're not afraid of risk. It turns them on. It's kind of like a trait in their personality. I think someone who's good in business has a good time getting back up. It's almost like a jack-in-the-box. If you're the type that says, hit me again. I'm a jerk. Hit me again. Chances are, you should be an entrepreneur. But if you're not enjoying risk and you can't take a hit, you're better off working for somebody else. It's hard to develop that skill in you if you don't have it.

Speaker 1:
[50:29] I think either have it or not.

Speaker 2:
[50:30] Yeah. I do agree with you on that.

Speaker 1:
[50:32] I do.

Speaker 2:
[50:33] That's what I'm trying to size up on Shark Tank all the time. Do people have those two skills?

Speaker 1:
[50:37] How do you figure that out?

Speaker 2:
[50:39] I asked them, we have an hour and a half on Shark Tank.

Speaker 1:
[50:42] Really? That's how long the pitch is?

Speaker 2:
[50:43] It's eight minutes at home, but it's an hour and a half on Shark Tank in real time.

Speaker 1:
[50:47] Wow.

Speaker 2:
[50:47] We get a chance to ask them all kinds of questions that don't make good TV but are very good for us as investors. I asked, what did you do before? What did you think about that? Did that fail? How did you feel about that failure? What did you do after that? I'm trying to find someone who's strong, who's capable of running a business and someone who put all their bets on their business and they lost? What do I care? That's a good sign. They're willing to put all their bet on one business and they lost. I love it. But a guy who's telling me he's going to go back to mom, pa and get family and friends financing again, and he's going to change direction, means they're going to lose your money again. I hate that kind of stuff. I never invest in rich kids. I always invest in poor people on Shark Tank because they have a burn in their belly and something to prove and they're my kind of people. I want to give them the opportunity that I was given. I mean, the one ticket that they might have their dream come true and I can make it happen is much more exciting than putting myself in line with the rich parents who funded the first business. Forget it.

Speaker 1:
[51:45] What are some of your favorite things that you've invested in?

Speaker 2:
[51:48] My favorite entrepreneurs, and it's always about the entrepreneurs, not the businesses. I almost forget at times what business they're in, even though I'm helping them all the time, is the Cousins of Maine Lobster. I love those guys because the day they came on Shark Tank, they lied to me and I love them for the lie.

Speaker 1:
[52:04] What did they lie?

Speaker 2:
[52:05] They told me what their sales were per month, but they never told me they were only in business for a week. I thought I was buying into a big business. No, I was not. It was just one little lobster truck and they had been only open one weekend. But they had taken all the questions from Shark Tank for three years and they had practiced answering them and they were slick. They could sell. I loved them and had to buy them.

Speaker 1:
[52:27] What is your three month rule?

Speaker 2:
[52:29] After three months, when I close on a deal on Shark Tank, I invite the entrepreneur into my office. And we review where he's going to go with the business. That's always the time when something goes wrong. The prototype didn't come in right. The order was promised. It wasn't delivered. Something goes wrong. So I just sit there and ask, what do you think about what went wrong? And the people who blame somebody else, I drop. I mean, they still have my money, but I take the picture off the wall, or I turn it upside down more often. But the people who take it in the chest and take the blame that they should have thought of this, or they should have anticipated it, and I know they're going to be successful, because those are the people who are always successful. The people are honest and say, I'm in charge. I should have been in charge of this, and I'm taking the blame.

Speaker 1:
[53:15] I agree. Let's talk about preparation. Because you and I are both people that will outwork anybody. Preparation, preparation, preparation. Why is that such an underrated habit and skill to understand that over-preparing is a key to being successful?

Speaker 2:
[53:40] Do you know why? I think when you over-prepare, you don't realize it, but you're building your confidence. And when you build your confidence, you come across more naturally, more believably, and you usually get the order. I've over-prepared for everything in my life. I remember going and speaking with the Corcoran Group agents at junctures along the way, where I had colsors over both my lips because I was so nervous preparing for two weeks for a one-hour presentation.

Speaker 1:
[54:06] To people who work for you.

Speaker 2:
[54:07] Yes, they did. They were going to accept whatever I said, but I wanted to impress them. I wanted them to be motivated. How will I do it? Will I say it this way, that way? I had to go on vacation right after the sales meeting. I would have had a heart attack. But I over-prepared so I could stand up there with confidence. Did I come across with confidence? You betcha. Did I cover all the millions of points I wanted to cover? No. Did I motivate everybody there? Yes, I did. Because I was confident, they wanted to be me.

Speaker 1:
[54:35] You were confident because you prepared. I think it's such an important story because these are people that work for you. Yeah. You're not winging it. You're preparing because it matters to you and you want to do a good job.

Speaker 2:
[54:48] Well, the more you know people, the more difficult it is to impress them because you take it more personally.

Speaker 1:
[54:54] One of the things I'm curious about is having such a big public career and being somebody who's so competitive and entrepreneurial, how have you been able to have successful romantic relationships, marriage? When you're out in the world, this is something a lot of women navigate these days. How do you balance Barbara out there in the world versus Barbara the mom and Barbara the wife?

Speaker 2:
[55:21] Honestly, it's probably the largest challenge to a successful woman. Now, I married Bill in a second marriage and he was the right husband. Bill is Bill. He's not going to change whether he's talking to a pauper or a pope. Bill is Bill. When I got really heady at times, he would squeeze my head in and tell me to keep it in, don't get too confident. So, I loved him for that, but the thing that worked the best out of everything I tried was getting a separate bedroom, honestly, and getting a separate bed from Bill. Because I would invite him in and it added the romance into the marriage. And that's really the best advice I could give. It's really hard to be powerful and have a man who's not demasculated. You have to pick the right guy. So true. You know, my husband Bill would call me and pretend he was a New York Times reporter if he wanted to speak with me. I so expertly separated business from home. You wouldn't dare call me when I'm working. And my kids didn't dare call me unless they were dying. Then I would hear from them. I don't think they ever died. But likewise at home, people at work would never call me at home. It's my family time. So separating the two pieces was the only way I survived. And I didn't do a great job, but I did the best job I could.

Speaker 1:
[56:32] I'd love to talk a little bit more about your just insights about women and success and being successful. Because there is a lot of pressure. There is bias in the workplace. But you have always seemed to just pick yourself up, shake it off and plow forward, regardless of what was going on around you. You built one of the most successful real estate businesses and a male dominated business. How do you want women to think about both the very real things that are against us in terms of the way that business is structured, but the opportunity that that creates and what kind of mindset you need to have?

Speaker 2:
[57:11] Well, there's always real things against you, but I did it a little differently than most. I never thought of myself as a woman. Not a single day did I think of myself as a woman. I thought of myself as a competitor, just like a man. I was a competitor and I was going to put you under the table without a doubt by the time I finished. So not having that liability or thinking I was weak or had a disadvantage of some kind or another was an advantage to me.

Speaker 1:
[57:37] I'll say that when we started this podcast, I had my own goal. I'm like, okay, I want to be the number one ranked female podcaster in the world. But what happened is a friend of mine said, well, why female? Why not just number one? Then I was like, actually, yeah, why am I putting myself in a category? Why am I not just saying, no, I'm going to go out and be number one, which I'm proud to say we were for 81 days last year.

Speaker 2:
[58:07] If you.

Speaker 1:
[58:08] And I just, you limit yourself in that regard. And I see so many women, I was doing it to myself doing that. Like, I'm only just a mom, or I'm only going to be able to compete against women, or I'm only limited to this amount of success because I'm thinking about it in a certain way.

Speaker 2:
[58:28] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[58:29] How does thinking about you just going out and competing?

Speaker 2:
[58:33] It freed me. Because when the boys would ignore me, I could have done two things. I could have said, oh, they're not being respectful because I'm a female and there's all men in this room. That would only make me weak. I take my chips and go home. But when I stood there and said, you'll be sorry, I'm going to outcompete you and I'm going to take your bacon. That was a whole different, I conducted myself differently, I acted differently. Imagine how different it would have been if I said, treat me with disrespect because I'm a woman. That's unfair. How am I going to change that? But I'm a competitor. I have the ability to get even and I did get even. I make it sound like a vicious thing. It's just I didn't want to be put down or curtailed against what I was capable of. The minute they wrote me off, boy, that fired me up.

Speaker 1:
[59:18] Is that what gave you the confidence to keep going? Because you literally started with $1,000 and built a company that you sold for, what, $66 million?

Speaker 2:
[59:28] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[59:29] That's a lot of money.

Speaker 2:
[59:30] I wanted the cash in my pocket.

Speaker 1:
[59:31] That's a lot of cash.

Speaker 2:
[59:32] Yeah. It stayed in the bank for three years. I didn't spend a dime.

Speaker 1:
[59:35] Not even on a coat?

Speaker 2:
[59:37] No, I already had the coats. By then, I was a good coat person.

Speaker 1:
[59:40] So was it that I'll show you that gave you the fire and the confidence? Because I think so many people don't have the to keep going.

Speaker 2:
[59:48] Well, it egged me on because each look at me or each demeaning way they treated me was so insulting, I wanted to get even because I was vicious and competitive by nature. But that didn't give me the confidence to go on. The confidence that gave me was everything I tried, even if I tried 10 things, five would be incredible. And they had never thought of them. And they would look and say, how silly until it was working. Then they all imitated me and they were too late. By the time they imitated my Corcoran report, which I was publishing for four years, and collecting press on it and becoming the sweetheart of the New York Press, they started all publishing reports. What a joke. The space was taken not by a girl, but by a competitor, myself. And that's just the way I saw myself. I chose not to see myself as a woman ever.

Speaker 1:
[60:38] Well, as soon as I see people imitating me, that's when I know it's time to pivot.

Speaker 2:
[60:42] Yes, you're absolutely right, which is going to happen soon.

Speaker 1:
[60:45] I think it's already happening.

Speaker 2:
[60:46] In fact, I'm going to start a podcast for women only.

Speaker 1:
[60:49] Well, I'll tell you what. I would love to have you be a competitor. And here's the other thing. I will teach you everything that we do, because I know that even if you have the formula, you still have to do it. And it's very difficult. And nobody's going to do it the same way you do, even if they have the formula. And I find people to be very, very stingy with sharing information. And what I've learned about business is the more generous I am with what we're doing, what's working, the big mistakes that we've made, the bigger our business is. It's not at hiding things and being like scarce about things. It's almost like that philosophy that there's blocks in New York City or there's lots of restaurants, and they're all successful. Because more restaurants bring more customers for everybody. Do you have a similar philosophy about-

Speaker 2:
[61:39] You know, something happened to me as a young salesman that I never forgot. I want to start a marketing company. So I went in disguise with a wig on to a competitor's office, which is owned by a woman, an on-site marketing company, for the first time owned by a woman. And I got copies of all of her forms. I actually stole them. And I went back to my office and I was fully equipped to start and go in competition. And she called me on the phone in the morning. I died. She said, I understand you were in my office yesterday. Come over and make an appointment. I'll show you everything I know. She was so gracious. I was so ashamed of myself. And I realized what a mistake that was. Generous people who give it away have no threat. They know they're the best. They're always the people who give it away. So I've always been trying to be gracious to imitate that one time experience that I had.

Speaker 1:
[62:27] It's so true. I hadn't thought about the fact that when you're generous, it's because you have confidence in what you're doing, so you're not threatened by what other people are doing. For somebody that's feeling like they're too old. I mean, you're a mom at 46, you found the most success in your career. Well, actually, in your 50s, 60s, 70s, like, you're not slowing down.

Speaker 2:
[62:47] I hope not.

Speaker 1:
[62:48] No. What gave you the courage? And how can somebody else find the courage if they're at a point in their life where they're hearing you? Because I know a lot of daughters and sons are going to be listening to this, sending this to mom, saying, Hey, mom, 50 or 60 years old, you're not old. Get going. Listen to Barbara. Like, how do you muster up the permission or the courage to go for something when you've already always pushed yourself into a certain role, you know?

Speaker 2:
[63:18] You know, I think the times when I was stopped or hesitated about trying something new, it was because I was afraid of failing. And I was afraid of, as life went on, more of a public failure. I didn't want to get out there and let everybody see me fail. And you can't help when you're scared to think you're going to fail. It might not be real, but you think you're going to fail. What I learned as a young woman and nobody was watching and nobody gave a damn. They admired me for trying. So all you want to do is get the brownie points for trying. Getting out there and getting going. Your kids aren't going to love you less. Your friends aren't going to say, oh, poor her. They're going to admire you for it, even if you fall flat on your face. But I think you really just have to get out there. I mean, so many people just don't get out there when they have a dream and what they want to do. Just get out there and you'll find all the answers usually. But even if you fail, what's so bad about that? I remember I used to ask myself constantly, what happens if I fail? I would say, well, I could always get the job as a waitress at the Fort Lee Diner again. I was happy then. That got me to do a lot of stuff in the early years because I knew I could be a waitress again. I was a great waitress, I could go back there. I don't really think there's much to be afraid of. The worst that happens is you go home. Big deal, you're back where you were, you lost nothing really, and if you think you lose face, you don't. People admire you for trying things. They just do, they don't hold the failure against you. You hold it against yourself though.

Speaker 1:
[64:41] It's so true.

Speaker 2:
[64:42] What a waste of time.

Speaker 1:
[64:43] What a waste of a life.

Speaker 2:
[64:45] What a waste of a life, isn't that true?

Speaker 1:
[64:47] Yes. What are you most excited about right now?

Speaker 2:
[64:50] Going forward, what I'll do for my next business, I feel like there's a next business in the offing. I can feel it in my bones and as usual, I don't know what it is, but I know it's going to show me the face, so I'm looking around every corner, and I feel something good every day. But that Maria song on West Side Story, that's how I feel like something's coming. Something good, but what it is, I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[65:13] I love that as just an attitude about life.

Speaker 2:
[65:17] Well, it is what life is about. There's always something around a corner. If you're curious enough to take a peek, always something around the corner.

Speaker 1:
[65:25] You are so cool.

Speaker 2:
[65:27] Sometimes. Talk to my husband Bill. He wouldn't always agree with you.

Speaker 1:
[65:31] Well, neither would my husband, Chris.

Speaker 2:
[65:32] Oh, good.

Speaker 1:
[65:33] If you had to distill down everything that you have shared with us today, and there is like one takeaway that you think is the most important thing for the person who's been with us listening to just take away from this, what would it be?

Speaker 2:
[65:48] Always the same. You're much more capable than you think you are. I don't care who you are, who's listening. You're more capable than you think you are. You just have to think that way and find out what it is. Really, I hate people wasting their life on what they're not really liking.

Speaker 1:
[66:06] It's such, it's sad. It makes you cry. It makes me, it's why I do this. It's really why I do this because I feel like the biggest thing that I'm trying to change is the discouragement that people feel that makes them never do or try anything that makes their life better.

Speaker 2:
[66:25] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[66:26] I agree with you.

Speaker 2:
[66:27] That's kind of like what I'm doing on Shark Tank. Yes. Yeah, same kind of thing.

Speaker 1:
[66:31] Barbara Corcoran, what are your parting words?

Speaker 2:
[66:33] I think to waste a life is such a shame. To have a dream about what you may have been, what you could be, what you didn't grab a hold of and what you regret is such a waste of time. It's just a now. And just think about how many years you have left to be the new you. The new you might say, I could never do that. Well, you're mistaken. You can do it. If I, from New Jersey, a poor kid could become the queen of real estate, that's perfect proof that you can really become anything you want to be. Anything. There's no barrier. Nobody's in control of you but you. That's all. That sounds hokey though when you say that, right?

Speaker 1:
[67:10] I don't think it does. No?

Speaker 2:
[67:12] Okay, good. Because I do feel that way, but it sounds like-

Speaker 1:
[67:14] Why do you feel it sounds hokey?

Speaker 2:
[67:16] Because I feel I've heard it all before and it sounds like rah rah. I'm not doing a rah rah. I'm doing a reality check on what really is possible and what's not. Because I see it as real, it hurts me so much when people don't really accomplish it for themselves when they desire it.

Speaker 1:
[67:33] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[67:33] It just seems wrong. It just seems wrong that they should have a life that's fulfilling and have a life that's exactly the way they want it to be. I really do believe people could just make their life what they want.

Speaker 1:
[67:44] I do too. I don't think it's hokey at all. I think it's the most important thing you could say. And the reason why is you and I have done it.

Speaker 2:
[67:52] Yeah. So we have the right to say it, I guess.

Speaker 1:
[67:54] And we also know how it's a matter of stepping through something that you've erected in front of your ability to just start trying and to have the clarity to say, you know what, I'm tired of the way my life feels. I want it to be like this and I'm going to just wake up every day and do something to walk toward that until I freaking get there.

Speaker 2:
[68:18] And you're right about doing something to walk toward it. Most people find it insurmountable like, how could I ever get to be? It's not that it's the first baby step is everything that counts and the next baby step and the next baby step. It's believing a step at a time. It just never comes overnight, you know?

Speaker 1:
[68:35] It never does. And what I also love that you said over and over is you can always go back to where you are.

Speaker 2:
[68:41] You could always go back. What's the worst that could happen? If you could do that, you can do it.

Speaker 1:
[68:46] Absolutely. The worst that could happen is that you never tried.

Speaker 2:
[68:49] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[68:50] Barbara Corcoran.

Speaker 2:
[68:51] Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:
[68:51] I love you. You're the best.

Speaker 2:
[68:53] I love you back.

Speaker 1:
[68:55] And I love you. I love you for making the time to listen to something that can help you see a bigger possibility for your life and help you achieve the dreams that you have. I hope you really took to heart what Barbara said. What a waste of a life if you just sit back and think about what you want. Take everything that you learned and get out there. Follow the rules that Barbara taught you and do it. And in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And it would be a waste if you didn't get out there and try to create a better life. I really hope you do. All righty. I will be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'm going to welcome you in The Moment You Hit Play. I'll see you there.

Speaker 2:
[69:47] So I know your age.

Speaker 1:
[69:49] Yes, you do. How old are you?

Speaker 2:
[69:51] You're 58, I'm 70. What am I? I stopped counting.

Speaker 1:
[69:54] I love it. What am I? 76.

Speaker 2:
[69:57] Well, I knew I was 75, 76 around there.

Speaker 1:
[70:00] Well, you look fantastic.

Speaker 2:
[70:01] Thank you so much.

Speaker 1:
[70:02] And even better, you got the best attitude of anybody.

Speaker 2:
[70:04] I agree with you. I have a good attitude, thank God. I feel cool.

Speaker 1:
[70:08] Let me put a blanket on you.

Speaker 2:
[70:09] Nah, it's just cause I'm nervous.

Speaker 1:
[70:11] You're nervous? What the fuck are you nervous for?

Speaker 2:
[70:13] That's why I'm not usually nervous, but my team gave you such a blowout rave on the way here. I started getting more and more nervous.

Speaker 1:
[70:21] Was there enough at your age group? Cause we're two old bitches, so, you know.

Speaker 2:
[70:26] Well said. I'm interviewing you now, even though you think you're interviewing me.

Speaker 1:
[70:30] Ooh, what are you looking for?

Speaker 2:
[70:32] I'm gonna hire you as my assistant.

Speaker 1:
[70:33] Oh, I don't know if you can afford me. No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2:
[70:37] No, I can't.

Speaker 1:
[70:37] Actually, you want to know something? I'd be a horrible assistant.

Speaker 2:
[70:40] Yeah, you probably would.

Speaker 1:
[70:41] No, I would be a horrible assistant.

Speaker 2:
[70:43] You still said it all. I love what Mel says. I'm gonna propose for it. Will you marry me?

Speaker 1:
[70:51] Where's my ring? Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

Speaker 2:
[71:34] SiriusXM Podcasts.