transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] This episode is brought to you by Quince. So this time of year, I always end up staring at my closet thinking, why do I own so much stuff that I never actually use? What I want is fewer pieces and better quality. And that's the whole reason why I keep coming back to Quince. Now I've got some boots from Quince, and then we also have some bedding from Quince. And I have to say, it's really phenomenal stuff. Like when I think about the amount of money I would have to pay to get this from a retail store, it kind of blows my mind. Everything is 50 to 60% less than comparable brands, because Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. You're paying for quality, not markup. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com/burger for free shipping and 365-day returns, now available in Canada, too. Go to quince.com/burger for free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com/burger. Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make, so please consider supporting us by subscribing on Supporting Cast, Patreon or Apple Podcasts. For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Up previously on Midnight Burger, where in the hell did everyone go? Sorry, pal. Leef, what the are you? Gloria is on Seegius.

Speaker 2:
[01:38] Please prepare for decontamination.

Speaker 1:
[01:40] For what? Ava is in Denmark. Life is wherever the hell he is.

Speaker 2:
[01:52] Rough crossing.

Speaker 1:
[01:54] How did I get here? The Mucklewains are in space. And of course, let's not forget about this. A dick in a box. Oh, hi. Welcome to the Caspar area. That's right, folks. Our heroes are spread across the multiverse like a little country croc spread across a really, really, really, really infinitely big piece of bread. What are they gonna do now? Well, turns out everybody's taking the initiative. Gloria is asking Cegius. Caspar is asking his ex-wife. Leif made a bomb. Eat shit, Krok. And for whatever godforsaken reason, Ava decided to stick out her thumb and hitch a ride back to Krok's castle.

Speaker 3:
[02:39] You rang, doctor?

Speaker 1:
[02:40] I'm not sure where we go from here, folks, but it's clear that all roads lead back to Kryptesia. Also, Fiona's here.

Speaker 4:
[02:49] My neural environment?

Speaker 1:
[02:51] Storytime's over, kids. Let's start the shift.

Speaker 5:
[03:09] This is Justin broadcasting on the under signal. I am talking to you at the end of a historic day here on Seegius. Midnight Burger has returned to us and the party has been nonstop. Midnight Burger's relationship to this planet is a very important one. And today did nothing but solidify that relationship. As you may know, the planet's intense efforts to summon the diner to Seegius paid off in a very gratifying fashion when we were able to retrieve the mission data from The Vagan, the very first extra solar mission undertaken by the original coalition generations ago. That wasn't the only surprise on board Midnight Burger when it landed. Inside the diner was an entirely different crew than the one we've come to know. Two Earthlings and an Urt Sorcerer. Now, I can't tell you much about the Urt. I'm told he was immediately whisked away by diplomatic services and put in contact with his home planet. But, I do know that one of the Earthlings is a former Armed Forces Pilot and the other is a Barista, an antiquated Earth profession who specializes in making caffeinated beverages. Okay, I'll have more on all that later, as I'm sure you can hear the countdown has begun. Gloria is now back on board Midnight Burger and its 12 hours are up. It's hard to say right now how this day has affected everyone here on CG's. It's all happening too fast. But I will give you this quote from Owen Saucido. He's a scale farmer from the Southern stills who came all the way to the capital just for this day. Nothing can change the fact that I'm a CGian, but I feel like this day made me more CGian than I was before. Oh, here it comes everyone. Wonder when we'll see it again.

Speaker 6:
[05:36] No party for my arrival?

Speaker 3:
[05:39] I attempted a party, did I not? The first time you arrived.

Speaker 6:
[05:43] All right.

Speaker 3:
[05:45] Fool me once.

Speaker 6:
[05:47] I hate parties anyway. Thanks for letting me bring my cat.

Speaker 3:
[05:52] It's important for you to be comfortable. You won't be leaving again.

Speaker 6:
[05:57] Okay. Do I get a prison jumpsuit or anything? Ball and chain?

Speaker 3:
[06:03] You may wear a gorilla suit. It makes no difference to me.

Speaker 6:
[06:09] Krok, I feel like you're a little bit mad at me.

Speaker 3:
[06:15] It is immeasurably difficult to surprise me, Doctor.

Speaker 6:
[06:19] You must be insufferable on movie night.

Speaker 3:
[06:21] So you can imagine how shocked I was to see that a beacon was sounding all the way from Earth.

Speaker 6:
[06:26] And a few hundred years in the past at that.

Speaker 3:
[06:29] How did you manage to get my attention?

Speaker 6:
[06:33] Well, I had this thing that did this one particular thing, but then I thought, hey, why don't I take this thing and do this other thing with it?

Speaker 3:
[06:44] That sounds hardly scientific.

Speaker 6:
[06:47] I've decided to abandon science. I'm getting really into crystals lately.

Speaker 3:
[06:52] How are you here, Doctor?

Speaker 6:
[06:55] Don't worry about it, Krok. I'm here because I'm magical. I'm here because I decided to be. What do you want, a bunch of math? You don't seem like a math guy.

Speaker 3:
[07:09] You chose to be here?

Speaker 6:
[07:12] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[07:14] After all that you went through to leave?

Speaker 6:
[07:16] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[07:18] Why?

Speaker 6:
[07:20] Maybe I wanted to be here, but nobody forces me to do anything. I left so I could choose to come back.

Speaker 3:
[07:31] You risked your life for a bit of agency.

Speaker 6:
[07:36] Honestly, I risked my life because I was curious about what would happen if I risked my life.

Speaker 3:
[07:41] And if it killed you?

Speaker 6:
[07:43] Honestly, I was a little curious about that, too.

Speaker 3:
[07:50] You're unlike your compatriots.

Speaker 6:
[07:54] Am I?

Speaker 3:
[07:55] They appear to be supremely fixated on rather Byzantine concepts of right and wrong. You don't seem bound by such things.

Speaker 6:
[08:04] I'm bound by the usual things. Time, gravity, coffee. Can I get some coffee in here, by the way? I've been in Renaissance Denmark and Europe without caffeine. It's a dark, dark place.

Speaker 3:
[08:20] Of course.

Speaker 6:
[08:28] Wow, look at that. So they just drop out of the sky with whatever I want?

Speaker 3:
[08:34] Within reason.

Speaker 6:
[08:35] Got it. Can I get some pool floaties and nine dixie cups, please?

Speaker 3:
[08:40] Why in the world would you ask for those things?

Speaker 6:
[08:42] You said within reason.

Speaker 3:
[08:43] That's within reason.

Speaker 6:
[08:45] Depends on the situation. Thanks, Bosco. You can hold off on the dixie cups and pool floaties, but I will be needing a tailored cigarette, or five, as soon as humanly possible. Also, any clothing that doesn't involve a goddamn corset, please. That'll do just fine.

Speaker 3:
[09:11] One might feel you've returned here simply for the coffee.

Speaker 6:
[09:14] Well, I certainly wasn't going to wait a hundred years for Europe to figure it out.

Speaker 3:
[09:20] Should I assume your fellow agitators have survived the crossing as well?

Speaker 6:
[09:24] How would I know? Problems with the plumbing? I hear that's common in old places like this.

Speaker 3:
[09:40] Speaking of agitators, I have a small number in the kingdom.

Speaker 6:
[09:45] So, Casi didn't obediently slink off to another system then?

Speaker 3:
[09:51] She did not. She's a rebel to the end. She's assembled an ineffectual little band of merry men and is attempting to fight me from the shadows.

Speaker 6:
[10:00] Kids, am I right?

Speaker 3:
[10:02] They'll be done away with soon enough. It's a shame. She's quite brilliant. She would be a treasured asset to my efforts here.

Speaker 6:
[10:11] Your efforts? I've been thinking about your efforts ever since I left.

Speaker 3:
[10:18] Have you?

Speaker 6:
[10:18] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[10:20] And?

Speaker 6:
[10:22] I still think they're real dumb, Krok.

Speaker 3:
[10:25] Oh? Enlighten me.

Speaker 6:
[10:30] Circling back to it, you want to take an entropic universe and turn it into a recursive one. You want to take a universe that constantly careens toward its own ending and make it last forever.

Speaker 3:
[10:46] That's correct.

Speaker 6:
[10:47] Why, though?

Speaker 3:
[10:50] Don't you protect the things you love?

Speaker 6:
[10:52] No.

Speaker 3:
[10:55] No?

Speaker 6:
[10:55] No.

Speaker 3:
[10:58] Why?

Speaker 6:
[10:59] Because you can't protect anything. Everything dies.

Speaker 3:
[11:05] In your life, there is nothing you've moved to protect?

Speaker 6:
[11:10] Not that comes to mind.

Speaker 3:
[11:13] I see. The universe is not the same for me.

Speaker 6:
[11:19] How so?

Speaker 3:
[11:22] For one such as you, your life is a game you've been placed within, and your life consists of learning the rules of this game as you play it.

Speaker 6:
[11:31] That's not bad.

Speaker 3:
[11:33] The universe is not so rigid for me. It is a thing to be manipulated, and if I can manipulate it, the question then becomes, what is the world I wish to make?

Speaker 6:
[11:47] Okay. I'm skeptical.

Speaker 3:
[11:51] I'd expect nothing less. You came all the way back here to tell me that?

Speaker 6:
[11:56] No.

Speaker 3:
[11:56] Then why?

Speaker 6:
[11:59] Secrets of the universe, Krok.

Speaker 3:
[12:01] What of them?

Speaker 6:
[12:03] You have them. Give me.

Speaker 3:
[12:11] Dinner's at seven.

Speaker 6:
[12:13] Okay. I'd like the chicken nuggets, please. The ones shaped like little dinosaurs.

Speaker 3:
[12:19] Whatever you like.

Speaker 6:
[12:22] Excellent. God damn it, where did you go?

Speaker 2:
[12:39] Greetings, Sorcerer. Your data has been logged and is currently under review. Please rest assured that your endeavors will greatly enrich ours. I have been informed that you have not had interaction with the home world since being assigned to your Terminal Mission. I wish to expand upon your understanding. Coming up. As you are aware, there is no reassignment from a Terminal Mission. It is meant to be a mission that continues throughout your entire lifespan. Your Terminal Mission distinguishes itself from others in that it is classified 0.3. There are only three Sorcerers in our current Temporal Locus to have been assigned to a Zero Terminal Mission. Please be aware of your importance to your planet and to our mission. Knowledge above all.

Speaker 7:
[13:26] Moon, how are you doing?

Speaker 8:
[13:28] Good evening, Captain.

Speaker 7:
[13:29] Who's that?

Speaker 8:
[13:30] I was reviewing a message from the High Curator on Earth.

Speaker 7:
[13:33] Is that like the President?

Speaker 8:
[13:35] We do not have a centralized leader as you do on Earth. Rather, we have three Councils, Curation, Invention and Integration. My immediate Council is the Council of Curation.

Speaker 7:
[13:44] So what's the news?

Speaker 8:
[13:45] There is less than I was expecting. It appears that the mission I have been tasked with has only been undertaken by two other Earths in our history.

Speaker 7:
[13:52] That sounds pretty top secret.

Speaker 8:
[13:54] I had suspected as much.

Speaker 7:
[13:56] So it's all about places like the diner?

Speaker 8:
[13:58] Yes. As I had previously surmised, there is an elusive relationship between my planet and places such as Midnight Burger, but that relationship is unknown. There was an Earth presence here at the diner before my arrival, as indicated by the Earth door in the deep freeze. And according to Fiona, there are many places like the diner throughout existence. But we have yet to encounter another, so it has been difficult to develop a theory. Now, however, I have received sparse accounts from my home world. Let me show you. M, display new packet imagery, media only. As you can see, there have been reports from others with my same assignment. These are dispatches from other places like the diner. We have here what appears to be a designated stop for rail-guided locomotion.

Speaker 7:
[14:43] That's a train station.

Speaker 8:
[14:44] Also an establishment which appears to belong to an earthling named Tim Horton.

Speaker 7:
[14:49] Sure.

Speaker 8:
[14:49] But this one is curious. There appears to be no actual structure involved, but there is a refreshment station and small chairs made of plastic material.

Speaker 7:
[14:58] That's Chada.

Speaker 8:
[14:59] Please explain.

Speaker 7:
[15:00] It was after the war. Old folks in Hanoi started selling iced tea on the street. Chada, iced tea. It turned into the place everybody crossed paths. Guys would park their mopeds there. Some old dudes would play a chess game. It all revolved around some old lady selling iced tea and crackers.

Speaker 8:
[15:20] These places, they all seem to be wildly different with only core similarities.

Speaker 7:
[15:24] So why would your people start building things in these places?

Speaker 8:
[15:27] Why did I? I built a lift so that you may come to the roof. I imagine they built things because it's what we do. We cannot help ourselves.

Speaker 7:
[15:38] You're looking a little overwhelmed, Voon.

Speaker 8:
[15:40] There is much to process.

Speaker 7:
[15:44] Why don't you come downstairs for a while? Come meet our new passenger. She's got lots of stories to tell about this place. Maybe it'll shed some light.

Speaker 8:
[15:53] Yes, of course.

Speaker 9:
[15:59] Fiona.

Speaker 4:
[16:01] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[16:02] Eight years.

Speaker 4:
[16:04] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[16:04] Oh, my God.

Speaker 4:
[16:06] I would stop noticing for a while. But every year, Peter would come along and remind me how much time had passed.

Speaker 9:
[16:13] Are you OK?

Speaker 4:
[16:15] I'm OK. I went through years wondering what all of it was for. But then every day, the doors open, and there was a lot to distract me from that feeling. But then the guys came along, and others, and it kind of became my life. How long was it for you?

Speaker 9:
[16:37] Just a few months.

Speaker 4:
[16:39] Damn. Time travel.

Speaker 9:
[16:41] I'm so sorry.

Speaker 4:
[16:42] No, it's fine. Really.

Speaker 9:
[16:45] I…

Speaker 4:
[16:48] Everything in my head was a lie. It was something that was put there. But then I spent eight years here, and that was mine. That was eight years of my life I had just lived. I had to say it, but I needed it.

Speaker 9:
[17:09] And it was like… it was like it knew that. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[17:15] Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 9:
[17:15] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[17:16] Does it? Is the diner alive?

Speaker 9:
[17:22] I don't know. I mean, every once in a while, I feel like it's watching me. Every once in a while, it listens to me. Maybe not alive the way we think of it, but not, not alive.

Speaker 4:
[17:47] I'm so glad you're back.

Speaker 9:
[17:48] Good.

Speaker 4:
[17:49] Are you glad you're back?

Speaker 9:
[17:51] Am I?

Speaker 4:
[17:52] I saw that guy. What was his name?

Speaker 9:
[17:54] Brody.

Speaker 4:
[17:55] That was a pretty steamy goodbye you two had.

Speaker 9:
[17:58] Yeah. He's great. But we've both got things to do. He has dreams of repopulating Earth with Scottish people, and I am not the candidate for that particular position.

Speaker 4:
[18:16] Speaking of having things to do.

Speaker 9:
[18:19] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[18:21] We are probably heading back to Cryptessia now, aren't we?

Speaker 9:
[18:24] I don't know. Leif, Caspar and Ava are still out there somewhere. So we're either finding them or we're going back in.

Speaker 4:
[18:34] I haven't been back.

Speaker 9:
[18:35] This whole time?

Speaker 4:
[18:36] I don't think so.

Speaker 9:
[18:37] I know we're going back eventually. This thing doesn't leave unfinished business. When we got on Clementine's Trail, it did not let up until we got her.

Speaker 4:
[18:47] What do we do when we land in Cryptessia and there's a whole army waiting for us?

Speaker 9:
[18:52] Improvise?

Speaker 4:
[18:54] Yeah. You know, the first year here was pretty terrifying. It was just me and Peter, and I didn't know what was coming through the door. Then it started to get easier. Some other people showed up, and a couple of years ago, I looked around and kind of felt like, wait, am I good at this? Am I doing okay? And then as soon as we started talking about cryptessia, I went back to year one again.

Speaker 9:
[19:28] I know.

Speaker 4:
[19:29] I mean, aren't we essentially trying to fight God? How do we win this exactly?

Speaker 9:
[19:33] I don't know, Fiona. What I do know is that we're not going to be able to do anything with all of us spread to the four winds. We've got to get back together or we're screwed.

Speaker 4:
[19:46] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[19:47] Fiona, look at you. You're doing amazing. Most people would have hopped off at the first safe place. Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[19:59] Some people did.

Speaker 7:
[20:00] All right, y'all. I have convinced Voon to come down from the roof.

Speaker 4:
[20:04] There you are. Voon, are you doing okay?

Speaker 8:
[20:06] Oh, yes, Fiona. Please forgive my antisocial behavior. I had much data to review from my home world. It was supplemental for the most part. More information supporting that which we already know.

Speaker 4:
[20:18] So, Gloria, Voon is an Urt. Really? He came on board a long time ago. He's been a big help.

Speaker 9:
[20:24] No. I know a guy who's a big fan of your planet.

Speaker 8:
[20:28] Yes. Fiona has told me of your colleague's affection for my planet and our endeavors. It is very complimentary.

Speaker 9:
[20:33] It's not just him. Some sort of device from your planet got us out of a very sticky situation one time. Remember I told you about that brunch planet?

Speaker 8:
[20:44] Oh, right.

Speaker 9:
[20:45] Yes.

Speaker 8:
[20:46] I have been debriefed about this device. It's fascinating. A quantum bubble processor. During my enlightenment phase, such things were only a theory.

Speaker 9:
[20:53] Damn. I wish Leif was here. I hope all that stuff on the roof has been helpful.

Speaker 7:
[20:59] It would be, but you won't touch it.

Speaker 9:
[21:01] Why not? Leif used it all the time.

Speaker 7:
[21:04] Because Voon is a man of principles. Aren't you, Voon?

Speaker 8:
[21:07] There are several levels of aggressive security measures in your colleague's systems, but even if there were not, it is against my core principles. Urt's believes technology is an extension of the self. To violate that technology without express, informed consent would be immoral.

Speaker 7:
[21:23] And he believes it so strongly that he got shrunk down to the size of a Kindle one time.

Speaker 9:
[21:28] What?

Speaker 8:
[21:29] It's true. I became trapped in a diminuator.

Speaker 9:
[21:31] It shrunk you?

Speaker 8:
[21:33] The effect was temporary.

Speaker 7:
[21:34] He rolled around on my shoulder for two weeks like a cockatoo.

Speaker 9:
[21:37] Oh my god.

Speaker 4:
[21:38] Okay, but seriously though, Pocket Voon was adorable.

Speaker 8:
[21:41] The shift in perspective was illuminating. It was how we discovered the inscriptions under the table.

Speaker 9:
[21:45] The what?

Speaker 4:
[21:46] That's right. Did you not know about this?

Speaker 9:
[21:48] No.

Speaker 7:
[21:48] It's a table seven, right?

Speaker 4:
[21:50] Table seven.

Speaker 7:
[21:51] Check it out.

Speaker 4:
[21:54] It looks like when people decide to leave, they scratch their name into the underside of this table. Look.

Speaker 9:
[21:59] There's so many names.

Speaker 4:
[22:01] Caspar wasn't the first one here. The Therronies told me about Marissa and Cody McClure, but look at all those names.

Speaker 9:
[22:08] Lily Sterling, Emmett Hale, Fernandez Campbell.

Speaker 4:
[22:14] Who knows how many times this place has changed hands?

Speaker 7:
[22:23] Looks like it's time to go to work.

Speaker 4:
[22:24] Peter, Zone Defense.

Speaker 8:
[22:26] Zone Defense.

Speaker 9:
[22:27] Do you guys have any way of knowing where you are?

Speaker 4:
[22:30] Yeah, Voon, can you do a sky scan?

Speaker 8:
[22:31] Of course. One moment.

Speaker 7:
[22:36] Looks like a regular old forest to me.

Speaker 9:
[22:38] It looks... I'm going to go out there.

Speaker 4:
[22:42] Are you sure?

Speaker 9:
[22:43] Yeah, I need to get a closer look.

Speaker 4:
[22:44] We'll come with you.

Speaker 9:
[22:50] Does any of this look familiar to you guys?

Speaker 4:
[22:53] It just looks like a forest.

Speaker 7:
[22:55] Could be anywhere.

Speaker 8:
[23:02] It is as we expected. We are on an uncharted planet in the Cryptessia Galaxy.

Speaker 7:
[23:06] Is that where we want to be or where we don't want to be?

Speaker 4:
[23:10] Both.

Speaker 9:
[23:10] It's weird. I feel like...

Speaker 4:
[23:15] What?

Speaker 9:
[23:23] I've been here before.

Speaker 6:
[23:24] More ranch dressing! Thanks, Bosco. Uh, you're not eating.

Speaker 3:
[23:36] Must I?

Speaker 6:
[23:37] Hmm. That's a good question, actually. Do you eat?

Speaker 3:
[23:41] I've eaten.

Speaker 6:
[23:42] But do you need to? See, these are the questions nobody asks about malevolent space gods. How do they bend the laws of physics? Sure, that's important. But also, what do they have for breakfast in the morning?

Speaker 3:
[23:57] You're playing into your idea of me as a malevolent space god. When I rise in the morning, I should… what? Eat an entire planet? Crack it like an egg? Ooh.

Speaker 6:
[24:11] Can you do that?

Speaker 3:
[24:12] The answer is no.

Speaker 6:
[24:13] No? What kind of malevolent space god can't crack a planet open?

Speaker 3:
[24:18] No. I don't eat breakfast.

Speaker 6:
[24:21] Well, you should. It's the most important meal of the day, Krok. Maybe you wouldn't be so malevolent.

Speaker 3:
[24:29] Why malevolent?

Speaker 6:
[24:32] Why malevolent?

Speaker 3:
[24:34] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[24:35] Seriously?

Speaker 3:
[24:36] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[24:39] Well, you've enslaved trillions of people on hundreds of planets.

Speaker 3:
[24:46] All in the service of something greater.

Speaker 6:
[24:49] Something greater? I'll generously call that debatable.

Speaker 3:
[24:55] Then let us debate.

Speaker 6:
[25:00] Okay, sure.

Speaker 3:
[25:02] Second part first.

Speaker 6:
[25:04] All right.

Speaker 3:
[25:06] Let us assume for a moment that my cause is just. Assume that my dream of an eternal universe is an enviable goal.

Speaker 6:
[25:14] If you insist.

Speaker 3:
[25:16] If the entirety of the universe is at stake, is it not worth sacrificing one small galaxy to save it?

Speaker 6:
[25:23] The trolley problem, Krok? Seriously?

Speaker 3:
[25:26] I'm sorry if this debate is beneath you, doctor. Please indulge me.

Speaker 6:
[25:33] Okay. Do I sacrifice one galaxy to save the universe?

Speaker 3:
[25:39] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[25:41] No.

Speaker 3:
[25:42] Really?

Speaker 6:
[25:43] Really.

Speaker 3:
[25:45] Explain.

Speaker 6:
[25:47] If it's meant to die, let it die.

Speaker 3:
[25:50] Meant to?

Speaker 6:
[25:52] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[25:54] But you have the power to stop it. Not all have this power, but you have. You must abandon passivity. You are, as a scientist, an observer. You observe and discern the intricacies of the universe, but in this little theoretical universe of ours, you are no longer the observer. You are given the power to change the course of the heavens. You are given the choice. So now, you must choose.

Speaker 6:
[26:28] If it's meant to die, let it die.

Speaker 3:
[26:33] So you watch as everything cascades into nothingness?

Speaker 6:
[26:37] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[26:38] Why?

Speaker 6:
[26:40] So I can watch.

Speaker 3:
[26:43] Why?

Speaker 6:
[26:44] Krok, I think you and I have the same problem.

Speaker 3:
[26:49] Have we?

Speaker 6:
[26:50] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[26:51] And what is that?

Speaker 6:
[26:53] Baryogenesis.

Speaker 3:
[26:56] I beg your pardon?

Speaker 6:
[26:57] You stood there at the beginning of the universe and you watched it take shape, right? That's what you told us.

Speaker 3:
[27:06] I was there.

Speaker 6:
[27:07] That shouldn't have happened. The beginning of the universe shouldn't have been the beginning of anything. Matter and antimatter should have collided, destroyed each other and been reduced to photons. The universe should have been an ocean of light. No Ava, no Krok, no dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets. But instead, for every one billion particles of antimatter, there was one billion and one particles of matter. And from that tiny discrepancy came you and me and the nuggets. Why?

Speaker 3:
[27:56] I'm unsure.

Speaker 6:
[27:58] Right. For someone as powerful as you, that's really got to burn, right? Most scientists on earth, they have to sit there on earth and theorize about black holes and how they work. But you, you can just go there. If you want to observe quantum particles, you can just shrink yourself down into a teeny tiny Krok and observe them. The universe is always at your fingertips. But this is one thing you can't know. Why is there something instead of nothing?

Speaker 3:
[28:42] It is elusive to me, yes.

Speaker 6:
[28:46] The only way to learn something like that is to observe the universe as it was, as it has become, and as it will be. And if I'm suddenly Ava, the malevolent space god, and I start messing with the cosmic plumbing, I'm never going to get the answers I'm looking for. You're building a casino on top of my excavation site, Krok. You should stop messing with things. How can I observe the universe when you're out here it up?

Speaker 3:
[29:19] You're not upset that I've enslaved trillions of people. You're upset that I've ruined your research.

Speaker 6:
[29:25] They're the same thing.

Speaker 3:
[29:26] And if they weren't?

Speaker 6:
[29:27] Krok, I like to save my theoretical energy for my physics, not for trying to figure out why you decided to be the multiverse's biggest shithead. What's funny?

Speaker 3:
[29:46] I'm surrounded by sycophants.

Speaker 6:
[29:50] Oh, I see. Not a lot of people calling you a shithead?

Speaker 3:
[29:54] There are not.

Speaker 6:
[29:56] I've got plenty worse I could call you. You want me to go for it?

Speaker 3:
[30:00] Oh, I can use my imagination. Allow me to apologize.

Speaker 6:
[30:10] Apologize?

Speaker 3:
[30:12] I'm ruining your life's work with my actions here.

Speaker 6:
[30:15] You are.

Speaker 3:
[30:16] And? I apologize. How may I heal this rift between us?

Speaker 6:
[30:26] Pencils.

Speaker 3:
[30:30] Writing implements?

Speaker 6:
[30:32] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[30:34] Very well. Anything else?

Speaker 6:
[30:38] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[30:39] Name it.

Speaker 6:
[30:41] You were there at the beginning of the universe.

Speaker 3:
[30:45] I was.

Speaker 6:
[30:47] Tell me what you saw.

Speaker 3:
[30:51] I'll improve upon that.

Speaker 6:
[30:53] Oh yeah?

Speaker 3:
[30:56] I shall take you there.

Speaker 4:
[31:09] You called it the Murder Beast?

Speaker 9:
[31:11] Yeah, but don't worry.

Speaker 4:
[31:14] Don't worry about the Murder Beast?

Speaker 9:
[31:17] It's fine. How? That was just what we called it. It wasn't the most accurate name in the world. Good. That's just how it looks.

Speaker 4:
[31:26] So it looks like a murder beast, but it's actually what?

Speaker 9:
[31:29] We never really found out. It's kind of dark. It was some creature that was engineered to be cannibalistic. Whoa. Yeah. Apparently, it could only eat its own kind. That's how it had to live.

Speaker 4:
[31:47] Gross. When was this?

Speaker 9:
[31:49] It was my first shift.

Speaker 4:
[31:52] Ever?

Speaker 9:
[31:53] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[31:54] What did you do?

Speaker 9:
[31:58] I gave it a cup of coffee.

Speaker 4:
[32:01] You did?

Speaker 9:
[32:01] I didn't know what else to do. It eventually left after that.

Speaker 4:
[32:07] Why are we looking for it?

Speaker 9:
[32:11] I don't know. My heart really went out to it. I want to see if it's okay.

Speaker 4:
[32:16] Wait. So your very first shift was here in Cryptessia? Shit.

Speaker 9:
[32:23] I didn't even think about that. We had no way of knowing at the time. It was a long time ago.

Speaker 4:
[32:31] Yeah. But Gloria, you guys could have been here yesterday.

Speaker 9:
[32:35] Shit. That's right. Fucking time travel.

Speaker 4:
[32:38] Right. Phil, are you seeing anything?

Speaker 7:
[32:41] I'm up on the roof and I'm not seeing anything. What exactly is the plan here, y'all?

Speaker 8:
[32:47] Yeah.

Speaker 9:
[32:47] I don't really know.

Speaker 8:
[32:49] If I may, from a data-driven standpoint, it would be useful to me to study an organism after it has encountered the diner. It is rare that we return to a planet other than Thegryon. I would enjoy the opportunity to compare these cases.

Speaker 7:
[33:01] All right. Something tells me a murder is not going to be as personable as the Thegronies.

Speaker 9:
[33:07] It won't be, but I promise once you get past the terrifying appearance and the mouthful of teeth, it's just like a little puppy dog.

Speaker 7:
[33:16] It's all right. Not the first time we've been on a bug hunt.

Speaker 9:
[33:19] A bug hunt?

Speaker 4:
[33:20] That's what Phil calls it every time a shift involves a problematic creature of some kind.

Speaker 7:
[33:25] Remember the enigmatic cat bird?

Speaker 4:
[33:28] Oh God, don't remind me.

Speaker 8:
[33:29] He assisted an ornithologist to find a bird whose population had been reduced to one.

Speaker 4:
[33:33] In acres of thorny bushes.

Speaker 7:
[33:36] Fiona came back looking like a scratching post.

Speaker 4:
[33:38] After all that, Phil found it with his goddamn binoculars.

Speaker 7:
[33:42] Work smart, not hard, y'all.

Speaker 9:
[33:44] God damn, I miss those days. I'd love to just be looking for someone's missing bird right now. Wait a minute, did I ever have those days?

Speaker 8:
[33:54] Gloria, may I ask you a question about your time as the diner's proprietor?

Speaker 9:
[33:58] Yeah, sure.

Speaker 8:
[33:59] In this particular case of this unclassified creature, a language barrier was obvious. That aside, how often was a linguistic barrier an issue in the operation of the diner?

Speaker 9:
[34:10] Linguistic barrier? Not very often.

Speaker 8:
[34:15] Interesting. We have had the same experience.

Speaker 9:
[34:18] Isn't the reason why everyone speaks English because they like our movies or something?

Speaker 8:
[34:22] It's true. Due to the triad's affinity for your arts and culture, your planet's dominant language has become a lingua franca for its three galaxies. That is, however, three galaxies in a universe with a conservative estimate of two trillion galaxies.

Speaker 9:
[34:36] I guess I never had time to think about it. Is it only traveling to places that speak English?

Speaker 8:
[34:42] It's unclear. But it is possible that, like any ship, its cargo is considered before charting a course.

Speaker 9:
[34:49] Weird.

Speaker 8:
[34:50] It is truly odd.

Speaker 9:
[34:52] Guess your Homeworld gave you a pretty strange gig, didn't they?

Speaker 8:
[34:56] In my last debrief with the Homeworld, I was told that only two other Earths in history had been given this assignment.

Speaker 9:
[35:01] In history?

Speaker 8:
[35:02] It is very rare.

Speaker 9:
[35:03] I guess they must really trust you.

Speaker 8:
[35:06] I am afraid it was not a merit-based assignment. I simply happened to be in the right place at the right time. I had only recently left my Enlightenment stage before I encountered the diner at a space station.

Speaker 9:
[35:16] I don't think any of us were ready for it, so don't feel bad. Except maybe Ava.

Speaker 8:
[35:21] Ava is the scientist who traveled with you?

Speaker 9:
[35:23] Yeah. She had figured out some sort of way to find this place.

Speaker 8:
[35:27] She had?

Speaker 9:
[35:28] Yeah. She's got all kinds of brains going on in her head.

Speaker 8:
[35:32] I would very much like to speak with her.

Speaker 9:
[35:34] Me too, Voon. Ava's an acquired taste, but I miss my friends.

Speaker 8:
[35:39] Her notational diaries were left behind, but they are in an unknown language.

Speaker 9:
[35:43] Oh, right. Well, with any luck, she can tell you about it herself. Hey, speaking of language, you just reminded me of something. The first time we met this creature, there actually wasn't a language barrier.

Speaker 8:
[35:58] There wasn't?

Speaker 9:
[35:59] No. It could understand me.

Speaker 8:
[36:02] The creature could understand your language?

Speaker 9:
[36:04] Yeah.

Speaker 8:
[36:05] Curious.

Speaker 4:
[36:05] Oh, shit.

Speaker 7:
[36:07] Fiona?

Speaker 4:
[36:07] Something's coming.

Speaker 7:
[36:09] Oh, shit. Should we freak out about this or not?

Speaker 9:
[36:12] Fiona, you're going to be fine. Like I said, it's super terrifying to look at, but it's not going to hurt you.

Speaker 4:
[36:19] Horror movies aren't going to hurt me either, but I still really freak out.

Speaker 7:
[36:22] Fiona, you ran through fire one time. Remember that? Voon, remember when she ran through fire?

Speaker 8:
[36:27] I had to reconstruct your shoes, Fiona.

Speaker 7:
[36:29] This is different.

Speaker 4:
[36:30] It's the anticipation. I have time to be scared, so I'm scared.

Speaker 7:
[36:35] Do you want us to distract you with a brain teaser?

Speaker 8:
[36:37] Oh, shut up.

Speaker 4:
[36:39] Here it comes.

Speaker 10:
[36:47] Oh, my God.

Speaker 11:
[36:50] What's going on?

Speaker 8:
[36:51] Fiona, what are you seeing?

Speaker 12:
[36:52] Who is this little guy?

Speaker 9:
[36:54] Let me guess. It looks like a cross between a pig and a panda.

Speaker 4:
[36:58] It totally does. What is it?

Speaker 9:
[37:01] It's a... We just call it the pig panda.

Speaker 4:
[37:05] Hello, little man. Peter, look at this guy.

Speaker 8:
[37:10] Gloria.

Speaker 9:
[37:12] What's up?

Speaker 8:
[37:14] Stay completely still. We are being targeted with a weapon.

Speaker 9:
[37:19] Oh, shit.

Speaker 11:
[37:21] Turn around nice and slow, Urt. And don't put that floating ball of yours in the air. I'll shoot it down.

Speaker 9:
[37:30] Teta? What?

Speaker 7:
[37:37] Hi.

Speaker 11:
[37:38] Holy shit, you're alive.

Speaker 9:
[37:40] Holy shit, you're alive.

Speaker 7:
[37:42] Yo, what is going on?

Speaker 8:
[37:44] We have a visitor.

Speaker 11:
[37:45] Who?

Speaker 9:
[37:45] It's Teta.

Speaker 11:
[37:47] Oh.

Speaker 1:
[37:48] Today's episode is brought to you by BILT. Whether you're renting or paying a mortgage, one of your biggest monthly expenses should be working harder for you. That's where BILT comes in. BILT is the membership for where you live that rewards you with points on every housing payment, rent or mortgage, wherever you live. Those points transfer to top travel partners like Hyatt and United, so you can finally put points towards some place you actually want to go on a flight you actually want to take. But honestly, the part that I find the most underrated is the Neighborhood Concierge. It makes restaurant reservations, books fitness classes, finds new local spots, all while earning you rewards at more than 45,000 merchant partners. It's like a personal assistant built into your address. You can also redeem points towards lift rides for amazon.com purchases, fitness classes, even a down payment on a home someday. Join the membership for where you live at joinbuilt.com/burger. That's J O I N B I L t.com/burger. Make sure you use our URL so they know we sent you. Midnight Burger is brought to you today by Shaker and Spoon, where you can get $20 off of any subscription by going to shakerandspoon.com/midnightburger. Cast members and avid cocktail makers Neil and Julie gave Shaker and Spoon a try.

Speaker 10:
[39:11] It's a cute little box and you open it up and it's filled with a whole bunch of recyclable packaging material and cute little bottles and fun instructions and really cute written postcards with recipes.

Speaker 1:
[39:26] Each monthly box arrives with three original recipes created by world-class bartenders as well as enough ingredients for 12 cocktails, four from each recipe.

Speaker 12:
[39:35] I mean, I've got a pretty solid bar by most like home bar standards, but I don't like get things that they sent. Like, I don't go out and buy black pepper walnut bitters and like cardamom bitters. And they had a bunch of spice syrups mixed up and stuff.

Speaker 1:
[39:51] Each box revolves around one type of liquor. So just add one bottle of liquor and you're ready to go.

Speaker 10:
[39:57] It's all very clear because everything's labeled and each cocktail has its own ingredient card or instructions card. So each one has its own recipe and like backstory and everything on a card. So yeah, it's all easy to figure out.

Speaker 1:
[40:12] They'll have everything you need except for the egg.

Speaker 12:
[40:15] There are even two enormous lemons in there. There's actual food in there.

Speaker 10:
[40:19] Fresh lemons, fresh citrus.

Speaker 12:
[40:20] So the only thing we needed was booze and for one of the cocktails we needed an egg. They didn't send an egg, which I think is prudent.

Speaker 10:
[40:26] Good idea.

Speaker 1:
[40:26] You can learn new techniques while creating excellent craft cocktails.

Speaker 12:
[40:29] They have sourced these cocktails from people in the business and like I'm checking the CVs on some of the people that they dropped and they're like legit heavy hitters working at serious cocktail bars.

Speaker 1:
[40:41] It's also a great gift idea. Literally all you need to know about your gifty is their email address.

Speaker 10:
[40:46] I think it would be good for really smart, cool and beautiful people.

Speaker 12:
[40:51] Like our listeners.

Speaker 10:
[40:52] Yes.

Speaker 12:
[40:52] And one of the cool things here is that there's enough to make three different cocktails and to make four of each. So you could make it like a little social thing, right? Like have people over, hey, I got my new Shaker and Spoon box. Let's come over Friday night. Let's see what these are.

Speaker 1:
[41:08] Going out to the bar has become a little more complicated these days. So throw an epic cocktail party at home and save $20 off any subscription by going to shakerandspoon.com/midnightburger.

Speaker 3:
[41:46] Here it is.

Speaker 6:
[41:48] Are there any small rooms in this castle?

Speaker 3:
[41:51] There are not.

Speaker 6:
[41:55] What is this place?

Speaker 3:
[41:58] Think of it as an observatory. But rather than remaining fixed on the ground, it will take you wherever you would like to go. From here, you may observe any point in all of existence, at any point in time.

Speaker 6:
[42:15] That's impressive.

Speaker 3:
[42:17] Thank you.

Speaker 6:
[42:19] You built this?

Speaker 3:
[42:20] Of course I built it.

Speaker 6:
[42:23] Nice work.

Speaker 3:
[42:26] And where are we off to?

Speaker 6:
[42:30] Like I said, the beginning.

Speaker 3:
[42:33] Very well. Observing the beginning is problematic, as you know.

Speaker 6:
[42:58] This is it?

Speaker 3:
[43:00] Well, the Big Bang, as you call it, was not an explosion into space, but an explosion of space itself. Before that, we find ourselves here. All of existence compress to less than the size of an electron. We would observe it, but light does not yet exist. The idea of observation does not yet exist.

Speaker 6:
[43:29] Nice. This is where you're from?

Speaker 3:
[43:33] It is.

Speaker 6:
[43:35] Without time or space, you were conscious.

Speaker 3:
[43:39] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[43:41] What is that like?

Speaker 3:
[43:46] I couldn't tell you. Existing without time or space is a concept that cannot be brought into this world.

Speaker 6:
[43:55] But there you were.

Speaker 3:
[43:57] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[43:59] Your entire existence was contained in ten to the negative forty-third seconds.

Speaker 3:
[44:06] Yes. But without time as a concept, that means nothing. Your people have a name for this.

Speaker 6:
[44:16] The Plank Epoch. It was a period of time so small, you almost can't measure it.

Speaker 3:
[44:23] And yet, for me, it was an eternity.

Speaker 6:
[44:28] Keep going. Here we go.

Speaker 3:
[44:59] I don't have the same words for this as your race. How would you describe what we're seeing?

Speaker 6:
[45:06] The universe is expanding and cooling. Quarks are binding into protons and neutrons, and then those fuse into the first nuclei. Hydrogen, helium, maybe a little bit of lithium. But the universe is an opaque, blindingly hot plasma. Photons can't travel more than a tiny distance before being absorbed and re-emitted. It looks like I thought it would. The surface of a star in every direction. The temperature is tens of millions of Kelvin. It all happens in a few minutes.

Speaker 3:
[45:47] And then...

Speaker 6:
[45:49] Fast forward to about 400,000 years.

Speaker 3:
[45:53] Very well.

Speaker 6:
[46:06] There it is.

Speaker 3:
[46:08] What do you see?

Speaker 6:
[46:10] Recombination. Electrons bond to nuclei, the fog clears, photons are streaming freely. This is the first time the universe could be observed. We're radiating at a frosty 3000 Kelvin. Everything is reddish-orange. This will cool over billions of years, leaving behind the Cosmic Microwave Background. But first, we go back to the darkness. For hundreds of millions of years, the Cosmic Dark Ages, the universe would go from a uniform glowing ember to absolute blackness in every direction. Individual points of blue-white light flicker on, clustered in filaments and sheets like a city returning from a blackout.

Speaker 3:
[47:23] And the rest is fairly predictable. You have now observed what I have observed.

Speaker 6:
[47:37] What's happening now?

Speaker 3:
[47:38] You're observing my first act. As I watched the stars form in the darkness, I tried my hand at it. It was a poor effort. Rather than compressing matter into a star, I managed to form a simple rock in the void. It was not as splendid as the stars, but it was mine. I stood upon it as I watched the universe.

Speaker 6:
[48:02] Lonely Krok, on a rock, looking at the stars.

Speaker 3:
[48:07] There's a song in there somewhere.

Speaker 6:
[48:12] So, you went from being La Petite Prince standing on a planet to all of this malevolent space god bullshit.

Speaker 3:
[48:20] I'm afraid so.

Speaker 6:
[48:23] How does that happen?

Speaker 3:
[48:25] I watched the universe create itself. It felt as though it belonged to me. It became something I had to protect from destruction.

Speaker 6:
[48:36] How can you not see how inevitable that is?

Speaker 3:
[48:40] You see it as inevitable because of the nature of your existence. You and all the other creatures in the universe, you are born dying. Death is inevitable. For someone like me, born before time, untouched by time, death seems an inconvenience.

Speaker 6:
[49:02] An inconvenience baked into every aspect of the universe.

Speaker 3:
[49:07] Every aspect save my aspect. What is to become of me when the universe fades into oblivion?

Speaker 6:
[49:16] Jesus Christ, Krok, don't tell me you're doing all of this because you're scared of being alone.

Speaker 3:
[49:22] I fear nothing.

Speaker 6:
[49:24] Bullshit.

Speaker 3:
[49:25] Oh, yes?

Speaker 6:
[49:26] You live in a massive fortress with a huge gun on the top of it. You're surrounded by an army. You fear nothing? You know, usually when engineers talk, I don't listen because, well, because who cares? But I was sitting there on the diner and I heard something interesting. Those little time travel squirt guns you give all your little mystery men? It's kind of a weird choice, right?

Speaker 3:
[49:57] They're very effective.

Speaker 6:
[49:58] Are they? We've offed quite a few of your guys at this point. Something more conventional like your average laser gun or a plasma thingy would actually be a lot more effective against us. But you use the time guns. It's almost as if, I mean, I'm no engineer, thank God, but it's almost as if you want your men armed with weapons that work not very well against something that can die, but work very well against something that can't. Because if something couldn't die, the best thing you could do would be to fling it to the other side of the multiverse, right? I'm just spitballing here. I'm no engineer. Thank God.

Speaker 3:
[50:51] We have the rest of your life together, Doctor. Let's not waste the connection we've already made.

Speaker 6:
[51:00] You're scared shitless, aren't you?

Speaker 3:
[51:06] Grant me a favor. Stay here for a while. Stay here on this lonely little planet I made for myself all those ages ago. And attempt to see it all through my eyes. I promise it will enlighten you.

Speaker 6:
[51:23] You promise, huh?

Speaker 3:
[51:25] I do.

Speaker 6:
[51:28] Okay. I'm gonna need some more coffee.

Speaker 3:
[51:32] Whatever you like.

Speaker 6:
[51:38] Last chance to level with me, Krok.

Speaker 3:
[51:41] I fear nothing.

Speaker 11:
[51:49] So, this planet's listed as having humans on it, but we can't see anything from long-range scans. So, Kazi sent me over here to make sure we weren't missing anything. I've been humping my ass through the trees for days now, and I don't see anything. I don't know what the deal is.

Speaker 9:
[52:08] So, you guys left and just turned back around and went to war with Krok?

Speaker 11:
[52:14] Pretty much. I thought it was a stupid move, but it's actually going okay. We touched down on a planet, drive out whatever unfriendlies are there, take their ships, and then we fix everybody's brain. Turns out when you tell Earthlings they've been duped by the bad guys, a lot of them want to sign up for war.

Speaker 4:
[52:34] You guys are crazy.

Speaker 9:
[52:36] How many planets have you freed?

Speaker 11:
[52:38] I don't know. A hundred at this point?

Speaker 9:
[52:40] That's great.

Speaker 11:
[52:42] So, you're alive.

Speaker 9:
[52:45] I'm alive.

Speaker 11:
[52:46] Cool. Not sure how that helps us, but you know, welcome back.

Speaker 9:
[52:52] Has anyone seen any sign of the others?

Speaker 11:
[52:54] No, nothing. Honestly, I figured you guys were dead. I thought we were holding out hope just to make David feel better.

Speaker 9:
[53:03] How is David?

Speaker 11:
[53:04] Good. His aim's getting better.

Speaker 9:
[53:07] I mean, how is he emotionally?

Speaker 11:
[53:09] Oh, I have no idea. This place looks different.

Speaker 9:
[53:14] Yeah, Fiona's made some changes. Used to be the smell of tacos. Now it's the smell of Fiona's grilled cheese sandwiches.

Speaker 8:
[53:22] Excuse me.

Speaker 11:
[53:23] What's up?

Speaker 8:
[53:24] May I scan your person for relevant technologies?

Speaker 11:
[53:26] Yeah, fine. Don't touch my gun.

Speaker 8:
[53:29] Of course.

Speaker 11:
[53:31] Friggin Urts. They're always scanning everything. Where'd he come from?

Speaker 9:
[53:37] Fiona picked up some friends along the way. She's actually been gone a really long time. Apparently, it's been eight years. Eight years? Jesus. She kept it running though.

Speaker 11:
[53:49] Yeah, she's a trooper. Fiona, how's your head?

Speaker 4:
[53:54] It's fine. Thank you for asking.

Speaker 11:
[53:57] There's a guy on the roof?

Speaker 9:
[53:58] Yeah, that's Phil. Hang on. Hey, Phil, are you seeing anything up there?

Speaker 7:
[54:03] Nope. I am not seeing anything.

Speaker 9:
[54:05] Okay. Fiona's baking sandwiches. Do you want to come down?

Speaker 7:
[54:09] Be right there.

Speaker 9:
[54:10] So, what is Kazi's plan exactly? Is she really trying to take down Krok?

Speaker 11:
[54:15] Oh, yeah. She is pissed. She'd never admit it, but she spent most of her life studying the guy. She really admired him. Now, it turns out he's King Shithead. She's either going to kill him or he's going to kill her.

Speaker 9:
[54:32] Can she really piece together enough of an army to do that?

Speaker 11:
[54:35] I don't know. The thing with guerrilla warfare, as soon as you get up enough troop density, you're facing a pretty big reaction from the powers that be. That's coming anytime now from Krok. We'll see if we can survive that. I was just about to head back to it when you guys showed up.

Speaker 9:
[54:54] Hey, when you were out there in the forest, did you see anything?

Speaker 11:
[55:00] There's no humans out there.

Speaker 9:
[55:01] Anything else?

Speaker 11:
[55:03] Like what?

Speaker 9:
[55:03] Like a, well, like a really gross looking thing with a big mouth full of teeth?

Speaker 11:
[55:10] Oh yeah, I saw one of those.

Speaker 9:
[55:12] You did?

Speaker 11:
[55:12] Yeah, gnarly looking.

Speaker 9:
[55:14] Do you think you can find it again?

Speaker 11:
[55:16] Probably, its tracks are all over the place.

Speaker 9:
[55:19] Okay, I need a favor before you go.

Speaker 11:
[55:22] What's up?

Speaker 7:
[55:32] No monsters yet.

Speaker 9:
[55:33] Okay.

Speaker 7:
[55:36] Need any help?

Speaker 4:
[55:37] Nope.

Speaker 7:
[55:41] Everything okay?

Speaker 4:
[55:42] Uh-huh.

Speaker 7:
[55:45] Okay, so we've been working together for a while.

Speaker 4:
[55:48] Uh-huh.

Speaker 7:
[55:50] Which means that when something's wrong, I can kinda tell.

Speaker 4:
[55:54] It's fine. It's fine.

Speaker 7:
[55:58] It's fine?

Speaker 4:
[56:00] My first crush just walked in the door, and it's fine.

Speaker 7:
[56:08] First crush?

Speaker 4:
[56:10] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[56:12] The huge orange woman with ram's horns was your first crush?

Speaker 4:
[56:17] It was a long time ago.

Speaker 2:
[56:19] Okay.

Speaker 7:
[56:20] Aim high.

Speaker 4:
[56:22] Aim high? What does that mean, aim high?

Speaker 7:
[56:25] Fiona, you realize that is far too much woman for you.

Speaker 2:
[56:29] Right?

Speaker 4:
[56:29] No, it's not. Also, it doesn't matter. Also, mind your business.

Speaker 7:
[56:33] I know what's going on.

Speaker 4:
[56:34] I know what's going on.

Speaker 7:
[56:36] Let me tell you what's going on.

Speaker 4:
[56:37] I'm going to deliberately burn your sandwich.

Speaker 7:
[56:39] You have been going through respectfully a bit of a dry spell.

Speaker 4:
[56:44] I'm not prepared to discuss this with you.

Speaker 7:
[56:47] A bit of a dry spell.

Speaker 4:
[56:48] Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a quality woman when I'm going to vanish in 12 hours? We're a long-term relationship people, Phil.

Speaker 7:
[56:56] A bit of a dry spell.

Speaker 4:
[56:58] It's a historic drought, Phil.

Speaker 7:
[56:59] And that has been highlighted by the fact that Ground Zero for your sexual awakening has just walked in the door.

Speaker 4:
[57:05] You seem to think that saying this out loud is helping. But it is not helping, Phil.

Speaker 7:
[57:11] We should get this out in the open.

Speaker 4:
[57:12] I don't want it out in the open. I want to lock it away forever and throw it in the ocean.

Speaker 8:
[57:16] Hello. Are we once again discussing Fiona's lack of sexual stimulation?

Speaker 7:
[57:19] Yep.

Speaker 4:
[57:20] Hey. What do you mean once again?

Speaker 7:
[57:23] It's come up.

Speaker 4:
[57:24] No, it hasn't.

Speaker 8:
[57:24] It has been a topic of discussion 17 times in the past 30 days.

Speaker 4:
[57:27] Voon, stop counting everything.

Speaker 7:
[57:29] I feel like I should apologize at this point because it doesn't help that I have been doing very well out there.

Speaker 4:
[57:36] Don't remind me.

Speaker 7:
[57:36] It doesn't help that I am the transdimensional delivery man.

Speaker 4:
[57:40] How do you just give yourself nicknames?

Speaker 7:
[57:42] I've explained to you why this is.

Speaker 4:
[57:44] This is just cruelty now.

Speaker 7:
[57:44] Why is it, Voon?

Speaker 8:
[57:45] Because of your levels of game, Captain.

Speaker 7:
[57:47] Game, Fiona. Voon, what is Fiona's current level of game?

Speaker 8:
[57:52] Based on your metric, Captain, Fiona currently has a game rating of zero.

Speaker 7:
[57:56] No game. No game, Fiona.

Speaker 4:
[57:58] Can I explain to the two of you what friends are supposed to do?

Speaker 7:
[58:01] Be honest, I thought.

Speaker 8:
[58:02] Honesty is an important cornerstone of friendship.

Speaker 4:
[58:04] This isn't honesty. This is you making fun of me.

Speaker 7:
[58:07] What friends do is they should push all the bullshit out of the way and get down to what's really going on.

Speaker 4:
[58:14] That's what you're doing.

Speaker 7:
[58:15] Yes, because what's really going on has nothing to do with a fine woman in the dining room or the fact that you can't get some lately. That's not what's really going on. What's really going on?

Speaker 4:
[58:33] I'm scared.

Speaker 7:
[58:36] There we go.

Speaker 8:
[58:37] Can you share your feelings with us, Fiona?

Speaker 4:
[58:42] This is where it all started for me, this galaxy. We've been in a lot of scary situations. I know. I haven't really been able to shake this one. The work's been able to distract me, but now.

Speaker 8:
[59:03] Your feelings are real and appropriate, Fiona. We have returned to the epicenter of your trauma. It is not uncommon to feel as though no time has passed that you are once again a pawn and a victim of malicious actors.

Speaker 4:
[59:15] It's starting to feel that way a little bit.

Speaker 8:
[59:17] It is at this time that we ask you to repeat the captain's adage.

Speaker 4:
[59:24] You've lost a lot, but what have you got?

Speaker 7:
[59:28] What have you got?

Speaker 4:
[59:32] I have you too.

Speaker 7:
[59:35] That's right.

Speaker 8:
[59:36] It is important to focus on growth and achievements when you feel emotional regression.

Speaker 4:
[59:42] I really love you guys.

Speaker 7:
[59:43] We know.

Speaker 8:
[59:44] You have said so 23 times in the last 30 days.

Speaker 11:
[59:46] Hey, we're taking our sandwiches to go. I gotta go wrestle a monster real quick.

Speaker 4:
[59:51] Uh.

Speaker 6:
[60:16] Son of a bitch. Oh, hello there, Carl. Where have you been? Mouse hunting? How are the mice on this planet? Welcome to the beginning of the universe. What do you think? I mean, it's not exactly the beginning of the universe, but it's close enough. Carl, you're just in time, because I've just had a dramatic revelation. Would you like to hear it? Okay. Don't freak out, okay? Our charming host slash jailer brought me down here, and he fired up this machine of his, and he showed me the beginning of the universe, from nothingness to now. It's truly amazing to see it. It's how I imagined it. Is there this part of me that wishes there was something I didn't predict? Sure. But it was a hell of a show. One that would have impressed anybody. But there is this one question that I asked him, and it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and it stuck with me, and here I am now. I asked him, Did you build this? And he said, Of course I built it. Why is that sticking with me? I asked myself. Why is that sticking with me? And then it came to me. Why did you build this? Why would you have to? You describe yourself as this person who can manipulate the fabric of the universe, and yet you built something. You see, Carl, we humans, we make tools. And we make tools when we find the limits of our humanity. I can't reach that thing, so I'm going to make a thing so I can reach that thing. But we're talking about a god here, Carl. We're talking about a guy who can always reach the thing. If he can always reach the thing, why did he build a thing? The thing about science, Carl, power is never imagined. It's always measured. In humans, though, power is almost always imagined. The school bully strides through the playground confident because he's never really challenged. His power is always imagined. It's a hallmark of being a member of this race of demented monkeys that I unfortunately find myself a member of. Power almost always is imagined. What have we seen this guy do, Carl? We've seen him teleport. That's pretty impressive. Have I in my travels encountered people who can make things that teleport? Yes. Time travel. Have I seen people build time machines? I fucking live in one, Carl. What have we seen this guy do? He's got little minions that chase us all over the multiverse. He's got a big gun on the top of his castle. He's got a magical dome that can show me anything I want to see. What have we seen him do? That's right, Carl. We're back to the catcher in the rye. The problem with the world? Fucking phonies. What was that, Carl? What the hell? Carl, come here. Am I seeing things? Or is that another dome, just like this one? Who's in there? Is someone in there? Is this a paradox? Am I seeing myself traveling back to the beginning? No, that's not right. There's someone in there. Holy shit, Leaf? Leaf, what the fuck are you doing in there? Who is that with you? Carl, what the fuck is happening? Leaf! You know what? Fuck it. Let's just go with a Hail Mary pass. Yes, I know it's a sports analogy. You better be able to understand this, god damn it. Leaf. Leaf, look at this. Leaf, it's all bullshit. He's not a god, he's just a shithead. Look at this and understand it. Come on. Are you reading it? Understand this, you fucking grease monkey. And he's gone. What the fuck was that?

Speaker 9:
[67:56] Just hold him there! Hey! Hey! It's me. Hey! Can you see me? Do you recognize me?

Speaker 11:
[68:09] He's digging his damn claws into my leg!

Speaker 9:
[68:12] It's me! It's Gloria! Do you recognize me? That's right. It's me. I gave you a cup of coffee.

Speaker 4:
[68:32] I think it's working.

Speaker 9:
[68:34] We're not going to hurt you, okay? Teta, go ahead and let it go.

Speaker 1:
[68:43] You sure?

Speaker 9:
[68:44] Yeah. I think it'll be fine.

Speaker 1:
[68:49] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[68:53] It's okay. It's okay. I remember you can understand me. I'm not sure how well you understand me, but I'm just going to talk. You were the first person I ever met out here. It was a long time ago for me, but I don't know how long it was for you. I tried to help you, but I don't know if I did. But what I wanted to say that you helped me. After I made you that cup of coffee, I said, this is a good job. That was when I knew I was in the right place, that I'd done the right thing. I guess I just wanted to say, thank you.

Speaker 4:
[70:20] Oh god. Uh, guys? It's moving toward me. Guys?

Speaker 9:
[70:28] It's okay.

Speaker 4:
[70:29] Are we 100% on that?

Speaker 7:
[70:30] What does it want with you?

Speaker 4:
[70:31] Oh, I have a sparkling personality.

Speaker 8:
[70:33] Gloria, you mentioned these creatures were engineered to be cannibalistic.

Speaker 9:
[70:37] Yes.

Speaker 8:
[70:37] But it has encountered the diner, a change agent. Perhaps it has overcome its engineering and has graduated to another behavior.

Speaker 4:
[70:43] We don't think that new behavior is eating lesbians, do we?

Speaker 8:
[70:46] Fiona, you have brought the sandwiches with you.

Speaker 4:
[70:48] Oh, my God.

Speaker 6:
[70:50] Oh, my God. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[70:53] Okay. This one is prosciutto and peppers. This one is green apples.

Speaker 7:
[71:01] All right.

Speaker 4:
[71:01] All of them. Sure.

Speaker 9:
[71:03] Amazing.

Speaker 7:
[71:04] That thing is hungry.

Speaker 8:
[71:05] It may be deeply malnourished. Its chosen diet may have changed without it knowing how to feed itself.

Speaker 4:
[71:13] It's back on me again.

Speaker 11:
[71:14] Probably still hungry.

Speaker 9:
[71:15] Let's get it back to the diner.

Speaker 6:
[71:40] Look at this fucking place, Carl. I should have known it was a big, fat faker when I saw this castle. This is overcompensating. Look how high the ceilings are. I can't even see them. Disappointed? Carl, what are you doing? You're doing the open the door dance at a wall. Things don't open just because you meow at them, okay? What the fuck? Carl, did you just do magic? Carl? Secret passage, huh? Okay, fine.

Speaker 11:
[72:41] Fiona.

Speaker 4:
[72:42] Hey, I think I set a new record for grilled cheese sandwiches. That thing just keeps eating them.

Speaker 11:
[72:47] Cool, what is this?

Speaker 4:
[72:49] Oh, that's rubbing alcohol. You know, there wasn't a first aid kit in here, and I thought, you know, with all the trouble we get into. Whatever.

Speaker 11:
[72:56] You put this on wounds, right?

Speaker 4:
[72:59] Yeah, but it's...

Speaker 11:
[73:00] You need to put some on me.

Speaker 4:
[73:02] I, what?

Speaker 11:
[73:04] That thing scratched the fuck out of me. I fixed my leg, but I can't reach the ones on my back. Fiona!

Speaker 4:
[73:12] Yeah, yes, right. Isn't that gonna really hurt, Teta?

Speaker 11:
[73:17] Yeah, it would hurt if I was a big weenie. Do I look like a big weenie to you?

Speaker 4:
[73:22] Nope. No, you do not.

Speaker 11:
[73:24] Okay, here.

Speaker 4:
[73:25] Okay.

Speaker 11:
[73:26] There's a huge one between my shoulder blades. I'm going to take my shirt off.

Speaker 4:
[73:30] Jesus Christ, seriously.

Speaker 11:
[73:31] What?

Speaker 4:
[73:31] Nothing. Nothing. Let me get a clean towel.

Speaker 11:
[73:42] You doing all right, Fiona?

Speaker 4:
[73:43] I'm okay.

Speaker 11:
[73:44] You're scared.

Speaker 4:
[73:47] I'm okay.

Speaker 11:
[73:48] I can smell it on you.

Speaker 4:
[73:51] Really? Is it that bad?

Speaker 11:
[73:53] No, I mean, it's a Laharian thing. I can literally smell fear.

Speaker 4:
[73:58] Oh. I guess it's not great being back here in Cryptessia.

Speaker 11:
[74:06] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[74:06] Okay, you're done.

Speaker 11:
[74:09] All right. I'm going to teach you something.

Speaker 4:
[74:12] Teach me?

Speaker 1:
[74:13] Kaprakcha!

Speaker 4:
[74:16] What is that?

Speaker 11:
[74:17] It's Laharian. Try it.

Speaker 4:
[74:22] Kaprakcha.

Speaker 11:
[74:23] Kaprakcha!

Speaker 4:
[74:25] Kaprakcha.

Speaker 11:
[74:27] From deep down, Fiona.

Speaker 12:
[74:31] Kaprakcha!

Speaker 4:
[74:33] Kaprakcha!

Speaker 11:
[74:35] Good.

Speaker 4:
[74:37] What is it?

Speaker 11:
[74:38] It's what a Laharian says to death.

Speaker 4:
[74:42] What does it mean?

Speaker 11:
[74:44] It means I fucking dare you.

Speaker 4:
[74:48] Kaprakcha.

Speaker 11:
[74:50] Keep working on it.

Speaker 4:
[74:54] Thanks, Teta.

Speaker 11:
[74:55] Sandwiches are burning. Oh, shit.

Speaker 7:
[75:03] I was handsome.

Speaker 9:
[75:04] He fell asleep in my lap, and I think I'm stuck here for a while.

Speaker 7:
[75:09] Looks like he needs it.

Speaker 9:
[75:10] Yeah.

Speaker 7:
[75:11] So, listen, Voon and I have been talking.

Speaker 9:
[75:16] What's up?

Speaker 7:
[75:17] I think you may have freed him from some pretty terrible behavior, but you may have fucked him up a little in the process.

Speaker 9:
[75:27] I was thinking the same thing.

Speaker 8:
[75:30] The creature has no developed behaviors to feed itself, and it is also in a hostile environment where it will be preyed upon by other creatures like it.

Speaker 7:
[75:36] I think he's got to come with us for a while until we find a good spot for him.

Speaker 9:
[75:40] I'm so glad you said it. I was just about to ask you.

Speaker 7:
[75:44] There's got to be some place out there for him. We know he loves Fiona's cooking.

Speaker 9:
[75:49] You've got a weird life ahead of you, murder beast.

Speaker 8:
[75:52] Gloria, my ability to scan biologics is rudimentary, but I am capable of a general overview. However, due to the creature's inability to consent to such scans, do you think you would be able to stand in as its ward?

Speaker 9:
[76:03] Yeah, I think that's a good idea, Voon.

Speaker 8:
[76:06] Scanning.

Speaker 4:
[76:06] Well, shit, now I have all these sandwiches.

Speaker 7:
[76:08] Hey, pass them around. I'll have one.

Speaker 11:
[76:10] I've got to head back to the fleet. Causey went and got herself injured, apparently, so I've got to get back and whip people into shape. I'll let them know you're here and we'll figure out where to go from there.

Speaker 9:
[76:22] Okay. Teta, I don't know why the diner brought me here without picking up the others, but I guess we just have to keep going regardless.

Speaker 11:
[76:32] Don't worry about it too much. They're pretty smart. They can figure something out, except for Caspar. That guy's fucked.

Speaker 9:
[76:39] Thank you, Teta.

Speaker 11:
[76:40] Peace in our time, fuckheads.

Speaker 8:
[76:43] Gloria.

Speaker 9:
[76:44] What is it, Voon?

Speaker 8:
[76:45] This creature is human.

Speaker 9:
[76:49] What?

Speaker 8:
[76:50] The data is telling me that this creature is a deeply augmented human.

Speaker 4:
[76:54] How is that possible?

Speaker 8:
[76:55] Many changes have been made, but the base DNA sequence is that of an Earthling.

Speaker 7:
[76:59] Holy shit.

Speaker 9:
[77:00] Oh my God.

Speaker 4:
[77:01] It's just another one of Krok's experiments.

Speaker 8:
[77:11] This is a perversion. He must be stopped.

Speaker 6:
[77:50] That's my cat in your lap.

Speaker 8:
[78:03] I don't know how to remove it.

Speaker 6:
[78:07] Oh, he doesn't like being removed. This is a pretty big gun you've got here.

Speaker 8:
[78:19] Gun is a reductive term.

Speaker 6:
[78:23] What do you call it?

Speaker 8:
[78:25] A weapon.

Speaker 6:
[78:27] Okay. Did you make this?

Speaker 8:
[78:33] Yes.

Speaker 6:
[78:35] Who are you? Hello, Jazinka. I'm Ava. I've been hearing this thing firing up a lot since I've been here. What are you shooting at?

Speaker 2:
[78:57] Targets.

Speaker 6:
[78:58] What are your targets?

Speaker 2:
[79:01] Irrelevant.

Speaker 6:
[79:02] Uh-huh. Jazinka? Do you make things around here? Other things? Yes. I see. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Speaker 8:
[79:23] There is no man behind a curtain.

Speaker 6:
[79:26] It's from a movie. Do you watch movies?

Speaker 8:
[79:30] No.

Speaker 6:
[79:30] Who are you, Jazinka?

Speaker 2:
[79:35] Please narrow your question.

Speaker 6:
[79:38] Where are you from? Where is that?

Speaker 2:
[79:44] The Bracken system.

Speaker 6:
[79:45] And where is the Bracken system?

Speaker 2:
[79:48] The Andromeda galaxy.

Speaker 6:
[79:50] You're far from home.

Speaker 8:
[79:53] This is my home.

Speaker 6:
[79:55] I see. How did you get here?

Speaker 11:
[80:04] A starship.

Speaker 6:
[80:05] A starship belonging to who?

Speaker 8:
[80:09] My father.

Speaker 6:
[80:11] Your father, Krok the Propagator? Yes. family business. Jacinka, do you make all of his technology? Yes. Why? Yes? Why? Did you hit it?

Speaker 2:
[80:55] Irrelevant.

Speaker 6:
[80:57] Isn't the point of a weapon to hit something with it?

Speaker 2:
[81:03] The targets are provided to me to test the weapon.

Speaker 6:
[81:06] You're not trying to destroy the targets with this big weapon? I see. What are the intended purposes of the weapon?

Speaker 2:
[81:24] There is one purpose.

Speaker 6:
[81:25] What is it?

Speaker 11:
[81:35] To destroy the diner.

Speaker 10:
[82:18] Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.

Speaker 12:
[82:25] And if time and tide royal you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you.

Speaker 10:
[82:40] We open at six.

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Neve DePrincess and her Aunt Sue's Honey and Ember, Google's Galad, Skeptic Eddie, the Mother of Cats, The Forgotten Storyteller, Mr. Wudu, Chris Maine, A Cat and a Lemon Walk into a Time Traveling Dimension Spanning Diner, Shark Blaster 9000, Slangwart, Matthew Brewer, Scam Likely, It's Me, Jodie Foster, Oops Wrongpod, Elmo's Chip Shop, Alison Murray, Jay Cable, Cranky Old Organist, I, Joe Fisher, Being of Sound Mind and Acting of My Own Free Will, Do Hereby Confess That I Am the Zodiac Killer, Jarrett Kosu, Leon Sporkfire, Pastor Jen Jensen, Thearabinator, The Dick Wizard, Lou Woods, Chris Goyer, Noise Squared, Ginger Bear's Honey Bunny, and their sidekick, Wicklow, The Mount Hood Torrey Gate, Mrs. Cashew, Kat Roth Daniels, Julia Guglia of the Shreveport Guglias, Leopold Gogal, Alex Drumbar, Stoner Puppy, Elisa Kelly Martin, and System University of Mehera and New Tideland. Enateb thought that they could spy in the Bethany War by spelling their name backwards, but it isn't fooling anyone, everyone. Sub-Arctic Turtle, the Femboy behind Caspar, Doc U018, Mark Kiyab-Yab, my two favorite sheep toys Say Hi from New Zealand, Jasonator, Namir, Sandalwood Mountain East Coast Branch, Ash Drawstuff, Christy the Chaos Coordinator, Luna Anzul, Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, the Bean Count Bandit, a Margin Mage, Silent J, Geo, Goose's little brother, aka Buzz Baleb Blunderer of the Benefactor's Buns, K-Man, Mimosa, David O'Banion, Polar Green's Irish Wristwatch, Carmen L. Seven, Live on the Under Signal, Flat Dug with the Weather, Dizzy Miss Lizzie, Mostly Harmless Alien, Logic Ledger, Kayla Soome, Right Behind You, Gonzalo Martinez, World's Largest Ball of String, Bucky Chipmunk Reminds You That You Lost the Game, Samuel LeFeu, Hestedyn Neprotham, Flash Cards, A&K, Nicholas Dyke, Nina Cuneo, A Resting Place for Weary Beans, Shane Hopkins, Juniperb with the Backwards Knees, Eve in the Between Hour, Two-Faced Janice, Zez Maldo, Slight Burn, Scooter, Worshipper of the Seven Cat Gods, Kelsey Manette, The Amethyst Dragon with Tiger Eyes, Martel McKinney, Spitboy the Spit Guy, He Spits, Ice Queen, Laser Girl and the Nurse, Where Are Our Oars, Cattie B, Go Ask Alice, Wes Kester Saves the World, Valen's Three Cats Stacked Atop Each Other Wielding a Plasma Gun, Jeffrey, Purple Nerple Nullifier, Scam Likely, Oops Wrong Podcast, Clown Baby Doctor, Reaper's Past, Late Indeed Again, Rex Cricket and Frankie, Brigitte, Spadius, Squitty, the Frost Hunt Scientific Collective, two of us have PhDs and the third has memorized all of Ava's dialogue, Champagne Supernova, Robin Smith, Eleven Letter Christopher, Ronald Lee Parker, Sasquatch, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Huitlacoche is Corn Smut but Classier, Ren the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, John Gormanshire, Magic Incognito, Lord Drez, Solaris Nova, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 Degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kitten Go Purr, Ted Ted and Teddy, Bethany Who Showed Up Late to the War and Decided to Eat Pinecones with the Mungo, Michelle, Parker Berry, Don't Actually Say This Part of My Name, Just Say My Name Please, Dr. LL, Your Jamaican Fan Says Wugwan, Raptors in the Kitchen, People Died, Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo, Pistol Pete and Death Lotion, Intergalactic Trans-Dimensional Burger Pirate, Ace Spades, Debbie Trencher, That One Dude Who Likes Tacos, Mark the List to Name Loser, The Male Escort, Lady Bethany, AKA Mrs. Turkey Spit, Junior Barting, The Father of Lucas, Ava Maddox as Ashtray, Adorbies, Vera Torkelson, Bones, Lizard Breath and the Snot Rocket Would Love a Space Burger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Oram, Caden Suda, Bat Loves Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey 83, Blues, Liz wants Laif to build her a plane, Dude Named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Doislexia, Yontalius, Kian, an Eel Exchange student from Midst, Dabbert Healassname, Rattrick, Ricklin, like Rich Land but without the D, Dyer, All Bethany's Must Do the Hustle, Jordy Ladbrad, Natasha Without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Loftrax's drag name is Anne Arkist, a mostly morose ghost eating toast, Haleyander, love you, kiddo, Malort Boy, Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits, have a zesty day, Megan, Malcolm Edwards, spend my money irresponsibly, Steven Drop, Dana Thanielson, son of Dana Thaniel or Danny for short, Chris Eaton, cross-stitcher who loves the hobby and time travel, Funchbrunglin, Nash likes apples, Njord Flanders of the Coos Bay dirtbags Pennsylvania chapter, Pneumatic Yeti, late trucker, the eldritch Skyphozoa, Wyatt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Theodore and the Sons of Ted, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, The Savage Indian, Radboy, Hayden Brown, Grey Craniac, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom-Loving Horse, aka Jay Willikers, Neckbone His Imperial Dude-ness, Oh Hey, It's Jay, Lou the Ghost and Her Mom, Cinder and the Beast of the Maze are in the Deep Freeze, Grim, off the internet wants Harriet to know he loves her, Ernie Brooks, Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspaspa, No Relation, Jedi Shaolin, Smart Alec the Great, Gas Station Cryptid, Deus Kashek, Bird Bird the Bird's Bird, Cheesy McFish, Papa Goose, Sometimes I Do Feel Like a Plastic Bag, A Very Spicy Walrus, Amanda Bills, Misty Word Power, Casper's Danish Moose, Flaco, aka Johnny R the Disco Spider, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leaf, Chapter 2, The Ted Slayer Unchained, Vicky Abert, Pike Daniels, the Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdock Wang, Caterpillar Farmer, the Monte Cristo Peace Prize is being awarded to Kat Blackard for turning a legion of Bethany's to puddles by simply saying, hmm. Chimera, Don Moat, the space trucker, Chadwick Coden Doyle III, Jodie Green, Nix Minx, Monster Senshi, Heather Got Her Divorce, drinks are on the house. Michael Peters, Political Knitter, Seasonal Sasquatch, Silently Seeks, Secret Society, so special souls softly sing sweet songs, smartly stirring strong stories. Physicist, Brendan Schoenman, I divided by zero and now I'm undefined. Ah! Laith the horse is here, Mag Tremor, Rod Stewart the sailor slayer, James We-met, the listless enjoyer, Ash Morningstar and her traveling animal shelter, Miss Maxine, 50 bees in a trench coat say buzz buzz, calm down, Quantum Dozer, boy got them honka honkers, Kevin O'Malley, Invisible Guerilla, The Mrs. Poland, Zemaniac, Hop loves a thug bot named Francis, Pam the Infinite and Thao, Curiosity is eating your bones, Revolutionary Inclined Ocelot, Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius DeGioia, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, Congregation of Alligators wearing Groucho glasses, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's right-hand Jack-in-the-box man, Jee-aw-din, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, and Thoselese Bethany Maximus, Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, She-Wa the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar, Araman 0305, Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for night breakfast, Jim Weathers, Titus Koslov, Ashes of a burnt out Laith, I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the wind, Brandon AR equals Thor, I love you all, never forget that, especially in trials, and Labouz's voice brightens my day. The intergalactic house of cats demand a free Palestine, Electromancer, Chekhov's space cannon, Corey's census, Surf and Turf telecoms, Ima Jinn, Red and Dusty with his garden goddess, Shelby Morrison, Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hands Mallie, G-Wing, Frank Wan, I'm Just Here to Refill the Parmesan Cheese, It Is Sparks, Lost Girl Lou, Chris B, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crocheted Cosmos, Cookie Chunks, you heard? Andy the Celestial Penguin, Jackie Orion, Misty Lovebug, Bo Nunley, Ariana Castillo, the Eurasian Goshawk that portends great change, Lita Medinger, Marco, Friend, as in Your Best, Lime Ghost, Em, Icky Blurgs, Jay the Irascible, the Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Theodora of Falwell, Ian Full, a River Otter and their gender neutral partner, 345 Uneducated Swine Learning to Swing Dance, Nova the Fuck Accountant, One Intergalactic Year with BigPotato99, aka The Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-47, Kai, Just a Little Guy, Ender Wright, Mark Nezowaretz, Xenia, the Capturer of Light, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Macialloch, Greg Andrews-Lyons, In Memory of Jason Reese, Get Your Buttfingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus von Cavanheim, Saucy Little Beast, Andrew Height, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Anazi, Lord of Stories, Donnie Darko, Tim Shin, Caitlin and C.T.'s never-ending podcast adventures, Whisperdan, Keeyo the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Fay, Buttholen, Justin and Amy Triplett, Jen Sims, Penelope, Ring to the Motaz, The Leathermans, Odd Commodity, Jen Before, Ander Ho, The Easter Bunny Is Just Santa in a Suit, Elf You, Earth Witch, Leah Prime, Gregory Santoro, Mothmull, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapisa, Dimension Spanning Time Traveling Little Guy, Iono, Jonathan Tolbert, MrPutItOn06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, Jay the Podcast Lover, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, damn glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Samuel Lee, Jositron Prime, Oh My God I Forgot to Change My Name from Nicholas Bechler to Something More Cheeky and Fun, Arwen the Freer, Throatgoats666, I Am Your Father, Addy Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Redrum916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham Still Fucked Up, Batman Really Ain't Doing Shit When You Think About It, No Good Monk, Rye, Yes, Like the Bread, Sarman Sayed, Three Pandas in a Trench Coat Named Bethany, Johnald Grimbus, Matt Knight Bushager, Gavin Mori, Damn Eetry, Andromeda, Steven the Choi, Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee, Gabriel T., Can Someone Find Me the Parmesan, The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls, I Did This for Fun, Cookie Nebu, Axel Zapata, Siona the Goblin is Bringing Leif a Laser Spoon, Jason McDonald, Orianda, Bean Dino, Philip Lenick, Hugh Jazz, J2, Ryan Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Elouzi, Trev Brax, Gunner Tweedle, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, Toll Please, K. Kyaow, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Nupe, Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast, Bubber Duckle, Yegor Luce, Terry Cadz, Leaf Tracks, The Rise of Leif, Chapter 1, Loaf Tracks Retires, The Prodigal Elim, Catalyst for Chaos, Skulliver, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Going Anonymous, Vee, Ma Dukes, US. Marshal Stacey, Ooh Chickadee, Dango Dale, Esty, Not the Website. At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home and it's already found you. Joe Paolo Lemos, Oddkeep, The Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zocifer, Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket, It's Official, They're Called Tha-Gronys, Kevin Wynans, Marlon C., Just Wellmed, Madame Paris, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chair Fire, Lycan Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesi West, Knox, Lisa Lu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emry and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos of the Critter Cacophony, Max Nia and Ivan, Sixth Sick Sheeks, Sixth Sheeps Sick, nope, nevermind, it's Mark, Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Pluto Crow, Nissi's Mom, PokeSplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Jen Riott's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitriol, Altrian, Shibu and Griff, Slim Nandy, Goth Laif, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah Is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Ballion Fair has retired and now raises herds of mongos, Hood's Pocket Protector, listening to Ava sing poisoning pigeons in the park made my shitty day instantly better, Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late but Somehow on Time, DC Squirrel, Kyle the Interstellar Highwomen, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, the Sparky Tack, Prop the Crocogator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tightpants and the Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Braddy for Mission Control, Renee N, Katerina de la Playa, RIP Eloise Waffles, the Floof Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantom Land, TTRPG Dice, Curiouser K8, Your Local Blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, The Boggiest of Birches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diners Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr, The Weffer, Montgomery, Foxworth, Merry Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole64, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Gloria's Forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Frylord, Gravity's Optional, but fries aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, A Flock of Grey Horses from the Top of a Sycamore, Lilac Marcella, Rachel Krempa with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve. Don't worry about the order, honey. Your Majesty, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, Jamie Rainey, The Slim Reaper, Reuben Eden, Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please pause two to three seconds and then say call me Smedley. The Shreveport Bohannans, CC The Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch loads Chekhov's Gun and rides to join Bethany's Army. Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Shmuggest and Haas Fest. Moosey, Hood's Pocket, Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, The Crafty Introvert, Postmaster General Kwan sent me, Blake Buzmagian, Knitwit14, Royald way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Clop Man Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing a Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendel, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Bex823, Aunty Crypted, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dillius Dallying, Podcast Junkies Photoshop Crashes, 8 Hours Gone, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Karony, Pedro Vibresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. Learn how to be calm in heart, Stumbly, I'll be waiting. Physic the Goodbush, definitely not one of the badbushes, funding rebel Bethanys to overthrow the duly-elected Bethanys. Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary. Vapist 10's Big Black Gaping Hole, the planet Goobrius wants to know if Krok is a crocodile or a propagator. Bruce, Jessica Gagoma, Toracle, Jenny the Bear, Aggrrrr, Bellringer, Sardine Thorn, Treach, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is very cross, Hote Potato, Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Burt Burt's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Davin Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's amante Cristo. Blind time traveler convention date. LA woman, the Phoenix rising. New name, God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs. Cup o noodles, Schmizzy Two Shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smolin, Riku 31, Craig Dundee. New type without a Gundam, Astral C, Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too, Witch Loud, The Cartoonist, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagel Knife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan Kay, Devin7777 has been my favorite verbal stem for months. Nate, Forklift Lifts Forks for Cliff, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Brian Pasley. You only had it right the first time, Joe. It's Suwubasa, not Subawasa. Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Shiny, Let's Be Bad Guys. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names. Please make sure to turn in all receipts. Love, Josh, from Accounting. Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Suck Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Kassad, Norwin Mergler. You have all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your grade. Joe Cuppa, Dogma Mom, Weeby Choppin Broccoli, Icy Fish, the hacker known as Ivy DeBerb, Blue Tune, A Feisty Ass Chickadee, Poultry Landmine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny the Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil in Their Tea, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsleyayayayayayay, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovely Bead, Zoe, Cash the Goblin, Professor Freida, Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Weithany, Lethany Woofie McFluffenberger, MD., Ph.D., Esquire, and that's not pretentious at all, ahem, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Twote, Still Trapped, but I've stopped asking why. The freezer is. I am. We chill. Son of Defarge, Whiskoteach, Scott A. Snellgrove, Give Peas a Chance, Samalama Ding Dong, Behold Lady Sarah Purr, Whisker Veil, Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and Beloved by All Creatures Small and Opinionated, Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Hashtag Wee Weevim of Gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buck Buck, Cherry Applebee, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen is a Verge Fanboy, Mick J67, Ava's Favorite My Little Pony Pencil Wants Joe to Slap into a Snim Gym, Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Lord Entropy, Bok Bok Motherfucker, The Faye Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Psycho Queen, Kosher Steak, Gabriel Strife is brought to you by Charlotte Brown, Gary Gygax and the number 42, Flo Rida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Culls for Aid, Muscles for Tits, Arnold Rumspringa, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Berglund says, Hi Mom, Rin the No, Kitty McSkull, Raven Stromdans, Hapless Novelist Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet, Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Gadeed's, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Will the Real Maudib Please Stand Up, Jilly Bean, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, Is That the Chris Hancock Who Traded Weekly Soup for the Use of My Kitchen Table, A Singular Nightbird, Bethany in a Green Field, I Am the Lizard Frantically Firing Flachette Guns, A E I O U Y and W, Bumblefey, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long Haired Matt, DJ, Lenny Harris, Robert W, Briel Zabub, Cresemira, Jessaloryn, The Bean Wizard, Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Burt Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat for You to Pet, Gremlore, Existential Pancakes, Ginny Waboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spiders Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Sad Little Earth Monkey, Revan the Redbeard Wizard, Burt Burt and the Funky Bunch, Karora the 12th, Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Quan Pound, pen pen pen pen pen pen pen. Mr. Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel has successfully recruited Sarah Murphy's Cats for the Trouble Puffs Fight Club. The Wolves in the Deep Freeze say, A-woo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moon's number two fans, Simpson, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, I Pushed Her Because Joe Said So, Even Older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Sitican Druidic Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, The Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Lookin For Ya, Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez, Big MF Juice, The SIP., Muffins, Space Wives Are Officially Verge and Deedra, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Tea Maker of The Triads, Captain Jack Harkness Wants Peter the Robot. Tell your cat, I said. Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst. Banana Manaz, A Corgi Called Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Sarge the Bard, Seminiti, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, the other original Caitlin, Ken Daddy, the jaded Umbra gets slightly less jaded as peace once again returns to the land. The Unlost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Bootyologist, The Glutes Doctor, The Hood's Pocket Police Are Asking for Public Tips About Their Stolen Station Toilet, Currently They Have Nothing To Go On. Thank you for pressing to, your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess, RIP. Lance McClain, You Would Have Loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toklov, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros Dagod, the size two fish you've been looking for, Eokai, Borsha, Spiders Are Cuddly, the main immortal pinball sounds in the diner, Chiel Needle, Sin City Scuba Steve, Pollywog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire finally spots red now as the carnage clears, Professor Thaddeus Snookums the Eighth, Mr. Grinn, Glenn Petrovsky, this moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Cheap Con, the real Cheap Con coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands except no imitations, Steamvision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train, Dave Harrold, Wisecube, Dirty Diaper Fussbutt and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, pronounced Bro, Mine, Main Humdinga, Mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Lafe's 18-inch Peter, Sealface, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coy Lane, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay, Erin Arnold, Boyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy. The lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Samwise's flaming cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Charles Robert Darwin III, Esquire PhD, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, Ola Millecan of the Welcome Wagon says, E Cabo'. The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, just some guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville. I want to tell his mom Maddie that he says woof. Whiskered, any two hands for the double high five? Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, ol Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone, Eventually, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, aka Brare Rabbit, Pants Darts Champion, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance wants you to know, he cares, Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Decaux, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yinn, Mubi the Golden Calf, Suda Satoshi, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Erin Elizabeth, Kay Narcotics, Solomon Price, A Daydream You Won't Escape, Bubba485, aka Shemelbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Sommelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barclay on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Oh Magus, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Spaced Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finlay, Mr. Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle and kind. Hup Challenge, Dream Founder, I'm your Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Tai Tai the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, Boom Basticle Kimlicker, Koko Yumi took her painted ponies to a show and won three awards, Hugamuffin, Bigfoot of Doom, DL, Annie Atkins, a bounty hunter called the Crandy Man, Garot, our cat said to tell you, meow. Think fast, chuckle nuts, flash banged. Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, the Benny Yapper is allergic to the desert. Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle, the horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now. Abanaso, Mr. Rage, Adelor, Transpace Dinosaur, Spooky Spaders Storytime, William Kent, Andy, the McJimmy's from your local dimension, Ryan Abbey, Thomas Adams, Drink Spiller, Stephanie Bouk, Entropy Eigenbases, Andrea Crowther, Martin Dears, Kevin Daughtry, The Flower, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots, Dan Gentry, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. V Greenlee, Ron Hayden, Michelle Hopper, Jake the Cook, Josie Jones, Boots Scootin Dave, Anthony Lakey, Brit Littlefair, TU. Luther, Some Days You're the Beetle, Some Days You're the Dung, Lauren Mayer, Glenn Morris, Richard Ryan Mushell, Michelle Myers, Ali Upsie, Not to be Confused with Upsie, Fridge Pickle, Rosemary Prim, Robert Savat, Lizard Lee, Eliza Sharp, Donald Shingler, Daniel Stavey, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Kella Tierina, Rachel Vasquez, Luca Vecchito, Naya Venturi, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Justin Wiley, Brett Zimmerman, Aero Jones Jubal, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a hoe, Mimetic Hygenist, Rogue Art, Erin Star Joshua Damian and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClause, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chiss Alfredge the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oates, Virotron95, Happy 13th Birthday, Danny. Dance, Brick! Speekoo, the Bracken system in its home world Wren, Simply Tony, it will always be Finlay's work hole to me, if you know, you know. Gabrielle Castillon, whom, what, when, where and why is what all Thigronies say while listening to Midnight Burger. Nico DiGaio goes great on Midnight Burgers, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Retorted, Sir Party Animal, Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport, the motherfucking dragons. Uloy Jackle, Ari Shore, you Mike Robb, the Nancy Sinatra, court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch, cat with a K. Miss Shan Frizzle, my Thigronie has a first name. Stompenstein el Moustachio, Luca Ferhezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adeline Peets, CC. Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's mom's milf, Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava, Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winkle Wright, wrist watch wrangler of West Worcestershire, Kordomski, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet De Leche Studios presents Under the Truscan Sun, Get Outta My Booth, Bug, Propagator, I Hardly Know Her, Sad Angry Crabman, Chuck McFinley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lillia, Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imsuki Okie, Spotted Brino and Her Hand Me Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's Wife, Alexander the Boss, Skrizzles, Flap, Kitty Kitty Kitty, The Firekeeper, The End is Nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats, Speckled Unicorn, Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, CJ. Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Fikachu, Smythe, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Banh Mi Hung, The Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch, Hans Bethany's, Pebbles, VV., Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Boro, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot, Kitty the First and Accomplice, Princess Penelope, The Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, Calart in the Tired Night, The True Megamike, Fred and George, Lavinia, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Worth, Cas Williams, Kristi, Yeet Maboy, 46Toolshed2 and El Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt says in a world of Slugbots, Be a Hugbot, Red the Grey, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nasos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Cozumine, Theodrax, Joey B., Lucas Bardin got his barber to listen to Midnight Burger, Little Debbie Cupcake, Taryn says, Hey, Oreo's our rabbit. Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul, whimsical fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady. Look, I've been thinking, maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit. I need more. Patricia the Time Lord, Kashak the Lizard Wizard casts Jelly Bones, Mango Connoisseur, Britty Bug the Quirky Jester, the Big Mousin with his boxen of donuts, that old Glory Cole, GL. Mione's cat butler, O'Sheen Loo, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat says everything's a bag of holding if you know how to pack, Churro the Space God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsay Bowen the Goddamn podcast lawyer, Alex Spruce, Dr. D. Birdclaw Spweather, and Mrs. Duboptoway Birdclaw Spweather want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Dirkadub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, most likely Cass, James Harlow is still sad about missing BurgerCon, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberand, also known as Omni, thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr, Annatha, Zenbrrria, Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Dawn Parks, Throatgoats666, oh my god, my dad found out about my Patreon name, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, previously observed in The Pattern, Prime Freak, protector of the Scottish realm, Lil Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finlay and his Rubenesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finlay and his Rubenesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piakarski, Adrian R., The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thaddeley, Cremulous is Just Happy to Be Here, The Twisted Twigster, Real Housewives of Seigeus, Thay Queen, Oopshnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, For My Mother, CCTXgirl6823 Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso, I Cannot Get Signed My Shovel Off of My Lap, Kay the Flying Penguin would like everyone to know that penguins are not native to Greenland, no, not even the flying ones, Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wondering Biscuit, Castriff, Aims Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script, Ridget the World Watcher Wearing a Waste Coat and Wig, Lana Bananas Like the Climate of the Very Tropical Equator So You Should Never Put Lana Bananas in the Refrigerator, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, Fueling the Intergalactic Fight Against Fascism, Yeah, Not Sure What I'm Doing, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamsoe, Turwin, Scrambled Eggs, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, Bolivar Shagnasty, The One True Cheap Con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Ho, ho, ho, my mama, Glorb Nar Seven, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dooser now identifies as Roman Durge, The Other Adele, Chef Galval, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly Willy Bubblebutt. Ciara, not from Arkansas, is having a hard week and asked me to put some sauce on her name. Ciara, these days I've just been using Cholula Green Sauce. I tried Zabs for a while, but I've decided it's not my thing. I hope that's okay. Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Flu Flossed in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, mount up! Wandering Scholar, Kringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, A Cat Named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Dominic Narwhal 8, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift. The Stone Fox, Solivia, Juiceton, Pepitos, Rauer Hauer, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something else to do, Burritwards, Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says what? Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvi, The Fourth Era, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7,000 Possums, KBS 1017, Silas Vex, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E., Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot Uzi drifting through space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter, and Her Bird of Fire, Painted Oni, Q-Dell, Pharrell, Emily with Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble, Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, D. Gritesler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poovethang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mat Mat Sharkman, Steelo, Bumbling Lilybee, Buffy's Daughter. A quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. I'm sorry, I can't, I actually put the sauce from Sierra Knott from Arkansas in my teacup, so I cannot sip from it at this time. I'll catch you next time, though. Panda, Curtis Lellig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalen Y, Shatter Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, R. Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, the Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lin, Just Irregular Fox, Jeremy Imson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and all the black people in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftit, Ay, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, the shape-shifting sad girl and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again, Piplaskin in the Pippi Pond, Sarah Nicole, the Kells fights with the Bethanys, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, a descendant of the S'Whether Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the delinquent duo, Naumann, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's, Security Chief Schatzi, the Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naya Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nordal Bash, Jordan, R1X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeweizen, Monica and Mason Kay. In the mysterious AZ HQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of Mikes, a jumble of Jameses, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Laith, but sadly no Bethanys. Rowan, Thady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Ariane Can't Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, Super Beth Becomes an RN, Alongside My Bootsed Up Farm Friend, Geneva Boss, Arkansan, Not Arkansawyer, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Lou.

Speaker 4:
[122:05] He was a shifty one at Nick Howard.

Speaker 1:
[122:07] Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabadewop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTurps, Big Brother House, This Is Lord Robert Otardis, You Are Live on Channel 4, Please Do Not Swear, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, Zoe Made It, Cody McClure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazotte, Jingalos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hazmatilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B., Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going to Be Lit, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Skebo and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelik's Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senatist Teleporting, BRB. The Shanes are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us and it is concerning. Definitely not an android, seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobena, Fifi Fofaina, Queen Aubrey and Drake, Drake May, May Lover, Tequila Muckingbird, S'Pwether Goose, Dameron the Space Goblin, I So Pale, Exquisite Whimsy, I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror, imposes economic sanctions on the end B Bethany's for the whole laser saw car incident. Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join, My cat's name is Beef. Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemely, work from Elvis, Boho go bye bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no go bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, AK, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, the Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit Bethany, Two Polar Cat, Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's multi-dimensional, multi-phasic, intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngin, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyros Calling, Joe Swazian, the wizard supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and introducing Recy Pontiff as the 36th Doctor. TooManyJans says, Things are bad, but we're going to win. Pamela Rosell-Tierra. Then Stina says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Neerds. Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the surviving crew. It's just Tyson now. Caspar needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the writer's room. Nasty Dog 74 needs crew for ship. Brown Coats, okay. Awkward Heretic, Devon77777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly K, Lost Basan, you know, the moon prison outside the triad. Kim Sel, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tater's Precious, It's Just Steve. RuPaul Atreides, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Diedre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Binbar, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wasinosin, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Why Is My Daughter So Feral, Sand Help, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoglin Daniel Arthur, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn-Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexika Habanera, Code Stranger, One Bet to Bet, ha ha ha ha ha. Matt N, Alfie Riven-Nurum, Momo Nakiki, Frelp, Em Lin, Feed M'Fish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, J-Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Leopard Paws, Diet Knight, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kimbob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hit It, Had It, Hit It, Hot It, Hud It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, William Dyer, Vicky A-Bear, Brad Manier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowy, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Dr. Latus Trash Angel is living in the walls cause they bought a house and have walls now. Which craft is Crafty Lizard doing today? Noble Barrel, yes, my brain is weird, thank you. Bibbidi Bobbidi Boom, Megan the Meg Young, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Wren, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, that homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze, Stephanie Sturges, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna, first of her name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelbergie, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo, To My Little, You'll Always Be My Good Girl, You Took a Piece of My Heart and Left a Paw Print on My Soul, Till We Meet Again, SirShitsAlot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka2005, Cruisin B Anthony, Trick Says Whee-Oop, Tybalt the First, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Tipmitten, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie Say Hello, the Fon-Tucky Wrangler, Skrim Brule, Yay, Aaron, the Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yos, I'm So Antigone Fun, I'm Ava's Evil Twin Sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, the Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, the Defenestration of Teds, Corrine Sbrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Kay Mac, the Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D Anomaly, Charmé, Kayon with Karma, Amanda Nock, the Wondrous Mathazephone, hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inschuldigen, Rebecca Trossel, So Good, Many Names, God There Are, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suit Person, Knight of Hood's Pocket, Polished Pauldrons, Pacing Pine Pats, Protecting Pocket from Sneaky Skullduggery, Mitzi Lu, Kelsey Home, still Caspar's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Astroniweeb, Magnos the Civil Gnome. Welcome everybody. I'm Hyda Lahn and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q Choi, A Bug Named Nat, Cici Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Ul Coconator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Killer Odd, Dr. Pontguster Esquire has been secretly and poorly teaching his Dungeons and Dragons players Welsh. Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enth Anomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What, Amelia Lucero et al, Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11, Lorak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezzy Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice, Owner of a Flu Santa Charmera, Kelly Jane Denke, Erin the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Caspar from Another Universe, Chadney Asherah, Lucrezia, Thornus Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava, the one with an A. Grim says, trans rights, y'all. Zachy Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzeringtum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Maroon Mycelial, Grolix and Tarot Bang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrallis, Om Vega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Gwocked and Loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Myson, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, JR the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zen, Colibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Otromeros Piratis Fred Fredberger, What the Chuck, Sona Nassuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVorris, Naya DeRusso, Pichis Atoichi, Ingi the Crack and Azula the Brave and their ever faithful Squire Grabthar, Jen Extranius, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. No, you've got little devices now in your ear, so you can talk to Phil up on the roof.

Speaker 6:
[131:37] I want to yell.

Speaker 1:
[131:39] Sorry. I really, I apologize. Everybody just yell. For this episode, we're all yelling. Thank you.

Speaker 10:
[131:52] Great.

Speaker 1:
[131:53] As soon as you get up enough truth.

Speaker 10:
[131:59] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[132:00] Extra judicially. Honey, do you want to go back for anything?

Speaker 6:
[132:03] No.

Speaker 1:
[132:03] Does anybody want to yell anything?

Speaker 2:
[132:07] I sounded very Ava in the, you called it a murder beast? And then I could enunciate more likely. You called it a murder beast?

Speaker 6:
[132:22] But you got to spit a little bit.

Speaker 2:
[132:25] Or even, you called it a murder beast? You called it a murder beast? I could do this literally all day.

Speaker 4:
[132:38] Peace in our time, fuckheads.

Speaker 1:
[132:41] Teta walks out.

Speaker 2:
[132:47] That's honestly how I want to leave the room.

Speaker 1:
[132:52] I've decided to abandon science.

Speaker 2:
[132:54] I'm getting into... Oh my god. Honey, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:
[132:58] That's right, you're doing great.

Speaker 10:
[133:00] By honey, I meant Karim.

Speaker 4:
[133:02] Oh, sweetie, darling.

Speaker 1:
[133:07] Please stop me if I ever make a moment where someone goes, no, like in a serious way.

Speaker 10:
[133:14] We'll see.

Speaker 6:
[133:16] We'll see. If it's Leef, I'm going to let Tom do it.

Speaker 4:
[133:23] Where was it?

Speaker 1:
[133:24] Around 43, 44. There was a cat eating near me. I didn't want there to be little like residual munching sounds. I didn't want to kick the cat. So we move back to Kronfli's cat following you. That's the sound.

Speaker 4:
[133:50] Give him the atomic.

Speaker 2:
[133:55] Give him the atomic elbow smash.

Speaker 6:
[133:57] Honey, when the murder abuse is sleeping, can you please make him do honkshoe me me me me me me?

Speaker 4:
[134:03] Aw, it's like super cute.

Speaker 2:
[134:05] Yay, we have a pet murder beast. We need a pet cat for the diner. Yeah, it's adorbs.

Speaker 1:
[134:11] Yes, I will do honkshoe me me me me me me.

Speaker 2:
[134:16] Can you just give us one more Capraksha from your balls? Yes, I can.

Speaker 4:
[134:24] Got enough sounds?

Speaker 1:
[134:25] You got enough sounds? I got I got enough sounds.

Speaker 2:
[134:28] Can we just get a couple of like, just me just sounding constipated.

Speaker 10:
[134:36] Do it. You want me to do it?

Speaker 2:
[134:38] Yeah. I'll do it.

Speaker 1:
[134:39] You know I will.

Speaker 10:
[134:48] Oh my God, that's crazy.

Speaker 6:
[134:50] Oh my God, I love you so much.

Speaker 1:
[134:52] Amazing. Fantastic. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

Speaker 6:
[135:05] Are you two still awake?

Speaker 1:
[135:06] Dad, we're too excited.

Speaker 6:
[135:08] You'll be tired at Mockery Manor tomorrow, and it's bigger than ever, so you really do need to sleep.

Speaker 10:
[135:14] Daddy, tell us about the new expansion.

Speaker 6:
[135:16] Okay. Okay.

Speaker 10:
[135:18] Yay.

Speaker 6:
[135:19] Once upon a time, there was a wonderful place, Mockery Manor. Everyone loved it, but sometimes it felt lonely. The manor longed for a companion, so they built a whole new park right next door and called it Claytonville, and it was the rootness, tootness place you ever did see.

Speaker 4:
[135:42] Hop on board the brand new Mockery Railroad all the way to Claytonville. Toot, toot. In Claytonville, there are four cowboy lands to explore. Kiss your girl's best friend in Lovelorn Town.

Speaker 10:
[136:00] Stupid Terry.

Speaker 4:
[136:02] And in Cowboy Christmas Town, hop on down to the Bluegrass Crotto to meet Cowboy Santa.

Speaker 10:
[136:07] Ho, ho, ho down.

Speaker 4:
[136:10] And are you brave enough to ride the wildest ride in Claytonville? Look at, it's the Four Spurs pantry!

Speaker 6:
[136:21] Are you sleepy now, kids?

Speaker 10:
[136:25] I can't wait to go to Mockery Manor and Claytonville.

Speaker 6:
[136:28] Two parks in one and only $19.99 for a family of four. And how about you? Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 10:
[136:38] You?

Speaker 6:
[136:39] Listening to this? Season 3. Available now.