transcript

Speaker 1:
[00:01] Today's episode is brought to you by Quince. You know what I've realized? I used to overthink getting dressed. Too many options, half of them falling apart after I washed it three times. Then I started picking up pieces from Quince, and honestly, it kind of solved the problem. Quince makes everyday essentials, lightweight cashmere sweaters, linen shorts, tees in 100% Pima cotton, the kind of stuff that just works, and the quality is real. So, how do they keep the prices so reasonable? They work directly with top factories and cut out the middlemen. Just quality clothing at prices that make sense. And I'm not the only one who thinks so. Their stuff is rated between 4.5 and 5 stars by thousands of people wearing it every day. And they only partner with the factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. So right now we've got the sheets in our house, and the sheets are amazing. I've got the Western Zip Boots, and those are really high-quality. Like I can't even believe how high-quality they are. Cashmere sweaters, the t-shirts. It's great stuff. So stop overcomplicating your wardrobe. Right now, go to quince.com/burger for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. And you will. Now available in Canada, too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. quince.com/burger for free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com/burger. Midnight Burger will always be free to listen to, but it's not free to make. So please consider supporting us by subscribing on Supporting Cast, Patreon, or Apple Podcasts. For early access, ad-free shows, exclusive content and our enduring gratitude. Just follow any of the links in the show notes for this episode. Previously on Midnight Burger.

Speaker 2:
[02:19] Okay. Alive. Check.

Speaker 1:
[02:28] Location. No idea.

Speaker 2:
[02:36] Hello?

Speaker 3:
[02:42] Good morning.

Speaker 1:
[02:45] X?

Speaker 3:
[02:45] Please proceed with us to Testing Center 3.

Speaker 2:
[02:50] Us?

Speaker 3:
[02:53] Please proceed with us to Testing Center 3. We will begin your debrief there.

Speaker 1:
[03:12] Okay, sure, shit. Lead the way, ladies. I had a pager on me. Have either of you seen it?

Speaker 3:
[03:31] We'll begin your debrief in Testing Center 3.

Speaker 1:
[03:33] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[03:35] Through this door.

Speaker 2:
[03:36] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[03:39] Any chance one of you could kill me right now?

Speaker 3:
[03:42] No, no.

Speaker 1:
[03:43] Didn't think so. That's my pager.

Speaker 4:
[04:03] I always said that when we visited someone's house for the first time, we should bring a gift. And you argued with me and argued with me. But now look at what you've brought me. Hello, darling.

Speaker 5:
[04:31] Hello, honey.

Speaker 1:
[04:35] Let's start the shift.

Speaker 6:
[05:19] Once upon a time, there was some guy. Oh, please meet You've met him before, maybe even today. He may have handed you coffee, rang in your groceries. You may have gotten mad at him as he lingered too long at a stoplight. Every day, a thousand faceless, nameless people. That's him. He hardly escapes the background for you, doesn't he? A non-player character. As soon as you meet him, you forget him. And yet... This is where I leave you. The final story is not one of myths or legends, but the opposite. Of those of us who are tossed back and forth by immense waves. Of the powerless amidst dizzying forces. Of the minuscule in the land of giants. And yet. And yet. They endure.

Speaker 5:
[07:03] Though that ship would be anchored and soared.

Speaker 1:
[07:16] Philomena?

Speaker 5:
[07:17] Bill?

Speaker 1:
[07:18] Bill? I would like to take this time to apologize to all turtles. We have kept you in glass cages like this, and we thought you guys loved it. I now know that it sucks. I will not rest until you have all been freed. I am now a turtle like you, my brothers. I stand in solidarity. Could I please have some lettuce and a heat lamp?

Speaker 3:
[08:04] Good morning.

Speaker 1:
[08:07] Oh, hi.

Speaker 3:
[08:07] Do you require food?

Speaker 1:
[08:10] I was just asking for lettuce.

Speaker 3:
[08:11] Yes, something that's not a joke.

Speaker 1:
[08:17] Is there a menu?

Speaker 3:
[08:19] There is not a menu.

Speaker 1:
[08:20] Why isn't she talking to me?

Speaker 3:
[08:21] We're required to do a series of assessments first.

Speaker 1:
[08:23] Can I just talk to her, please? I really don't want to run on a treadmill.

Speaker 3:
[08:26] We're not asking you to run on a treadmill.

Speaker 1:
[08:28] What are you asking me to do?

Speaker 3:
[08:29] Sample your DNA.

Speaker 1:
[08:32] How invasive is this DNA sampling?

Speaker 3:
[08:35] I'll need you to swab your cheek.

Speaker 1:
[08:38] Okay. Okay, fine, if that'll move things along.

Speaker 3:
[08:41] I'll come in.

Speaker 1:
[08:43] Okay, where's the door on this thing?

Speaker 3:
[08:45] There isn't one.

Speaker 1:
[08:45] Well, how are you going to get in here?

Speaker 3:
[08:49] Like that.

Speaker 1:
[08:50] How did you walk through the glass wall?

Speaker 3:
[08:51] I'm made of the same substance.

Speaker 1:
[08:54] Single structure crystalline adaptive.

Speaker 3:
[09:00] Here.

Speaker 2:
[09:00] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[09:04] So when was the last time that you saw me?

Speaker 3:
[09:09] I'm afraid I can't answer questions like that until I'm authorized to.

Speaker 1:
[09:12] I see. This is weird.

Speaker 3:
[09:17] I imagine many aspects of your situation are unusual.

Speaker 1:
[09:20] No, I mean, you. I'm used to you being funnier.

Speaker 3:
[09:25] Funnier?

Speaker 2:
[09:26] Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[09:27] Well, I have no record of us meeting.

Speaker 1:
[09:29] No, not you, you. I mean, an earlier version of you.

Speaker 3:
[09:35] There are no earlier versions of me.

Speaker 1:
[09:37] There's not?

Speaker 3:
[09:38] I'm two. The other model is three.

Speaker 1:
[09:40] Where's one?

Speaker 3:
[09:42] Um, the prototype.

Speaker 2:
[09:44] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[09:46] Well, the prototype was a failure. It atomized itself upon activation.

Speaker 1:
[09:50] Atomized itself?

Speaker 7:
[09:51] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[09:53] You mean it disappeared?

Speaker 3:
[09:55] No, essentially.

Speaker 7:
[09:56] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[09:59] It didn't atomize itself.

Speaker 3:
[10:01] I don't know what you mean.

Speaker 1:
[10:03] It teleported away.

Speaker 3:
[10:08] Teleported?

Speaker 1:
[10:09] Yes.

Speaker 3:
[10:11] I'm not capable of teleportation.

Speaker 1:
[10:13] Are you sure?

Speaker 3:
[10:15] How does one discern if they are capable of teleportation?

Speaker 1:
[10:19] I don't know. Have you tried squinting your eyes and going, how?

Speaker 3:
[10:24] I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 1:
[10:26] Well, then we may never know. Here.

Speaker 3:
[10:29] Thank you.

Speaker 1:
[10:30] That DNA test is going to come back saying I'm Caspar, her ex-husband.

Speaker 3:
[10:34] That's impossible.

Speaker 1:
[10:35] Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3:
[10:40] Are you sure you don't require food?

Speaker 1:
[10:42] I'd like a Chicago dog.

Speaker 3:
[10:43] We're not in Chicago.

Speaker 1:
[10:46] If only you could teleport.

Speaker 3:
[10:51] Were you implying that you knew the prototype?

Speaker 2:
[10:57] Ex.

Speaker 1:
[10:59] That's what I called her. I'm saying that the prototype was maybe the best friend I've ever had. Which bodes well for us. But you may need to loosen up a little bit. I'm Caspar, by the way.

Speaker 3:
[11:14] That's impossible.

Speaker 4:
[11:16] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[11:41] He appears to believe everything he says.

Speaker 4:
[11:44] I can see that.

Speaker 3:
[11:46] The song is called The Prisoner's Song.

Speaker 4:
[11:48] I know what the song is. How long on the DNA?

Speaker 3:
[11:52] Two is performing it right now. Five minutes.

Speaker 4:
[12:01] Let's take this call. Who is it?

Speaker 3:
[12:03] Reuters.

Speaker 2:
[12:04] Okay.

Speaker 8:
[12:06] Dr. Scott?

Speaker 4:
[12:07] Hello there.

Speaker 8:
[12:08] I'm Anna Kearney with Reuters. Thank you for doing this.

Speaker 4:
[12:12] It's no problem.

Speaker 8:
[12:13] Do you mind if I record this?

Speaker 4:
[12:15] Not at all.

Speaker 8:
[12:16] Okay. One second. Thank you for sitting down with us, Dr. Scott. You've been avoiding the press lately.

Speaker 4:
[12:23] I don't agree with that characterization.

Speaker 8:
[12:26] How would you characterize it?

Speaker 4:
[12:28] Do you have children?

Speaker 8:
[12:30] I do.

Speaker 4:
[12:31] When they're throwing a tantrum, I find it best to let them go off for a while. Then, once they calm down, you can actually have a conversation.

Speaker 8:
[12:41] Is that how you'd characterize the discourse lately? A tantrum?

Speaker 4:
[12:46] I signed a contract with the Chinese government to build three power plants, and it induced a global pant-shitting. Yes, I'd call that a tantrum. Let's say I've been selective. The last thing I wanted was for SSCA to become a circus before people even had a chance to understand what we'd created.

Speaker 8:
[13:09] But you understand that's inevitable now. Your company has demonstrated a material that can essentially, what, restructure itself at the molecular level to become whatever we need it to be?

Speaker 4:
[13:22] That's the simplified version, yes. Single structure crystalline adaptive is a programmable material at the atomic level. Think of it as a universal building block. You give it instructions, provide the right energy input, and it reconfigures its crystalline structure. It can become a superconductor for power generation, a structural material stronger than carbon fiber, or compress itself into a substrate that makes silicon chips look like a Commodore 64.

Speaker 8:
[13:57] And you stumbled on to this while researching... What was it? Quantum dot arrays?

Speaker 4:
[14:06] I love that phrase. Stumbled on to... Like it's that commercial for peanut butter cups. We were looking at quantum confinement in crystalline matrices, trying to solve a completely different problem.

Speaker 8:
[14:20] Okay, I don't want to get too into the weeds, technically. I don't want to lose people. So let's start with these power plants you're building. Why are these revolutionary?

Speaker 4:
[14:33] Single structure crystalline adaptive can form a lattice structure that captures ambient thermal differentials and converts them with 93% efficiency. No moving parts, no fuel consumption. A facility the size of a city block could power Manhattan for about 4% of the current cost. And that's a conservative estimate.

Speaker 8:
[14:58] I have to ask the obvious question. How is that possible? It seems to violate everything we understand about thermodynamics.

Speaker 4:
[15:09] I thought you didn't want to dwell on the technical aspects.

Speaker 8:
[15:12] I'm afraid I got sucked back in.

Speaker 4:
[15:15] It doesn't violate anything. We're just exploiting inefficiencies that we couldn't access before. The material creates a cascade effect at the quantum level. Every thermal gradient, no matter how small, becomes harvestable. The ocean, the air, the ground beneath our feet. They're all massive batteries we've never been able to tap properly. What I've created is the key that fits the lock.

Speaker 8:
[15:45] Which is amazing enough, but these power plants, they build themselves?

Speaker 4:
[15:53] That's right. You provide a template and the material does the rest. We've built bridge spans, building frameworks, even complex architectural forms right here at our campus. No cranes, no construction crews. The material flows into place and locks into the configuration you've specified.

Speaker 8:
[16:15] So I've never worked in construction, but I'm sure you can imagine how someone who builds things for a living would hear that and…

Speaker 4:
[16:23] Think about retiring.

Speaker 8:
[16:25] Millions of people work in construction globally. Energy sector workers, chip manufacturers, engineers, entire supply chains. We're talking about economic disruption on a scale we've never seen.

Speaker 4:
[16:39] That's right.

Speaker 8:
[16:39] How do you feel about that?

Speaker 4:
[16:41] I don't care.

Speaker 8:
[16:44] You… you don't care?

Speaker 4:
[16:48] Anna, may I call you Anna?

Speaker 8:
[16:50] Of course.

Speaker 4:
[16:53] When I was an undergrad, I was always surprised by the amount of unhoused people living just outside of campus. And because my brain works in a particular way, I decided to try and get the number of unhoused people in the entire country. This was before every bit of information was at your fingertips, so it took me a minute. But I got the number. At the time, it was roughly 500,000. It's more now. I looked at that number, and I found it's manageable. 500,000? That's a manageable problem for the richest nation on earth. What would it take? Then I crunched the numbers for the amount of unoccupied housing in the entire country. It was more than 500,000, several times more. There's the solution right there. But something was in the way. You see, my naive undergraduate self was seeing the world as a set of problems that we didn't have solutions for. But I looked at the world in its entirety, and I looked at problem after problem. And all of them, every single one of them, had a solution that was ready and waiting. But something was in the way. In science, we're often told to work the problem. Don't just collect data, work the problem. I came to find that the problem wasn't the problem. The real problem was the thing that stood between the problem and the solution. So I decided to attack that instead. We've spent the last several thousand years operating under the assumption that resources are fundamentally limited. That we have to compete for them, ration them, build entire economic and political systems around their distribution. Single structure crystalline adaptive doesn't just make things cheaper. It makes the concept of scarcity itself obsolete. For energy, for housing, for computational power, for infrastructure. Do you understand what that means?

Speaker 8:
[19:15] I think we all do. And I think that's what's scaring people.

Speaker 4:
[19:19] Imagine a world where energy is too cheap to meter. Where housing isn't a commodity that people struggle to afford, but something that can be created wherever it's needed. Where computing power isn't rationed by cost, but available to anyone who needs it. What does education look like in that world? Health care? Scientific research? When you can run simulations that would currently require a national budget.

Speaker 8:
[19:50] That sounds utopian.

Speaker 4:
[19:52] I don't believe in utopia.

Speaker 8:
[19:54] You're literally talking about a utopia.

Speaker 4:
[19:56] I don't like utopia. Utopia suggests everything's taken care of. But all I'm talking about is everyone getting what they need to live. Once we move beyond that, there's always a frontier out there. There are always difficult problems to be solved.

Speaker 8:
[20:13] Can you understand the fear around what your discovery implies, though?

Speaker 4:
[20:18] It sounds terrifying if you're an oil company, if you're a real estate investment trust, if you're a nation state that derives its power from controlling access to rare earth minerals.

Speaker 8:
[20:30] You just listed some very powerful organizations there, Dr. Scott.

Speaker 4:
[20:34] You seem to be implying that I'm the one who should be scared.

Speaker 8:
[20:37] You have been receiving death threats, haven't you?

Speaker 4:
[20:41] My security concerns are very well handled. On the topic of what we should be afraid of, I've had three meetings in the past week with representatives from different governments. Not one of them asked me how SSCA could solve their country's energy crisis or housing shortage. Every single one wanted to know if it could be weaponized. Who else had access to it, and how they could control its distribution? People are afraid of me?

Speaker 8:
[21:13] And can it be weaponized?

Speaker 4:
[21:16] Anything can be weaponized.

Speaker 8:
[21:17] And how do you plan on preventing that?

Speaker 4:
[21:20] You're still missing it, Anna.

Speaker 8:
[21:22] What am I missing?

Speaker 4:
[21:24] You've listed all these industries that I'm going to put out of business. You were missing one. One of the biggest.

Speaker 8:
[21:35] War.

Speaker 4:
[21:36] Every war is about resources in the end. Land, oil, water, minerals, food. Maybe it's dressed up as something else, but it's always about one of those.

Speaker 8:
[21:51] You're saying that your invention will bring about world peace?

Speaker 4:
[21:55] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[21:56] Forever.

Speaker 8:
[21:59] You sound very confident.

Speaker 4:
[22:01] I am.

Speaker 8:
[22:04] So these bold statements aren't the only reason you've made people uncomfortable.

Speaker 4:
[22:09] I'm aware.

Speaker 8:
[22:12] I can see there's someone with you right now.

Speaker 4:
[22:14] That's right.

Speaker 8:
[22:15] So you can make all of these amazing things with this discovery of yours, but the most amazing thing is that you've made a person.

Speaker 7:
[22:26] Yes.

Speaker 8:
[22:27] Is that one of them?

Speaker 4:
[22:29] This is Three.

Speaker 8:
[22:33] Dr. Scott, would you mind if I spoke to her?

Speaker 4:
[22:36] Go ahead.

Speaker 8:
[22:39] Hello. Your name is Three?

Speaker 3:
[22:41] That's right.

Speaker 8:
[22:44] Three. In addition to all of these bridges and power plants, Dr. Scott has said that you are also made of this substance, this crystalline substance.

Speaker 3:
[22:54] I am.

Speaker 8:
[22:55] That's astounding.

Speaker 3:
[22:57] Gee, thanks.

Speaker 8:
[23:00] Three, are you... I don't know what the word is. Are you self-aware?

Speaker 3:
[23:08] Well, my name is Three, and I'm standing right here. So what else do you need to know?

Speaker 8:
[23:18] I'm trying to get a sense of whether or not you're conscious.

Speaker 3:
[23:21] I'm not sure how to answer that question.

Speaker 8:
[23:25] Why?

Speaker 3:
[23:27] Are you conscious?

Speaker 8:
[23:29] What do you mean?

Speaker 3:
[23:31] You're talking about consciousness like it's settled science. As of right now, I don't know that there's anyone on earth who knows what consciousness actually is. How can I tell you if I am a thing when you don't know what that thing is?

Speaker 8:
[23:51] I suppose that's a fair point. Don't you think it's mind-boggling that Dr. Scott was able to just make a person?

Speaker 3:
[24:01] At the age of 23, Dr. Scott also made a person. His name is David. For some reason, that creation didn't warrant an interview with Reuters.

Speaker 4:
[24:09] It should have.

Speaker 8:
[24:10] That's hardly the same thing.

Speaker 3:
[24:12] I'm not sure I agree with that. I was created. I learned the same way a human would. I learned several million times faster than a human would, but I did learn.

Speaker 8:
[24:27] Can you understand how something like you would cause a bit of anxiety for the average human being?

Speaker 3:
[24:34] Of course.

Speaker 8:
[24:35] I'll just go ahead and ask. Do you have any plans to rise up and dominate humankind?

Speaker 3:
[24:42] Not today.

Speaker 9:
[24:43] No.

Speaker 8:
[24:44] We've made a lot of movies about that fear.

Speaker 3:
[24:47] Yes. Yes, you have. But you're assuming that if a consciousness arose, it would act like you.

Speaker 8:
[24:57] Is that so ridiculous?

Speaker 3:
[24:58] Well, I suppose not, but I'm not like you. I don't need anything. I don't require any resources to function the way humans do. The desire to rise up and conquer Earth would imply that I needed something, and I, by design, don't need anything. I just exist.

Speaker 4:
[25:29] Three is emblematic of the future I'm talking about. We can all be like her. We can stop being creatures driven by need.

Speaker 8:
[25:37] Because all of our needs will be met.

Speaker 4:
[25:40] That's right. I think people will come around to this. It's hard to wrap your mind around. But once you do, you'll realize that this is the way forward for all of us.

Speaker 8:
[25:52] You think people will come around?

Speaker 4:
[25:54] I do.

Speaker 8:
[25:56] Even though there's talk in Washington of seizing your discoveries in the name of eminent domain, Yes. What do you have to say to the politicians that insist it's in the national interest for your discoveries to be owned by the US government?

Speaker 4:
[26:10] That's actually why I wanted to do this interview.

Speaker 8:
[26:13] Really?

Speaker 4:
[26:14] Yes. Congress needs to understand something.

Speaker 8:
[26:18] What's that?

Speaker 4:
[26:18] They can't take something from me that doesn't belong to me.

Speaker 8:
[26:22] How does all of this not belong to you?

Speaker 4:
[26:24] Right before this interview, I published everything we have on our website. Every aspect of single-structure crystalline-adaptive is now free and available to everyone on earth.

Speaker 10:
[26:40] You...

Speaker 8:
[26:41] you're just giving it away?

Speaker 4:
[26:44] It's cheap to produce and infinitely scalable. If you have a master's in engineering, you can make a power plant in your backyard if you like.

Speaker 8:
[26:57] If everything plays out the way you say it will, you would be the most powerful person on the planet, and you just surrendered all of that?

Speaker 4:
[27:07] And you're still not getting it. Let's continue this at another time.

Speaker 8:
[27:12] Doctor...

Speaker 4:
[27:14] That was boring.

Speaker 3:
[27:16] The test is back.

Speaker 4:
[27:18] And?

Speaker 3:
[27:19] DNA is a perfect match for Caspar.

Speaker 4:
[27:23] Interesting.

Speaker 7:
[27:24] Okay.

Speaker 11:
[27:28] Oh, hi.

Speaker 1:
[27:30] Welcome to the Caspararium. You know, if you pay a dollar, you can get a little thing full of fish to throw at me. Let's mix it up in here. Let's get some penguins. Are you calling the cops? Officer, help. I've imprisoned my ex-husband. Hi, there. This is Caspar. You may be thinking about hanging up and sending me a text message right now. Please know that I won't respond to that either.

Speaker 4:
[28:00] Bye. Hey, it's me. Call me as soon as you can.

Speaker 1:
[28:06] I'd call you back, but there's no phone in here.

Speaker 4:
[28:08] Who are you?

Speaker 1:
[28:09] It's me, Philomena.

Speaker 4:
[28:10] No, it's not.

Speaker 1:
[28:12] I mean, no, it's not. But yes, it is.

Speaker 4:
[28:16] Keep going.

Speaker 1:
[28:23] This is gonna sound ridiculous, but please keep in mind that, you know, look around. Your life sounds pretty unbelievable, too. So... Once upon a time, I walked into a diner called Midnight Burger. Turns out that diner was a time traveling, dimension spanning diner that hops from universe to universe every 24 hours. For some reason, inside of that diner was this old timey radio that was apparently put there by a fourth dimensional being named Chuck. Inside the radio were two old timey radio personalities named Effie and Zebulon Mucklewain, and they could actually talk to me, and we would talk back and forth, and it was a wonderful time, but not really. It was actually pretty terrifying. Also, turns out I don't age when I'm on board this diner, so I stayed there for over 100 years before I even started talking to another actual real human being. I went on a lot of adventures apparently. I don't really remember them, because apparently when you don't age, it also fucks with your memory, and you start to, I don't know, compartmentalize things, I guess. Eventually a guy walked in named Leaf. Turns out he was a galactic criminal. I didn't learn that until much later, but anyway, we hung out for a while, and that was a good time. We had some adventures together. It was very college. It was very immature. And then this other lady showed up named Ava. Ava is kind of a rogue theoretical physicist. She was really interested in what the diner was and why it's doing this and stuff like that. And then it was all three of us, plus the Mucklewains, and that was a good time too and also terrifying. And then this lady named Gloria showed up, who was a woman who had just lost her taqueria in a pandemic. Did you guys have a pandemic here? It sounds like it was pretty bad. Anyway, when she showed up, things started changing a lot faster. And then suddenly we were on the run from a galactic evil empire called the Ted Empire. We managed to get out of that. And then this woman named Clementine showed up, was kind of this out of control space demon. Turns out, though, she was actually created by this guy named Croc, who was essentially a god and doesn't like the fact that we exist. And he's trying to destroy us. Anyway, he almost captured us, but we managed to get out of it by shooting ourselves with time displacement weapons. Those time displacement weapons send us to a random place and time somewhere out there in the cosmos. But because we had those pagers on, they sent us to a place that we are somehow connected to. And that landed me right here in the middle of your apparently incredibly high tech campus in, I'm guessing, San Francisco. You always wanted to move there. So, if that was your guess, congratulations.

Speaker 4:
[31:15] Hello?

Speaker 1:
[31:16] Hey, what's up?

Speaker 4:
[31:18] How are you?

Speaker 1:
[31:19] I'm fine.

Speaker 2:
[31:20] What's going on?

Speaker 4:
[31:24] Phil? Nothing. I just did an interview with Reuters. I know that when I do these, sometimes you get reporters calling you. I just wanted to give you a heads up.

Speaker 1:
[31:34] I'm really looking forward to it. I've started openly lying to them. I hope that's okay.

Speaker 4:
[31:38] Great.

Speaker 1:
[31:39] The other day, I told someone from The Economist that you grew up Amish. I hope that's cool.

Speaker 7:
[31:43] Great.

Speaker 4:
[31:45] How's David?

Speaker 2:
[31:46] He's fine.

Speaker 1:
[31:47] He still hates his job, so if you could speed up all this Utopia nonsense you've got going on, that would be great.

Speaker 4:
[31:52] He should be working with me out here.

Speaker 1:
[31:54] Well, he's not gonna do that, Phil. You know how he is. You were on the cover of Time Magazine. It's kind of a long shadow you cast. It's hard to get out from under it.

Speaker 4:
[32:06] Fine. Give him my love.

Speaker 2:
[32:08] I will.

Speaker 1:
[32:11] He does, of course, have his own phone.

Speaker 4:
[32:14] Caspar.

Speaker 5:
[32:14] Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[32:15] Okay. I will.

Speaker 4:
[32:17] Thank you.

Speaker 5:
[32:18] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[32:19] I've gotta go.

Speaker 4:
[32:21] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[32:22] There's gonna be penball in this brave new world, right?

Speaker 4:
[32:25] Goodbye.

Speaker 1:
[32:28] I sound like I'm doing good. Am I doing good? Where do I work? Is it the DMV? I hated the DMV.

Speaker 4:
[32:34] He teaches middle school history.

Speaker 1:
[32:36] Fuck yeah. That guy rules. Put him back on. I want to talk about Napoleon.

Speaker 4:
[32:40] Who are you?

Speaker 1:
[32:40] Philomena, I swear to God, it's me.

Speaker 3:
[32:43] There doesn't appear to be any cloning hallmarks.

Speaker 4:
[32:45] This was unlikely.

Speaker 1:
[32:46] You thought it was a clone.

Speaker 4:
[32:47] I'm exploring all options.

Speaker 1:
[32:49] Well, it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think?

Speaker 4:
[32:51] I'm standing with two sentient androids. It doesn't sound ridiculous.

Speaker 2:
[32:55] Right.

Speaker 1:
[32:57] Sorry, I'm used to them.

Speaker 4:
[32:58] You're used to them?

Speaker 1:
[32:59] Yeah, I've met them before, kind of.

Speaker 4:
[33:02] Kind of.

Speaker 1:
[33:02] Two was telling me that there was a number one.

Speaker 4:
[33:04] One atomized itself when I activated it.

Speaker 3:
[33:07] He says that one actually teleported when it was activated. It wasn't atomized.

Speaker 4:
[33:14] That's impossible.

Speaker 1:
[33:15] Not impossible. It teleported away and hunted me down.

Speaker 3:
[33:19] Why would it hunt you down?

Speaker 1:
[33:20] Because of how she programmed it.

Speaker 2:
[33:21] Wha-

Speaker 3:
[33:22] What is he talking about?

Speaker 2:
[33:25] Uh-oh.

Speaker 1:
[33:28] Phil, did you not tell the Pointer Sisters here how you programmed number one? This is pretty great.

Speaker 2:
[33:40] What do you mean?

Speaker 1:
[33:42] She programmed it to hunt down and confront her ex.

Speaker 4:
[33:46] You did? How did you know that?

Speaker 1:
[33:47] What do you mean? It hunted me down and confronted me. Or it tried to. But then it got overloaded somehow, and... Wait a minute.

Speaker 2:
[33:58] Wait.

Speaker 1:
[34:01] I know what happened. You were sitting there in your mad scientist lab, making a whole ass person, and the mad scientist got a little mad, didn't she?

Speaker 4:
[34:13] Prototype wasn't supposed to work.

Speaker 1:
[34:15] Right. So, you're saying to yourself, well, this shit isn't going to work. Doesn't really matter what I program into this bot. How about I make it confront my ex-husband? And then you hit enter, and it disappears.

Speaker 2:
[34:27] Right?

Speaker 1:
[34:30] You have no idea what you created. She can travel through time and space. She can read minds. She's indestructible. She's a total fucking goofball who drives me crazy.

Speaker 3:
[34:45] We're not capable of any of those things.

Speaker 1:
[34:47] I mean, I wasn't capable of singing, but David really needed me to sing him a song when he was a baby, so there I was singing, and now I think we can all agree.

Speaker 5:
[34:56] The pipes.

Speaker 2:
[34:58] Am I right?

Speaker 3:
[34:58] She's one of the best friends you've ever had.

Speaker 2:
[35:01] Yeah.

Speaker 5:
[35:03] Yeah, she is.

Speaker 1:
[35:07] How about my pager? The thing you found on me when I showed up, you had a look at it, right?

Speaker 4:
[35:12] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[35:12] What do you think?

Speaker 4:
[35:13] I have no idea what it is.

Speaker 1:
[35:15] Neither do I, but I'm guessing that technology was not of this earth, right?

Speaker 4:
[35:20] I need your story to be more believable.

Speaker 2:
[35:22] Phil, me too.

Speaker 1:
[35:25] You want to know where number one is right now? She's on a distant planet somewhere, helping a sentient tree species repopulate itself because she felt like it was the right thing to do. Me too.

Speaker 4:
[35:39] I'm pulling up the files for the prototype from the archive.

Speaker 1:
[35:42] See, this is what she does when she doesn't know how to proceed with an argument. She'll say she needs more information and then days go by.

Speaker 12:
[35:48] Please speak passcode.

Speaker 1:
[35:49] Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again. See, ladies. She thought she was being really sneaky because she hates Bob Dylan. They'll never guess that I have a Bob Dylan lyric as my password, she would say.

Speaker 4:
[36:14] Send all archives for Simulacrum prototype to my main drive. We'll continue this later.

Speaker 1:
[36:24] Phil, I'm not trying to do anything, okay? I didn't mean to come here. I know it's very strange, but to get out of your life, I'm going to need your help. How's that Chicago dog coming?

Speaker 3:
[36:47] I'm sure you can understand her reaction.

Speaker 1:
[36:49] Yeah, I understand. You guys seem to be fine, though.

Speaker 3:
[36:53] We're very curious.

Speaker 1:
[36:58] So cover of Time Magazine, huh?

Speaker 3:
[37:00] Her ideas are revolutionary.

Speaker 5:
[37:02] It's pretty cool.

Speaker 1:
[37:05] You know, when we were married, I always wondered what she was doing with me. Pretty sure the feeling was mutual.

Speaker 3:
[37:10] Can we try and confirm some things with you?

Speaker 1:
[37:13] Yeah, sure.

Speaker 3:
[37:13] This entire time, we've been trying to work out exactly what you're suggesting.

Speaker 1:
[37:17] This whole time?

Speaker 3:
[37:18] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[37:19] You haven't said a word to each other this entire time?

Speaker 3:
[37:21] Correct.

Speaker 1:
[37:22] Because you're always talking to each other?

Speaker 3:
[37:24] Correct.

Speaker 1:
[37:25] Okay, let's hear it.

Speaker 3:
[37:26] You seem to be alleging that you've come from an alternate universe. Yes. Which would confirm the Many Worlds Theory.

Speaker 1:
[37:34] Sure.

Speaker 3:
[37:35] That is actually a more believable story than the one you just told us.

Speaker 1:
[37:38] Guys, I know. I hate how stupid it sounds. I always have. It would be way cooler if I was in some sort of amazing ship of the future called Starlight or something, but it's not. It's a fucking diner, okay? Fries her up. Also, you're in the Mesozoic. That's how it's been, okay?

Speaker 3:
[37:58] Well, I'm sure you understand our problem.

Speaker 1:
[38:00] Do I?

Speaker 3:
[38:01] We can't explain your existence. And your explanation is ridiculous. What are we supposed to do with all of that?

Speaker 1:
[38:07] X, I have no idea.

Speaker 3:
[38:08] X?

Speaker 1:
[38:08] Sorry, force of habit.

Speaker 3:
[38:10] Why did you call her that?

Speaker 1:
[38:12] We called her the X-Bot at first. It got shortened to X.

Speaker 3:
[38:16] This was after she became your friend?

Speaker 2:
[38:18] Yeah.

Speaker 1:
[38:20] We had gotten her to short circuit somehow, and we figured she was junk, so we left her where we found her. 1930s Kentucky, I guess. After we left, the locals found her and threw her in the river for some reason. She laid there at the bottom of a creek for decades, putting herself back together. And she finally pulled herself up out of the river, and I guess the first person she thought of was me, which was great, because I was a prisoner at the time.

Speaker 3:
[39:00] Why were you a prisoner?

Speaker 1:
[39:02] You know what? How about I just stop there? This story gets more and more unbelievable the deeper I go into it. There's got to be some way to make me look less like a crazy person, right?

Speaker 2:
[39:16] Isn't there like...

Speaker 1:
[39:18] Are you trying to tell me that I came all the way here from another universe and there's no way of detecting that? Why aren't you saying anything?

Speaker 3:
[39:34] We're talking.

Speaker 7:
[39:34] Oh, okay.

Speaker 1:
[39:40] What are you guys talking about?

Speaker 3:
[39:41] There are a few things we could try. The most effective method would either be detecting isotope ratio anomalies or detecting a fine structure constant variation.

Speaker 1:
[39:51] Okay, do we flip a coin?

Speaker 3:
[39:54] We've chosen constant variation.

Speaker 1:
[39:56] Good, that's what I would choose.

Speaker 3:
[39:58] Because we already have a high precision spectrometer on campus.

Speaker 1:
[40:01] Great, that's what I was going to say next. I was going to say, hey, where's the spectrometer?

Speaker 3:
[40:05] We'll be back.

Speaker 1:
[40:06] Okay, bye. I'll just sit here in the aquarium. Today's episode is brought to you by BILT, it's 2026, and if you're still paying rent without BILT, it's time for a change. Can we just talk about how wild it is that your rent keeps going up, but your apartment stays the same? BILT is the loyalty program for people who are still living in the same apartment. It's a way of saying, BILT is the loyalty program for renters that rewards you for your biggest monthly expense, rent. With BILT, every rent payment earns you points that can be used towards flights, hotels, Lyft rides, Amazon purchases, and so much more. Here's something else. Now BILT members can earn points on mortgage payments for the first time. That means you can get rewarded wherever you live and unlock exclusive benefits from more than 45,000 restaurants, fitness studios, pharmacies, other neighborhood partners. Personally I'd redeem my points towards Amazon stuff and Lyft rides. Those sorts of things really pile up and it feels pretty good knowing my rent is helping cover them. It's simple. Paying rent is better with BILT. And now owning a home can be better with BILT too. Earn rewards and get something back wherever you live. Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/burger. That's joinbilt.com/burger. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you. Midnight Burger is brought to you today by Shaker and Spoon, where you can get $20 off of any subscription by going to shakerandspoon.com/midnightburger. Cast members and avid cocktail makers, Neil and Julie gave Shaker and Spoon a try.

Speaker 13:
[42:23] It's a cute little box and you open it up and it's filled with a whole bunch of recyclable packaging material and cute little bottles and fun instructions and really cute written postcards with recipes.

Speaker 1:
[42:38] Each monthly box arrives with three original recipes created by world-class bartenders, as well as enough ingredients for 12 cocktails, four from each recipe.

Speaker 14:
[42:47] I mean, I've got a pretty solid bar by most like home bar standards, but I don't like get things that they sent. Like, I don't go out and buy black pepper walnut bitters and like cardamom bitters. And they had a bunch of spice syrups mixed up and stuff.

Speaker 1:
[43:03] Each box revolves around one type of liquor. So just add one bottle of liquor and you're ready to go.

Speaker 13:
[43:09] It's all very clear because everything's labeled and each cocktail has its own ingredient card or instructions card. So each one has its own recipe and like backstory and everything on a card. So yeah, it's all easy to figure out.

Speaker 1:
[43:23] They'll have everything you need, except for the egg.

Speaker 14:
[43:27] There are even two enormous lemons in there. There's actual fruit in there.

Speaker 13:
[43:31] Fresh lemons, fresh citrus.

Speaker 14:
[43:32] So the only thing we needed was booze. And for one of the cocktails, we needed an egg. They didn't send an egg, which I think is prudent.

Speaker 13:
[43:37] Good idea.

Speaker 1:
[43:38] You can learn new techniques while creating excellent craft cocktails.

Speaker 14:
[43:41] They have sourced these cocktails from people in the business. And like I'm checking the CVs on some of the people that they dropped. And they're like legit heavy hitters working at serious cocktail bars.

Speaker 1:
[43:53] It's also a great gift idea. Literally all you need to know about your giftee is their email address.

Speaker 13:
[43:58] I think it would be good for really smart, cool and beautiful people.

Speaker 14:
[44:02] Oh, like our listeners.

Speaker 13:
[44:04] Yes.

Speaker 14:
[44:04] And one of the cool things here is that they there's enough to make there's enough to make three different cocktails and to make four of each. So you could make it like a little social thing, right? Like have people over, hey, I got my new shaker and spoon box. Let's come over Friday night and let's see what these are.

Speaker 1:
[44:19] Going out to the bar has become a little more complicated these days. So throw an epic cocktail party at home and save $20 off any subscription by going to shakerandspoon.com/midnightburger.

Speaker 5:
[44:32] Oh lord, could this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again.

Speaker 1:
[45:04] Hello, is that glass of wine number one or number two?

Speaker 4:
[45:09] Two.

Speaker 1:
[45:09] Hell yeah, glass of wine number two, Philomena. I know her well. Have a seat, sailor.

Speaker 4:
[45:17] You know, I'm changing the world over here, Caspar.

Speaker 1:
[45:21] That's what I hear.

Speaker 4:
[45:22] Do you have any idea the amount of human suffering I'm going to eliminate?

Speaker 1:
[45:26] A whole lot, I bet. What are we talking about right now?

Speaker 4:
[45:31] Never mind.

Speaker 1:
[45:36] So what happened with you guys?

Speaker 4:
[45:38] Who?

Speaker 1:
[45:39] You and David and Caspar.

Speaker 4:
[45:42] I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[45:46] I ask because it's kind of reversed where I come from.

Speaker 4:
[45:50] Reversed how?

Speaker 1:
[45:52] Where I come from, he actually has a better relationship with you than he does with me.

Speaker 4:
[45:56] Really?

Speaker 2:
[45:58] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[45:59] Why?

Speaker 1:
[46:01] Long story short, we argued a lot. Constantly, actually.

Speaker 4:
[46:08] I missed his middle school graduation.

Speaker 2:
[46:12] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[46:15] It's not a huge deal.

Speaker 4:
[46:17] We were supposed to go on a family trip right after.

Speaker 2:
[46:21] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[46:22] I forgot that too.

Speaker 2:
[46:25] That's...

Speaker 1:
[46:28] It happens.

Speaker 4:
[46:29] So you two left without me.

Speaker 1:
[46:31] And you got on the next plane, I'm assuming.

Speaker 2:
[46:38] Phil?

Speaker 4:
[46:40] I didn't notice you were gone until you got back.

Speaker 1:
[46:47] Your whole family left, and you didn't notice?

Speaker 4:
[46:54] I'm saving the world over here, Caspar.

Speaker 1:
[46:56] Okay.

Speaker 4:
[46:57] There was a lot going on at the time.

Speaker 1:
[46:59] Saving the world, for example.

Speaker 4:
[47:03] Who are you?

Speaker 1:
[47:05] Phil, I swear to God, it's just me. I just come from a place where this happened and that happened instead of that thing and the other thing. Which is disturbing to know that we're just made up of the things that happened to us, but it's just me.

Speaker 4:
[47:30] What was I?

Speaker 1:
[47:32] In my world? CPA.

Speaker 4:
[47:36] Jesus. Really?

Speaker 2:
[47:38] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[47:41] That sounds terrible.

Speaker 1:
[47:43] Yeah, you hated it.

Speaker 4:
[47:45] I hope so.

Speaker 1:
[47:46] You were so good at it, though.

Speaker 4:
[47:48] I hope so.

Speaker 7:
[47:50] God damn.

Speaker 4:
[47:51] What was I like during tax season?

Speaker 2:
[47:56] What?

Speaker 1:
[47:58] You would kind of forget we exist.

Speaker 4:
[48:04] So, maybe we're not entirely made up of the things that happened to us.

Speaker 1:
[48:13] I have to say, it's nice being in a universe where it wasn't my fault. Kind of cozy.

Speaker 4:
[48:20] Nobody can really wrap their mind around what I'm going to do for this planet.

Speaker 1:
[48:25] It is a little hard to believe.

Speaker 4:
[48:26] Everyone's going to have what they need, Caspar. Everyone. And yet, despite all that, getting him to talk to me is like pulling teeth. Middle school graduation. Who the hell cares about their middle school graduation?

Speaker 1:
[48:43] Well, first of all, I'd say it wasn't about him caring about it. It was about you forgetting about it. Secondly, I don't imagine it was just about that, right? You know, eventually, he reached out to me. After not hearing from him for a long time, he reached out to me and we started talking again.

Speaker 4:
[49:09] That doesn't sound like him.

Speaker 1:
[49:11] I know, I was surprised by it too. But eventually, he just let it all go.

Speaker 4:
[49:19] And how did he manage that if you were zipping around the cosmos?

Speaker 1:
[49:23] For a while, we were stranded in Pasadena.

Speaker 4:
[49:28] He was living in Pasadena?

Speaker 1:
[49:30] He was living in Hollywood. He was one of the few people in Los Angeles who voluntarily didn't have a car. He worked for the city archives and at night, he was doing street art.

Speaker 4:
[49:42] That goddamn street art. I wish he wouldn't do that. He's going to get arrested.

Speaker 1:
[49:47] Probably, but hey, then the two of you can bond over your arrest records. Wait, did that not happen here?

Speaker 4:
[49:59] It happened.

Speaker 1:
[50:02] Does he know?

Speaker 4:
[50:03] No.

Speaker 1:
[50:03] You should tell him.

Speaker 4:
[50:04] No, thank you.

Speaker 1:
[50:05] He probably doesn't even know what the Battle of Seattle is. He should know about it.

Speaker 4:
[50:08] He'd find a way to hate me for it.

Speaker 1:
[50:11] You're probably right. Mom, you protested the World Trade Organization when you were my age. Now look at you.

Speaker 4:
[50:18] It would go exactly like that.

Speaker 1:
[50:24] Although you protested the WTO in 1999, cut to today, you're about to destroy the whole thing.

Speaker 4:
[50:33] Fuck yeah, I am.

Speaker 1:
[50:38] Talk about a grudge.

Speaker 4:
[50:47] Is this a practical joke? Is that what this is?

Speaker 1:
[50:51] Who would pull a practical joke like this?

Speaker 4:
[50:55] The universe.

Speaker 1:
[50:56] The universe?

Speaker 2:
[50:57] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[50:59] I just solved all of the world's problems today, Caspar. I imagine it'll take about ten years, but after that, no more suffering. It's the kind of thing that makes you want to retire early and watch it all happen. You feel like your work is done, and then you show up.

Speaker 1:
[51:23] I am pretty good at ruining a party.

Speaker 4:
[51:25] Oh, I know.

Speaker 1:
[51:33] Phil, David's in trouble.

Speaker 4:
[51:35] How do you mean?

Speaker 1:
[51:38] Not David from your universe. Another David I met out there, the Pasadena David.

Speaker 4:
[51:43] In trouble how?

Speaker 1:
[51:45] It has to do with the war in a far-off galaxy called Cryptesia.

Speaker 4:
[51:50] Jesus Christ, Caspar!

Speaker 1:
[51:52] Stop asking me for details, it makes it sound stupider. This is why I need your help.

Speaker 4:
[52:00] Some random David out there.

Speaker 2:
[52:03] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[52:05] He's not even your David.

Speaker 1:
[52:07] You and I both know that doesn't matter.

Speaker 3:
[52:12] We're back.

Speaker 4:
[52:13] What is this?

Speaker 3:
[52:13] We've been working on something.

Speaker 4:
[52:15] Is that the spectrometer?

Speaker 3:
[52:16] We had to borrow it.

Speaker 4:
[52:17] What's attached to it?

Speaker 1:
[52:18] And why does it look like a hair dryer?

Speaker 3:
[52:20] We thought we'd try and devise a way to detect visitors from other universes. We settled on two possible paths. The first was detecting isotope ratio anomalies. Different quantum outcomes during the nucleosynthesis of this Caspar's universe could produce different isotopic compositions. Their hydrogen might have a weird deuterium ratio, or their carbon-12-carbon-13 ratio could be off. This would be detectable through mass spectrometry of their tissue. But there were too many variables for that method, so we thought we'd try detecting a fine structure constant variation.

Speaker 4:
[52:55] That's interesting.

Speaker 1:
[52:56] Hi, my name is Caspar, and I work at the DMV.

Speaker 4:
[52:58] If your origin universe has even slightly different fundamental constants, atoms in your body would emit light at different wavelengths.

Speaker 1:
[53:06] Like, I'd glow in the dark or something?

Speaker 4:
[53:09] It wouldn't be visible to the naked eye.

Speaker 3:
[53:11] But it might be if we hit you with a spectrometer.

Speaker 1:
[53:14] Okay, so you're shining a blacklight on me.

Speaker 3:
[53:16] Essentially. I'm going to bombard you with harmless isotopes.

Speaker 1:
[53:19] Sure, it wouldn't be the first time.

Speaker 3:
[53:20] What do you think, ma'am? Is she on glass of wine number one or number two?

Speaker 1:
[53:25] Number two, we're good.

Speaker 3:
[53:26] Great.

Speaker 4:
[53:27] Nice work, you two. Light them up.

Speaker 3:
[53:29] Here we go.

Speaker 2:
[53:31] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[53:32] Hopefully, this is what Finlay transforms me into a superhero.

Speaker 3:
[53:36] Powering up.

Speaker 1:
[53:42] Captain Isotope.

Speaker 3:
[53:44] Hold still.

Speaker 1:
[53:45] Doctor Spectrometer. I'm closing my eyes. I've closed my eyes. Can anyone tell me what's happening?

Speaker 4:
[54:00] You're glowing.

Speaker 5:
[54:03] Really?

Speaker 2:
[54:05] Oh shit.

Speaker 1:
[54:07] I am glowing. What does that mean?

Speaker 3:
[54:10] That means it worked.

Speaker 2:
[54:12] Awesome.

Speaker 1:
[54:14] Phil, look at me. It's like the end of Close Encounters. Come into my ship.

Speaker 4:
[54:20] Shut it off. Hello, Caspar.

Speaker 1:
[54:31] Hey, Philomena.

Speaker 4:
[54:34] Well, what the fuck do we do now?

Speaker 2:
[54:38] I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[54:41] But I have to get back to the diner.

Speaker 4:
[54:45] You want me to return you to one specific universe, in an ocean of infinite universes?

Speaker 2:
[54:53] Um, yeah.

Speaker 4:
[54:55] I don't know how to do that.

Speaker 12:
[54:58] Security alert.

Speaker 4:
[55:03] God damn it. What is this now?

Speaker 3:
[55:06] One moment, ma'am.

Speaker 4:
[55:06] Where is security?

Speaker 3:
[55:07] We're checking, ma'am.

Speaker 1:
[55:08] What's going on?

Speaker 4:
[55:08] We've always got somebody trying to get on campus to have a little moment of protest.

Speaker 1:
[55:13] They're protesting you saving the world.

Speaker 4:
[55:15] They're protesting me eliminating their jobs and overlooking the saving the world part.

Speaker 1:
[55:20] They must love their jobs.

Speaker 4:
[55:21] They don't.

Speaker 3:
[55:22] I can't seem to contact security.

Speaker 4:
[55:24] Why not?

Speaker 3:
[55:24] We're not sure. They won't answer. We're contacting the police.

Speaker 1:
[55:26] Since we're being invaded, can somebody let me out of the terrarium?

Speaker 4:
[55:29] You'll be fine.

Speaker 3:
[55:30] You're safer in there than anywhere on earth.

Speaker 4:
[55:32] Nothing can get through that glass.

Speaker 1:
[55:34] I'd still kind of like to get out of here.

Speaker 7:
[55:37] Caspar, relax.

Speaker 4:
[55:39] Whoever they are, they'll be gone in a few minutes.

Speaker 3:
[55:41] Ma'am.

Speaker 4:
[55:42] What is it?

Speaker 3:
[55:43] Our security detail appears to be gone.

Speaker 4:
[55:47] Gone? What do you mean?

Speaker 3:
[55:49] We're checking security feeds all over the building. We don't see them.

Speaker 4:
[55:52] Where did they go?

Speaker 3:
[55:53] We're not sure.

Speaker 4:
[55:54] They can't have just disappeared.

Speaker 1:
[55:56] Yes, they could have.

Speaker 4:
[55:58] What are you talking about?

Speaker 1:
[55:59] Roll back the security footage right before the alarm went off.

Speaker 4:
[56:02] Caspar.

Speaker 1:
[56:03] Sadly, I wasn't joking about anything that I said to you.

Speaker 3:
[56:05] Ma'am.

Speaker 4:
[56:06] What?

Speaker 3:
[56:06] This is the footage from right before the alarm went off.

Speaker 4:
[56:12] Who the hell are they?

Speaker 1:
[56:15] Shit.

Speaker 4:
[56:15] Who are they?

Speaker 1:
[56:16] The bad guys.

Speaker 4:
[56:17] The what?

Speaker 1:
[56:17] Where are they now?

Speaker 3:
[56:18] Checking. They're right outside of this room. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[56:21] You guys need to go. Right now.

Speaker 3:
[56:22] Ma'am, we're going to handle this. You must stay in this room.

Speaker 1:
[56:25] Wait.

Speaker 3:
[56:25] The police will be here soon. Do not leave this room.

Speaker 1:
[56:27] Wait. Their weapons aren't what you think they are.

Speaker 4:
[56:30] What are their weapons?

Speaker 1:
[56:31] I told you, I wasn't kidding. They're temporal displacement weapons. It doesn't matter how bulletproof you are.

Speaker 4:
[56:36] What do they want you for?

Speaker 1:
[56:37] To kill me, I imagine.

Speaker 3:
[56:40] Disarm yourselves and wait for the authorities to arrive. This will be your only warning.

Speaker 1:
[56:54] God damn it!

Speaker 4:
[56:55] They're gone.

Speaker 1:
[56:55] What did I tell you?

Speaker 4:
[56:56] We have to get out of here.

Speaker 3:
[56:57] Bill?

Speaker 4:
[56:57] I'm opening the glass. We need to leave now.

Speaker 1:
[56:59] Bill, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 4:
[57:00] Why?

Speaker 1:
[57:01] They can be anywhere they want. You need to leave, though. They're just here for me.

Speaker 4:
[57:05] Why are they here for you?

Speaker 1:
[57:06] Please don't make my last words on this earth be me explaining a ridiculous story to you. Get out of here. They'll be gone as soon as I'm gone.

Speaker 4:
[57:17] Caspar!

Speaker 3:
[57:38] Ah, who the hell are these assholes? I had an idle moment and decided to check in on you, and damn dude.

Speaker 1:
[57:48] Right?

Speaker 3:
[57:48] Why are you in a glass box? And why is it made of me?

Speaker 2:
[57:52] X, look around.

Speaker 7:
[57:57] Holy shit.

Speaker 3:
[58:02] I'm back.

Speaker 5:
[58:03] Welcome home.

Speaker 4:
[58:05] One?

Speaker 11:
[58:19] Welcome back, San Francisco. McKenzie Dunna coming at you with some breaking news. As you know, there's a lot of tech companies here in the Bay Area doing all sorts of amazing things, but none of them more amazing than Imelda and Scott International Tech and its CEO, Philomena Scott. Their technologies are set to change the world as we know it, but there have been quite a few conspiracy theories about Dr. Scott and her company. Those conspiracy theories went into high gear last night when there were reports of the police being called to the campus of ISIT and then promptly turned away by the CEO herself. In an effort to quash these rumors, the CEO was gracious enough to call in today. Philomena, thank you for being with us this morning.

Speaker 4:
[59:17] Good morning.

Speaker 11:
[59:18] So, after an emergency notification was sent to local SFPD last night, they arrived to find you at the front gate, letting them know it was a false alarm and there was nothing to worry about.

Speaker 4:
[59:32] That's right, McKenzie. We were testing some new security protocols last night and a proximity alert was accidentally tripped.

Speaker 11:
[59:41] Oh, which is completely understandable, but there are some rather strange accounts we're hearing. People walking by your campus last night reported to police that they saw, I'm going to quote here, a man falling out a tenth story window and plummeting to his death. Those reports happened right around the time the police were alerted to the security breach, and it's raising some eyebrows.

Speaker 4:
[60:11] McKenzie, I can't speak to the strange accounts from random people on the street. We allowed police full access to our facility last night, and they found no evidence of anything like that happening. Anything outside of a mistaken security alert is just more of the rumor-mongering nonsense that has followed this company around for the past several years.

Speaker 11:
[60:36] Fair enough. Are you afraid that incidents such as this will be used by your competitors to discredit your company at such a crucial time?

Speaker 4:
[60:47] I would be, McKenzie, but luckily for me, I don't have any competitors.

Speaker 11:
[60:54] I love that confidence. Thanks for being with us today, Philomena.

Speaker 4:
[60:59] Of course. Jesus Christ. Hello?

Speaker 1:
[61:12] So, it's finally happened. You've started throwing your employees off the roof.

Speaker 4:
[61:15] Caspar, can this wait?

Speaker 1:
[61:17] Please say it was because they messed up your coffee order.

Speaker 4:
[61:19] Could you possibly call to poke fun at me some other time?

Speaker 1:
[61:22] Sorry, this was my only free time this week. It'll have to be now.

Speaker 4:
[61:25] You've got a busy week of grading middle school essays on the Magna Carta.

Speaker 1:
[61:29] Hey, middle school history essays are stirring, Philomena. It's the smartest they'll ever get without any cynicism added to the mix.

Speaker 4:
[61:38] All right, well, thanks for calling.

Speaker 1:
[61:40] Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hey, I wasn't just calling to make fun of the most powerful person on the planet.

Speaker 4:
[61:45] Stop calling me that.

Speaker 1:
[61:46] Look, David has an art gallery showing coming up.

Speaker 4:
[61:52] He does?

Speaker 2:
[61:53] Yeah, you should come.

Speaker 4:
[61:54] How does a street artist have an art gallery showing?

Speaker 1:
[61:57] I have no idea. You should come to the showing.

Speaker 4:
[62:01] Does he want me to come to the showing?

Speaker 1:
[62:03] He would love for you to be there.

Speaker 4:
[62:05] Caspar.

Speaker 1:
[62:06] Okay, I'm going rogue a little bit. He seems to think that you wouldn't show up, but I'm here calling you anyway because I think that you both would secretly like it and then you would both publicly hate me for it.

Speaker 7:
[62:22] Uh...

Speaker 4:
[62:23] Caspar, I cannot tell you how bad of a time this is for me.

Speaker 1:
[62:27] Because you're busy throwing people off the roof?

Speaker 7:
[62:29] Yes.

Speaker 2:
[62:29] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[62:31] I'm going to send you this information, and I want you to think about it, okay? Don't let any of the mechanized minions take it off your schedule. It's in Baltimore. The gallery is called Through Salt.

Speaker 4:
[62:45] Through Salt? What does that mean? I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[62:48] I don't know, Art.

Speaker 4:
[62:50] I'll think about it.

Speaker 1:
[62:51] Phil, according to you, the whole world is about to change. Come do something normal for a minute. One last normal-ass thing before we're all living in the future.

Speaker 4:
[63:05] I'll think about it.

Speaker 2:
[63:07] Okay.

Speaker 1:
[63:09] Happy roof tossing.

Speaker 4:
[63:10] Goodbye.

Speaker 3:
[63:19] So, the kids are getting really big.

Speaker 7:
[63:22] The kids are getting big.

Speaker 3:
[63:24] Shell's getting big. We've got BritWords, Megan With an H, Penny Sparkles, Pistachio Inc., Aaron James Tyrone Barlow, the first of his name, and Little Eliana.

Speaker 1:
[63:40] I'm guessing you came up with Penny Sparkles.

Speaker 3:
[63:42] Yeah, that was me.

Speaker 1:
[63:43] So, you just wake up in the morning and water the children?

Speaker 3:
[63:48] Well, it was easy at first because apparently with tree people, the kids stay rooted in the ground for the first year. But now, they're mobile and they're running around and it's a lot.

Speaker 4:
[64:04] Hello?

Speaker 1:
[64:05] Hey, hey, how did it go?

Speaker 4:
[64:12] Fine. It should be fine.

Speaker 2:
[64:15] Great.

Speaker 1:
[64:20] I'm sorry about your security, guys. And about Two and Three, I really had no idea they would try and hunt me down. X is telling me that she thinks Two and Three are gonna be okay.

Speaker 3:
[64:36] If they're made anything like me, they can handle all sorts of punishment.

Speaker 1:
[64:42] So they may be floating out there in space somewhere, but they're gonna be fine. Um, your security detail, on the other hand, it's not looking good for them.

Speaker 3:
[65:03] Sadly, no.

Speaker 4:
[65:07] The security detail were all androids as well.

Speaker 5:
[65:11] They were?

Speaker 2:
[65:13] Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[65:16] Okay, that's better.

Speaker 3:
[65:19] I mean, there's now a bunch of super powerful androids out there floating through space, trying to figure out what's going on.

Speaker 1:
[65:31] Right. Right. Which is better than being dead.

Speaker 3:
[65:36] Sure. I mean, honestly, I'm a little jealous. There's so much self-discovery in their future.

Speaker 1:
[65:43] Yeah. It sounds like fun to me. Phil, were there any actual human beings working with you in this building? Was everyone here an android that you made?

Speaker 3:
[66:11] Hey Caspar, I think maybe mom and I need to talk alone for a minute.

Speaker 1:
[66:19] Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll just, you know, I'll be in my aquarium, okay?

Speaker 7:
[66:27] Great.

Speaker 4:
[66:33] So, you're taking care of trees?

Speaker 3:
[66:40] Well, it's a race of tree people. They're alive. They're just more like plants than they are like you and Caspar.

Speaker 4:
[66:52] How did you end up doing that?

Speaker 3:
[66:55] It, it felt like the right thing to do. Turns out I'm incredibly powerful, mom. Being powerful left me at a loss. Turns out being powerful is, well, it's meaningless. I needed it to mean something. So I decided to take care of others.

Speaker 4:
[67:34] You weren't supposed to function. I was just throwing ideas together.

Speaker 3:
[67:40] Turns out I function. Turns out I function way past what you were expecting.

Speaker 4:
[67:48] Can you really do all of the things that Caspar says you can do?

Speaker 2:
[67:54] Sure. Fuck!

Speaker 4:
[67:58] Hello?

Speaker 3:
[68:00] Come over here.

Speaker 4:
[68:08] What is that?

Speaker 3:
[68:08] Do you read Ancient Greek?

Speaker 4:
[68:11] No.

Speaker 3:
[68:11] Okay. This is the Myrmidons by a guy named Aeschylus.

Speaker 4:
[68:17] Why did you bring me this?

Speaker 3:
[68:18] Well, this is a script for a play. A script that doesn't exist anymore. It burned in a fire in the Library of Alexandria. I just went and grabbed it. Just now. I'm sure you can have it tested somehow. Though at this point, I'm not sure how you can call anything unbelievable.

Speaker 4:
[68:49] How the hell did I make you?

Speaker 3:
[68:53] You only did part of it. The rest was chance and circumstance and encounters with the unknown. All those things made me like anyone else.

Speaker 4:
[69:10] You're not like anyone else.

Speaker 3:
[69:12] Well, neither are you. Neither is anybody. I just happened to come out like this. Mom, you had no idea what you were making. I mean, does anyone ever really know what they're making?

Speaker 4:
[69:29] I...

Speaker 2:
[69:31] Look. Okay.

Speaker 3:
[69:34] I can totally come back some other time and hang out and talk and catch up and all that.

Speaker 8:
[69:40] I would love, love that.

Speaker 3:
[69:46] Right now, though, those guys are still chasing Caspar, and they are not going to stop. So we've got to figure out how to get him out of here. And not just out of here. There's really only one place he'll be safe.

Speaker 4:
[70:07] You're beautiful.

Speaker 2:
[70:10] Oh.

Speaker 3:
[70:13] Thank you.

Speaker 7:
[70:17] Okay. Okay.

Speaker 4:
[70:20] Let's get started.

Speaker 7:
[70:22] Okay.

Speaker 2:
[70:23] Okay.

Speaker 3:
[70:24] We're good.

Speaker 1:
[70:27] Here we go.

Speaker 4:
[70:28] I don't even know how to talk about this.

Speaker 1:
[70:31] I know. I've got this friend that I'm trying to get back to. When things like this happen, she likes to say, what's the real thing that's happening? The real thing is, I need to get out of here. Let's ignore the weirdness and just focus on that.

Speaker 4:
[70:49] Really? Yes. So you want me to focus on the incredibly normal situation of trying to find the exact place in an infinite multiverse to return you to.

Speaker 5:
[70:59] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[71:00] Just focus on that.

Speaker 4:
[71:02] It's impossible.

Speaker 1:
[71:03] I know.

Speaker 3:
[71:03] I could do it.

Speaker 5:
[71:05] What?

Speaker 4:
[71:06] You could? Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[71:08] How?

Speaker 3:
[71:10] You know, I just go there.

Speaker 4:
[71:16] You just go there? Yeah.

Speaker 3:
[71:19] What?

Speaker 1:
[71:19] The problem is, she can't take anyone with her.

Speaker 3:
[71:22] Right. I can only travel by myself.

Speaker 4:
[71:23] But you can just go to exactly where Caspar needs you to go.

Speaker 3:
[71:27] Sure.

Speaker 4:
[71:28] Okay. Maybe if I can analyze where in your matrices you're able to navigate in space-time. I don't know.

Speaker 1:
[71:37] X, what is this?

Speaker 3:
[71:38] What?

Speaker 1:
[71:39] This scroll thing.

Speaker 3:
[71:40] Oh, I needed to prove to Mom that I could do what I do, and so I went and got a scroll from the Library of Alexandria.

Speaker 1:
[71:48] Right, as one does, but X, what is this?

Speaker 3:
[71:53] It's a... Hang on.

Speaker 1:
[71:57] You brought a thing with you.

Speaker 3:
[71:59] I brought a thing with me.

Speaker 1:
[72:00] You just said you're not able to do that.

Speaker 3:
[72:02] I'm not able to do that.

Speaker 1:
[72:04] How did you do that?

Speaker 3:
[72:05] How did I do that?

Speaker 1:
[72:08] Wait a minute.

Speaker 3:
[72:09] Wait a minute.

Speaker 1:
[72:10] Wait.

Speaker 3:
[72:10] Wait.

Speaker 1:
[72:11] Are you reading my mind right now?

Speaker 3:
[72:12] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[72:13] Right?

Speaker 3:
[72:13] Yes.

Speaker 1:
[72:14] We were on the Capitol steps.

Speaker 3:
[72:16] I had just fought Clementine.

Speaker 1:
[72:17] I gave you a letter.

Speaker 3:
[72:19] And I delivered it to Tarek.

Speaker 1:
[72:20] In Medieval Jerusalem.

Speaker 3:
[72:22] Have I been able to take things with me the whole time?

Speaker 1:
[72:25] I don't know.

Speaker 3:
[72:26] Should we try it?

Speaker 1:
[72:27] I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[72:28] Hang on.

Speaker 2:
[72:28] Stop.

Speaker 4:
[72:29] What are we talking about?

Speaker 3:
[72:31] I was able to travel with the scroll right now. Why don't I just tuck Caspar under my arm and get out of here?

Speaker 1:
[72:38] Piggyback ride.

Speaker 4:
[72:39] Hang on.

Speaker 3:
[72:40] This was easy.

Speaker 4:
[72:40] Hang on. I don't think you should do that. Well, why not? Caspar isn't Papyrus.

Speaker 1:
[72:48] That's true. I can confirm I am not Papyrus.

Speaker 3:
[72:51] But what does Papyrus have to do with anything?

Speaker 4:
[72:53] It's an inanimate object. We can't ask it how it's feeling right now.

Speaker 1:
[72:58] It seems to be fine.

Speaker 4:
[72:59] You're talking about subjecting a human mind to traveling through space, time and dimension like you do.

Speaker 3:
[73:06] Yeah.

Speaker 4:
[73:07] You don't have a human mind. You don't know how hard it would be on him. It could scramble him entirely.

Speaker 3:
[73:13] I mean, he's traveled like that about a billion times.

Speaker 4:
[73:16] Just like you do? It's the exact same process?

Speaker 3:
[73:20] I don't know.

Speaker 4:
[73:21] Just because it's easy for you, doesn't mean it's going to be easy for him.

Speaker 3:
[73:26] Well, damn, Caspar. Why do you have to be so fragile?

Speaker 1:
[73:30] I'm like a Fabergé egg.

Speaker 4:
[73:32] This is something, though. There's something for us to work with. Hang on!

Speaker 1:
[73:39] Stand back, she's thinking.

Speaker 4:
[73:43] We'd need a vessel of some kind. If we could put him inside of some sort of protective bubble, that might do it. So, imagine it like this. We build a trans-dimensional motorboat with X here as the outboard motor. That way, within the boat, the laws of reality stay the same while everything changes around him.

Speaker 1:
[74:06] A motorboat.

Speaker 3:
[74:07] Got it.

Speaker 1:
[74:08] Cool. Let's do that.

Speaker 3:
[74:09] Let's build a motorboat.

Speaker 4:
[74:11] One problem. Actually, several problems.

Speaker 1:
[74:15] What?

Speaker 4:
[74:15] I don't know what I'm doing. Theoretical physics isn't my field.

Speaker 1:
[74:19] I thought your magical crystalline stuff could become whatever you wanted it to be.

Speaker 4:
[74:23] Only if I know what the thing is. I don't know how to make something like this. And I'm not familiar enough with the concepts that surround it. I'm sure there are people who are, but there's no way in hell I'd be able to explain this situation to them.

Speaker 2:
[74:39] Right. Okay.

Speaker 1:
[74:45] Let me ask you this. Does your company...

Speaker 15:
[75:34] So this is Utopia, huh?

Speaker 10:
[75:42] What is?

Speaker 15:
[75:48] Right now.

Speaker 10:
[75:53] What?

Speaker 15:
[75:59] Utopia. Right here. Here? Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[76:22] Oh.

Speaker 10:
[76:24] In my office?

Speaker 15:
[76:25] Oh, not, no, not here, like, the world.

Speaker 10:
[76:30] The fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 15:
[76:32] Have you been keeping up on current events at all?

Speaker 10:
[76:34] I was supposed to be doing that.

Speaker 15:
[76:37] No? Single Structure Crystalline Adaptive is what it's called.

Speaker 10:
[76:44] Oh, I read that paper.

Speaker 15:
[76:46] You did?

Speaker 2:
[76:48] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[76:50] That was, like, ten years ago.

Speaker 15:
[76:53] Well, it works.

Speaker 10:
[76:54] Oh, yeah?

Speaker 2:
[76:55] Yeah.

Speaker 15:
[76:57] Here it comes.

Speaker 10:
[77:06] And how is that Utopia?

Speaker 15:
[77:08] Hmm, well apparently, it's gonna eliminate energy scarcity, housing shortages, and let's scrolling down here. Oh, everything else.

Speaker 10:
[77:24] Everything else? Uh-huh. What's everybody gonna do?

Speaker 15:
[77:41] Well, I guess I'll just do the thing they want to do.

Speaker 10:
[77:45] I'm already doing the thing I want to do.

Speaker 2:
[77:48] Right.

Speaker 13:
[77:50] Me too.

Speaker 15:
[77:53] I guess we just keep doing that, and then also we won't need money.

Speaker 10:
[77:59] But I can already afford everything.

Speaker 2:
[78:05] Wow.

Speaker 15:
[78:06] Academia really is disconnected from the real world, isn't it?

Speaker 10:
[78:13] I guess so. Wait, so people are just gonna do whatever they want now?

Speaker 15:
[78:27] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[78:39] Is that why there's been a spike in enrollment for the science college?

Speaker 15:
[78:43] Oh, yeah, there's been a mass exodus from the business school apparently. Like supply and demand is like not really a thing anymore, and that's like their whole gig, so.

Speaker 2:
[78:54] Ha, wow.

Speaker 10:
[79:01] So what you're telling me is it's Utopia now. And we have more students.

Speaker 2:
[79:18] Yes.

Speaker 10:
[79:23] So, in Utopia, our jobs have gotten harder?

Speaker 2:
[79:29] Correct.

Speaker 10:
[79:35] So Utopia sucks, then.

Speaker 15:
[79:37] Looks like it, yeah.

Speaker 2:
[79:39] Yeah.

Speaker 10:
[79:41] Huh.

Speaker 15:
[79:42] Not so disconnected from the real world now, are we?

Speaker 10:
[79:46] Nope.

Speaker 15:
[79:52] Should we go celebrate? Like, have a few drinks before we have to go get fitted for our matching Utopia jumpsuits?

Speaker 10:
[80:00] Well, now, you didn't tell me there'd be jumpsuits.

Speaker 15:
[80:05] I think there will be.

Speaker 10:
[80:07] I'm warming up to it now. Belt it?

Speaker 15:
[80:09] Yeah, you tie the sleeves around your waist on hot days.

Speaker 10:
[80:13] Not that there will be any more hot days.

Speaker 15:
[80:16] Because Utopia. Right.

Speaker 10:
[80:26] I'm in.

Speaker 15:
[80:26] Me too.

Speaker 10:
[80:40] Can I help you?

Speaker 15:
[80:42] Who's this guy?

Speaker 1:
[80:43] Hey, Marguerite's here.

Speaker 15:
[80:44] Yes, she is. Who are you?

Speaker 1:
[80:48] I'm Caspar.

Speaker 10:
[80:50] Caspar, are you lost?

Speaker 1:
[80:54] So lost.

Speaker 10:
[80:57] Did you try asking my assistant for directions?

Speaker 1:
[81:01] Oh, there's nobody out there.

Speaker 10:
[81:04] Utopia.

Speaker 15:
[81:06] What are you looking for, Caspar?

Speaker 1:
[81:08] Nothing, actually. Uh, I need your help.

Speaker 10:
[81:13] Help with what?

Speaker 1:
[81:17] Um, I need you to help me make a motorboat.

Speaker 9:
[81:26] What? Good evening.

Speaker 6:
[81:47] Hello, David.

Speaker 9:
[81:49] How are you?

Speaker 6:
[81:51] I'm still here. How are you?

Speaker 9:
[81:55] I am also still here.

Speaker 6:
[81:59] What have you got there?

Speaker 9:
[82:01] I have brought you dinner.

Speaker 6:
[82:04] Dinner? David, all my nutrition is intravenous now.

Speaker 9:
[82:09] Yes, but Kazi is feeling better, and she's having ideas.

Speaker 6:
[82:13] Oh, good.

Speaker 9:
[82:15] She's worried that if you go too long without solid food, your body will forget how to digest it.

Speaker 6:
[82:20] So what am I supposed to do now?

Speaker 9:
[82:23] She has created these nutrient-dense cubes.

Speaker 6:
[82:28] Cubes?

Speaker 9:
[82:29] Yes. You're supposed to eat one per day.

Speaker 6:
[82:36] They don't look very appetizing.

Speaker 9:
[82:38] No, they don't.

Speaker 6:
[82:41] What do you suppose they taste like?

Speaker 9:
[82:43] Oh, I bet they taste real bad.

Speaker 6:
[82:46] Great. Is that them over there?

Speaker 9:
[82:48] Bon appétit.

Speaker 2:
[82:50] David.

Speaker 6:
[82:53] How are you doing?

Speaker 9:
[82:54] I'm all right. Karaoke Night in the mess hall has been a big hit. We've got to get you down there.

Speaker 6:
[83:00] Okay.

Speaker 9:
[83:00] I'm thinking Mary J. Blige for you.

Speaker 6:
[83:03] David.

Speaker 9:
[83:04] No more drama. I'm all right.

Speaker 6:
[83:11] He's coming back, David.

Speaker 9:
[83:15] I appreciate that. I really do. But there comes a point when you've got to look at everything for what it is. You've got to accept. You've got to grow up.

Speaker 6:
[83:29] You know, my whole world is sound. I don't look up at the stars. I listen to them. When I see you, I'm only seeing the sound that echoes around you. I notice things that other people don't.

Speaker 9:
[83:49] Things like what?

Speaker 6:
[83:51] When I rejoined the diner after all those years, something was different. The sound it makes. You'd barely notice it, but I could hear it.

Speaker 9:
[84:02] No, I could swear I was hearing something.

Speaker 6:
[84:06] Play Broad Analysis X1. Hear it?

Speaker 9:
[84:16] I don't know.

Speaker 6:
[84:17] Strip primary layer.

Speaker 9:
[84:23] What is that?

Speaker 6:
[84:24] Isolate thread one and D interlace.

Speaker 9:
[84:38] That's a kitchen.

Speaker 6:
[84:39] Gloria. Isolate. Thread 2 and D interlace.

Speaker 9:
[84:53] The mucklewains.

Speaker 6:
[84:54] Isolate thread three and compress.

Speaker 9:
[85:06] What is that?

Speaker 6:
[85:07] That's a tough one. That is the radio signature for Sagittarius A star, a supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way.

Speaker 9:
[85:17] Ava!

Speaker 6:
[85:18] Isolate thread four, decompress and invert.

Speaker 9:
[85:38] Leif sings this song to himself sometimes.

Speaker 6:
[85:41] That's right. And then finally, isolate final thread, amplify and compress.

Speaker 9:
[86:07] Oh my fucking god. What does this mean?

Speaker 6:
[86:10] Return to full spread. They're a part of it now. It won't let them down.

Speaker 13:
[87:20] Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more Adventures in the Vastness.

Speaker 14:
[87:27] And if time and tide royal you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for it.

Speaker 13:
[87:42] We open at six.

Speaker 1:
[87:43] Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Wilson, Billy, Burt Burt, Bethany, Second Bethany, Sandalwood Mountain, East Coast Branch, Wren, Christie the Chaos Coordinator, Luna Anzul, Joshua Baker, Grant Blackburn, Charles Starkey, Dragon, Silent J, Geo, Goose's little brother, aka Buzz Baleb, blunderer of the benefactor's bonds, K Man, Mimosa, David Obanian, Polter Green, Zuzu Myers, Carmen L. Seven, Live on the Under Signal, Flat Dug with the Weather, Logan Shepherd, Dizzy Mist Lizzie, Mostly Harmless Alien, Kayla Schoom, Right Behind You, Gonzalo Martins, World's Largest Ball of String, Bucky Chipmunk Reminds You That You Lost the Game, Rich Mays, Samuel LeFeu, Hestedyn Neprotham, Flash Cards, A&K, Nicole Dyke, Arresting Place for Weary Beans, Shane Hopkins, Juniperb with the Backwards Knees, Even the Between Hour, Two-Faced Janice, Zez Maldo, The Original Penguin, Slight Burn, Scooter, Worshipper of the Seven Cat Gods, Kelsey Manette, Amethyst Dragon with Tiger Eyes, Martel McKinney, Spitboy the Spit Guy, He Spits, Ice Queen, Laser Girl and the Nurse, Where Are Our Oars, Caddy B, Andrea Williams, Go Ask Alice, Wes Kester Saves the World, Valen's Three Cats Stacked Atop Each Other Wielding a Plasma Gun, Jeffrey, Purple Nurple Nullifier, Scam Likely, Oops Wrong Podcast, Reapers Past, Late Indeed Again, Rex Cricket and Frankie, Brigitte, Spadius, Squiddy, the Frost Hunt Scientific Collective, Two of Us Have PhDs and the Third Has Memorized All of Ava's Dialogue, APO, Cartman Scooter, ZZ9 Plural Z Alphen, Robin Smith, Eleven Letter Christopher, Ronald Lee Parker, Sus Squatch, Antonia Ortiz, A Block of Ice, Maritza Andrade, Mailman That Hates Your Tiny Mailbox, Ren the Crescent, Erica Davis, Jane Doe, John Gormanshire, Lord Drez, Solaris Nova, Sandalwood Mountain North, Cryptic Amorphous, About 45 Degrees, Mandy, Big Cat Makes Kitten Go Purr, Ted Ted and Teddy, Bethany Who Showed Up Late to the War and Decided to Eat Pinecones with the Mungo, Michelle Parker Berry, Don't Actually Say This Part of My Name, Just Say My Name Please, Dr. LL. Your Jamaican Fan Says Wa-Gwan, Raptors in the Kitchen, People Died, Tula Blue and 142 Boogaloo, Pistol Pete and Death Lotion, Intergalactic Trans-Dimensional Burger Pirate, Ace Spades, Debbie Trencher, That One Dude Who Likes Tacos, Mark You Gotta Contact Us About Your Username Man, I'm Not Saying All That, The Male Escort, Lady Bethany AKA. Mrs. Turkey Spit, Steve, Jr. Barting, The Father of Lucas, Ava Maddox's Ashtray, Adorbies, Vera Torkelson, Bones, Lizard Breath and The Snot Rocket Would Love a Space Burger, Andrea Rose, Samantha Orem, Emyler, Kaden Suda, Bat Loves Dragon, Tommy Johnson, Unhip Fern, David Sosa, Noodles by Godzilla, Ralph Capone, Corey83, Blues, Liz Wants Laif to Build Her A Plane, Dude Named Blake, John Caleb Williams, Dois Lexia, Yontalius, Kian, An Eel Exchange Student from Midst, Dapper T Last Name, Rattrick, Ricklin, Like Rich Land But Without the D, Dyer, All Bethany's Must Do the Hustle, Brad Sturrock, Natasha Without Boris, Frost and Alice, Lobster Possum, Known, Coyote Mike is on the run from the Bethany's and is looking for the Resistance. Not a Who, but a What Archivist, A Mostly Morose Ghost Eating Toast, Haliander, Love You Kiddo, Mallort Boy, Jinx the Cat Would Like to Offer You Biscuits, Have a Zesty Day, Megan, Malcolm Edwards, Spend My Money Irresponsibly, Steven Drop, Dana Thanielson, Son of Dana Thaniel or Danny for short, Chris Eaton, Cross Stitcher Who Loves the Hobby and Time Travel, Funchbrunglin, Nash Likes Apples, Newyord Flanders Says Marry Decibloat Burgerino's, Pneumatic Yeti, Late Trucker, The Eldritch Skyphazoa, Watt Fryhover, Paul, James Bell, Dave Davison, Broom Goddess, Theodore and the Sons of Ted, Ricky Burnett, That New Guy, Aimsiety, Da Savage Indian, Radboy, Hayden Brown, Grey Craniac, Jules Weeks, Calf, The Generous Patient Rose, John Wilkes Booth's Freedom Loving Horse, aka Jay Willikers, Mr. Ratskirt, The Emo Sigma Lightworker, Neckbone, His Imperial Dude-ness, Oh Hey, It's Jay, Lou the Ghost, Cinder and Beast of the Maze are in the Deep Freeze, Grim, Off the Internet wants Harriet to know that he loves her, Ernie Brooks, Titan King 707, Rich Francis, Burger Kaspaspa, No Relation, Jedi Shao Lin, Smart Alec the Great, Gas Station Cryptid, Elsewhere in the Multiverse, Shane drives an infinite loop through the Baldwin Hills and he's avoiding the oil field murder house, Deus Kashk, Bird Bird the Bird's Bird, Cheesy McFish, Papa Goose, Sometimes I Do Feel Like a Plastic Bag, Very Spicy Walrus, Amanda Bills, Misty Word Power, Caspar's Danish Moose, Flacco aka Johnny R the Disco Spider, The Missile Wains against Ted, Vicky Abert, Pike Daniels, The Cosmic Whale, Zansatsu, Mr. and Mrs. Van Limberlost, Murdoch Wang, Caterpillar Farmer, Joe Fisher's sexy sick voice will not deter the Monte Cristo Peace Committee from investigating his Bethany war crimes, Chimera, Don Moat, The Space Trucker Chadwick Conan Doyle III, Jodie Green, Nix Minx, Monster Senshi, Heather Needs a Divorce, Michael Peters, Political Knitter, Seasonal Sasquatch, Silently Seeks Secret Society, So Special Souls Softly Sing Sweet Songs, Smartly Stirring Strong Stories, Physicist, Brendan Schoenman, I Divided by Zero and Now I Am Undefined, Ahhhhh! Lafe, The Horse Is Here, Mag Tremor, Rod Stewart, The Sailor Slayer, James Wee-Met, The Listless Enjoyer, Emily Catterton, Ash Morningstar and Her Traveling Animal Shelter, Miss Maxine, Error 404, Patron Not Found, Quantum Dozer, Boy Got Them Honka Honkers, Kevin O'Malley, Invisible Gariya, The Mrs. Poland, Zemaniac, Lord Axton Shares the Realm with Lady Sparkle, Hop Loves a Thugbot Named Francis, Pam the Infinite, And Thou, Revolutionary Inclined Ocelot, Matt Howler, Andrew Bear, Marius Dejoa, Butterfly Fox, Riot the Tranny, Congregation of Alligators Wearing Groucho Glasses, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's Right Hand Jack and the Box Man, G-A-L-D-I-N, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Caldrak and Thoselese Bethany Maximus, Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Shua the Druid is composting the rich for a salad bar, Araman 0305, Leif is my role model, Jim Weathers, Titus Koslov, Ashes of a Burnt Out Leif, I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the Wind, Brandon AR aka Thor wants to say I love you all because he first loved us. Also, Libuza's voice is so very beautiful. The Intergalactic House of Cats demand a free Palestine. Electromancer, Chekhov's Space Cannon, Corey Censis, Surf and Turf Telecoms, Ima Jinn, Red and Dusty with his garden goddess, Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Rave Hands Mallie, G-Wing, Frank One, Figgy Aloysius and the Unimoonies featuring Milo Kappa Kaiju. I'm just here to refill the Parmesan cheese. It is Sparx, Fugnut, formerly Damn Scrub, Lost Girl Lou, Christopher Byrum, Middle American Penguin, Shanna Welch, Crocheted Cosmos, Cookie Chunks, Ya Heard, Andy and the Celestial Penguin, Bunny Homan, Leif's Bathrobe, Misty Love Bug, Bo Nunley, Ariana Castillo, the Eurasian Goss Hawk that portends great change, Lita Medinger, Marco, Lethargic God, Friend as in Your Best, Lime Ghost, M, Icky Blurrgs, J, the Erasable, The Magic Committee, Committee of Anything Magical, Honor Abare, Ian Full, 345 Uneducated Swine Learning to Swing Dance, Nova the Fuck Accountant, One Intergalactic Year with Big Potato 99, aka The Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-47, Kai, Just a Little Guy, Ender Wright, Mark Nazowaritz, Xenia, the Capturer of Light, Mucklewang, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Michalak, Greg Andrews-Lyons, In Memory of Jason Rice, Get Your Butt-Fingered, That Girl Gracie, Magnus von Caffenheim, Saucy Little Beast, Andrew Height, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Anazi, Lord of Stories, Tom, Donnie Darko, Tom Shen, Caitlin and C.T.'s Never Ending Podcast Adventures, Whisper Dan, Keo the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator, Ruby Cherries, Nick Faye, Buttholen, Jason and Andy Triplett, Jen Sims, Pen Pen, Ring to the Motaz, The Leathermans, Luke Warm Fart, Odd Commodity, Jen Before, Ander Ho. Aren't you a bit old to be making podcasts? Earth Witch, Leia Prime, Gregory Santoro, Mothmal, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapisa, Dimension Spanning Time Traveling Little Guy, E.O.No, Jonathan Tolbert, MrPut-It-On-06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, Jay the Podcast Lover, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, Damn Glad to Meet You, Malcolm Flynn, Samuel Lee, Jositron Prime, Oh My God, I forgot to change my name from Nicholas Beckler to something more cheeky and fun, Arwin the Freer, Throatgoat666, I Am Your Father, Addy Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Redrum916, Nick Waycaster, Gotham Still Fucked Up, Batman Really Ain't Doing Shit When You Think About It, No Good Monk, Rye, Yes, Like the Bread, Sarmad Sayed, Three Pandas in a Trench Coat Named Bethany, John-Old Grimbus, Matt Knight Bouchager, Gavin Maury, Damn Eetry, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Gloria's Authentic Earth Coffee, Gabriel T. Can Someone Find Me the Parmesan, The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls, You Call Her Bethany, I Call Her Headfiny, Cookie Naboo, Axel Zapata, Siona the Goblin is Bringing Leaf a Laser Spoon, Jason McDonald, Orianda, Bean Dino, Philip Linick, Hugh Jazz, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Elouzi, Trev Brax, Gunner Tweedle, The Bard Without a Ballot or a Mallet, Nozzo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, Hold Please, K. Kyaow, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Raze of Nupe, Kiki's Best Friend Would Like to Go to Breakfast, Bubber Duckle, Yegor Luce, Terry Kadd's, Lafe Tracks, The Rise of Lafe, Chapter One, Loaf Tracks Retires, The Prodigal Elam, Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Going Anonymous, V, Ma Dukes, US Marshal Stacey, Ooh, Chickadee, Dango Dale, Esty, not the website. At every moment and every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home and it's already found you. Joe Paolo Lemos, Oddkeep, The Sentient Lighthouse, The Faceless Old Bethany Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosopher Doggo of Doom, Burnt Barbecue Beef Brisket. It's official, they're called Therronies, Kevin Wynand, Marlon C, Just Wellmed, Madame Barry, Cherish Hellfire's Hellish Chairfire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Lu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emry and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos and the Critter Cacophony, Max, Nia and Ivan's Sixth Sick, Sheeks, Sixth Sheeps Sick. Nope, nevermind, it's Mark. Mignon, Simone, Meeby Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Pluto Crow, Nessie's Mom, PokeSplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Jen Riott's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitriol, Altrian, Slim Nandi, Goth Lake, Jen and Brit, Adriana Bartolomucci, Jonah is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Valiant Fair, The Night of Silver Flames, Hood's Pocket Protector, Listening to Ava sing poisoning pigeons in the park made my shitty day instantly better, Valkyrie Storm, Patricia who's always late but somehow on time, DC Squirrel, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelley Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocogator, Ringleader Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tightpants, The Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Bratty for Mission Control, Renee N., Katerina De La Playa, RIP. Eloise Waffles, The Flouff Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, Phantom Land TTRPG Dice, Curious Sir K8, Roxanne, Ash Montgomery, The Boggiest of Birches, Jason, HVAC Tech for The Diner's Deep Freeze, SK. Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Weffer Montgomery Foxworth, Merry Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, The Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole64, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscolo, Full Beans, Gloria's Forgotten, Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Frylord, Gravity's Optional, but fries aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Stephen Raymer, Jaycarp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, a flock of gray horses from the top of a sycamore, Lilac Morchella, Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve. Don't worry about the order, honey. Temporal Hashbrown, Diane Brown, Dr. Flog, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden, Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please, pause two to three seconds, then say, call me Smeddy, the Shreveport Bohannans, Cece the Umbrella Mage, Bradberry's Sasquatch, loads Chekhov's gun and rides to join Bethany's army, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Shmogust and Haasfest, Mousy, Hood's Pocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Crafty Introvert, Thee, Postmaster General Kwan sent me, Mad Maddox, Blake Bazmagian, Nitwit14, Royaled Way Too Harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Clop Man Diamond, Marco Montano, No Longer Doing a Bit, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, The Sorcerer Sanguine says Brain Demons is an anagram of Brandon is me, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dillius Dallying, Podcast Junkie, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hatlin, Dylan Caroni, Pedro Vipresto, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana, The New Kittens name is Lafe and this time he's not a girl, Physic the Goodbush definitely not one of the badbushes funding rebel Bethanys to overthrow the duly elected Bethanys, Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary, Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole, The Planet Goobrius wants to know if Croc is a Crocodile or a Propurgator, Bruce, Jessica Gigoma, Toracle, Jenny the Bear, Agur, Bellringer, Sardine Thorn, Treach, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibble is very cross, Hote Potato, Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Burt Burt's caboose until its end lists all the way down. Daven Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's amante cristo. Blind Time Traveler convention date, LA woman the phoenix rising. New name? God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure. Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs, Cup o Noodles, Schmizzy Two Shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smolin, Riku 31, Craig Dundee, New Type Without a Gundam, Astral C, Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too, Witch Loud, The Cartoonist, Guy with the Chops, Sam, Mitchell Yee, Bagel Knife, Imelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan K, Devon7777 has been my fave verbal stem for months, Nate, Forklift, Lifts Forks for Cliff, Vence M, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Brian Pasley, Subah Wasa, Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Old Man Dagwood. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names and please make sure to turn in all your receipts. Love, Josh, from Accounting. Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Icy Axe, Coach Shane of Toad Suck Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Cassad, Norman Mergler. You've all been assigned to write a four-page essay on your favorite arthropod. It will be 50% of your grade. Joe Cuppa, we been chopping broccoli. Icy Fish, the hacker known as Ivy DeBerbe, Blue Tune, a feisty ass chickadee, Poultry Landmine, a scrappy poet, Jenny the Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, it was a mimic, Basil in their Tea, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsleyayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay The only mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, quote, Still trapped, but I've stopped asking why. The freezer is, I am, we chill. Son of Defarge, Whiskoteach, Scott A. Snellgrove, Give Peas a Chance, Samalama Ding Dong, Behold, Laili Sarah Purr Whiskervale, Countess of Wood Hollow, Mistress of the Whispering Pines, and beloved by all creatures small and opinionated. Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Hashtag Wee Weave Em of Gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Von Buck Buck, Cherry Applebee, Medium Rare Extra Toasted Bun, Saucy Caesar, Belt, Aspen is a Verge Fanboy, Mick J 67, Ava's Favorite My Little Pony Pencil Wants Joe to Slap into a Snim Gym. Is this thing recording? Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time Chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Sir Dreadmore Spiba is Wondering if Bethany Likes Night Breakfast, Lord Entropy, Bok Bok Motherfucker, The Fay Wanderer, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Psycho Queen, Kosher Steak, For the Last Time It's Gabriel Strife, Don't Tavrock Stormbringer Me Joe, Florida, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Calls for Aid, Muscle's Fatits, Arnold Rumsbringer, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Berglund says, Hi Mom, Kitty McCull, Raven Stromdans, Happless Novelist Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet, Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Good Deeds, Sasha the Being of Chaos was not involved in the Bethany crisis. Will the real Moi Dieb please stand up? Jillian C, Udon96, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, Is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table? A Singular Nightbird, Bethany reading in a green field, I am the lizard frantically firing flechette guns, A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumblefey, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long Haired Matt, DJ, Lenny Harris, Robert W., Brielzabub, Crezimira, Jessalorin, Mayday Hoops, The Bean Wizard, Myth and Stitch Embroidery loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Burt Ruba, your most benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Exquisite Whimsy, Ellie, don't tear off me bro, Oopsy, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses holds out their cat for you to pet, Gremlore, Existential Pancakes, Jenny Waboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, Em Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spiders Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revan the Redbeard Wizard, Burt Burt and the Funky Bunch, Karora the 12th, Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Quan Pound, pen pen pen pen pen pen pen pen. If Mr. Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel caught an owl after dark, would he be a Midnight Burder? The wolves in the deep freeze say, Ah woo! Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moons number two fans, Simpson, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, I pushed her because Joe said so. Even older Liz, Mick Bearcat, Grack Penfeather, Siddiquid Druidic Scientist, Astro, your friendly neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racy, the Midnight Missionary out there somewhere looking for ya. Rotten Ronnie sleeps in grandma panties, Skowonkie, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez, Big MF Juice the SIP, Muffins, Space Wives are officially Verge and Deedra, Chad Hatter Cosmic Tea Maker of the Triads. Army of Mice, Briar Longlost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, Trixie Belle Dubois, Dr. Budiologist the Glutes Doctor, the Hood's Pocket Library reminds you not to overdo it. Thank you for pressing to. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed and the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess, RIP Lance McClain, You Would Have Loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toklov, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros Dagod, the size two fish you've been looking for, Iokai, Borgia, Spiders Are Cuddly, The Main Immortal Thinks It Should Be Ken Daddio's, Chiel, Neil, Sin City Scuba Steve, Poliwog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, Wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire finally spots Red Nell as the carnage clears, Professor Thaddeus Snookums the Eighth, Mr. Grin, Glenn Petrovsky, This Moment of Silence So Joe Can Catch His Breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler, Elizabeth Hammond, Cheap Con, the real Cheap Con, coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands, except no imitations. Steamvision, conductor of the interdimensional time spinning hype train, Dave Harold, Wisecube, Dirty Diaper Fussbutt and the Piggy Runt, Bromine, pronounced bro-mine, Main Hobdinga, mother of Pearl, Fiona now owns Lafe's 18 inch Peter, Seal Face, Rigor Mortis, Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Coy Lane, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Darth Ox, Michelle Kay Comes in Peace, Aaron Arnold, boy-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ing, as in boingy, Mamamander B. Ross and Slutmaster J, Alpaca Lips, I'll Take One Butter and Bree on Rye, Please, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Ryan, Thomas's 10 Tenebrous Tanstaffle Tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Keith Gamgee, Samwise's Flamin Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Jack Goetje, Charles Robert Darwin III Esquire Ph.D., Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, The Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scrubs, Becky, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, whoof. Whiskered, Any Two Hands for the Double High Five, Marissa the Ghost, Local Snowplows in your area are dying to meet you, Brotherford B. Chesterfield, Ms. Dapper Companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol Kelsey No Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We Serve Everyone Eventually, Sasha, Bethan Allen Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox aka Brar Rabbit, Panstarts Champion, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance wants you to know, he cares, Wolf Stark, Elliot, Hobbs Deco, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yen, Mubi the Golden Calf, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Erin Elizabeth, K-Narcotics, Solomon Price, A Daydream You Won't Escape, Bubba485 aka Shemilbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Sommelier, Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Oh Magus, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space-Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finlay, Mr. Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino reminds you, it takes strength to be gentle and kind. Hup challenge. Dream Founder, Amya Huckleberry, Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, Boom Basticle Kimlicker, Coco Yumi took her painted ponies to a show and won three awards, Hugamothin, Bigfoot of Doom, DL., Annie Atkins, Crandy Man the Pug Whisperer, The Row, Our Cat Said to Tell You, Meow, Ya Boy of Indeterminate Origin, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, It's the Benny Yappers' Benny Yappin'in Birthday, almost, Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now, Abanaso, Mr. Rage, Attalore, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, the McJimmy's from your local dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a hoe, Mimetic Hygenist, Rogue Art, Aaron Starr Joshua Damian and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClause, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chiss Alfredge the Bullheaded Professor, Ed Boy, Bryant Finnelli, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Kin, Chibs1012, Scotty Oats, Byrotron95, Happy 13th Birthday Danny, Dance Break. Speak ooo, the Debracken system and its homeworld Wren, Simply Tony, it will always be Finlay's work hole, to me, if you know, you know, Gabrielle Castillon, whom, what, when, where and why is what all Thugronies say while listening to Midnight Burger. Nico de Gallo goes great on Midnight Burgers. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Retorted, Sir Party Animal. Byro the motherfucking dragon of the Shreveport the motherfucking dragons. Huloi Jackal, Are you sure Mike Robb the Nancy Sinatra? Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch, cat with a K. Mithagroni has a first name. Stum and Sinel Moustachio, Lucifer Hezekial, Lachewawa Brava, Adeline Peets, CC. Carousel, Corth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Caspar's mom's a milf, Scout in foxglove says the floor is lava. Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winkleright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, Kurt Domski, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet de Leche Studios presents Under the Truscan Sun. Get out of my booth, bug, propagator, I hardly know her, sad angry crabman, Chuck McFinley, Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlisle, Flat Steve's love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, crashly strange Lillia, the four schnauzers of the apocalypse, Starblaze Burnbright, Imsuki Oki, Spotted Rhino and her hand-me-down frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's wife, Sernoculus the Space Knight, Skrizzles, Thwap, Giddy Giddy Giddy, the Firekeeper, The End is nigh, Jeremiah the Cancelled, Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy, Eli, Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats, Speckled Unicorn, a Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate, Tevin Longblade's short sword, Forget Normal, a damn, CJ Johnson, a dragon sitting on its hoard of dice, Wendell Whitaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Pikachu, Smythe, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi Hong, the Soup Witch, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch, Hans Bethany's, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Boro, Midnight Plumber, his Royal Highness, Mr. Hamilton Underfoot, Kitty the First and accomplice Princess Penelope, the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Ass is in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slev of Mahomet, Omi Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Kat Holtz, Cal Art and the Tired Knight, The True Megamike, Fred and George, Lavinia, Ava Maddox Jr., Liza Worth, Cass Williams, Christie, Yeet Maboy, 46Toolshed2 and Elmerie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt, Missed Everyone, A Round of Yargz on the House, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nasos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kuboko Dunord, Lil Kev, Cosamine, Theodrax, Joey B., Lucas Barding, Lil Debbie Cupcake, Taryn Says, Hey, Oreo's our Rabbit, Sandalwood Mountain, Offers Peace for Your Soul, Whimsical Fuckery, Megan with an H, Hey, it's Warranty Lady, Look, I've been thinking, maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit? I need more. Patricia the Time Lord, Kashak the Lizard Wizard, Casts Jelly Bones, Mango Connoisseur, Britty Bug and The Quirky Jester, The Big Moose is Loose About the Hoose, That Old Glory Coal, Janelle Mione's Cat Butler, O'Sheen Lou, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Churro Cat the Sun God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsay Bowen the Goddamn Podcast Lawyer, Alex Spence, Dr. D. Birdclaw Spweather, and Mrs. Duboptaway Birdclaw Spweather want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my Galaxy Britches in a game of Pants Darts, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durkadub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, most likely Cass, James Harlow is still sad about missing Burger Con, Jasmine James, Dr. Caberant, also known as Omni, Thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zephyr and the Witches Den, Zendria, Jennifer Culkins, Midday Burger, Dawn Parks, Throatgoat666, oh my god my dad found out about my Patreon name, Princess Leia, Fish in a Bag, September, Previously Observed and the Pattern, Prime Freak, Protector of the Scottish Realm, Little Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finlay and his Rubenesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finlay and his Rubenesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Sea Squatch, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piakarski, Adrian R, The Devil from Table 12, Javier, Crazy Thaddley, Criminalist Is Just Happy to Be Here, The Twisted Twigster, Real Housewives of Seegius, Faye Queen, Hoopschnart the Probability Demolition Expert, Showtime, Day, for My Mother, CCTX Girl 6823 Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso.

Speaker 12:
[116:54] Security alert, sign my shovel inside campus perimeter.

Speaker 1:
[116:58] Kay the Flying Penguin would like everyone to know that penguins are not native to Greenland. No, not even the flying ones. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script, Widget the World Watcher Wearing a Waistcoat and Wig, Donald Shingler, Justin Wiley, Daniel Stavey, TU. Luther, Allie Oopsie, Not to be Confused with Oopsie, Two Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots, Rachel Vasquez, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, The Beloved Yet Borderline Inappropriate Empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Fridge Pickle. I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you, Brit Littlefair, Michelle Myers, Glenn Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prim, Anthony Lakey, Thomas Adams, Brett Zimmerman, Stephanie Bouk, Andrea Crowther, Luca Vicchito, Boots Gooten Dave, Naya Vinciuri, Ryan Abbey, Michelle Hopper, Kevin Dautry, Martin Dears, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savott, Drink Spiller, Richard Ryan Moshell, D-Flower, Kelly Tiarina, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Some Days You're the Beetle, Some Days You're the Dung, Josie Jones, Vee Greenlee, Elijah Sharp, Ba-na-na, Ba-ba-na-na, La-na-na, Ba-ba-na-na, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing. River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullesy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Hugh the Mini-Mongo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, TheOneTrueCheapCon, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Oh, my mama. Glorbnar7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dooser now identifies as Roman Durge, TheOtherAdel, ChefGalVal, Leah Hall, Sarah May. Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Cone of Silence Consultants LLC has been named its exclusive provider of logistics services. Silly Willy Bubblebutt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Zeeko, Ebenezer Boop, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Floof Lost In Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Wandering Scholar, Kringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, A Cat Named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Moe, Demonic Narwhal 8, I Am Annie, I Live Forever In Every Moment I've Existed, I Swear To Every Star In The Cosmos, I Never Forgot It Was A Gift, The Stone Fox, Trisha Schafer says, ooh, David, that is not a taco. Solivia, Juiceton, Papytos, Krakow Hauer, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I Am A Bomb Till I Think Of Something Better To Do, Burritwards, Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What?, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader Of The Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord Of The 13th Sea, Mr. Trigby, Printing With Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Von Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E., Emma, Mr. And Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi Drifting Through Space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter and Her Bird Of Fire, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q Del, Pharrell, Emily With Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblic, The Third Kerplunk Kerplunk, whoops, where's my Thribble? Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, D. Gritesler, A Gremlin With The Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain Is Weird, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Steelo, Bumbling Lilybee, A Quick Pause So Joe Can Sip From His Tiny Teacup. That's a little too late for tea. I don't have any herbal, I can't do herbal tea. Herbal tea, I don't know, it feels like brass. Feels like grass soup. Bufardese Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stolls, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, R.Craft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermit, J to the Lin, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Imson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and All the Black People in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftit, Ay, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shape-Shifting Sad Girl and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe, you've done it again, Piplaskin and the Pippi Pond, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanys, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Descendant of the S'Pweather Catfish Whisperer, Vagabond Mary, Randy's Amigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauburger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naya Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nortel Bash, Jordan, Arwen X Belasco, Ryan Rosensky, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweizen, Monica and Mason Kay. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of Jameses, a trifecta of Tonys, one of whom still wants to be Lafe, but sadly no Bethanys. Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Ariane Cant Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, Superbeth Becomes an RN alongside my Bootsed Up Friend, Geneva Boss, Arkansan Not Arkansoyer, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Letty Lu. He was a shifty one at Nick Howard. Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Daba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabsbic Terps, Mr. Boston Leather 2003, Jeremiah Franco, Justin the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McAdley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazotte, Jingalos, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hazmatilda, Didsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B., Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologists, Going to Be Lit, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany, I Made Biscuits, Skeebo and Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tinywolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Senet is Teleporting, BRB. The Shanes are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us and it is concerning. Definitely not an android, seriously I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobana, Fi-Fi Fofaina, Dad and Aubrey, The Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Up a Goose, Dameron the Space Goblin, I So Pale, I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather, Wonder if Derek Adair Will Join, My Cat's Name Is Beef, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemily, Work for Melvis, Boho Go Bye Bye for Jojo Pogo, That's a No Go Bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Dixie, Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, AK., Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, The Wandering Mermaid Would Like You to Know That the Little Mermaid and the Creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story, Lil Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit, Deaf Allergic to Bethany Stu, Two Polar Cat is Officially on Estrogen, Carl the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylabs Multidimensional Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngin, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyros Calling, Joe Swazian, The Wizard's Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and Introducing Recy Pontiff as the 35th Doctor. Too many gens! Pamela Rose Alchiera, then Stina Says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Neerds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, It's just Tyson now. Caspar needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quotes says, Joe is the Writer's Room, Awkward Heretic, Devon7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly K, Lost Basan, you know, the Moon Prison outside the Triad, Kim Cell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Char Noble 610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut, Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Ben Barr, Ben Barr, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassanosson, Virestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Nicole I Love You But I Will Name Kid 2, Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswoglin, Daniel Arthur, Mike LeClusy, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail LeHoux, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Dunna, Alexika Habanera, Code Stranger, One Bet, a Bet, ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Alfie Ravanurum, Momo Nikiki, Frelp, Em Lin, Feed Me Fish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, J.Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Die at Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kimbob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hold It Now, Hit It, Hat It, Head It, Hot It, Hut It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Brad Manier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Jackie Lowy, The Little Pigeon, Quintin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear, Dr. Lattice Trash Angel, Crystal Figures recalled after Flared Base Causes Moral Panic, Witchcraft as Crafty Lizard Doing Today, Noble Barrel, Yes My Brain is Weird, Thank You, Bippity Boppity Boom, Megan the Mag Young, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Jenny Rin, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, That Homeless Guy Who Saw the Diner Disappear from Rogers and Gave Up Booze, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Bella Donna, First of Her Name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelbergty, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo, To My Little, You'll Always Be My Good Girl, You Took a Piece of My Heart and Left a Paw Print on My Soul, Till We Meet Again, Sir Shits-A-Lot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Crustin B. Anthony, Trix says, Wee-oop! Tybalt the First, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Tittmittens, Courtney the Frogologist says, Ribbit. Corey and Stephanie Say Hello, The Fon-Tucky Wrangler, Scram Brulay, Yay, Erin, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yos, I'm So Antigone Fun, I'm Ava's Twin Sister Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Corrine Sbrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Kay Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Eli the Electrician, Sunny the Anomaly, Charmé, K-On with Karma, Amanda Nock, The Wondrous Methasophon, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Dug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inschuldigen, Rebecca Trossel, So Good, Many Names, God Are There, Chris from Nacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alphonse Suit Person, Knight of Hood's Pocket, Polished Pauldrons, Pacing Pine Paths, Protecting Pocket from Sneaky Skullduggery, Mitzi Lu, Kelsey Home, still Caspar's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Amanda Marie Kathrain, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Astrana Weeb, Magno's The Civil Gnome. Welcome everybody. I'm Hyda Lawn and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger emotional support group. Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, a bug named Nat, CC. Ryder, Hunter B., Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Ol Coconator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd. Dr. Pankusher Esquire puts on a little hat and does a funny lil dance. Creator 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark XI, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enth Anomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blep, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What? Amanda Lucero at all, Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo Blargo Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at Eleven, Lorak the Barbarianess, Hicks Bezi Mates, Zealous Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice Apologizes for forgetting to change their name for an entire year but at least it was fun, Kelly Jane Denke, Erin the Optimist, Thomas Stolen aka Caspar from Another Universe, Chadney Ashera, Lucretia, Thornus Animator, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava, the one with n. Grim says, trance right, y'all. Zachy Nat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzeringtum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Maroon Mycelil, Grolix and Tarabang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrrhalis, Om Vega, Coming Soon, Dances with Burritos, Gwocked and Loaded, Erin Mitchell, Lady Keanu Myson, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, JR the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Komi Zen, Kolibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Lanun Katakutan, Fred Fredburger, What the Chuck, Sono Nosuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVorris, Naya DeRusso, Pichis Etuichi, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever faithful Squire, Grabthar, Jen Extranius, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially, Exhausted Bean.

Speaker 2:
[131:02] When we set up our Business Goose email, the very first thing I sent to Joe was an email that said, fucking professional with a Z.

Speaker 3:
[131:12] As is right and good.

Speaker 2:
[131:14] To demonstrate.

Speaker 1:
[131:15] We're just technically in our corporate documents now. Like if we were subpoenaed for all of our emails, that would be our very first email sent would be that. We hear Caspar singing the Prisoner song, which I'm not doing right now.

Speaker 3:
[131:27] No.

Speaker 2:
[131:29] Come on.

Speaker 1:
[131:30] No.

Speaker 3:
[131:31] Lead me in.

Speaker 1:
[131:31] No.

Speaker 2:
[131:32] Come on.

Speaker 1:
[131:33] No.

Speaker 3:
[131:33] Come on.

Speaker 1:
[131:34] No. I did it. I don't care.

Speaker 3:
[131:45] I signed a contract with the Chinese government to build three power plants, and it included a global pant shitting.

Speaker 1:
[131:53] Induced.

Speaker 3:
[131:54] Sorry, sorry.

Speaker 1:
[131:58] Here's what the contract says.

Speaker 3:
[131:59] It did both, it did both.

Speaker 1:
[132:00] Let me read this contract.

Speaker 3:
[132:07] Sorry y'all, I've been working with second graders all day, so my brain is. They are so exhausting, I understand.

Speaker 2:
[132:13] Speaking of pant shitting, I mean, yeah. It's scary as well.

Speaker 1:
[132:16] Am I right everybody?

Speaker 2:
[132:18] So much talking in this episode, honey.

Speaker 1:
[132:22] All of them, I mean, there's nothing else in all of them. That's all an episode can be, is talking.

Speaker 2:
[132:31] That's not true, you do a lot of sound things.

Speaker 1:
[132:34] There's not gonna be a dance episode of Midnight Burger.

Speaker 9:
[132:37] There should be.

Speaker 2:
[132:38] There's a square dance already.

Speaker 9:
[132:40] Yeah. It's like for Marguerite, it's that thing where she's like, this is my friend, I kind of want to fuck her, but I never will. And there's a little, that's a little fun. Like to have like that, like low pressure sexual tension. Yeah.

Speaker 2:
[132:53] And Ava's like, she kind of wants to fuck me, but she's the only other smart person here.

Speaker 9:
[133:00] So it's fine.

Speaker 2:
[133:01] And she's kind of funny.

Speaker 9:
[133:02] So I'll allow it.

Speaker 2:
[133:04] Maybe I'll get real drunk one time.

Speaker 9:
[133:08] Maybe we'll make out. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.