transcript
Speaker 1:
[00:00] Today's episode is brought to you by four top threes. Ever wonder how people from different corners of the world see the exact same thing completely differently? That's what makes four top threes such a blast to listen to. So picture this. Four friends from Germany, the Philippines, Britain, Iceland, and the USA, get together every month to debate their top three picks on totally random topics. Disney movies, most addictive songs, comfort foods, whatever. And because they all come from different countries and cultures, what seems obvious to one person is absolutely wild to another. I got to listen to a few episodes and I got really invested in how invested people get about the most mundane things in the world. If you're looking for something fun, light, and genuinely entertaining, just search for four top threes. That's F-O-U-R-T-O-P-T-H-R-E-E-S spelled out. Anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2:
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Speaker 1:
[01:29] Last season on Midnight Burger, rolling along, singing a song, side by side.
Speaker 3:
[01:36] What the?
Speaker 1:
[01:41] The diner finds itself under attack.
Speaker 4:
[01:43] Again?
Speaker 1:
[01:44] But by who? It turns out, it's this guy.
Speaker 3:
[01:47] Kill them.
Speaker 1:
[01:47] Who has an entire evil empire of these guys. Croc the Propagator is his name and Universal Domination is his game. And his plan all starts in Cryptessia, a galaxy that he has populated with planet after planet of lab-grown earthlings, where he tests out the best way to control the minds of everyone he dominates, like Fiona.
Speaker 5:
[02:11] Hi there!
Speaker 1:
[02:11] Also wrapped up in it all are Croc's three daughters.
Speaker 5:
[02:14] My name is Kazi.
Speaker 1:
[02:16] That was my sister Tita.
Speaker 6:
[02:17] She's about to get our other sister, Libuza.
Speaker 1:
[02:19] They're pretty intense.
Speaker 7:
[02:21] All of our people are prisoners. We don't know where they are. I led them all here. They're all trapped out there because of me.
Speaker 6:
[02:26] You should come up to my lab sometime, Caspar. I'll grow you a fucking spine.
Speaker 8:
[02:30] Heads up! Edible arrangements? This is a fucking robbery!
Speaker 1:
[02:34] After an intense game of cat and mouse across Cryptessia, the diner finds itself in the clutches of Croc.
Speaker 9:
[02:39] Goddamn, this guy absolutely fucked us. It's like he knows the diner better than we do.
Speaker 1:
[02:44] And in a move that some have called Banana Pan's Crazy Town Nuts-O, Gloria, Ava, Caspar and Leif sacrifice themselves so that others may continue the fight. Leif!
Speaker 9:
[02:55] Sorry, pal.
Speaker 1:
[02:55] Leif, what the fuck are you? Now, separated by the vastness of the multiverse, how will our heroes find their way back to the fight against Croc? Top off your coffee and feed the cat. Season 5 of Midnight Burger is here. Let's start the shift.
Speaker 7:
[03:19] Once upon a time. There was a builder. The Builder had lost his workshop, lost his tools, lost his way. He wandered on icy plains on a distant planet.
Speaker 10:
[04:07] Oh, had to be a fucking ice giant, huh?
Speaker 7:
[04:12] There's death by fire and death by ice. Both are merciless, but at least fire is quick. Ice takes its time. Ice slowly creeps in. Ice gives you time, time to regret, time to fear, and the worst of it, time to hope. The Builder had no choice but to hope.
Speaker 11:
[04:47] Okay, Leif, at least get out of the wind.
Speaker 7:
[04:56] It was a strange magic that brought him to this frozen land. He had been banished, but his banishment could only occur in a place he had touched in the past. For all of us, how many places could that be? So few of us move from place to place all our lives. But for The Builder, there were few stars in the sky he hadn't touched at least once. As far as he knew, he could be anywhere. The Builder took shelter in the shadow of a cliff by an icy sea. Shelter from the wind would postpone his death, but extend his misery.
Speaker 9:
[05:50] Really regretting my decision to have visited so many shitty planets over the course of my life. Caspar probably landed in Bakersfield. Give my right lung to be in fucking Bakersfield right now.
Speaker 10:
[06:09] Okay.
Speaker 2:
[06:11] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[06:12] Where are we, Leif?
Speaker 12:
[06:14] Let's think back.
Speaker 9:
[06:17] Ice Giants I have known.
Speaker 11:
[06:22] Castriff?
Speaker 9:
[06:24] Celestiani?
Speaker 7:
[06:26] You're only as lost as your mind allows you. The Builder had spent a life among the stars and knew clusters of dust like one wood a curve in an ancient road. He searched the night sky to see what it could tell him.
Speaker 9:
[06:44] Quilandus. Of course it's Quilandus. Wouldn't be poetic if it wasn't Quilandus.
Speaker 10:
[06:53] I hate poetry.
Speaker 7:
[06:55] The Builder realized he had once made his home here. A long time ago, when all hope was lost, he crawled into a hole between two mountains and waited for the end to come. When he finally left, he hoped he'd never see it again.
Speaker 4:
[07:16] All right.
Speaker 10:
[07:18] There's only one ocean on Quilandus.
Speaker 9:
[07:21] I lived about 30 kilometers from it.
Speaker 10:
[07:28] There.
Speaker 9:
[07:30] If my hideout's here, it'll be between those two mountains.
Speaker 11:
[07:36] 30 kilometers.
Speaker 9:
[07:40] If I try to walk 30 kilometers, I'll die. If I stay here, I'll die.
Speaker 4:
[07:51] Fuck!
Speaker 7:
[07:53] What is a knight without his sword? What is a farmer without his field? What is a builder without his tools? The builder tried to remind himself of the first rule he ever learned.
Speaker 9:
[08:13] There is only one tool. Inventory. H2O. Matter-state.
Speaker 3:
[08:21] Solid.
Speaker 9:
[08:25] H2O mixed with sodium chloride. Matter-state.
Speaker 3:
[08:29] Liquid.
Speaker 9:
[08:32] Water and salt water. That's all I've got to work with. That is not going to do it.
Speaker 10:
[08:42] I'm fucked.
Speaker 9:
[08:46] Maybe I try and huff it? I did 35 seconds in the void of space one time. I could do 30 kilometers in, I'm guessing, negative 10 Celsius without any protective clothing.
Speaker 13:
[08:59] Sure.
Speaker 11:
[09:01] Sure, I could.
Speaker 10:
[09:03] No, I can't.
Speaker 13:
[09:06] Fuck!
Speaker 7:
[09:07] Tools are irrelevant without materials. The Builder had taken stock of his materials, and as far as his eyes could see, he saw only ice, water and salt. It wasn't enough.
Speaker 9:
[09:30] What can I do with you?
Speaker 10:
[09:33] Nothing.
Speaker 9:
[09:34] You saved my life, and you're totally useless right now. I hope it's going better for you guys out there.
Speaker 11:
[09:46] Where'd you wind up, Gloria?
Speaker 9:
[09:47] Back at Shack in the Box? Ava, you probably landed in some high-armed leather chair surrounded by dudes with elbow pads.
Speaker 14:
[09:58] Not me.
Speaker 3:
[10:00] No.
Speaker 9:
[10:01] I got the fucking ice planet.
Speaker 10:
[10:05] No shit! Jesus!
Speaker 11:
[10:27] Well, hello there.
Speaker 10:
[10:30] Nice to have some company.
Speaker 11:
[10:35] What's your name?
Speaker 10:
[10:37] I'm Leif.
Speaker 9:
[10:41] I'm going to be dead soon. Of course, I could try and kill you and live inside your body Han Solo style. But you are 12 feet of blubber, and I just have a space pager. Wait, wait. Secret handshake. 50,000 volts is just going to make you mad, isn't it? Well, nice to meet you anyway.
Speaker 10:
[11:33] Oh, my God!
Speaker 11:
[11:39] Seriously?
Speaker 10:
[11:44] Come on, man! Oh, my God, the smell!
Speaker 9:
[11:53] So excited that this will be the last thing I ever smell.
Speaker 7:
[12:05] It's odd, The Builder thought, how anything could be a gift if it's given at the right time.
Speaker 3:
[12:18] Hang on.
Speaker 9:
[12:21] Water, sodium chloride, and now, methane. Iron, copper, depending on what you ate today.
Speaker 3:
[12:29] Methane gas could ignite.
Speaker 9:
[12:32] Well, night, sure, but that's one big flash. The high moisture content of the fuel source makes a continuous burn pretty tricky.
Speaker 15:
[12:49] Oh, man, you're really missing out, guys.
Speaker 9:
[12:53] I'm trying to save my life by lighting a gigantic pile of shit on fire. There's a metaphor in there somewhere. Okay, humongous shit pile. How do I light you on fire? In one hand, I have a space pager. Looks like Paradise Leif made this thing pretty efficient, so I won't get much juice out of it. But in the other hand, I have the secret handshake. Can deliver a quick burst of 50,000 volts, but low wattage. Going to need sustained heat. Environmental concerns. Fuel source, aka shit pile, is steaming right now, but I imagine we'll be frozen within an hour. Whatever I do, I'll need to be ready to do it by the time the next guy wants to take a dump on the beach.
Speaker 10:
[13:52] Sustained heat.
Speaker 9:
[13:55] Sustained heat.
Speaker 7:
[14:00] When the solution finally came to him, it didn't arrive as good tidings. Like any escape from certain death, this solution would require a sacrifice.
Speaker 9:
[14:18] Sunrise in about four hours.
Speaker 11:
[14:25] Let's get to work.
Speaker 7:
[14:26] The Builder needed one tool to live. But that tool was buried in the wall of ice before him. He kicked and kicked at the wall as the shards of ice fell around him. He was finally surrounded by fragments of ice, large and small.
Speaker 10:
[14:52] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[14:54] Several hunks of ice. Which one of you is the lucky winner? I need you to be the size of a dinner plate. Any takers?
Speaker 11:
[15:08] You there!
Speaker 9:
[15:10] You look like you're up for the job.
Speaker 3:
[15:14] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[15:16] Big piece of ice. I'm about to turn you into something beautiful. It's going to cost me, but all beauty comes at a price, am I right?
Speaker 7:
[15:30] All beauty comes at a price. The sculptor blinded by marble dust. The painter driven mad by the poison in their paint. And now the builder. Using the warmth of his hand, he would slowly melt and shape the fragment of ice. He was careful to only use his left hand. Then, after his hand was too cold, his left arm. And back again to his hand. Over and over again, smoothing the edges, slowly shaping it into the only tool that could save him.
Speaker 11:
[16:19] Mr. Torvaldsen, I've dealt with prodigies before, and I will say to you what I've said to all of them. No amount of intelligence will make up for flawed optics. Clean your optics every morning, Mr. Torvaldsen.
Speaker 13:
[16:44] Fuck!
Speaker 3:
[16:46] It's cold!
Speaker 10:
[16:48] God damn it!
Speaker 11:
[16:52] Keep going, Leif!
Speaker 7:
[16:53] Into the morning he shaped the ice to his will. As the sun rose, it offered little comfort. The star was distant and cold. But he did not need the sun for its warmth.
Speaker 4:
[17:09] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[17:12] Ideal angle is 17 degrees above the horizon. Leif, you're going to need both of your arms for this part. You can't feel one of your arms right now, but it will still respond.
Speaker 10:
[17:30] I think two minutes will do the trick.
Speaker 11:
[17:34] Two minutes is all we need. Just waiting for the Guest of Honor now.
Speaker 7:
[17:44] He waited in the frigid morning for the last phase of his plan. One arm numb, the rest of him not far off. The only thing left was a little bit of luck.
Speaker 11:
[18:03] Oh, hello, gorgeous.
Speaker 10:
[18:06] Come on. Come on.
Speaker 11:
[18:11] You know that's why you came here.
Speaker 10:
[18:40] Two minutes, Leif.
Speaker 7:
[18:43] The Builder raised his new creation above his head. It was a massive lens. All night long, he had used his own hands to make a lens made entirely of the ice that was trying to kill him. The lens would gather the rays of the sun into a beam. And with enough time, the Builder would make fire from ice.
Speaker 11:
[19:10] Come on! Hold it steady. Fucking fire, baby! Oh my god, that smells like a chemical plant, but the heat is glorious. Fuck you, I made fire! You're still sucking in air, Leif!
Speaker 10:
[19:57] Somehow!
Speaker 7:
[19:58] The Builder fell into a deep sleep next to his fire made from ice. His dreams were strange dreams of warmth, an endless celebration by a crystalline ocean, an argument with a friend on a train, a warm body in a warm bed, bright white sharp teeth in the darkness whispering, I love you.
Speaker 10:
[20:46] Hey, there.
Speaker 11:
[20:50] Pretty great, right?
Speaker 9:
[20:54] It's fire. It's one of the things that separates me from you.
Speaker 10:
[21:01] One of the many things.
Speaker 9:
[21:07] I, uh, I have no idea what your kind is called, so I'm just going to call you J. Schmo, okay? Mr. Schmoe, if you could remind me not to touch my left arm, I'd really appreciate it.
Speaker 10:
[21:37] Jesus Christ, I can't believe I lived.
Speaker 11:
[21:42] Barely. Sadly, this isn't going to do it, Jay.
Speaker 9:
[21:51] This is a temporary situation.
Speaker 11:
[21:59] 30 kilometers. 30 kilometers inland.
Speaker 10:
[22:05] That's the next step. How am I going to pull that off?
Speaker 9:
[22:15] Sun's going down? If I don't have a plan by tomorrow, I'm dead. Know any campfire songs?
Speaker 7:
[22:35] All through the night, the builder tried to convince himself that he didn't already know the plan. The plan came to him almost instantly as soon as he woke. All through the night, he tried to think of any other plan, anything that could keep him from doing what he would have to do next. Nothing came.
Speaker 10:
[23:06] What? Oh, all this?
Speaker 9:
[23:10] Well, believe it or not, my blubbery friend, this is the plan. I have here in my arms several pieces of your frozen shit. I will now sit down by the fire and take my boots off.
Speaker 16:
[23:38] You're right.
Speaker 9:
[23:39] It does sound crazy, but I'm afraid that's all we're left with. I take a moment and warm my feet by the fire and then I take my right boot and fill it with frozen pieces of your incredibly stink-tastic shit, Mr. J Schmoe. I fill it all the way to the top of my boot. Now I have one boot full of shit, one empty boot, and two socks. I take two socks and put them on my right foot. And then I take the empty boot and put it on my left foot. I lean the shit boot up against the fire, and I wait for it to thaw enough that it catches on fire. I knew this guy back home, Lenny, Lenny Harris.
Speaker 10:
[25:08] Cool guy.
Speaker 9:
[25:10] I was packing up my stuff, heading off to Berkeley. I told him I would fix his bike for him, so of course, I added a motor to it because I can't fucking help myself. I'm finally going to get out of here, he said.
Speaker 10:
[25:26] Oh, yeah?
Speaker 9:
[25:29] Where are you going, Lenny?
Speaker 10:
[25:31] He said.
Speaker 9:
[25:34] Micronesia. Micronesia?
Speaker 6:
[25:39] What the hell for?
Speaker 9:
[25:43] They'll never find me there, he said. This is a 17 year old kid talking like he was on the run from the feds. You know, Lenny, the problem with nobody being able to find you is that nobody's able to find you. Should have taken my own advice. Here we go. I have turned my boot into a torch. The fire will burn at the top, and slowly thaw the fuel underneath, and then use that to keep burning. Should be enough heat to keep me from dying, at least.
Speaker 10:
[26:39] Time's a-wasting.
Speaker 9:
[26:42] Jai Shmo, my friend, enjoy the fire. Theoretically, if you keep coming to shore and shitting on it, you can always have a fire up here. An eternal flame.
Speaker 11:
[26:56] A memorial.
Speaker 9:
[27:01] Thirty kilometers. Piece of cake.
Speaker 7:
[27:16] With a torch and only one boudin, the builder made his way across the land of ice. The wind was constant and relentless. Even when the sun was at its highest, it was as though it burned cold. It wasn't long into the journey that time became irrelevant. He could have been walking for minutes. He could have been walking for years. There was only one way he found to motivate himself. He thought of his death. If he were to die here, his body would never decompose and become part of the earth. He would be frozen, trapped forever. Wide dead eyes gazing at the sunrise burnt eons until even the sun burned out. If he died, he would never be free.
Speaker 17:
[28:45] Emergency medical bed deployed.
Speaker 13:
[28:49] Oh, fuck!
Speaker 17:
[28:52] Diagnosis request.
Speaker 11:
[28:54] Full body scan.
Speaker 17:
[28:55] Conducting full scan. Please remain still.
Speaker 13:
[28:59] Oh, shit!
Speaker 17:
[29:03] Dehydration level four. Please remain still for electrostatic injection. Triage report available.
Speaker 11:
[29:18] Go!
Speaker 17:
[29:19] Upper left appendage and lower right extremity experiencing level seven necrosis.
Speaker 10:
[29:27] Treatment recommendations.
Speaker 7:
[29:29] He was careful to only use his left hand.
Speaker 17:
[29:34] Field amputation, removal of upper left appendage and lower right extremity.
Speaker 11:
[29:43] Do it.
Speaker 17:
[29:44] Administering anesthesia. Procedure will commence in two minutes.
Speaker 11:
[30:05] So, losing your arm in the Justine Burbank system, huh? Sounds a little familiar to me.
Speaker 9:
[30:18] I'm aware.
Speaker 11:
[30:21] And watch yourself, Buster. Everybody loves the free-wheeling old man, but all I was ever meant to be was a cautionary tale.
Speaker 9:
[30:35] I'm aware.
Speaker 7:
[30:37] With certain death narrowly avoided, The Builder changed his focus as the chemicals seeped into his body.
Speaker 9:
[31:07] I'm going to kill every single fucking one of you.
Speaker 7:
[31:13] The Builder had become the Destroyer. As every Builder does from time to time. The key is knowing when the destruction must stop. Sometimes it never feels like enough.
Speaker 17:
[31:45] Reviving patients in five, four, three, two.
Speaker 3:
[32:02] Report.
Speaker 17:
[32:03] All procedures successful. Recommend replacement of removed appendages with cybernetics or life grafts. Would you like me to connect you with local vendors?
Speaker 3:
[32:15] No.
Speaker 17:
[32:16] Would you like a debrief regarding psychological trauma or PLP?
Speaker 3:
[32:22] No.
Speaker 17:
[32:22] Remember, nearly all patients who have an amputation performed have some form of phantom pain or discomfort.
Speaker 9:
[32:31] Would you shut up, please?
Speaker 17:
[32:35] Deploying assistive device.
Speaker 10:
[32:48] Sweet home! Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[33:13] Hello, Nancy.
Speaker 11:
[33:17] At least you won't have to walk out of here.
Speaker 9:
[33:24] Looks like she's in pretty good shape.
Speaker 11:
[33:27] One problem, though.
Speaker 9:
[33:31] If my ship's here, where am I?
Speaker 7:
[33:51] The Builder stood over his own slain body, an echo of himself, gunned down and left for dead, a sheen of ice covering his skin. So many of us are plagued by the road not taken. Few of us come face to face with it.
Speaker 9:
[34:14] Who do you think got him?
Speaker 11:
[34:17] Well, the Ted's would have captured you. A few different plasma burns on the rocks. Looks like some rim runners just got lucky. Caught you unawares. So effective reminder that it could be worse.
Speaker 14:
[34:36] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[34:40] Sorry, Leif. Let's get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 18:
[35:42] Welcome to the Unselling Wizard. What can I get you? Uh, Leif?
Speaker 9:
[35:49] Brie-elzebub?
Speaker 18:
[35:52] Ha ha, I thought, uh, you're supposed to be dead.
Speaker 9:
[35:57] Surprise.
Speaker 18:
[35:59] You, uh, you can't be here right now.
Speaker 9:
[36:02] I'm exactly where I want to be.
Speaker 12:
[36:05] Well, what do we have here, Bugaboo? Do my eyes deceive me, Battle Pope? We're looking at a dead man, Bugaboo. Or at least he looks like one, Battle Pope.
Speaker 9:
[36:14] Battle Pope and Bugaboo. Is there a shitty criminals' conference in town or something?
Speaker 12:
[36:21] What was I saying just the other day, Bugaboo? I believe you were saying you wish we killed them, Battle Pope. And now here we are, Bugaboo. You know, they swore to us up and down, Battle Pope. Never trust the word of a rim runner, Bugaboo. So what's worse, Leif? Being dead? Or knowing you're about to be killed?
Speaker 9:
[36:41] Talking to you two is worse than both.
Speaker 12:
[36:43] What kind of idiot escapes getting deleted and then walks into the unselling wizard like it's nothing, Bugaboo? This kind of idiot, Battle Pope. Well, if you want something done right, Bugaboo.
Speaker 9:
[36:56] Guys, guys, guys, listen. I realize there's a bit of bad blood between the three of us, but trust me, I'm here to make amends.
Speaker 12:
[37:08] Is that right?
Speaker 3:
[37:10] Of course.
Speaker 14:
[37:14] Here, take these.
Speaker 9:
[37:16] This is my way of saying I'm sorry.
Speaker 12:
[37:19] What the hell are these, Battle Pope?
Speaker 18:
[37:29] Oh, fuck.
Speaker 9:
[37:31] It's crazy, right? I hand them to people, and they just take them. So trusting. Hey, guys. Long time no see. Let me guess. You thought I was dead, right? Honestly, me too. So don't feel bad.
Speaker 3:
[37:58] Uh-oh.
Speaker 9:
[38:01] You know, I thought a couple of secret handshakes might not be enough for a situation like this. So, of course I made more. I'd like some credit for developing non-lethal technology in a hostile marketplace.
Speaker 18:
[38:37] Oh, shit.
Speaker 9:
[38:39] Hey, Brie-elzebub, what's that drink you make that I like so much?
Speaker 18:
[38:47] A barbarian bloodbath.
Speaker 4:
[38:49] That's the one.
Speaker 9:
[38:51] I'll have one of those. You know, once upon a time, I wanted to be that guy who walks into a bar and everybody notices. But now that that's happened, I don't know. Not all it's cracked up to be.
Speaker 18:
[39:15] What, what happened to the arm?
Speaker 9:
[39:19] Slipped on a banana peel.
Speaker 18:
[39:22] Leif, I'm just a paw tender, okay?
Speaker 9:
[39:25] Nobody's ever one thing, Brie-elzebub.
Speaker 18:
[39:29] Leif, I swear, I just-
Speaker 9:
[39:31] Stop talking, Brie-elzebub. Now, you're going to walk me into the back, and you're going to get me in to see the potion, maestro. If you don't, I'll show you what else I have in this bag of mine.
Speaker 19:
[40:33] Who is it?
Speaker 18:
[40:35] You have a new patient.
Speaker 13:
[40:36] I don't have a patient on my schedule.
Speaker 3:
[40:41] It's urgent.
Speaker 10:
[40:44] Very well.
Speaker 19:
[40:48] This had better be an emergency.
Speaker 9:
[40:50] It is for me, but, you know, everything's relative.
Speaker 10:
[40:57] Leif.
Speaker 9:
[40:58] Yeah, yeah, you thought I was dead. Do me a favor and don't make any sudden movements, Maestro. I've managed to go all day without killing anyone. Respect the streak.
Speaker 13:
[41:09] I saw your body. The image was locked.
Speaker 19:
[41:12] It couldn't have been faked.
Speaker 9:
[41:14] This is a missed opportunity on my part. I could make up a great story about how I avoided death. With huge myth-making opportunity. How about this? There's infinite Leifs out there. You killed one of us, but another one's just going to show up to take his place. We're like fucking herpes. Pretty good, right? People love a good story. Like the story you told me one time, about how 60% of your body is metallic.
Speaker 19:
[41:49] What did you just put on my wall?
Speaker 9:
[41:51] Don't worry. It's not a bomb.
Speaker 15:
[41:59] What are you doing?
Speaker 9:
[42:01] I've just magnetized you to the wall. Convincing metal to act like a magnet is much easier than you would think.
Speaker 13:
[42:08] What do you want?
Speaker 9:
[42:10] Do I have your undivided attention, maestro?
Speaker 13:
[42:15] Yes.
Speaker 4:
[42:16] Great.
Speaker 9:
[42:18] As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm missing one arm and one foot. I'm going to need you to look through your godforsaken inventory and find me a replacement.
Speaker 13:
[42:28] Of course. Of course. No problem.
Speaker 19:
[42:32] I just got a shipment of ShareBear 1789.
Speaker 9:
[42:34] You and I both know ShareBears can be tracked.
Speaker 19:
[42:37] Okay, okay.
Speaker 13:
[42:38] No problem.
Speaker 9:
[42:41] Maestro, this magnet's about to crush your pseudo-skeleton. I'd think a little quicker if I were you.
Speaker 19:
[42:47] Davy Boys!
Speaker 15:
[42:48] I got Davy Boys 7-11s in the back!
Speaker 9:
[42:50] Fantastic.
Speaker 20:
[42:51] Can you turn off the magnet now, please?
Speaker 9:
[42:53] One more second. I'm attaching a bomb to your arm. Your real arm, not the one you can remove. I'm going to set the timer for two hours. So if I'm not awake with my new arm in two hours, then, bippity boppity boom. They're going to be cleaning your guts and parts off this room for weeks. Not that you do a lot of cleaning around here. Are we clear?
Speaker 13:
[43:28] Yes!
Speaker 9:
[43:29] Okay. I look forward to working with you.
Speaker 7:
[44:31] you can reach deep down into yourself and rouse it back to life. You can use the darkness within you to survive. But there's a trick to it. If you use the darkness, the darkness may use you. You may never get control again if you let it out.
Speaker 11:
[45:05] Seems like changes to the laser torch isn't a priority right now.
Speaker 9:
[45:09] I don't know what universe I'm in. I need to do a CMB scan, and I don't want to spend time making another interferometer, so... We are parked on the outskirts of the Harbinger Pulsar, where there are a group of decommissioned mirror satellites. I use the laser on the mirrors and bounce the signal back to me. I use the interference to make the CMB map. Nice.
Speaker 11:
[45:35] Doing it in space cuts out the atmospheric interference. So you figure out where you are in the multiverse and then what?
Speaker 9:
[45:45] I don't know. I figured getting my bearings was the next step after getting all my appendages back.
Speaker 11:
[45:52] How's the new arm?
Speaker 9:
[45:55] It's a piece of shit, but it'll do. What was yours again?
Speaker 11:
[45:59] A noble barrel, but I made some changes to it. Okay, we're good.
Speaker 9:
[46:04] We'll give that a few minutes. In the meantime, let's see what Dead Leif has left us with. A pack of Scrizzles, Leopard Donuts. Jesus, I was not taking care of myself. An errant popsicle stick. Thanks, Dead Leif. Hey, now we're talking. Bladeless drones. Silent but deadly. These will come in handy. Let's get these charged up. Here we go.
Speaker 14:
[46:44] Holy shit.
Speaker 9:
[46:47] I'm still in the same universe. I didn't change universes. I'm still where I was when I shot myself. I'm in Croc's universe.
Speaker 11:
[46:56] Still where you were?
Speaker 10:
[46:57] Yeah.
Speaker 11:
[46:58] Only several years in the past, and two and a half million light years away.
Speaker 9:
[47:02] Hey, could be farther.
Speaker 11:
[47:04] Distance like that, you might as well be nine universes to the left.
Speaker 10:
[47:10] Maybe. I know you hate this kid.
Speaker 16:
[47:17] What are you talking about?
Speaker 11:
[47:19] That mind of ours. How it acts in times like this. Most people, when they hit the skids, they've got to practice a healthy dose of acceptance. There's only so much you can do about the situation that you're in. Your mind, on the other hand. It gives you a few more options than the average bear.
Speaker 9:
[47:44] What's wrong with that?
Speaker 11:
[47:44] The options that your brain gives you in times like these are pretty fucking dark, Buster. You're thinking about building it again. You promised you wouldn't. What do you want me to do?
Speaker 9:
[48:02] Wave a white flag?
Speaker 11:
[48:03] You've got more options than waving a white flag.
Speaker 9:
[48:05] This isn't Clementine. This isn't going to be solved with a heartfelt talking to.
Speaker 11:
[48:11] Don't do it, Leif.
Speaker 9:
[48:16] I'm several years and several million light years away. Can you think of another option?
Speaker 11:
[48:23] You can think of another option.
Speaker 14:
[48:25] Yeah?
Speaker 9:
[48:27] Well, I just lost an arm, a foot and my friends. I'm exploring any option I can, right?
Speaker 11:
[48:33] This wasn't Gloria's plan.
Speaker 9:
[48:35] It wasn't a plan. It was a panic button. Building a weapon and using it against the bad guys, that's a plan.
Speaker 11:
[48:43] Kid, you promised you'd never make it.
Speaker 9:
[48:46] What if we can't stop him? What if we can't stop him because nobody's willing to make a tough call?
Speaker 11:
[48:54] I'm not here to be Einstein to your Oppenheimer Buster.
Speaker 9:
[48:57] Well, why the hell are you here?
Speaker 11:
[49:01] I'm not, Leif. It's just you.
Speaker 1:
[49:08] Today's episode is brought to you by Bilt. Folks, nobody wants to pay the rent. They wrote a whole Broadway musical about it. But if you have to pay the rent, Bilt makes it worth it. Bilt is revolutionizing how millions think about paying rent by rewarding their members with points and exclusive benefits around their neighborhood every single month. By paying rent through Bilt, you earn flexible points that can be redeemed towards hundreds of hotels and airlines, a future rent payment, your next Lyft ride and a whole lot more. But it doesn't stop there. Bilt is about making your entire neighborhood more rewarding. You can dine out at your favorite restaurants and earn additional points. You can finally get the VIP treatment that you deserve at fitness studios and enjoy exclusive experiences just for Bilt members. Your rent is finally working for you. Earn points on rent and around your neighborhood wherever you call home by going to joinbuilt.com/burger. That's J O I N B I L t.com/burger. Make sure you use our URL so they know we sent you.
Speaker 20:
[50:17] DSW designer shoe warehouse is the one stop shop for all your footwear needs with sneakers, boots, and everything in between for every style, mood, and occasion. You'll definitely find shoes that get you at prices that get your budget. DSW has what you need, but more importantly, they have what you didn't even know you wanted. You never know what you'll find at DSW. Find the shoes that get you at prices that get your budget at DSW stores or dsw.com.
Speaker 21:
[51:42] Hey, Hann.
Speaker 4:
[51:43] Yeah?
Speaker 21:
[51:44] I found that missing harvest droid.
Speaker 8:
[51:47] Uh-oh, how's it doing?
Speaker 21:
[51:49] It's trying its best, but its best is not enough.
Speaker 8:
[51:52] Be sure and give it high marks for effort.
Speaker 21:
[51:55] You need to stop treating the droids like they're our children.
Speaker 8:
[51:58] But they're trying so hard, honey.
Speaker 21:
[52:01] Well, I'm about to take this child of ours into my workshop and take it apart piece by piece. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 8:
[52:07] Yeah, the analogy kind of breaks down at that point, doesn't it? It does.
Speaker 21:
[52:12] Uh, how are you guys doing up there?
Speaker 8:
[52:14] She still hates the new visor.
Speaker 21:
[52:17] Does she understand that her only other option is blindness?
Speaker 8:
[52:20] She does. That doesn't keep her from complaining about it.
Speaker 21:
[52:24] Has she tried to make you a deal yet?
Speaker 8:
[52:26] Of course she has. She says she'll double her drawers if she can wear her old visor.
Speaker 21:
[52:31] Her old visor doesn't even fit her.
Speaker 8:
[52:32] She doesn't seem to care.
Speaker 21:
[52:35] Ooh, suddenly repairing this droid all afternoon doesn't sound so bad.
Speaker 8:
[52:38] She's a menace, this daughter of yours.
Speaker 21:
[52:41] Okay, why is she called my daughter when she's being a menace?
Speaker 8:
[52:44] You're the scientist. Do the math.
Speaker 21:
[52:46] We're both scientists.
Speaker 8:
[52:47] Doesn't feel like it right now.
Speaker 21:
[52:49] I promise tomorrow I'll let you do robot repair all day long while I negotiate with the menace.
Speaker 7:
[52:55] Thank you.
Speaker 3:
[52:57] Ah.
Speaker 21:
[52:59] Hon?
Speaker 8:
[53:00] Yeah?
Speaker 21:
[53:02] Have you seen any weird drones lately?
Speaker 8:
[53:04] Weird how?
Speaker 21:
[53:06] Weird like you've never seen them before.
Speaker 4:
[53:08] No.
Speaker 8:
[53:09] Is our neighbor being weird again?
Speaker 21:
[53:12] Maybe. See you in a bit.
Speaker 4:
[53:14] Okay.
Speaker 21:
[53:22] Oh, what the hell.
Speaker 3:
[53:25] Hello?
Speaker 21:
[53:28] Hello?
Speaker 9:
[53:33] Sorry about the drones. It's my first time on this planet. I don't know where I'm going.
Speaker 21:
[53:38] No problem. Can I point you in the right direction?
Speaker 9:
[53:45] Um, town?
Speaker 21:
[53:48] Town. You're on a colony candidate right now. You're not going to find a lot of towns.
Speaker 9:
[53:54] Oh, yeah?
Speaker 21:
[53:55] If you're looking for a town, you may want to wait a generation or two.
Speaker 10:
[54:00] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[54:02] Sorry to trouble you.
Speaker 21:
[54:03] Excuse me. Are you an Earthling?
Speaker 3:
[54:07] Oh, yeah, I am.
Speaker 9:
[54:11] I know. Weird, right?
Speaker 21:
[54:13] I've never met an Earthling before. How did you get all the way out here?
Speaker 9:
[54:17] Long story. Where am I?
Speaker 21:
[54:21] You're on Dariel. It's a colony candidate in the Edge of Triangulum.
Speaker 3:
[54:25] Okay.
Speaker 21:
[54:27] Just doing some sightseeing?
Speaker 3:
[54:31] Uh...
Speaker 9:
[54:34] I'm actually trying to finish a game of Zomcom.
Speaker 21:
[54:40] Zomcom?
Speaker 14:
[54:43] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[54:45] I started one with a friend a while back, and then we lost touch. Is that you, side my shovel?
Speaker 21:
[54:57] Two-Polar Gap?
Speaker 9:
[54:59] Surprise.
Speaker 3:
[55:02] You're an Earthling?
Speaker 9:
[55:03] I am.
Speaker 21:
[55:04] How the hell did you find me?
Speaker 9:
[55:07] Chat threads on Tangle Games are not nearly as anonymous as you think they are.
Speaker 21:
[55:14] It's really you.
Speaker 9:
[55:15] It's really me.
Speaker 21:
[55:17] What happened to you? It's been ages. I got a little sidetracked, you know, life stuff, and you just decided to show up at my farm all of a sudden.
Speaker 9:
[55:34] Are you still working on it?
Speaker 21:
[55:37] I am? You?
Speaker 3:
[55:40] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[55:42] In fact, I think I solved one of our biggest problems. That's why I'm here in person, actually. Anything from this point on shouldn't have a text thread attached to it.
Speaker 21:
[55:55] Wow, you're serious?
Speaker 9:
[55:56] Yeah.
Speaker 3:
[55:58] All right.
Speaker 21:
[56:01] An Earthling?
Speaker 9:
[56:02] An Earthling.
Speaker 21:
[56:05] Well, it's nice to finally meet you.
Speaker 9:
[56:07] You too.
Speaker 21:
[56:08] You better come inside.
Speaker 5:
[56:10] Good morning, colonists. Here's the weather report for Colony Candidate 1.2-12, Region 118. Light wind will continue throughout the day with a 13% chance of precipitation in the next three days. You are projected 57 days from autumnal conditions. As always, please report any deviations from standard predictions to your Colony Candidate Nexus. Have a wonderful day.
Speaker 8:
[56:35] Terrwyn? Terrwyn, come eat food, please.
Speaker 22:
[56:42] I'm not hungry.
Speaker 8:
[56:43] Sure you are.
Speaker 13:
[56:45] I'm not.
Speaker 8:
[56:46] Sweetie, a hunger strike is not going to get me to change my mind about the visor.
Speaker 22:
[56:53] I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 4:
[56:55] Okay.
Speaker 21:
[56:56] Hello?
Speaker 8:
[56:57] Aren't you supposed to be fixing a robot?
Speaker 21:
[57:00] You're not going to believe this, but we've got company.
Speaker 8:
[57:05] Company?
Speaker 13:
[57:06] Yes.
Speaker 8:
[57:09] You mean I'm actually going to have a conversation with someone who's not my husband or my daughter?
Speaker 21:
[57:18] Can you believe it?
Speaker 4:
[57:19] Oh, hello there.
Speaker 10:
[57:22] Hey.
Speaker 21:
[57:22] This is... Holy shit, I don't know your real name.
Speaker 10:
[57:25] Right.
Speaker 9:
[57:25] I don't know yours either. I'm Jeremy. Jeremy Imsen.
Speaker 21:
[57:30] I'm Hannes. This is KatKat.
Speaker 4:
[57:32] Hi. Wait. What's going on?
Speaker 21:
[57:34] Honey, this is...
Speaker 13:
[57:37] This is Two Polar Cat.
Speaker 8:
[57:41] Holy shit, really?
Speaker 13:
[57:42] Yeah.
Speaker 8:
[57:43] How the hell did you find us?
Speaker 21:
[57:45] It's okay. She knows everything.
Speaker 9:
[57:47] Me and your husband were comparing notes back and forth on the chat thread for a private game of Zomcon.
Speaker 8:
[57:51] Right.
Speaker 9:
[57:52] It's a cheap and dirty way to have a private conversation through a comms node, but it gets to a point when you've got to take the next step.
Speaker 8:
[57:58] I see. And this is the next step?
Speaker 14:
[58:02] It is.
Speaker 8:
[58:05] You're an Earthling?
Speaker 3:
[58:07] I am.
Speaker 8:
[58:08] So...
Speaker 9:
[58:09] I know.
Speaker 8:
[58:10] You're telling me that you and my husband are on the brink of a scientific breakthrough?
Speaker 9:
[58:18] I think so. Yes.
Speaker 8:
[58:20] And you're an Earthling?
Speaker 9:
[58:21] We're not known for our scientific breakthroughs.
Speaker 8:
[58:24] You're not?
Speaker 9:
[58:25] I'm a bit of an outlier.
Speaker 8:
[58:26] In several ways.
Speaker 9:
[58:27] In several ways.
Speaker 8:
[58:30] I told you you could be tracked through those games.
Speaker 21:
[58:32] I know you did.
Speaker 8:
[58:34] We could have had someone much worse than Jeremy showing up at our door.
Speaker 21:
[58:38] I know that now.
Speaker 22:
[58:38] Who's out there?
Speaker 8:
[58:40] Terrwyn, we've got company. Why don't you come out of your room?
Speaker 22:
[58:45] Who is it?
Speaker 8:
[58:47] I'm not having a conversation through a-
Speaker 22:
[58:49] Give me a hint.
Speaker 8:
[58:51] That's our daughter, Terrwyn. She's going to be the president of something one day, but right now she's just a pain in the ass. Hello there.
Speaker 22:
[59:02] Hello, I'm Terrwyn.
Speaker 9:
[59:04] Hey, I'm Jeremy.
Speaker 22:
[59:06] It's nice to meet you, Jeremy. Jeremy, don't you agree that this visor I'm wearing is too big for my face? It makes me look ridiculous?
Speaker 9:
[59:14] I'm sure you'll grow into it.
Speaker 22:
[59:16] But, Jeremy, don't you agree it makes more sense for me to wear my adolescent visor which fits me much better?
Speaker 9:
[59:22] I think you should probably do whatever your mom says, Terrwyn.
Speaker 22:
[59:27] I'm going to need a better answer than that, Jeremy.
Speaker 3:
[59:31] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[59:34] How about the fact that you appear to be a crimson nixite, and if you don't wear that visor, you'll be blind.
Speaker 22:
[59:41] Granted. But I offer a counterpoint.
Speaker 9:
[59:44] How old are you?
Speaker 22:
[59:45] My adolescent visor fits me much better. Why should I be forced to wear the visor I don't like?
Speaker 9:
[59:51] Because your parents told you to.
Speaker 22:
[59:53] I see. So we're to be enemies, you and I.
Speaker 9:
[59:58] Wow.
Speaker 21:
[59:58] Terrwyn, don't drag Jeremy into your personal crusades, please.
Speaker 22:
[60:01] I look like I'm wearing a spacecraft on my face, Dad.
Speaker 21:
[60:04] You don't look like that at all.
Speaker 22:
[60:06] Jeremy, you're in Earthling.
Speaker 9:
[60:09] Yep.
Speaker 7:
[60:10] How did you get here?
Speaker 9:
[60:12] It's a very long story.
Speaker 22:
[60:13] Really?
Speaker 9:
[60:14] Yes.
Speaker 22:
[60:14] Well, you're in luck, Jeremy.
Speaker 9:
[60:17] Why is that?
Speaker 22:
[60:18] Because when my parents informed me that I was going to have to wear a visor on my face that was roughly the size of a planetoid, they also told me that I was now going to be spoken to like an adult in the house. Mom, can you confirm that, please?
Speaker 8:
[60:33] I did say that, yes.
Speaker 22:
[60:36] Okay, then. Let's hear it, Jeremy.
Speaker 8:
[60:38] Actually, Winnie, I think we all want to hear this story. How about we set up the table for all of us and Jeremy can tell us a story.
Speaker 9:
[60:47] Okay.
Speaker 8:
[60:48] Hannes, can you put some music on, please?
Speaker 21:
[60:50] Hell yeah.
Speaker 9:
[60:55] Anyway, so there we were at the top of the mine with a cadre of Ted's waiting for us. They said what we created was too much too soon for the human race and that they would like to make us all a deal.
Speaker 21:
[61:05] A deal?
Speaker 9:
[61:06] Yeah.
Speaker 8:
[61:06] In exchange for what?
Speaker 9:
[61:09] In exchange for pretending like we didn't discover something.
Speaker 8:
[61:13] Get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 9:
[61:14] No, it's true.
Speaker 21:
[61:15] What did you discover?
Speaker 9:
[61:16] Dark matter.
Speaker 21:
[61:17] Earthlings haven't discovered dark matter?
Speaker 9:
[61:19] This Earthling did.
Speaker 8:
[61:20] But they wanted you to keep it a secret?
Speaker 9:
[61:23] They did.
Speaker 8:
[61:24] And you just said, okay.
Speaker 9:
[61:27] I mean, it was a long time ago. I was a kid and suddenly I'm confronted by not just an alien race, but confirmation that there were aliens to begin with.
Speaker 21:
[61:37] A discovery like that would have transformed your planet.
Speaker 9:
[61:40] Would it have?
Speaker 21:
[61:41] An unlimited energy source for a planet that's still primarily run by hydrocarbons? Of course it would have.
Speaker 9:
[61:46] Has it changed anything out here? It's not like once you leave Earth, there's suddenly no crime or poverty or injustice, right? The TEDs still exist, they're still pirates. The Iron Quadrant is still poor. The original coalition is still rich. I guess I've never seen technology change people. People change or they don't, whether they're holding a tangle or a club.
Speaker 22:
[62:12] Can I get a tangle?
Speaker 8:
[62:14] How long have the TEDs been doing things like this?
Speaker 21:
[62:18] The TEDs messing with Earth is one of the worst kept secrets in the Triad.
Speaker 9:
[62:21] Yeah, I don't think it would come as a surprise to anyone.
Speaker 8:
[62:24] Do they do this with other planets?
Speaker 10:
[62:26] Just us.
Speaker 8:
[62:27] That's curious.
Speaker 9:
[62:28] It is a little curious. But another Earthling I met out here was this Australian guy. Australia is a part of Earth.
Speaker 22:
[62:37] Yeah, kangaroos.
Speaker 9:
[62:38] That's right. That's where kangaroos are. He had this theory that's always stuck in my head. He said that if any group has cultural power, there will be a concerted effort to keep them away from political power. Because a combination of political power and cultural power would be unstoppable. What are we listening to right now?
Speaker 8:
[63:01] It's Mozart.
Speaker 3:
[63:02] Right.
Speaker 9:
[63:04] A piece of music written hundreds of years ago on my planet is being played light years away. If that's not cultural dominance, I don't know what is. We're speaking English right now, from my planet. Because everyone loves our movies and TV and books. If you somehow added technology and some political power to that, the Teds would be cooked. So they try and keep us as dumb as they can. Terrwyn, how am I doing? Do you feel like I'm talking to you like an adult?
Speaker 22:
[63:36] What happened to your arm?
Speaker 9:
[63:37] Winnie?
Speaker 3:
[63:38] No, it's fine.
Speaker 9:
[63:40] I was working in court design for a while. One of the drives became unstable and there was an explosion. Did it hurt? Mercifully, I don't remember it happening. I just woke up and post-op.
Speaker 22:
[63:53] What does it feel like now?
Speaker 9:
[63:55] It takes some getting used to. It's better than having no arm, but it's no replacement for the real thing.
Speaker 22:
[64:00] If I poke you, will you feel it?
Speaker 9:
[64:03] Kind of.
Speaker 8:
[64:04] Okay, we're bombarding Jeremy with questions. Jeremy, it's your turn.
Speaker 9:
[64:10] Well, Hannes, you're from Sepsu, I'm assuming.
Speaker 21:
[64:14] That's right. Sepsu, see hi.
Speaker 9:
[64:16] CatKat, you're from Sigius, obviously, and you, with the brand new visor, you're a crimson nixite.
Speaker 22:
[64:23] I am.
Speaker 9:
[64:24] One family, three races. What's going on there?
Speaker 8:
[64:30] There's an adoption lottery on my planet for couples who aren't genetically compatible. That's how we got Terrwyn.
Speaker 22:
[64:36] Nobody wants kids from my planet, but they adopted me anyway.
Speaker 21:
[64:40] Terrwyn, don't say things like that.
Speaker 22:
[64:41] It's true, Jeremy. Nobody wants to deal with a kid who has to wear a red visor everywhere. Frankly, I know how they feel right now.
Speaker 8:
[64:49] Where do you hear these things?
Speaker 22:
[64:50] One of my study partners told me.
Speaker 21:
[64:52] Well, your study partner is an idiot.
Speaker 22:
[64:53] You can't say that about other kids, Dad.
Speaker 21:
[64:56] Sure I can. Call him right now, I'll tell him to his face.
Speaker 22:
[64:58] I can't call him. I don't have a tangle.
Speaker 9:
[65:02] I have a friend from Nix. She's one of the smartest people I've ever met.
Speaker 22:
[65:07] Really?
Speaker 10:
[65:07] Yes.
Speaker 9:
[65:09] Her name's Libuza. She's a flaxie in Nixite, And she's a friggin genius. You should tell your friend.
Speaker 8:
[65:17] Uh-oh, lunch break is over. Back to school.
Speaker 22:
[65:20] You can't call it school if it's just my room.
Speaker 8:
[65:22] It's the closest thing we've got out here in the CCs, kiddo. Get in there.
Speaker 22:
[65:27] How long are you staying, Jeremy?
Speaker 9:
[65:28] I'm not sure yet.
Speaker 22:
[65:30] Well, it would be rude of you to leave without saying goodbye.
Speaker 9:
[65:34] I'll be sure and say goodbye then.
Speaker 18:
[65:36] Thank you.
Speaker 22:
[65:37] Mom, I'm about to be laughed at by other children because I'm wearing a green silo on my face. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 8:
[65:45] I'd feel worse about it if I didn't know you were exaggerating for effect.
Speaker 22:
[65:49] Goodbye.
Speaker 8:
[65:49] See you at dinner.
Speaker 10:
[65:55] She's great.
Speaker 8:
[65:56] I feel like Hannes and I are doing a great job. But she has the distinct ability to make it feel like we're constantly failing her.
Speaker 9:
[66:05] Take it from me. You guys are doing great. I wanted to leave home so bad, I left the planet and the galaxy.
Speaker 8:
[66:12] Yeah, how does that work exactly? You can't really tell mom and dad you've gone to space, right?
Speaker 9:
[66:17] For me, it wasn't much of an issue. Some people on Earth decide to leave society behind and go live in the woods. My parents were those people. My dad hates technology and my mother is literally allergic to it, so it's not like I'd be able to call them. Last they heard from me, I was on a research station on the other side of the planet.
Speaker 8:
[66:38] Wait, humans can be allergic to technology?
Speaker 9:
[66:43] No, actually. Some of them think that electromagnetic fields make them sick. There's no proof that's true, but that doesn't stop some Earthlings from feeling that way.
Speaker 8:
[66:54] But, you're an engineer.
Speaker 9:
[66:57] Yeah.
Speaker 8:
[66:58] So, the things you would make made your mom sick?
Speaker 9:
[67:04] Yeah, it wasn't great. That on top of having a dad who was a pretty big asshole made leaving pretty easy. So like I said, you guys are doing a great job.
Speaker 8:
[67:17] Okay, well, on to other business. I'm going to open up a bottle of Festin Lye.
Speaker 21:
[67:23] Oh, really? What's the special occasion?
Speaker 8:
[67:25] We're all going to have a glass and you two are going to tell me what the fuck is going on.
Speaker 21:
[67:32] I see.
Speaker 9:
[67:32] I hope I haven't gotten anyone in trouble.
Speaker 21:
[67:34] You haven't.
Speaker 8:
[67:34] I'll be the judge of that. Okay.
Speaker 9:
[67:36] Why don't you tell me what you know and I'll fill in the rest.
Speaker 8:
[67:40] Okay. So I know that we had to leave the Coalition Planets behind so that Hannes could continue his research. I know that he had an anonymous little helper that up and vanished a while back. I now know that that anonymous little helper is somehow an Earthling.
Speaker 9:
[68:01] And you know what his research is about, I'm assuming.
Speaker 21:
[68:04] She knows.
Speaker 4:
[68:05] I know.
Speaker 8:
[68:07] When we first started seeing each other and he finally confessed to me that his pet project was a doomsday device, I strongly questioned my taste in potential partners.
Speaker 9:
[68:18] Understandable.
Speaker 8:
[68:19] But then he finally convinced me that he was researching it so that he could prevent it from ever being built.
Speaker 9:
[68:26] Well, the idea was if we can come up with a viable model for this doomsday device, it meant someone else could too. Which would mean someone needs to come up with a way to defend against it.
Speaker 21:
[68:38] Our home planets want nothing to do with this research, which is why we had to leave, so I could keep working.
Speaker 9:
[68:43] What else would you like to know?
Speaker 21:
[68:44] This is actually when she decides she doesn't want to hear any more about it, which I get.
Speaker 8:
[68:49] He told me you had a cute little name for this thing.
Speaker 9:
[68:53] A cow catcher.
Speaker 4:
[68:54] Uh-huh.
Speaker 8:
[68:58] How does it work?
Speaker 21:
[69:00] You're sure you want to know this, Kat?
Speaker 8:
[69:02] Sweetie, Jeremy hasn't shown up because he's on vacation. You had a breakthrough, I'm assuming?
Speaker 3:
[69:08] Yeah, I have.
Speaker 8:
[69:12] So, how does it work?
Speaker 3:
[69:16] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[69:19] Imagine a missile that travels faster than the speed of light. If you're traveling faster than light, one of the many potential problems is photon collection. You're now traveling faster than photons, which means some of them may collect on your hull. A cow catcher is designed to collect as many photons as possible as it travels faster than light. When a cow catcher arrives at its target, it doesn't blow up or anything, it just stops.
Speaker 21:
[69:48] And every single photon it's collected is suddenly released at the speed of light.
Speaker 9:
[69:52] If you've traveled faster than the speed of light for long enough, when a cow catcher stops, it could potentially release enough energy to obliterate an entire solar system.
Speaker 13:
[70:05] Fuck.
Speaker 14:
[70:06] Yeah.
Speaker 21:
[70:08] It's like dropping a supernova in your enemy's backyard.
Speaker 8:
[70:11] Feeling pretty justified in not asking about your work, honey.
Speaker 21:
[70:16] I know. I'm sorry.
Speaker 8:
[70:20] So, what's the verdict? Am I going to be staying up nights afraid that we are suddenly going to be atomized?
Speaker 9:
[70:27] I was hoping at some point your husband and I could compare notes so we could see how much sleep you have to lose.
Speaker 8:
[70:35] Well, I'm glad I started drinking early.
Speaker 21:
[70:46] So, here's the visualization of the warp bubble. As you can see, in front of the bubble, space-time contracts, and at the back of the bubble, it expands. The weapon technically stays still, while the warp bubble it's contained in travels faster than light. The most unexpected thing I found is that, assuming the power source is consistent, acceleration can be infinite.
Speaker 3:
[71:06] Really?
Speaker 21:
[71:07] So, not only would this theoretically go faster than light, it can go several times faster.
Speaker 3:
[71:12] Nice.
Speaker 21:
[71:13] As you might be able to tell, I just took the basic ideas from an inertial dampener, and I kept expanding the idea. It was way too unruly at first, but if I modify the bubble geometry to make the walls of the bubble thicker, it gets much more stable.
Speaker 14:
[71:29] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[71:32] There it is.
Speaker 14:
[71:33] Yeah.
Speaker 21:
[71:34] It's possible, for sure. And I think with this new bubble construction, it'll require a lot less power. But it will still need a very powerful engine, something more powerful than anything out there.
Speaker 9:
[71:46] And that's where I come in.
Speaker 21:
[71:48] How have things been going on your end?
Speaker 9:
[71:50] Hang on. Let me connect to my ship's drive.
Speaker 21:
[71:54] Can you imagine if the Teds got a hold of something like this? They could end a rebellion at the drop of a hat with one of these.
Speaker 9:
[72:03] They could. But the Teds are just as dependent on the triad as we are on them. They start blowing up star systems, and they're ending their lifeline of natural resources. Also, they religiously ban any research on faster than light travel, since it would be a direct competitor to their warp gates. I don't worry about the Teds. I worry about bad actors. I worry about pirates, terrorists. Then past that, I worry about proliferation. Suddenly, we're living in a world where three galaxies all have a gun pointed at each other. Ok, this is Uncle Rogue. It's a dark matter engine. A dark matter engine isn't the kind of power signature that we're looking for, but if I keep the basic idea intact, but flip it on its head, it can harvest dark energy instead of dark matter.
Speaker 21:
[73:02] So, the fuel source has negative energy density.
Speaker 14:
[73:05] Exactly.
Speaker 9:
[73:07] So, I've got my simulation now plugged into your simulation. Let's see what happens.
Speaker 14:
[73:19] Holy shit.
Speaker 21:
[73:22] Oh, it works.
Speaker 9:
[73:25] Hammer of the fucking gods.
Speaker 21:
[73:28] How fast is it going?
Speaker 9:
[73:30] 1.3 times the speed of light, but watch what happens when I speed up the timeline.
Speaker 21:
[73:39] 1.4, 1.5, it's getting faster.
Speaker 9:
[73:41] Just like you said. Looks like, forgive the Earth metric, but after traveling for a year, it'll be going 5.7 times faster than the speed of light.
Speaker 21:
[73:52] And it'll just keep going?
Speaker 9:
[73:54] Until it hits its target.
Speaker 21:
[73:57] This is amazing.
Speaker 9:
[73:58] Yes.
Speaker 21:
[73:58] It's also very bad.
Speaker 9:
[73:59] Also that.
Speaker 10:
[74:00] Oh, oh.
Speaker 21:
[74:03] Oh, this is a very strange feeling.
Speaker 9:
[74:05] Because it's an amazing breakthrough, and also the most destructive weapon ever created?
Speaker 10:
[74:10] Yes.
Speaker 9:
[74:11] This may help. I've zoomed out on the simulation. Look at the energy wake.
Speaker 21:
[74:23] It's emitting something.
Speaker 14:
[74:25] Yeah.
Speaker 21:
[74:26] It's emitting waves forward.
Speaker 9:
[74:28] It is.
Speaker 21:
[74:30] How can it send anything forward when it's going faster than anything in the universe?
Speaker 9:
[74:35] Those are gravity waves. And because of the gravitational distortion...
Speaker 21:
[74:40] It's sending gravity waves forward in time.
Speaker 9:
[74:42] That's right. If you can keep an eye out for this very specific frequency of gravity waves, conceivably, you can detect this thing before it's even launched.
Speaker 21:
[74:55] Oh, I know I've studied this my entire life, but physics is so fucked up, man, right? So yes, this is the most dangerous weapon ever created, but it's got an early warning system built into it.
Speaker 9:
[75:08] Yes, which, look, it would be great if it didn't work at all, but at least you can see it coming. If you can see it coming, you can figure out how to stop it, but only if people know about it.
Speaker 21:
[75:23] We need to tell someone.
Speaker 14:
[75:24] Yes.
Speaker 21:
[75:25] But even making this simulation is highly illegal. Who do we tell?
Speaker 9:
[75:29] There's someone on Sigius you can talk to. Her name's Weyla. She's the mom of a friend of mine. She'll know what to do.
Speaker 14:
[75:38] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[75:41] There's something we have to do first.
Speaker 14:
[75:43] What?
Speaker 11:
[75:44] Get real drunk.
Speaker 21:
[75:46] Ha ha ha. Fuck yeah, we do.
Speaker 9:
[76:13] Engines on. Flight path calculation parameters. Quadrant search for unstable unicorn.
Speaker 22:
[76:21] Hi.
Speaker 14:
[76:22] Oh, shit.
Speaker 10:
[76:25] Hey, Terrwyn.
Speaker 22:
[76:27] I said leaving without saying goodbye would be very rude.
Speaker 9:
[76:32] You did say that? I'm sorry.
Speaker 22:
[76:37] Where are you going?
Speaker 9:
[76:39] I've got some work to do.
Speaker 22:
[76:41] What kind of work?
Speaker 9:
[76:43] I'm a freelance engineer, so I go where the work is.
Speaker 22:
[76:48] Your work is on an unstable unicorn?
Speaker 9:
[76:54] Ah, kind of. What I'm doing is called a build order. I'm making something from the ground up, so it's nice to have enough space. I have a tendency to settle down on an unstable unicorn for a while and do most of the work there. No distractions, no danger of setting the neighbor's house on fire.
Speaker 22:
[77:16] What are you building?
Speaker 9:
[77:17] Nothing too exciting. Water harvester for a dry planet.
Speaker 22:
[77:22] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[77:26] So it's just you and your folks out here, huh?
Speaker 16:
[77:29] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[77:31] You don't get to hang out with kids your age?
Speaker 22:
[77:33] School is just a monitor screen for me. Once a month we all take a field trip together.
Speaker 9:
[77:39] That must be fun.
Speaker 22:
[77:41] Kids my age are pretty annoying.
Speaker 3:
[77:44] Okay.
Speaker 22:
[77:46] But they're fine. How did you know you wanted to be an engineer?
Speaker 9:
[77:54] I couldn't help myself really. Even when I was younger than you, I kept making stuff, taking stuff apart, putting it back together.
Speaker 10:
[78:03] How about you?
Speaker 9:
[78:04] What do you want to be?
Speaker 22:
[78:06] I don't know. Is it true that everyone on my planet is a lawyer?
Speaker 9:
[78:13] On the crimson side of the planet, sure. Lawyers, deal makers. Usually if there's a deal to be made in the triad, there's a crimson nicksite involved somehow.
Speaker 22:
[78:23] But not on the other side?
Speaker 9:
[78:25] No. On the flaxseed side, you'll get a lot of astronomers and musicians.
Speaker 22:
[78:30] Okay. I don't think I want to do any of that.
Speaker 9:
[78:33] That's fine.
Speaker 22:
[78:36] And I don't know how to figure out what to do with my life.
Speaker 9:
[78:41] Are you asking me for life advice, Terrwyn?
Speaker 22:
[78:45] I don't talk to a lot of other adults other than my parents. I'm taking advantage of the situation.
Speaker 9:
[78:53] I see. Anytime now, you're going to do something and for some inexplicable reason, you're going to be better at it than the other kids. Listen to those moments.
Speaker 22:
[79:08] Um, that's pretty vague.
Speaker 3:
[79:11] Sorry.
Speaker 22:
[79:13] Crap! Don't tell my mom!
Speaker 14:
[79:15] What?
Speaker 8:
[79:18] Oh, hey.
Speaker 3:
[79:21] Hey.
Speaker 8:
[79:22] Judging by how drunk Hannes was when he went to sleep, the two of you had a pretty big night.
Speaker 10:
[79:28] Yeah.
Speaker 11:
[79:29] Yeah, we did.
Speaker 4:
[79:31] Really?
Speaker 14:
[79:34] Really.
Speaker 8:
[79:36] I'm going to have a drink.
Speaker 9:
[79:39] Okay.
Speaker 8:
[79:39] You?
Speaker 3:
[79:40] No, I'm good.
Speaker 8:
[79:46] You know, two guys coming up with a working model for a doomsday device does not seem like a good reason to do some heavy drinking. Or maybe it does, depending on your perspective.
Speaker 9:
[80:01] I'm sure it seems pretty weird, but it was a serious breakthrough.
Speaker 8:
[80:07] So he's going to be able to go to Sigius and show them this doomsday device, and they'll start to take it seriously?
Speaker 9:
[80:15] Absolutely.
Speaker 8:
[80:18] It can really destroy an entire solar system?
Speaker 3:
[80:23] Yeah.
Speaker 9:
[80:25] Yeah, it can.
Speaker 13:
[80:27] Hmm.
Speaker 8:
[80:29] I'm a scientist, too, you know?
Speaker 3:
[80:31] Oh, yeah?
Speaker 8:
[80:32] It's not as fancy as a theoretical physicist. I think earthlings call me a limnologist.
Speaker 3:
[80:41] I'm not familiar.
Speaker 8:
[80:42] Lakes and rivers. Freshwater systems.
Speaker 10:
[80:45] That's cool.
Speaker 8:
[80:46] You know what, Jeremy? It is cool. Thank you for saying so. I convinced Hannes that we should come out here to the colony candidate so that I could study the freshwater systems of all these untouched planets. But really, things were getting a little scary in the triad. Have you noticed that?
Speaker 3:
[81:07] Sure.
Speaker 8:
[81:09] I wanted to get away from it all, go somewhere where I didn't have to worry about inner system politics or the Teds or...
Speaker 9:
[81:18] Doomsday Machines?
Speaker 4:
[81:20] Yes.
Speaker 9:
[81:24] I really do mean it when I call this good news. Sidious is an amazing place, and it's an amazing example to other planets. But they've got to get their heads out of the sand on this.
Speaker 8:
[81:36] Their heads out of the sand?
Speaker 9:
[81:39] Sorry, it's an earth thing. There's this bird called an ostrich. Never mind. It's not enough for Sidious to just take care of its own business. It's got to take the lead on things like this.
Speaker 8:
[81:51] I know.
Speaker 9:
[81:52] I know where you're coming from. The desire to escape is something I'm very familiar with. But it always comes for you. In the end, there's no safe place.
Speaker 8:
[82:05] And on that tranquil note, I'm off to bed.
Speaker 3:
[82:10] Sorry.
Speaker 8:
[82:11] It's okay. I understand where you're coming from, Jeremy. I'm glad you showed up. He was starting to consider taking farming more seriously.
Speaker 9:
[82:22] Gross.
Speaker 8:
[82:22] Right?
Speaker 22:
[82:30] Thanks for not saying anything.
Speaker 9:
[82:32] So you get spoken to like an adult, but you still have a mandatory bedtime.
Speaker 22:
[82:39] It's a little contradictory around here, Jeremy.
Speaker 3:
[82:42] Okay.
Speaker 22:
[82:46] You lied to us earlier.
Speaker 9:
[82:51] I did?
Speaker 22:
[82:53] You said that you knew someone from my planet named Libuza.
Speaker 9:
[82:58] That's right.
Speaker 22:
[83:00] I don't remember my planet, so I read about it sometimes. No one is allowed to be named that on my planet. It's a sacred name.
Speaker 10:
[83:10] Really?
Speaker 22:
[83:12] A long time ago, there was someone named Libuza on my planet. She's famous for being the daughter of this warlord guy. So unless you were alive a long time ago, you were lying to us.
Speaker 9:
[83:26] Sorry, I must have heard the name somewhere, and I guess I was trying to make you feel better.
Speaker 22:
[83:33] You don't have to do that.
Speaker 3:
[83:35] Okay.
Speaker 22:
[83:38] I hate this visor, Jeremy.
Speaker 9:
[83:40] Really? I hadn't heard.
Speaker 22:
[83:42] I'm the only kid in my class that has one.
Speaker 9:
[83:45] That doesn't make you feel cool?
Speaker 22:
[83:47] Do I look cool to you?
Speaker 16:
[83:50] Kind of.
Speaker 22:
[83:51] I look like a Raxian riot cop.
Speaker 9:
[83:56] I'll tell you what. I can make that visor cool real quick, but you can't tell your parents.
Speaker 16:
[84:03] How?
Speaker 9:
[84:04] Can you give it to me?
Speaker 22:
[84:05] Um, okay.
Speaker 3:
[84:08] Thank you.
Speaker 22:
[84:10] What are you doing?
Speaker 3:
[84:12] Don't panic.
Speaker 9:
[84:13] But the sound you're about to hear is the sound of me cracking open the data center for your visor.
Speaker 22:
[84:18] Uh, I don't think you're supposed to do that.
Speaker 9:
[84:20] I'm definitely not.
Speaker 3:
[84:22] Hang on.
Speaker 9:
[84:24] See, they wanted to sell visors with upgrades on them, but they found it was cheaper to sell everyone the same visor with the upgrades locked away, and you can pay to have them unlocked.
Speaker 2:
[84:37] Upgrades?
Speaker 9:
[84:39] There we go.
Speaker 3:
[84:40] Okay.
Speaker 9:
[84:41] Put it back on.
Speaker 22:
[84:42] Okay. Um, it looks the same.
Speaker 9:
[84:47] So, that button on the side that doesn't do anything? Give it a try.
Speaker 4:
[84:54] Whoa!
Speaker 9:
[84:55] That's a low-light filter.
Speaker 22:
[84:57] It looks like it's the middle of the day.
Speaker 3:
[84:59] I know.
Speaker 17:
[85:01] That is cool.
Speaker 9:
[85:04] What did I tell you? Press it again.
Speaker 22:
[85:07] Okay. What is this?
Speaker 9:
[85:10] That's the Ranger setting. It'll give you a compass, sunrise, sunset, topographical map in the corner.
Speaker 22:
[85:16] Okay. Can I see through walls?
Speaker 3:
[85:20] Kind of.
Speaker 9:
[85:21] Press it again.
Speaker 22:
[85:24] You're a big red blob.
Speaker 9:
[85:27] Thermal imaging.
Speaker 11:
[85:29] Look at the wall.
Speaker 22:
[85:30] There are two more red blobs.
Speaker 9:
[85:34] That's your parents sleeping in the next room.
Speaker 13:
[85:37] Whoa!
Speaker 17:
[85:38] This is amazing!
Speaker 14:
[85:40] See?
Speaker 22:
[85:41] I'm going to use this all the time.
Speaker 9:
[85:43] Good. Just don't get me in trouble.
Speaker 13:
[85:45] Look at them.
Speaker 22:
[85:47] I can see them sleeping through the wall.
Speaker 9:
[85:51] You're always going to know where they are. And they're really going to hate that.
Speaker 22:
[85:58] My parents are now a couple of blobs. Did you know your parents?
Speaker 9:
[86:07] My parents? Yeah. I did.
Speaker 3:
[86:09] I do.
Speaker 22:
[86:12] Do you still talk to them?
Speaker 9:
[86:14] No. It's a little hard to stay in contact when I'm out here.
Speaker 22:
[86:22] Do you think they miss you?
Speaker 9:
[86:25] I think my mom probably does. My dad? That's a little more complicated.
Speaker 22:
[86:34] Are you glad you knew them?
Speaker 3:
[86:38] Yeah. I am.
Speaker 9:
[86:45] Family is a funny word, Terrwyn.
Speaker 22:
[86:48] Why is it a funny word?
Speaker 9:
[86:51] Family is the word you use for the people that give birth to you and who were born with you. That's how most people use the word. And then, one day you find yourself thrown together with a bunch of people you didn't choose and didn't choose you. And after a while, you turn around one day and you realize this collection of strangers you've stumbled into, that if anyone tried to hurt them or take them away from you, that you'd burn the whole world down to stop them. But you're not supposed to call them family.
Speaker 13:
[87:35] What do you call them?
Speaker 9:
[87:38] There's not a word for it in my language. Your dad had a big day today, Terrwyn. You should be proud of him. They're proud of you, too.
Speaker 7:
[87:50] How do you know that?
Speaker 9:
[87:52] Because I know what it looks like when parents are disappointed.
Speaker 22:
[87:58] Earthlings are interesting.
Speaker 3:
[88:02] Thanks.
Speaker 22:
[88:04] I wish you didn't have to go.
Speaker 9:
[88:07] Me, too. But there's something I have to do.
Speaker 22:
[88:13] Can I tell my parents about the visor?
Speaker 9:
[88:17] Yes, but you have to wait until I'm gone.
Speaker 22:
[88:21] Goodbye, Jeremy.
Speaker 9:
[88:24] Goodbye. Begin preflight, let's get out of here.
Speaker 7:
[88:46] It would take a full turn around a star, but the Builder would finally make his weapon. A weapon that used dark ideas to harness dark forces. The Builder faced a cursed god, and the weapon he would use to defeat him would be equally cursed. The ones he loved would find it abhorrent, but the ones he loved were nowhere to be found. The Builder was alone, and when we are alone, we go to the darkest places.
Speaker 9:
[89:26] Status.
Speaker 5:
[89:27] Fuel enrichment at 95%.
Speaker 9:
[89:30] Alert me at 100%.
Speaker 11:
[89:35] Work's almost done, old man.
Speaker 9:
[89:38] It's mounted on the hull, and it will be ready to launch any minute now. Fine.
Speaker 21:
[90:02] Hello, this is Hannes Ilmozakiya. You've reached my comms node. I'm currently residing in the Sigius Colony candidates, and these messages may take a while to reach me.
Speaker 15:
[90:12] Please be patient.
Speaker 9:
[90:15] Hey, Hannes. I imagine after I disappeared on you, you got real worried I had some nefarious purposes. I wanted to leave you this message to let you know that I don't have any dark designs, okay? I'm playing this out in my head. You probably approached Sigius with our design, and they probably had a nice big Sigian freakout. If there was one particular Sigian involved in the conversation, it may have been revealed who it really was that visited your house a while back. So, my name is Leif. If you check the Ted's Top 10 Most Wanted List, actually, you won't find me there, because they think I'm dead.
Speaker 14:
[91:10] I am dead.
Speaker 9:
[91:12] But also not. It's complicated. Full disclosure, Hannes.
Speaker 14:
[91:21] I built it.
Speaker 9:
[91:24] There is currently a fully operational cow catcher attached to the hull of my ship right now. And it's almost at full fuel enrichment. And yes, I am going to fire it. But my target isn't in the triad. It's much farther away. It's headed toward Cryptessia, a place called The Egg. Ask a pirate. They'll tell you all about it. I'll launch it in just a few minutes. It will travel up out of the system and head towards Cryptessia. It'll reach the speed of light within the first day of travel. And after that, it will increase its speed for years. And by my estimation, it'll take about six and a half Earth years to get there. By the time it reaches its target, it will be going faster than maybe anything in the universe has ever traveled. Pretty amazing accomplishment. Too bad it's a weapon. I'm not going to attempt to tell you why I'm doing this. You're going to have to trust me. Yes, I realize how laughable that is. You've got a great family, Hannes. I'm trying to protect them.
Speaker 5:
[92:49] Fuel enrichment at 100%.
Speaker 16:
[92:56] Okay.
Speaker 14:
[93:01] Showtime.
Speaker 9:
[93:04] Launch.
Speaker 3:
[93:05] Beginning launch sequence.
Speaker 9:
[93:23] Eat shit, croc.
Speaker 16:
[93:33] Launch successful.
Speaker 9:
[93:44] I'm going to drink myself to sleep. Set a proximity alarm at.5 parsecs.
Speaker 1:
[93:49] Proximity alarm at.5 parsecs.
Speaker 7:
[93:54] His creation unleashed. The Builder dwelt in darkness now. There is comfort there in the darkest places. Despite the absence of light, we know our dark places well. They are with us always, tempting us away from the sunrise, away from the laughter, away from what could be.
Speaker 10:
[94:30] Ugh, Jesus Christ, what?
Speaker 4:
[94:34] Fuck.
Speaker 9:
[94:35] Identify ship in proximity boundary.
Speaker 1:
[94:37] No ships in proximity boundary.
Speaker 9:
[94:42] Great, nice work. I'm going back to sleep.
Speaker 10:
[94:57] What is that?
Speaker 9:
[95:00] Full range scan for vessels.
Speaker 11:
[95:03] Full range scan. No vessels detected.
Speaker 9:
[95:10] Then what is that sound? Bring up external cameras.
Speaker 4:
[95:22] Nothing.
Speaker 13:
[95:24] What the fuck is that sound?
Speaker 11:
[95:26] I don't recognize that sound. Vent Plasma from Thrusters 2 and 4.
Speaker 6:
[95:41] Venting Plasma. How did he lose the arm?
Speaker 1:
[96:26] Honestly, he hasn't been coherent since the gate shock set in.
Speaker 6:
[96:30] He doesn't get gate shock. That doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:
[96:34] Gate shock is the only term I have for what he's going through. I don't really know what's happened to him.
Speaker 6:
[96:42] His foot too.
Speaker 1:
[96:44] Arm and foot. But it's curious, I have no idea where they came from. I can't identify the manufacturer or the technology. They're more elegant than anything available in the Triad.
Speaker 6:
[96:58] Could he have made it himself?
Speaker 9:
[97:01] Doubtful.
Speaker 1:
[97:03] He always had an aversion to biological interfaces.
Speaker 6:
[97:15] Rough crossing.
Speaker 9:
[97:17] How did I get here?
Speaker 13:
[97:19] Yeah.
Speaker 6:
[97:22] Sit down. A long time ago, I got a message from you. At least, I think it was you. You told me about a nice, quiet place on a mountain, and I thought to myself, this is not the man I knew. Who is this person? I ignored it at first. I'm not sure what to do. My life is complicated. I don't have time for mysteries, so I get on with things. It sits there in my inbox for a very long time. Then one day, news breaks across the triad, something called Midnight Burger, criss-crossing the triad, riling up the locals, and there you are. This is also not the man I knew. It wasn't the man in the message. It wasn't the man that, you know, so. So who the fuck am I talking to right now?
Speaker 9:
[98:41] It's me.
Speaker 6:
[98:42] I know it's you, idiot, but who are you?
Speaker 9:
[98:50] I can't stay on earth. That'll just make it worse. I'll get out of here and hitch a ride somehow. I didn't come here on purpose.
Speaker 6:
[99:01] Earth, huh?
Speaker 9:
[99:03] Yes.
Speaker 6:
[99:09] What? Come outside.
Speaker 10:
[99:14] Why?
Speaker 6:
[99:16] Get up and come outside. Come on.
Speaker 9:
[99:27] What are we doing?
Speaker 6:
[99:28] You remember that sexy thing you used to do where you'd look up at the sky and you could tell exactly where you were just by looking at the stars? No instruments or anything, just that brain of yours.
Speaker 14:
[99:37] Remember that?
Speaker 9:
[99:39] I guess.
Speaker 6:
[99:42] Look up.
Speaker 9:
[99:44] What? What the fuck? Where the fuck am I?
Speaker 6:
[100:09] Welcome to the horizon.
Speaker 13:
[101:00] Are we listening to nothing?
Speaker 16:
[101:04] Are you listening to that music again? We're forbidden from listening to square dancing. I wasn't listening to square dancing. Anything on the scans?
Speaker 13:
[101:16] No. Not yet.
Speaker 16:
[101:19] They told us the ship disappeared in this nebula. It has to be here somewhere. Maybe we're in the wrong nebula. Is it the Kylo Ren Nebula? It's the Kylo Ren Nebula. Then we're in the right nebula. It just looks like purple mist everywhere.
Speaker 13:
[101:36] We'll find you.
Speaker 16:
[101:39] Our sensors don't work very well in here. Then let's go home and tell them we gave up. Would you like to do that? I'm just saying it's going to take a long time. Then it takes a long time. These are our orders.
Speaker 13:
[101:55] Okay. Fine.
Speaker 16:
[102:02] We're here listening to Squaredancing.
Speaker 13:
[102:05] Yes?
Speaker 16:
[102:06] You're going to get us both sent back to processing. I can't help it.
Speaker 13:
[102:10] You can't help it.
Speaker 16:
[102:14] Do you want to hear it? Okay, put it on.
Speaker 21:
[102:22] Your hands are going to the right of the process.
Speaker 13:
[102:32] Oh crap, turn it off, turn it off.
Speaker 16:
[102:36] There. I can see it. There's our missing ship. The columns aren't working. It looks like it's drifting. Get closer.
Speaker 13:
[102:46] Okay.
Speaker 16:
[102:49] It's definitely drifting. What do you think happened to them? Is that... Is something written on the side of the hull? Zoom in.
Speaker 13:
[102:59] Okay.
Speaker 16:
[103:01] Your dog hates their clothes?
Speaker 13:
[103:05] What...
Speaker 16:
[103:05] What does that even mean? What was that?
Speaker 13:
[103:09] We're being boarded.
Speaker 15:
[103:13] Some went out on the sea in ships. They were merchants on the mighty waters. They saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep.
Speaker 13:
[103:26] We need to get to the armory. What was that?
Speaker 14:
[103:33] Oh, no.
Speaker 13:
[103:47] Evenin', gents.
Speaker 19:
[103:49] How about I give y'all a half a minute to repent your sins? Thanks for listening to Midnight Burger, y'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness.
Speaker 15:
[104:17] And if time and tide royal you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you.
Speaker 19:
[104:32] We open at six.
Speaker 1:
[104:34] Midnight Burger is made possible in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters, Wilson, Billy, Burt Burt, Bethany, Second Bethany, Cowboy and Sasquatch, Hunt Bethany's, Bethany the Lone Star Edition, Joji the Birdwatcher disguised as a Bethany, Aunt Buffy and her uncle Denzo have agreed to help deescalate the Bethany crisis. Bailey Bethany Burr, the Bethany of Bethany's, Lady Bethany, AKA Mrs. Turkey Spit, Anomalous Bethany, I pushed her, Bethany that is, Bethany in a random place. Alexandre Laroque has brought La Guillotine to assist to the Bethany's in their survival war. Vive la Révolution! Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo, Wandering Bethany Biscuit, Jalen Linares, secretly an Enby Bethany, Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, bamboozled by the bajillions of bustling Bethany's Bethany's, belligerently blocking the sight of the devious Red Nell. Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire. Bethany, hold the Beth. Beth, bubblebutt Bethany has banana breath. Reese Pontiff still won't choose sides in the Bethany Wars. Eris, goddess of Bethany's. Upschnart, the probability demolition expert, will now perform his new spoken word jazz opera, a baffling biography of the brilliant battles of the bold and belligerent Bethany's. Alphonse Suitperson, knight of the order of Bethany's. But Bethany, I made biscuits. Green Mountain Hermit might be allergic to Bethany stew. Arnold Rumspringer, the demise of the temple of Bethany's.
Speaker 14:
[105:57] Whom? What?
Speaker 1:
[105:58] When?
Speaker 12:
[105:58] Where? Why?
Speaker 1:
[106:00] And Billy Rose would like to be at the beginning to say hello to all the Bethany's, no matter the disputes. Billy Rose stole my Bethany's. Byro the motherfucking Dragon is willing to solve the Bethany crisis with Yahtzee. The Julius Bohannan Foundation, the coalition of patrons named Bethany and contributions to your TED station from viewers like you. Glorbnar 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Hicks Bethany mates, still Caspar's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to jewel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. I'm Ava's evil twin sister Bethany. Bethany the 23rd stirs their spring brew with an eric popsicle stick. My hot wife Bethany calls this show Space Burger all the time. Tybalt the Bethany. There are only 105 MB fan fiction and no Bethany. Dr. Debertbert Law and Dubertbert Duway have joined the peacekeeping force and believe peace in the Bethany conflict is possible. Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the horrendous secret co-conspirator behind the long ongoing Bethany war. If war is your game, Bethany is your name. Bethany wandering in a green field. My milkshake brings all the Bethanys to the diner. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wefany Lethany Woofie McFluffinburger MD PhD Esquire did not get the memo about our new policy for 128 character usernames. Please contact our office, doctor. Chase and her army of turtles join the Bethany war. CJ's big barbecue bistro for Bethanys. NB Bethany's cut your car in half with the laser saw. Zachary DeFeo, Kevin Winans, Marlon C, Renee Parris, Aurora Blue, Cherish Hellfire, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Knox, Lisa Lu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's baddest goblin, Emery and Lano, James Miles, Dave Sadler, Aleri Hamilton, Max and Nia and Yvonne's Mark, Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr., Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider. We will not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free. 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Mango Connoisseur, Britty Bug and The Quirky Jester, The Big Moose, Glory Cole, Janelle Miao Ne's Cat Butler, O'Sheen Loo, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile, Magpie Cat Says Everything's a Bag of Holding If You Know How to Pack, Alex Spence, Galaxy Britches, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durkadub, Gloria's Ex-Girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, Most Likely Cass, James Harlow has decided he's ready to see the claw, I'm Not Joe's Dad, Jasmine James, Dr. Caber Ant, also known as Omni, Thanks Waffle Chateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer McCalkins, Guacamoleo, Midday Burger, Don Parks, Throat Goat 666, Princess Leia, Prime Freak, They Call Me Pie Guy, Imperial Grand Poobah of the Burgerverse, Droid Pirate Finlay and His Rubinesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finlay and His Rubinesque Parrot, Stuck in a Pit of Skittles, Drunken Coyote, Gix the Norwegian Viking Impersonator, Deflater Mouse, Tony Piakarski, Adrian R, Kimber Derp, Sandy the Bobandi, Crazy Thaddeley, The Harbinger Pulsar, Cremulous Is Just Happy to Be Here, The Twisted Twixtor, The Rural Juror Is a Massive Fan, Faye Queen, Showtime, CR Iptid, For My Mother, Homer, Are We Doing Crimes?, CCTXgirl6823, Waiting on the Diner, Nicole Studioso, I Recommend You Sign My Shovel, Kay the Unsecured Penguin Is Not to Blame For the Helicopter Crash in South Africa, Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Castrip, Aims Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script, The Gainesville Fear Garden, Happy Birthday Lana Banana, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, Fueling the Intergalactic Fight Against Fascism, Not Sure What I'm Doing, Leia Rose, River Brown, Senor Deuce, Warped Writer, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamsoe, Terwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Glenis Thompson, Betty White Eat 13, Good Grief People I Need to Breathe, Laramie Wall, Starscribe, Lucy and Thunderstruck, Oh, my mama, Droughtbreaker, Dooser Ate the Corn Dogs and Blamed It on Billy Rose, The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Lea Hall, Sarah May, Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC Needs Fresh Towels in Room 3 at the Horizon, Ciara not from Arkansas, Zeeco, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Floof Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, The Milkman, Nebula Nell, Regulators Mount Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr. Meepod, A Cat Named Em, Potito Pato, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Mo, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to every star in the cosmos, I never forgot it was a gift, The Stone Fox, Mrs. White in the hall with a laser saw, Solivia, Juiceton, Papytos, Boomhauer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, Prove to me that orange cats aren't gods, Brrit words, Ashley Soros, Momo's Mama, Hold My Yarg, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Dixie Dinah, River Waters, 7000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter, and Her Bird of Fire, Wandering Wendjoe, Painted Oni, Q-Dell, Pharrell, Betty Hayes and the Bee Team, Emily with Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsley's Niblick the Third, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Issa the Straga, D. Gritesler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mat Mat Sharkman, Steelo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lilybee, Buffy's Daughter, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup. Boofardee's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelick, Kennedy Allison Farmer, Tristan Stolls, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Imson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and All the Black People in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Tim Lynch, Boyzenberry, AKA The Boys, Ay, Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shapeshifting Sad Girl and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe, you've done it again, Sarah Nicole, The Kells, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, Skeksis, Randy's Amigo, Katie Mermaid and The Delinquent Duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauburger Reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Danger's, Security Chief Schatzee, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naya Nix Reno, Frankentenor, Nortelbash, Jordan, Arwen X. Belasco, Ryan Rozinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hafeweizen, Monica and Mason Kay, Tony Wants to be Leif, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Pistachio Inc., Ariane, Can't Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, The Temant Ghost 23, Dr. Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing Into My Farm Boots, Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, The Other Scott, Letty Lu, He was a shifty one at Nick Howard, Kinger Was Here, Bobby Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Daba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs Big Terps, Robear Otardis, He's Bigger on the Inside, Jeremiah Franco, Justin the Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, MC Hadley, Eternal Champion, Jingaloss, Hasmatilda, Dirty Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am a Lafe on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B., Sean C., How Did I Get Here, Oh God, Is That the Soup?, Going to Be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Frank in a Field, Fuzzle McBumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Sennett is Teleporting, BRB. Shane R., The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Danna Danna Bobanna, Fi-Fi Fofana, Dad and Aubrey, The Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffle Up a Goose, Dameron the Space Goblin, I So Pale, Oh No, a Bee. I Am Lord Zoltan, Hear Me Roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Nate the Milkman, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather Have Made It, My Cat's Name Is Beef, Eric, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemely, Work From Elvis, Bo Ho Go Bye Bye For Jojo Pogo, That's a No Go Bro, Cody Monster, Tybo, Miss Nixie, Karen Gallagher, Kyle Perino, Okay Ladies Wearer, Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi, Wandering Mermaid, Understands the Assignment, Lil Stevie Pie, Two Polar Cat, Carl the Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylabs Multi-Dimensional Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngin, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon, Pyros Calling, Joe Swazian, Banjo Cat, Too Many Jans, Cat Jot, Pamela Rose Elchiera, Then Stina Says, Thug Tweed, Nicole DG, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel's Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Neerds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, Caspar Needs a Hug, Joe is the Writer's Room, Awkward Heretic, Devon7777, Troy Acker, Mandy Kane, Northley Keebler, LostBasson, Kim Sell, Silly Goose Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Char Noble 610, Mirtender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut Brimble, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, No Saguaro, Ben Barr, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazardic Sponge, Ted Wassanosson, Virestria, Spoonples, Nicole I Love You But I Will Name Kid 2, Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Hornswoglin Daniel Arthur, Mike LeClusy, It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail Yodellay Hee Hoo, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexika Habanera, Code Stranger, One Bet to Bet, ha ha ha ha ha. Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Monad Nick, Frelp, Em Lin, Feed Ma Fish, JRR on SFP, Lahari, Ted's Loves Catherine, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now. Hit It, Had It, Hit It, Hot It, Hud It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, Vicky Abear, Brad Manier, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Stabby Cacti, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and Her Steel-Eyed Bow, Turtles All the Way Down, Jackie Lowy, The Little Pigeon, Crazed Bear, Dr. Lattice Trash Angel riding past you on a bike smeared head to toe in blackberries. Crafty Lizard Quilts, Noble Barrel, Andy Croft, Yes My Brain Is Weird, Thank You, Bippity Boppity Boom, Megan The Mag Young, Baby Bears Love the Diner, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Aranetta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, Jimmy Snims, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Her Prismatic Chickens, Kriddle, Twillow, Heidelbergie, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, Mclump, Azana the Leathersmith, Raddolls, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir Shit's A Lot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin B. Anthony, J. Way Mythical, Steven Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Tittmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, The Fond Tucky Wrangler, Scrim Brulay, The Singing Loon, Zuzana, Celeste Yost, I'm So Antigone Fun, Noah and Katie, Hendrix the Stink, Sarah Murphy, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chappell Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Teds, Kareen Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Kay Mac, The Something Something Detective Agency, Haya Buddha, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D Anomaly, Charmé, The Wondrous Methasiphon, Post Turtle Evacuation Squad, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Samira, Flat Doug, Trinket Coralie, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inshuligan, Kryptessia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitzi Lu, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Kathrain, Damien the Goddamn Time Lawyer, All My Homies, Hape Croc the Propagator, Mac Mosby, Saint Fu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Estrana Weeb, Mag Nose, The Civil Gnome, Ghostblade Hidolon, Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Brett Zimmerman, Blaine Vidovich, Naya Venturi, Luca Vecchito, Kelly Tiarina, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Elijah Sharp, Elizabeth Sells, Robert Savott, Rosemary Prem, Michelle Myers, Richard Ryan Moshell, Glenn Morris, Lauren Mayer, Snorp, Britt Littlefair, Anthony Lakey, Boots Scootin Dave, Josie Jones, Meredith Jester, Jake the Cook, Vee Greenlee, Dee Flower, Jessica Engela, Kevin Daughtry, Martin Deers, Andrea Crowther, Entropy Eigenbasis, Stephanie Bouk, Lauren Benner, Drink Spiller, Thomas Adams, Ryan Abbey, Whisper Dan, Mad Maddix, Arwen the Freer, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder. I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you, Stephen Duro, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and Em, A Bug Named Nat, CC. Ryder, Hunter B., Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveira, Dan Bowman, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, Dr. Pankusher Esquire Fears That Every Day Now Is The Cat's Bother Dad Friday, Creator 67, Bajolanth, Leif's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark Eleven, Courtney DePona, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Enthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and LA, Captain Blup, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What, Danielle L, Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, Brayden, Tonight at 11. Lorak the Barbarianess, Zellis Pragma, Tuba Rick, It's Just Blake, Alice Malice asks, how many chains could two chains chain if two chains could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad, Kelly Jane Denke, Aaron the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, AKA Caspar from Another Universe, Chadney Ashera, Lucrezia, Tamara Oliver, the Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no, not that Ava, the one with the... Grim says, trans rights, y'all. Zekinat, Spizer Inkdom, Michael Christian, Ransom, Brunmais Salil, Grolix and Tarabang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyrrhalis, Omvega, Dances with Burritos, Original Recipe, Erin Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mison, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, JR the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Crusty McBeardface, Malloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zen, Calibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, India Holbert, Uzashni Pirat, Fred Fred Burger, What the Chuck, Sono Nassuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd VanVoris, Nea DeRusso, Pichis Atauchi, Inca the Kraken, Azula the Brave and their ever faithful Squire, Grabthar, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Start the recording. And now we're not gonna say anything funny. Nope. Not a single funny thing, Jillian, that's it all. We're not gonna tell you all of the butt stuff that we were just talking about. So much butt stuff. I'm not gonna tell you about my professor who told me to wear thong underwear. Nope, not talking about that. We're not talking about pushing out your noise. I think it was powering out your noise. Power out your noise. It's so fucking good, dude. I'm sad we didn't catch it. Power out your noise, babe. It's less funny when we talk about something that happened versus the thing happening. Right. Too bad. Sorry, everybody. It's telling your friend about a very funny thing and it's just not as funny when you tell them because it's not the funny thing. It's like, oh my god, I had this dream. Instantly don't care. It's never. I totally understand that people have fun dreams. They don't translate. They are suddenly the most boring thing in the world as soon as somebody tries to tell me about them. Yeah. They don't translate. If you're going to tell me about a dream, just tell me like a single funny thing, like a single less than 10 second funny thing about your dream. It's got to be sub 10 seconds where I'm checking out. Exactly right. I once had a dream in college that I beat a friend of mine to death. See, that was sub 10 seconds and that was actually... And it fucked me up, right? Because I went to class and I saw this guy, and we were friends, but there was no reason for me to dream that I literally beat him and kicked him to death in my sleep the night before. Oh my God. And I told him about it, and he thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Honestly, I would probably think that's funny too if someone told me that they had a dream they'd beat me to death. Like I was distraught. I was like, I don't know how to look at you. I don't know what to do. And he's like, that's hilarious. How about your noise? Ice gives you time. That's it. Better? Okay. Yes. Joseph, use that take, please. He's going to have such a fun time editing this one. He's probably not even going to listen to my track. It's just going to be Shelly. He's going to be like, why is she saying this word over this one line over and over? Tell him Finlay says use the last take. Finlay says use the last take, Joe. Thank you. Okay. That was perfect. So nice. Power out your sound. It's great. Power out. Wear that thong. Wear the hell out of that thong, Lady Macbeth. Woo. I'm being so fucking theater school abstract right now. I hate, I hate myself. No, this is good. This is good. Everything I hated about undergrad school. Okay. No, this is good for me. I literally have a key chain that says tummy troubles club. Just like we're like, the whole thing's going to go. You know what I mean? It's not just his hand that comes off. That whole fucking arm has got to go. Yeah. Power out your noise. So losing your arm in the Justine Burbank system, huh? So when are we going to get even older, Ava? I didn't know it was something I wanted until right now. I'd watch yourself, buster. Okay. As he thought of them, he issued a promise to the empty air. I'm going to kill every single fucking one of you. You did it. I did it. Oh, it's so good. I hope Joe agrees because if he doesn't, he is incorrect. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.