transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:00] YellaBird Media presents, Higher Grounds, a scripted audio drama, written and produced by Kimberly Conway. Higher Grounds contains mature themes and topics that may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

Speaker 2:
[00:23] In episode four, the girls were trying to adjust to life without each other. Sylvia's world was collapsing. Her mother was dying. The bills were piling up. And the weight of survival sat squarely on her shoulders, forcing her down a path she never would have imagined. And Joni lost her brother, a casualty of the war. Without her friends around to lean on, she leaned on someone new. Now, we pick up in the aftermath. I'm Kat Singleton, and this is Higher Grounds, Episode 5, You Can't Go Home Again, 1970 to 1973. The night Joni and Russ found out, her brother Carl died. After the officers left, and the calls to the family had been made, Joni couldn't bear the idea of spending the night alone in that big empty house. So she asked Russ to stay. The two of them sat together on the sofa, drinking, thinking, trying to make sense of a world that was spinning out of control.

Speaker 3:
[02:15] Joni. I don't know how many beers Russ and I drank between the two of us that night. I think we cleared out the refrigerator, and at some point, we ended up in bed together. I don't remember much about it, honestly. It was quick and unremarkable, and we fell asleep right after. The next morning, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life, and I was startled to see Russ laying beside me. Then a few of the details started coming back. It was... I don't know. It was strange. Russ and I weren't really to the point in our relationship where sex was even on the table yet. We were still getting to know each other, and I... I won't call what happened between us that night a mistake, but I will say there's no way it would have happened without the alcohol and being caught up in the emotions of losing Carl. But it did happen, and two months later I found out I was pregnant. I really could have used the girls when I found out, but Roz was on tour, Elle was practically impossible to get a hold of, and I hadn't heard from Sylvia in almost two months. I even called to check on her a few times, but never got an answer. And by that time, Russ and I were drifting apart. Things were just strange between us. Once the car was finished, we really didn't have a lot in common. Except now, we had a baby in common. This life we had created together. I drove out to the garage as soon as I got off the phone with the doctor, and I said, We need to talk. He must have known it was serious by the look on my face, because he immediately stopped what he was doing. He wiped the grease off his hands and said, All right, what's going on? I said, I'm pregnant. I'd been rehearsing a speech the whole way over, but those were the words that came out when I opened my mouth. I'm pregnant. Straight to the point. He just looked at me like it wasn't computing, and then he asked, Is it mine? I punched him in the arm. I said, Yes, it's yours. You're the only one I've been with. He stood there a little while longer, processing. And I understood that. It was a lot to take in. I had been just as dumbfounded by the news. He started rubbing the back of his neck, looking down at his feet. His face was almost as red as the car he was working on. He said, Well, then I guess we'll get married. I felt this jolt of panic. I said, Married? I was a junior in high school. I had my whole life ahead of me. He said, I'm not going to run away from my responsibility. I've got some money saved up. I'll get you a ring and we'll find us a little house somewhere. And he reached out to me, tentatively. And then he pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. And I felt something inside of me just exhale. I was still terrified. I was scared of getting married, of being a mother. But at the same time, I felt like we were in this together. We were going to make it work.

Speaker 4:
[05:58] Sylvia. I had been piling up letters on my nightstand for months, letters from Charles and the girls. I hadn't opened any of them. I just take them straight from the mailbox and lay them right there on the nightstand. The thought of reading them was too painful. I didn't even know the girl they were writing to. One day, I got what looked like a card in the mail. I didn't recognize the names on the return address, but it was addressed to me. So I opened it. It was Joni's wedding invitation.

Speaker 3:
[06:43] We will be glad to buy your tickets so you can be here too. Please just come. I want us girls to get together one last time before I become an old married lady. If you can't come, will you at least call me? You can call collect. I just want to hear from you. I want to know you're okay. I'm worried about you. Love you, Syl.

Speaker 4:
[07:12] I wanted to go, but I couldn't. It wasn't about the money for me at that point. I was doing quite well financially. I had rented a nice house in a better part of town and had all new furnishings. I hired a nurse to take care of mama when I wasn't home. Mama didn't want for anything. I was Eddie's top earner, and that came with a lot of perks. One of them being that I was able to demand better terms for our arrangement. I was keeping a lot more of the money I was making. So in some ways, things were looking up for me. But I thought of going back to Tennessee and trying to pretend I was the same girl I was when I left. I couldn't do that. And I knew I couldn't stay with Roz at Claire's house. It didn't make sense for me to go. But I wasn't going to let Joni's wedding go unacknowledged. So I bought her a card to say congratulations, and I put $200 bills inside. I told her she didn't have to worry about me. $200 was a whole lot of money back then. And honestly, it was probably more that I could afford to give at that moment. I just didn't like the fact that she thought of me as a charity case. She was always saying, call me collect, and I'll pay for your ticket home. I know she meant well. I know that. But I didn't want anyone thinking of me that way. I had too much pride to be anybody's charity case.

Speaker 5:
[08:57] I hadn't been back to Tennessee since I left that night with Gordon. He had a lot of good connections in California, and we were having a great time. Everything was falling into place with my career. My single was number four on the charts. Gordon and I stayed with some of his friends the first few weeks we were out there, but then I looked Elle up, and when she found out we were living nearby, she insisted we move in with her at her place in Beverly Hills. I wasn't going to argue with that. Gordon kept saying we needed to go back to Tennessee and get our things. I didn't want to go back. I wasn't ready to face mama yet. I think I wanted to wait until I was a big star. I felt like it would be easier to go home after I'd really made something of myself. But then I got Joni's wedding invitation, and I wouldn't have missed that for the world. Elle and Gordon and I bought one way plane tickets to Nashville so we could rent a truck and drive our things home to California after the wedding.

Speaker 4:
[10:03] After receiving Joni's wedding invitation in the mail, I sat down and read all of the unopened letters that I had been piling up from the girls. I wanted to see what I had missed. I was thinking, how did Joni end up engaged so quickly? She didn't even have a boyfriend when I left Tennessee. When I read her letters, I found out it was because she had gotten pregnant. I also found out that Roz had moved to California with Gordon, and they were living with Elle in Beverly Hills. Roz had a record deal, and Elle did too. That seemed sort of strange to me, Elle having a record deal. It didn't seem like something she'd want to do. But then again, it never mattered what Elle wanted to do. She was still in the news, still Gretchen calling all the shots. But you know, even as I sat there and read all their letters, I still couldn't open a single one from Charles, because I knew I could never be with him. I mean, I was, what, 17, I think. I was a thief, a high school dropout, and I was having sex for money. I had already lost track of how many men I'd been with. That's saying a whole lot. I realized Claire was right. Charles deserved better than that, better than me. He was going to follow in his daddy's footsteps and become a minister when he got back from war. The minister and the prostitute, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, does it? What he needed was to be with a decent girl from the church. Lord knows there were several of them who had their eyes on him. He wouldn't have any trouble finding someone else. I knew that. I needed to let him go so he could. I think it took me about another month to muster the strength to write the letter. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, because I still loved him. I didn't know how I would ever stop. But it was because I loved him that I knew I had to let him go.

Speaker 6:
[12:41] Charles. Sylvia told me a few years back that she sent me a Dear John letter. I never got it. My platoon was ambushed by North Vietnamese soldiers. Several of our men were killed. The rest of us were taken captive. I spent three years as a prisoner of war. I think it was a blessing from the Lord I never got that letter, because if I had, I'm not sure I would have made it out of that place alive.

Speaker 2:
[13:18] Sylvia didn't know Charles had been captured. She dropped the letter in the mailbox, and when she didn't get a response, she was hurt. But she assumed the letter had done its job. They were finished. In February 1972, word made it back home that Charles had been captured. No one knew where he was, or if he was even alive. It seemed like the blows just kept coming. But Joni's wedding brought Roz and Elle home. And for a few days, they were together again.

Speaker 3:
[14:04] Roz and Elle got into town three days before the wedding. I picked them up at the airport. I know people thought we'd lost our minds the way we were screaming and hugging each other. It had been way too long since we'd seen each other.

Speaker 5:
[14:23] When we pulled into Joni's driveway, I kept looking over at mama and daddy's house, debating whether or not to go over and knock on the door. Daddy's car was in the driveway, so I knew they were home. Elle must have known what I was thinking because she squeezed my hand and asked if I wanted her to walk over with me. I said no, I need to do it myself.

Speaker 3:
[14:47] Elle and I went inside and waited while Roz walked over to visit with her parents. I had no idea they'd had a falling out, but Elle filled me in while we waited.

Speaker 5:
[15:02] I rang the doorbell. It felt so strange ringing the doorbell at the house I grew up in, but I wasn't about to use my key and walk in after the way I'd left things with Mama. I rang it a few times, and there was no answer. Just as I turned to go, Mama snatched the door open and said, What are you doing here? Her voice was icy calm, and with Mama, that was a scary thing. I said, I'm in town for Joni's wedding. I'm staying next door, but I wanted to come say hello. She crossed her arms and said, Yet here you are. After the way you've disgraced your father in me, you've got a lot of nerve coming here ringing my doorbell. She told me my song was an embarrassment, that I had shamed her and daddy. I could feel the tears coming, and I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of making me cry. So I said, I just need to get my things, and I'll be on my way. She told me she'd have daddy bring everything down and sit it in the driveway because she didn't want me in her house. I just turned around and left. There wasn't anything in that house I needed that bad.

Speaker 3:
[16:39] When Roz walked in the front door, you could see it on her face. Things hadn't gone well. Elle and I both went to her, and she burst into tears. She said she wouldn't even let me in the house. She said I was an embarrassment.

Speaker 5:
[16:55] I told them I didn't want to talk about it. I had come to celebrate Joni's wedding and to be with my friends again. I wasn't going to let mama ruin that for me.

Speaker 7:
[17:05] Elle.

Speaker 8:
[17:07] Roz and I spent the next day running wedding errands with Joni, helping her tie up all the loose ends. She didn't seem that excited about getting married. I got the impression that she didn't really want to do it at all. I didn't mention it at first. I thought she probably just had a lot on her mind. But over and over, I kept sensing it. Finally, that night when we all settled in for the evening and we were talking in her bedroom, I said, Joni, do you really want to marry Russ?

Speaker 3:
[17:37] I said, Russ is a good man.

Speaker 8:
[17:40] But do you want to marry him?

Speaker 3:
[17:43] I didn't realize it was that obvious. He was a great guy. He was considerate. He treated me with respect. But I really didn't know him that well. I was still trying to figure out who I was. I was 17. I didn't want to be married to anyone. I wanted to experiment and figure out what I wanted in life. You know what I mean? I loved fashion and sewing. Recently, I'd been thinking, maybe I want to move to New York and become a fashion designer. But that dream had been taken from me before it even had a chance to take root. All because of one night of carelessness. It felt like an unjust prison sentence. I told Elle and Roz, this just isn't how it was supposed to be. But I didn't feel like I had much of a choice. What else was I going to do? None of the alternatives felt right to me either.

Speaker 5:
[18:46] On the morning of Joni's wedding, Elle and I helped to get ready.

Speaker 8:
[18:51] Joni's dress was made of crochet lace. It had bell sleeves and an empire waist. She made it herself. You never would have known she was pregnant. You couldn't even see her belly. She didn't like the look of her veil. So Roz and I pulled the baby's breath from our bouquets and I made her a flower crown. It looked so pretty against her dark brown hair. And that seemed more fitting for her. She looked stunning.

Speaker 3:
[19:22] Just before we left for the church, Elle and Roz gave me a gold locket with my mother's picture inside. It was just so thoughtful. God, I don't know what I would have done without those girls.

Speaker 5:
[19:39] Joni didn't want the traditional bridal chorus played when she walked down the aisle, so she asked me to sing instead.

Speaker 8:
[19:56] It was truly a beautiful wedding. I was so happy to have been able to be there with her.

Speaker 3:
[20:10] The wedding did turn out nice, in spite of the circumstances.

Speaker 5:
[20:23] Daddy called before I left Joni's house and told me he wasn't gonna put my things out in the driveway. He said, as long as I'm living in this house, it's your home too. So you come on over and get your things whenever you're ready. Your mama's not gonna give you any more trouble. After the wedding, Gordon and I went over to Mom and Daddy's and packed up all my things. Mama stayed in the den the whole time, but Daddy helped Gordon load the truck. Before we left, Daddy gave me a hug and handed me some money. I said, Daddy, I don't need your money. I'm doing all right. He said, I just want to do a little something for you. He told me to call him and stay in touch, and I promised I would. Then I got into the truck and Gordon pulled away. Daddy stood in the driveway and watched us until he couldn't see us anymore.

Speaker 3:
[21:40] Russ and I bought a little house in downtown Franklin, and we moved in as soon as we got back from our honeymoon. And that's when reality set in. I was a wife. I'd never had a role model for what that's supposed to look like. I was decent at keeping the house up, but I didn't know the first thing about cooking. Everything I'd tried to make was a disaster. I got a summer job waiting tables at Miller's Diner on 4th Avenue North. Turns out I wasn't great at being a waitress either. I was always messing up orders. I got yelled at by a few customers. Some of the regulars asked not to be seated in my section at all. I'm fairly certain the owner was about to fire me when the cook Betty pulled me into the kitchen and said she needed help back there. Betty made it her mission to turn me into a good cook. She'd always say, You're going to have to learn how to feed that growing family of yours.

Speaker 2:
[22:55] By early 1973, Elle, Roz and Joni had found their way back to each other for a moment. And then back to lives that demanded more from them all the time. A few months after the wedding, Roz hit the road on tour. Elle began filming The Monty and Elle Comedy Hour, an hour-long variety show starring Elle and comedian Monty Rayburn. The show shot to the number one spot on Primetime, and Elle's fame continued to intensify. Joni and Roz welcomed their first child, and little by little, they all came to terms with the same realization. You can return to the place, reunite with the people, but you can never truly go home again. Too much had changed. They were just too different. This was a truth Sylvia had already been wrestling with, down in New Orleans.

Speaker 4:
[24:04] Mama passed in 1973. She had just turned 36. The doctor had given her six months to a year when I found out she was sick, but she made it a little over two years. I like to think I had a little something to do with that. Mama lived better those last couple of years than she ever had. I just wish she had been sick so she could have enjoyed it more.

Speaker 2:
[24:34] Do you have any regrets about that time in your life, about the prostitution or...?

Speaker 4:
[24:44] You know, that's a complicated question for me to answer. Yes and no. I am ashamed of the things I did. I'll admit that, but there weren't a lot of options for me as a young black girl at that time. And I don't regret giving mama the life she deserved. She didn't want for anything those last couple of years. She had the best care, all her medicine, everything was taken care of. And I'm glad I got to do that for her. But I guess if you want to talk about regrets, if I really had to pinpoint one, I would say it was right after mama died. That life, it gets a hold on you. And you know, you get used to making that kind of money I was making. And it was hard to walk away from that. Minimum wage at the time was, what, a dollar, $1.50 an hour? I had been running from poverty since I was a little girl. Poverty scared the hell out of me. Thinking about mama cooped up in that sad little trailer with Jimmy all them years, how she worked herself ragged just to barely scrape by. I couldn't do that. So my plan was to make as much money as I possibly could. Get myself to a good place financially and then I was going to quit. I had heard of some of Eddie's other girls talking about how the money was a lot better in Las Vegas. And I thought, if I'm going to do this, I should try to make as much money as I can. So I loaded up a car and drove to Vegas.

Speaker 2:
[26:46] One, two, one, two, ready, kick it.

Speaker 4:
[27:00] The first few nights I was in town, I mostly just went out and observed, you know, tried to see what all the different casinos were about, tried to figure out where I could get in. I was working for myself. I don't want to get tied up with another pimp. So it was intimidating. Took about a week before I felt comfortable enough to jump into it. I remember the first man I spent time with. He asked what my name was, and I told him my name was Marie. I don't know why I did that. I hadn't planned to use another name. It just came out. And after that, it stuck. I started telling everyone my name was Marie. I think I just wanted to have something of my own, some part of myself that I didn't give away. And I don't know. Maybe I used my mother's name as a sense of comfort, so I didn't feel so alone in this new place that felt like a lion's den.

Speaker 2:
[28:18] So how did you get started? Showing up in this place where you didn't know anyone, how did you even know where to begin?

Speaker 4:
[28:25] Usually I'd go to one of the casinos and sit down at the bar. I'd introduce myself to the waiters or the bar attendants, whoever was taking care of me. And I always tipped extremely well. So they liked having me around. Some of them introduced me to the pit bosses and the casino owners, and then there were the ones who introduced me to the high rollers. And that's where the money's at. There were a lot of show business types. Congressmen, executives, millionaires with money to throw around. It's all just a big game, really. Meeting the right people, getting into their good graces. That's how it was back then. I can't speak for what goes on now. Anyway, that was all work. I didn't have any real friends the first couple of months I was in town. I didn't know who I could trust, so it felt safer not to trust anyone. My favorite part of the day was when I would finish work early, and I'd come back to my hotel. I'd take a hot shower, get into my pajamas, climb in the bed, and I'd eat a whole pond of ice cream while I watched Joni Carson. But the loneliness did get to me after a while, so I started trying to put myself out there and make a few friends. The first friend I made was Randi McMillan.

Speaker 7:
[29:54] Miranda, but everybody calls me Randi. Let's see, I met Marie, oh, Syl, what do you want me to call her? Well, I always knew her as Marie.

Speaker 2:
[30:07] You can call her Marie if that's easier.

Speaker 7:
[30:10] Okay, Marie. I met Marie when, you know, I'm sorry, can we start that over? I want to call her Sylvia, out of respect. I think she's come too far to be called Marie anymore. Sure. Okay, uh, Sylvia and I met when I was tending bar at the Stardust. It was just one of those things where you meet someone and immediately click, like you've known them your whole life. I mean, Sylvia was like that with most everybody. She was a born charmer. That's why she was such a good hustler. But I didn't get the impression she was trying to pull anything over on me. Your bullshit detector gets to be pretty accurate working in the places I did. I could tell she was sincere.

Speaker 4:
[31:01] I remember Randi had this shock of auburn hair. Real wavy and thick came halfway down her back. You could see that hair from across the casino. And she had the fairest skin I'd ever seen. She reminded me of a porcelain doll.

Speaker 7:
[31:19] Wow, Sylvia sat down at the bar maybe halfway through the night. I'd been noticing her hanging around for a week or so at that point. She was always on the arm of a different guy, rich guys. This was the first time I'd seen her alone. She ordered a double whiskey neat and tossed it back like water. I said, rough night. She said, just another day at the office and shot me a grin. I was surprised that she just came out with it like that. I mean, I'd started to suspect she was a call girl because of all the men I'd seen her with. But apart from that, you really couldn't tell. She seemed really high class. Not a hair out of place, perfectly manicured nails, not too much makeup. Of course, she didn't need a lot anyway. She was an absolute knockout. She wore expensive cocktail dresses, was just revealing enough to get a man's imagination going. She wasn't your typical prostitute, I guess, is what I'm getting at.

Speaker 4:
[32:23] I asked her how long she'd been in Vegas, and she said, a couple of years, how about you? I told her I was new in town and didn't really know a lot of people.

Speaker 7:
[32:33] I poured her another drink, Tab and vodka. When we really started talking, I got the impression she was a little lonely, maybe, a little sad. That surprised me too because she'd struck me as the kind of person who'd have a lot of friends, right? Because she had such a magnetic quality about her. She had that beautiful smile, that contagious laugh. She always seemed like she was having the time of her life. But standing there talking to her, it occurred to me that that was all just armor she wore. There was a lot more to her story. I could tell even then. I asked her what brought her to Vegas and she shrugged and said I needed to change the scenery. Then she went on to tell me she'd been caring for her mother over the past couple of years, but she'd recently passed away. Sylvia had come from New Orleans all by herself. I remember thinking, my god, this poor girl doesn't have a soul in the world she can count on.

Speaker 4:
[33:40] I don't know why I was opening up to her like that. I wasn't normally so forthcoming with people I had just met, but I don't know. I felt like I could trust her.

Speaker 7:
[33:50] I've always had a soft spot for young women who were down on their luck. I guess because I know all too well what that's like. Sylvia needed a friend, a big sister, so I took her under my wing.

Speaker 4:
[34:05] She asked where I was staying. I'd been renting a motel by the week. I hadn't wanted to commit to anything long term because I was still feeling the place out, deciding whether or not I was going to stick around. Randi said she and her roommate Michelle were looking for someone else to share the rent.

Speaker 7:
[34:22] I said, why don't you come by the house tomorrow? You can meet Shelle, check the place out, see what you think.

Speaker 4:
[34:29] And I said, all right. Yeah, that sounds great.

Speaker 7:
[34:34] She seemed relieved. I wrote my phone number and address on a cocktail napkin, told her to come by around noon, and she tucked it in her clutch. And about that time, a couple of men walked by. One of them circled back and gave her some lame line, like, what's a pretty little thing like you doing alone in a place like this? You know, one of those. I can't remember what Sylvia said back to him, but what I do remember is the way she just flipped a switch, just like that, just turned it on. One instant she was vulnerable and real, and the next she was a charming seductress putting on one hell of a show. I left them alone, waited on a few customers, and when I turned back around, they were both gone. Later, I saw them at the craps table. That man had his arm around her, and he looked sort of predatory. She was smiling and laughing, life of the party, just like she'd been every other time I'd seen her. But I don't know, maybe I was reading too much into it, but to me, Sylvia seemed a little nervous, and I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I just hoped she'd be okay.

Speaker 1:
[36:07] Higher Grounds is a YellaBird Media production, written and produced by Kimberly Conway. Sylvia is voiced by Laura Jane Jones. Joni by Cynthia Ergenbright. Roz by Janice Lynn Sykes. Elle by Katy Yoder. Randi by Stacey Lightman. Charles by Gervais Weekes. Kat by Kimberly Conway. Opening and closing narration by Rachanee Lumayno. Sound design and mixing by YellaBird Media. Mixing and mastering by Rick Such. The theme song, Everything Changes, by Laura Jane Jones, is available now on Apple Music and Spotify. Shows like Higher Grounds are made possible by the support of listeners like you. If you've enjoyed the show, we'd be so grateful if you could take a moment to rate and review us on your favorite podcast platform. Stay connected with Higher Grounds and be the first to know about upcoming YellaBird productions by following us on social media and signing up for our newsletter at www.yellabird.com. Higher Grounds is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is purely coincidental. This podcast is intended for entertainment purposes only.